Dear Aquarius,

This is for you and everyone else with planets at the mid to late degrees of the Fixed Signs (Taurus, Leo, Scorpio, Aquarius). GIVE UP. Give up trying to hold on to some piece of ground because you are not going to be able to manage this. You are alllll being impacted by the current Saturn Neptune opposition in the sky and these are forces outside your control.

All you can do is try feel the currents and move with them. It’s like the tide. The tide comes in and it goes out. When the tide is in, you know what you’re doing. You’re in the flow. When the tide is out, you’re bereft! You’re lost. You’re scared.

And what this does is force faith. When the tide goes out, you simply must move forward the best you can, trusting that your mojo is MIA rather than left the building never to return. Faith, see! This is what you are supposed to be learning.

And at times you are going to be disabled. Seriously! (A Saturn joke.) So just get that into your head (Aquarius), your heart (Leo), your groin (Scorpio) and your stubborn position (Taurus)! You are not your usual self. And you’re not going to have any clarity at all prior to summer 2007. I guarantee this, so you may as well embrace the reality.

My friend satori is a Pisces (Neptune ruled) with a Capricorn (Saturn ruled) Moon, so she has a natural affinity and understanding of these energies when they combine. She put it best when she equated this to teaching a child to swim. You put them in the pool and get all tense and frightened. And you have to get them to relax! You have to get them to believe… to have faith that if they just lie back in the water, they’ll float!

So this is what you need to do. Lie back into the water and trust the universe is taking you exactly where you need to go because it is. And so sorry for the waves, but it’s nature, yes? So what do you expect?

Good luck.

~~
Have a question? Need advice? Ask here!

So personally, I have Saturn transiting the 7th house which suggests I would be learning via relationships. And to facilitate this I am in contact with two ex-boyfriends from 28 years ago… the last time Saturn was in Leo. In other words, it’s a complete Saturn cycle.

I also have Mars conjunct Mercury in Libra, so a constantly hotted up mind. I talk (Mercury) about Mars things (Sex, war, men, etc). Especially when my conjunction is being transited as it has over these last weeks.

I have an 8th house emphasis, in general (intense, taboo) but beyond that Pluto is transiting in aspect to my Moon.

So what feels like “home” to me? In what ways am I subconsciously driven? What is my family legacy?

With Pluto transiting the Moon, these things are all on deck and you can see how it all comes together… how incredibly incredible the universe is when it comes to delivering experience via a conversation I had earlier this week.

I was talking to my Ex, the Special Forces guy which is very handy for Mars Mercury. Talk to a soldier? Perfect! He rang.

Briiiinnng! Brinnnnng!

“I was just talking about you,” I said.

“To who?”

“Scott.” Scott is my other ex from the era. “I was telling him… well the thing is, I saw Scott in July. And of course I saw him for 17 years on and off. But I hadn’t seen him in a long time and what you find out is nothing changes. Not one thing.”

He was listening.

“We were driving around in a car when I visited and you know… well I am a very visceral person. I am freakishly sensitive; there is no way to stop it. And I’ll tell you, it was exactly the same. We drove around and the feelings were exactly the same as they always were. How I felt in July was the same way I felt when I was on my first date with him, when I was 15 years old. There was no difference at all.”

“Uh huh.”

“Uh huh. It was identical. And it makes sense. Because think about it. He’s the same person. He has the same gestures and the same face with the same looks on it. So we were driving around and he’d glance over at me with the same look on his face from a million years ago. That Scott look. And I would have the same feeling, exactly. You know. I’m in the right car. I know I am somewhere I belong which is how I felt from the first minute I met him. So you see what I mean. His energy is the same obviously. It just doesn’t change.

“No.”

“So I have my energy and you put us in a car together, which is sort of close quarters and you can really feel this stuff. And it’s overwhelming. It’s overwhelmingly good, for that matter. Because it’s just so large. You just can’t compare this sort of experience. There is nothing like seeing something go all the way around like that. Thirty years and it means nothing. Time and space mean absolutely nothing. They have no effect at all that I can discern.”

To be continued…

Bereft,

Having established yourself yesterday as an upright, stand-up human being who acts with integrity in relationships, what now?

Well, you have to decide. How pervasive is your obnoxious behavior? Do you need therapy or can you get on top it yourself? I have no idea. But as you move ahead, if you think you might benefit from therapy, get it. And you don’t have to be perfect. You only need to be doing your best. You need to try.

And when you commit to this, help arrives. Look for Saturn figures because you’re going to see them everywhere. Saturn figures are people with authority. Generally they are older than you and more experienced. Teachers, cops, judges, old men and Capricorns for the most part.

You will meet these types repeatedly throughout this transit and it is via them you will know how you’re going. It’s very simple. If you encounter the police and they let you go, you’re doing ok! If not, you’ve got trouble. If the teacher acknowledges your effort, you’re on track. If you get a D in the class, maybe not.

And slowly you pull through. And later, when you look back at this time in your life you’ll see it was a turning point. It will be the time you became real. You will be grounded and authentic as opposed to flitting around in your life, in some kind of pie in the sky denial.

And this is what you want. Because people who are not real can’t love. Is it love to eat your lover for lunch? To consume them? Is it love to fling your shit onto others rather than grow up and take responsibility for it? Of course not.

So you can see how critical it is you resolve this. It’s because love will come to you again. And when it does, you’ll know what to do. You’ll have the ability to act in a way that is appropriate and build (Saturn) a relationship (Venus) that lasts and because of this you will never have to feel what you are feeling now ever again. And just so you know, you are not alone.

