When Ben told me he was uncomfortable due my lack of homophobia… and further that he had been for 10 years, he pushed me into my own un-comfort zone. Because I have Capricorn. And Capricorn likes to control things, particularly how they are viewed by the public.
So if you understand this kind of sensitivity, maybe you can see how disconcerting it was for me to find out a friend had been utterly bothered by something I would never have considered bothersome. I mean, who would think that being un-homophobic would cause their gay friend grief?
And what came across from my perspective was the fact that for 10 years he was thinking all these things he is thinking and whatever they may be, they are completely out of my control. Get it? I can’t control your comfort level with me! Duh!
But it was unnerving for me to discover this. I had an impulse to ask him what else was bothering him. You know. Grill him! Dig it out and then maybe I could spin it, or defend myself! But that would have been stupid of course. I was not being attacked.
So I had to become comfortable with the fact I made him uncomfortable without reacting or trying to change my behavior. I also had to become comfortable understanding that when we would connect, there would be no telling how he was feeling or what he was thinking considering he concealed this thing for 10 years! Which is a challenge for Capricorn.
Because what if he’s thinking, “This gal sucks. I am sick of her.”
And that may sound incredible to some, but this is a very normal frightened Capricorn thing to think! Capricorn is plagued with fears of this type. So you can see where the growth occurs. I’ve got to keep showing up with these potential warts I cannot hide since I have no idea where they are! Comfortable? I don’t think so! ::smirks::
But a dozen years have passed since then. Ben and I have been friends for going on 25 years even though I make him uncomfortable and he disturbs me! And it is one of the most profound and profoundly productive relationships I’ve ever been part of. So that’s the pay off. But what about you?
If you have these type fears, how do you deal with them? Do you have planets in Capricorn?
I voted for self-talk, but really, verbalize and compensate are also techniques of mine. I have Jupiter in Capricorn.
I have Neptune in Cap in 4 opposes my Sun in 10 in Cancer…
So, due to my Sun in 10, i can partly relate to Capricorn…
I also have Cheiron in 10
Sometimes i indeed like to control the image that people have of me… And sometimes i fear that image… but may be due to Neptune there, i know it’s out of my control…
I like to have a good image…
I would say, i’m wilder than i present myself… but due to my Sun in 10, i don’t want that wild side to spoil my good image…
May be hypocrit, but well… i guess everyone has a bit of schizofrenic inside of him (Mc Gemini)
I’ve learned some pretty good ways of coping, and most of the time I use them. Sometimes? I’m just paralyzed by the fear.
I have sun, mercury, and mars in Capricorn, in my 6th.
“Get it? I can’t control your comfort level with me! Duh!”
Brilliant, Elsa. This is something I need to remember bc I make people uncomfortable all the time. I don’t do it on purpose. I’m intense and ever since I was a kid, I’ve blurted out things that have made people squirm–I guess it was stuff they were trying to hide? I don’t know, it just comes out! (Uranus conj. Pluto & Jupiter in the 3rd?) I was punished very severely for this trait and I often loathe myself for making people uncomfortable (Saturn square Sun). I have been making them uncomfortable since I was a child and I’ve been twisting myself into a pretzel so as not to scare people. But guess what? It doesn’t work. And instead, I’ve been hurting myself. I haven’t been my authentic self and that’s a form of dishonesty. I never thought of trying to be nice and biting my tongue as a form of control, but it can be. Bc this is the way that I tried to control how people perceive me and I can’t!
I ask for reassurance. Moon in Capricorn in the 1st house. I can be a real insecure baby in the presence of those I love.
I act out and make a mess of things, but sometimes verbalize it and ask for reassurance. No Capricorn planets.
I fish for reassurance. Twelfth house Mars and ascendant in Capricorn.
I do the self talk, or just continue to be in doubt and shy away if I think i really messed up.
I don’t ask for assurance unless i’m sure i’ll get it. venus capricorn.
I love these posts.
Even though gal relations uncomfort me, I have them anyway. It’s not their fault I’m discomforted and I enjoy challenging myself to overcome it, even if I can’t.
No planets in capricorn for moi, but it does rule my north node, midheaven, & 10H. Saturn is conjunct my moon in 2H, pretty near conjunct my venus in gemini in early 3H….so I would ideally like to control things I can’t and shouldn’t (emo/heart?? why? why??)
The kooky thing I like: I can come across pretty Spock-ian to others….even if I’m garbled up internally.
I go through the full range of these, but the most powerful reaction is the paralysis.
Cap Moon, 5th house. I hates it, I do.
Sun and venus in capricorn… “I’ve got to keep showing up with these potential warts I cannot hide since I have no idea where they are!” I can identify with tht !!
Well, with me its mostly my appearance tht i am very conscious about (working on tht!), and secondly try my best not to hurt anyone. but never really faced the situation whr a very good friend was uncomfortable with me being ME 🙂 (if they r, they dont tell me ;)) Though I am sure a lot of other people wud be very uncomfortable around me. Yes, I am not popular at all 😀 And it has nothing to do with anything I ever say…it has more to do with what i can say but don’t say 😉
yes, i am ashamed to admit that i am quite judgemental 🙁 i dont mind who you are, but i mind it very much if you can’t accept who you are. i dont like people who delude themselves and/or others. ofcourse, i try not let my feelings show, but it never works. imagine whn its someone like my boss and i don’t respect them. am i in for trouble!! 😀
Any suggestions ???
My fear generally paralyzes me, and although it has little to do with reality. NO capricorn, but strong Saturn presence. But at the same time, I can also just flow and be comfortable. These two extremes are also present in my relationships – I know I can make people feel extremely comfortable and accepted, but can also be very challenging and creating discomfort in ways I can’t help. Perhaps I’m just extremely sensitive to these issues.
No Cap but very strong saturn influnce. With 4 planets in the 9th house, I feel we are responible for what we’re thinking and feeling. Self Talk, Self take to get yourself out the blues or whatever.
No Cap but very strong saturn influnce. With 4 planets in the 9th house, I feel we are responible for what we’re thinking and feeling. Self Talk, Self talk, to get yourself out the blues or whatever.
I have Mars and Neptune in Capricorn. I am sensitive to my own criticism so when I feel bad about myself I tell others/talk to other to reassure me sort of impulsively and without prior notice making it seem like I am using them which I am.
Capricorn is my first house….then I have Mercury, Jupiter and Mars in there too.
Nope, saturn in 1st house. Pretty much everything people think about me is negative or wrong somehow, so there’s no point in worrying what they think. That doesn’t stop it from happening, though, since eventually I will act as myself in a way that others can’t fit into their little molded perspective of whatever I “am” to them and therefore cause mass blasphemous uproar. I don’t like the drama and would rather just automatically fit in with whatever people think about me. But, that’s far too libra ascendant of me… 🙁
I haven’t tried to be anything other than me since elementary school. If that makes other people uncomfortable. . . well, like Grandma always said: Fuck ’em! I’m beyond caring what others could possibly be thinking about me, what matters is how I think of myself.
On that note, whenever I’m down on myself I try to self-talk and then get back-up from other people if I need it. Sometimes, though, I do the “in the cave” thing until I feel human enough to come back out into the world.
No planets in Capricorn, although my DSC is there.
I should have rephrased it, I passive aggressively verbalize it for reassurance, the other choice was more apt. You are right, Elsa, people, I think, mostly do it that way.