I hear a person say they’ve never been loved from time to time. It’s an interesting topic and not necessarily painful.

Astrologically, I would give this situation or sentiment to Venus in aspect to Saturn in a natal chart. I’d also look at Venus in Capricorn, Saturn in the 7th and maybe the 2nd. Venus in the 10th might also be suspect but…

Continue reading Never Been Loved

Dear Overwhelmed,

Let me read this back, simplified and from my perspective:

You have met someone new, and your life is in flux. This new person is supportive and has you energized; however he is a human being, with various patterns and quirks. The bastard doesn’t go left, left, left, left. He goes left, left, up, down, left, left…

Continue reading Astrology-Based Advice: Divorcing Aquarius Woman Meets Scorpio Man

“Hey Elsa, All else being equal, how would you feel about marrying someone with Saturn in the Seventh?”

Boy, that’s a good question. For people new to astrology, traditional interpretation of Saturn in the 7th house (or any other Venus Saturn exchange) is burden in relationship. There are other manifestations of course. People marry older partners, controlling partners, the marriage is a business deal and I could go on and on. Fact is whatever the case, some restriction is given.

Now before you go swearing off anyone with a Venus Saturn exchange in their chart (or stabbing yourself if it’s you with Saturn in the 7th) just consider the alternative. How would you like a partner with no restrictions, hmm? How about he or she runs amok all over the land? Sound any better? I didn’t think so.
Continue reading Open Question: Saturn In The 7th House… Would You Marry Them? How Popular Is Real Love Anyway?

Dear Aquarian,

No you don’t suck but I think your problem is complex and beyond what can be resolved in this format.  But I can give you a few tips to which others may relate.

Regardless of its nature, when you have a pattern this well established it’s a safe bet you are going to have to work very hard to change it. It’s as if you have cut a path and you can be sure to fall right into it every time… if a struggle for consciousness is not made. As to the specifics of what is driving all this, I can see a couple components right off the bat.

First you have Venus in Capricorn, which gives an innate feeling of unworthiness as well as both a fear of failure AND success. This is probably subconscious to a degree but you can see it play out in that you make sure one way or the other that you do not hold that top position.

Now you also have Mars in aspect to Neptune, which tends to dissolve the drive when a person does not act consciously.  For example, your music did not arrive on schedule, but why not go hunt it down?

If you can focus on and resolve just these two things, you would be well on your way to solving your problem and I can also tell you that that victim position will never, ever, ever  work.  In other words, your “close but no cigar” pattern is not due an oppressive force outside yourself.

I hope this does not strike you as harsh or critical because it is not meant that way.  Personally, I would like to see you in the first chair and I am pretty sure this is the path to take to get there.

Good luck.

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I do not lie about my hair! My hair is a shade lighter… all you hairdressers around here know what I mean.

And with Venus in Capricorn, here is a tip from the goat re: aging well:

You must lighten your hair as you get older or you will look like hell… period.

There. I can’t be any plainer.

~~

“P, why did you have to go and get your hair dyed blonde? You know I like your hair dark. Who are you trying to attract besides me?”

“I am not going to look like fool just because you are a fool, okay? I am getting old, I am aging, eventually I am going to flop all over the place and you’re just going to have to stand it. It will just be too bad for you.”

“P, you’re killin’ me. Why do you do this to me, P? Why must you have blonde hair? What have those tofu-eating bastards out there done to you? I want an Italian and I don’t want a blonde Italian.”

“I am sorry (says Libra) but you are screwed (says Mars).”

Dear Aries,

I hate to tell you this but I think he is still carrying a torch. Not to say he doesn’t love you. With Venus in Gemini (two loves) conjunct Saturn, I would say this is most likely the case and go on to say if he was with her, he would miss you and vice versa. In other words this guy is not likely to be all that satisfied regardless and there is another wrinkle.

His Venus Saturn conjunction is in aspect to Uranus so he constantly wants free of all this anyway. He wants space so let’s see how he gets it: first, he falls in love with a married woman and now he uses her to maintain space in his relationship with you. Are you getting this? I hope so.

On your end, you have a stellium in Aries so you’re going to like the fight. You naturally rise to the challenge to best this woman, that is. But unfortunately you also have Venus in Capricorn, etc which shows that underlying all this is a deep fear you don’t deserve any better.

I imagine you fear you are not worthy of a man who would love you and only you and this is the part that needs the work. Because as is, you are settling… when in your own words, you state that you will never be happy settling.

Good luck.

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Dear Motivated,

Yes I have advice. Slow down. Slow way, way, down and I don’t mean this in a way that is condescending. And I don’t mean it as if “she’s going to grow up or out of this… or the relationship is going end sort of way.” I mean it as an astrologer looking at your chart. Slow down in love because this is the speed that is organic to you.

