“He’ll be back just as soon as he gets horny,” the soldier offered.

“No, I don’t think so,” I said regarding a pal’s broken relationship. “She’s not having him, his gig is up. He won’t be back. Doesn’t a man know when his gig is up?”

“I don’t know, P. I’ve not had that much experience but every woman I have ever known has led me to wish I’d been mortared.”

Ever occur to you that men feel this way?

I’ve mentioned before how both the soldier and I draw fire and bad experience of all kinds. He is well and widely known for this – no one would get in a foxhole with him, ever.

He’s got that Mars, Mercury, Saturn T-square and if you watched this play on daily basis you would be astonished at the opposition and hardship he encounters. Matter of fact, not a day or even a half a day goes by in his life where he is not crushed.

Continue reading Voice Of Mars: “The Army Had This Figured…”

“P, you’re an actress! If you wanted to be an actress you could easily be one,” the soldier claimed.

“No.”

“Yes. But there could be no kissing scenes. You could be an actress but you aren’t going to be able to kiss anyone.”

“Not even on the cheek?”
Continue reading Voice Of Mars And The Flying Nun

“Look at these, P,” the soldier said, handing me these targets.  Vid talked him into teaching him how to clean a gun.

“How far away?” I asked.

“100 yards.”

“When? How long ago was this?”

“Last time I shot.  Couple years ago, maybe. Think I could hit someone in the head?” he asked with a gleam in in eye.

Now go back and read, Is That Your Mom’s Gun? and have a laugh.

The soldier has been called to jury duty and hopes to be picked.

“Someone on my blog said they want sheep on juries, no wolves.”

“I’m a sheep! I’m a sheep, P!” the soldier said, shrilly. “Oh, why don’t they ever pick me? Whyyyy? I’ve been called up 10 times at least but I never get picked.”

Continue reading Voice Of Mars: Joinin’ The Posse With His Huntin’ Dog, Dora

“I do think I am more easily disturbed then others,” I told the soldier.

(swearing below the break)
Continue reading Voice Of Mars: Political Correctness, Walking On Eggshells, Mars in Pure Form

“Guilty!” the soldier shouted. “Guil-ty!” he said. “I’ll say it is soon as I see the guy come in. That guy is guilty!”

He was imagining his time on a jury and I laughed.

“No, I’ll do it right. I’ll do a good job. Why don’t they pick me? Why can’t I get picked to be on a jury? Some guy says, I can’t do it, I have a hemorrhoid on ass!”

(swearing below the break)

Continue reading Voice Of Mars: Dreaming Of Jury Duty

“P, if I was a young man today, I’d not be getting laid at all. I’d just not be able to.”

“Why? You were a dashing young man,” I said.

“That doesn’t mean anything! If a man wants to get laid today he’s got to cry, have woman’s needs and read Cosmo.”

I laughed.

“Yeah, you have eat yogurt, have a bunch of feelings and make comments on clothing if you want to get laid these days and I just can’t see myself able to do that so I guess I’d be a young man with no pussy, there wouldn’t be anything I could do about it.”

“He was good man, not a great man but a good man. We were going through his locker and found a book where he wrote some poems. He probably wrote some poems for some of you bimbos out there…”

The soldier attended a funeral of one of his peers and this is part of the eulogy his commander gave… really.

The soldier couldn’t believe it. The guy’s mother was in the audience.

“P, you’ve got a dumb man. The dumbest,” the soldier explained.

“Tell me what you did.”

“Well I was in a McDonalds getting myself something to eat and there were these two girls in front of me, they are Asian. Girls, ladies, whatever. There were these two ladies in front of me and they said they’d have their food to go.”

“Uh huh.”
(swearing below the break)
Continue reading Voice Of Mars: EAT IN TAX