I turned 30 this year and I feel pressure to get my personal life together.
There is a girl in my life that I am attracted to. She gets along with my friends and we have fun together. I know she is interested in something more serious. But I still find myself hesitating. I’m afraid I’ll lose her and then regret it later, yet I feel like I need more time to figure this out – a lot of other things have been in flux with my career and we are both finishing grad school in the fall, so location is open-ended too.
Is this normal or does my hesitation mean she isn’t the right one?
What you describe is normal for you. I don’t know that you are ever going to ground for long – you are simply not built for it. So what will help most is redefine what “getting your personal life together” means.
To me, “personal life” means exactly that. It is personal to the individual. And it sounds to me as you are trying to cram your foot into a traditional shoe that really has nothing in common with the shape of your foot. Coming to terms with this seems the task at hand and your fear of loss and regret is also part of your nature.
To be in a state of “divine discontent” is uniquely Piscean and I don’t see how you are going to avoid these feelings. For example, marry this girl, and pine about what might have been. Don’t marry this girl and pine for what might have been. The fact is, there is no perfect solution or panacea. You can only flow and have faith that what is (ultimately) best for all involved will be exactly what happens… because invariably this turns out to be the case.