Now I don’t care if you are 25 years old. You have Venus in Capricorn and Saturn tied with Mars and your 7th house and this love thing is serious business to you. Your email reflects this and I think that’s a wholly positive sign – so what I would encourage you to do is get even more on your game via self awareness.

Aquarius Sun aside, be aware that when it comes to love, you are a like a wobbly kneed mountain goat trying to reach the heights. And for a skinny-legged goat to manage this, there is no choice but to move slowly and carefully up the side of the mountain. And when you get to certain points… well you might want to take a rest, plot your moves before taking the next step so you can have a sure foot. This is your game and there is nothing wrong with it.

So that’s my advice. Go forward, absolutely. Don’t dare give into the fear but make your moves only when you real reasonably sure it is safe, understanding that for you what is ‘reasonably safe” is probably ultra-safe and bullet proof for most.

Good luck.

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Now my Scorpio ex-husband with Venus in Capricorn did something else of high integrity after our divorce. It’s almost shockingly abnormal until you hear about it at which point you realize it is utterly normal to do the right thing, even if hardly anyone ever does.

When we divorced, I felt very bad about it. I was wracked with guilt and the people around me fed this. He didn’t but the public did. With Neptune on the midheaven I am forever up against the public projections like that and I was just getting crushed so with Venus square Neptune, I just gave him the money… overly so.

Now this is per my nature. I don’t fight over money but about a year after our divorce the veil lifted and I realized the settlement really was unfair so I called him.

“I think the divorce is off. The money.”

“The same thing has occurred to me. How much do you think it’s off?”

“$27,000,” I said.

“Yeah, that sounds about right. I’ll send you a check tomorrow.”

And so he did.

I am encouraged on the Venus Saturn topic, thank you.

Saturn is exalted in the Venus-ruled sign, Libra so it does not make sense that a person with Saturn in the Libra-ruled, 7th house is going to go begging for love. The problem is in how love (Venus) is defined (Saturn).

Take the story of the 3 little pigs. So what if you can throw up 40 houses made of straw in the time if takes the Venus Saturn person to build one if all your houses blow away?

And age counts. It’s one thing to live in a flimsy house when you’re 25. It blows away and you build another, but what about when you’re 45, 55 or 65?

People get to a point where they want something solid in their life. And if you have not learned (Saturn) to form a relationship (Venus) that has integrity (Saturn) as you get older, I’ll tell you exactly what happens. You get scared (Saturn). Nobody wants to be alone. As Paul Simon sings, ‘Who’s going to love you when your looks are gone?”

So the Venus Saturn person might spend a lot of years out in the rain, working on their house while everyone else is humping along in their straw huts that are ready to blow. But as with everything “Saturn”, time is on their side. Venus Saturn toils and toils and toils and toils and if they keep it up, eventually someone with an eye for quality happens by and support forms. This is classic Capricorn story and with Pluto going into Capricorn in January stories like this one will come to the front.

Class not trash. This is coming back into vogue, mark my words.

skip to A Venus Saturn Story – Elsa and Ben and Their Mismatched Sexualities

or skip to Venus and Saturn In Aspect and the Reality Of Love… Plus Pisces Imagination and Transcendence

Dear Venus,

Yes it is possible to for someone to enjoy feeding off their imagination. You just did it and your awareness and ability to articulate your experience at 17 years old is impressive!

As for defining what is right or wrong as far as relationship goes, this is an individual matter as you are finding out. I am sure your boy, with his Venus in Capricorn, feels it is right to define your relationship because this is his nature. He may very well feel that having it known that you are his girlfriend would increase his status and there is nothing wrong with that either. A lot of people would be proud their boyfriend is proud for example. If you wonder, just compare to a boy who tells his girlfriend to come through the back door at night so no one sees her…

Now on the flip side, you have Venus mashed up with Pluto, Neptune and Jupiter and you can go just about anywhere with this combo. Fantasy, depth and breath, you can access all of this – so at 17, I would just advise you to continue to try different things in relationship and note how they make you feel.

This is very important because although there is no normal, most of us do want to eventually be loved. And to achieve this, you have to discover who you are as an individual so you can go out in the world in an authentic way which has the consequence of attracting the right partner.

So just keeping doing what you’re doing with this minor adjustment: forget trying to judge what is right and wrong, because it’s a fruitless pursuit. Besides the fact one person cannot judge for another, people and things and attitudes are always changing. They are constantly in motion so see if you can focus less on drawing lines between right and wrong and more on just living… happily.

Good luck.

~~
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pictured – Sleeping Venus, c. 1510, Giorgione b. 1477, Castelfranco, d. 1510, Venezia, Oil on canvas, GemÆ’