I spent most of yesterday thinking and talking to my husband about how the effort you put into something might intersect with the satisfaction you get out of it. He thinks it’s important to note that just because you put a lot of effort into something, it doesn’t automatically mean that you’ll derive satisfaction from it. This goes against concepts that linear-thinking types preach about but it’s just a fact.
In the comments, I rated the effort I put into some of the things in my life, to measure them against the degree of satisfaction I derived from my effort. A clear pattern emerged. First, I tend to be very satisfied and second, I don’t put that much effort out!
This was interesting for me to contemplate. While I am glad and feel fortunate that I am a satisfied type person, why don’t I try and try and try and strive? Well I know why! It’s because when I grew up, for me, personally, excelling was frowned upon.
As it was, my “normal” performance or what I did that came naturally, caused problems everywhere I went. Considering that, no one was going to tell me to kick it up a notch, never mind encouraging me to do my best.
With Mars conjunct Mercury in the 9th, I am constantly driven to expand my intellect. But the conjunction is in Libra which forces me to be considerate of others and I’ll give you a stunning example of how this played, which will be one of many.
Having started school early and skipped a grade, I found myself in 3rd grade when I was 6 years old. They gave us a big fat math book on the first day of school and I thought it was a gift from God. See, I liked puzzles. I liked puzzle books but we lived in the desert and we had no money so I only got a puzzle book a few times in my life. You can imagine my glee when they put this thing in my hand, I was over the moon. I LOVED school, see? LOVED IT. (Libra)
So I went home and finished a little more that 3/4 of the book, having no idea it was meant to be used all year. The only reason I stopped was because I was running out of “book”. You know how you slow down your reading when you’re finishing a really good book so you can savor it? It was like that. But anyway, I went back to school on Monday and found most of the class was struggling with the first two pages of the book, which was what had been assigned as homework. Talk about being outcast. I didn’t know what to do.
No one knew what to do. I was just a total problems for one and all, sitting there with my math book in front of me, trying not to cry and hoping they didn’t take it away from me. I mean, I was holding on to those last pages, savoring them and now look.
They wound up taking me out of class and kept me out of class for the next 3 years. I worked for the school during that time, presumably so that people could catch up with me. Get that? I was supposed to take 3 years off @ 6 years old for the convenience of others and it’s still this way today.
I don’t know what to say. Should they have given me 10 math books and told me to run with ‘em? It wouldn’t have helped. When you have this kind of thing in your chart, it’s going to play, one way or the other. At home I routinely kicked in head for the sole purpose of making me “less smart” but you see the result. I don’t try that hard. I don’t have to try that hard, except when it comes to fitting in. I am so glad to be the kind of person who is almost perennially happy and satisfied. It’s some consultation for the rest of this bullshit.
What were you taught about competing?