I had this exact experience. I had a great man once upon a time. And I was such a punk! I was an incredible punk and I just could not get my head out of my ass and eventually I lost the relationship.

I suffered a tidal wave of pain, just as you describe and in this process promised God and whoever else if I ever had another chance I would…

I would do the right thing! No matter what! And love came again. And I stuck to my promise. And I have a great love because of it. And in fact, all of my relationships flourish and it would not be this way had I not gotten killed way back when. I’d still be a clueless punk, see?

And although it may take years (it did for me) eventually you will see this guy you lost was not the one for you. Because it’s this simple: Relationships that are meant to last, do not fall apart. They just don’t. So this is my advice:

The right man is coming. Get ready.

Good luck.

~~
Have a question? Need advice? Ask here!

Bereft,

When it comes to Saturn transits, there is a process and I will outline it for you. In your case, Venus (love) is conjunct Saturn in your natal chart, so the whole transit will focus on relationships and you see the set up here. Your man is gone and he is gone because of you. And when you move through the pain and begin to accept reality, a humbling takes place.

“Okay, maybe I am not a hotshot. Maybe I’m a mere human being and maybe I need to try not to suck! Maybe I need to get my ass in gear and keep it there. Maybe I need to take responsibility…”

And this is the beginning of healing. When you decide to face reality, define the problem and commit to a plan of action, things ease. Not a lot, but it’s noticeable. It’s the difference between lying under the covers wishing to die, and sitting on the edge of the bed, knowing you’re going to live and deciding to have some say about how the rest of your life is going to go.

And once you get here, it is generally very obvious what you need to do. The path is there! You know you’ve got the right path if it seems completely daunting. Sorry, but this is how it is.

And I don’t know what you need to do. It’s not for me to decide. You are the one who is laying the foundation for the next thirty years of your life, so what is it that you want to build? I can’t decide for you, but I have some suggestions.

The best buildings have integrity. And the foundations are sunk into the ground. Which means you may have to go back (dig in) before you can go forward (build). So what about this guy? Are you clear there? Have you apologized? Have you taken responsibility for what you put him through?

If not, I would. With this done, you’ll be at ground zero. You will be no one with nothing, but you’ll have your integrity. And some class, although I doubt you’ll feel that. But you will be a person who does right by others even if you haven’t in the past, and it’s right here that you’re positioned to promise that you will never compromise yourself again.

Part three

~~
Have a question? Need advice? Ask here!

Dear Bereft,

If I could wave a wand and help you through this next year, I’d do it just to ease your pain. But it’s just as well I can’t. Because although it would do you some good short term, longer term it would leave as empty as you are now. And what would be the point? You’re much better off to face this… your Saturn Return, head on.

Now in astrology the Saturn Return marks the start of real live adulthood. What kind of adult are you going to be? And without fail, people at Saturn Return age (28-30 years old) see their lives slow down and get very serious.

In your case, this failed relationship is key. You plainly state you were possessive and controlling and now it’s cost you big time. And I don’t point this out to hurt you. I point it out because it is time for you to decide what you’re going to do about this. Have you had enough pain?

Have you had enough pain to decide to never, ever, ever, ever behave this way in relationship again? What if you have? What if it hurts so awful bad you say ‘uncle”? What if you say, okay I will do the work? I will do what I need to do to be a decent partner to someone?

That right there will mark the turning point. At that point, you’ll be off your back and with your feet on the ground, staring up at a big honkin’ mountain which you will be forced to climb over this next year.

And though I cannot climb it for you, I can definitely provide a map. And I think you deserve one, so think about this tonight and come back tomorrow and it will be here.

Part two

~~
Have a question? Need advice? Ask here!

Scott on phone yesterday…

“That’s my greatest fear,” he said. “I have always been afraid of that. I can’t imagine anything worse.”

Listening, I thought his fear was very unlikely to ever manifest and I noted this in regards to Saturn Neptune. Hologram fear.

“I don’t know what my greatest fear is,” I said. “I don’t think I have one anymore. All my fears have been realized. I mean, think about it. They’ve all happened and then some…”

“You have been through the wringer,” he said.

“Right. So what should I be afraid of? I can’t think of anything. I don’t think there is anything left for me to be afraid of.”

And this is Saturn Neptune too. Fear transcended. Or fear obscured for that matter.

Could I be afraid and not know it? Of course! It’s a hall of mirrors, I said.

Keep reading -> LB, An Interlude

So understanding that I have this thing with the African men, I decided to give my kids a similar imprint. Like everybody else, I want my children to have an edge and the edge I wanted them to have was the ability to form friendships with anyone. I wanted the whole world open to them, see. So 12 years ago when I was pregnant with my first baby, I put my money where my mouth is and I moved.

I moved to the most integrated city in the United States at the time. And I don’t know if we still hold that title but if we don’t we’re right up there. Because everyone of every color lives here.

And I don’t mean they live in various segregated neighborhoods. The neighborhoods here are completely, utterly integrated. In short, I just don’t think it would be possible to be a bigot and live here because you would just be uncomfortable all the time.

So my kids grew up with… everyone. It’s a bit of an a social experiment, but I am pretty sure this is going work. I am pretty sure when my kids go out in the world, they will expect to be able to bond with whoever they see, since they grew up this way.

And I’m betting that because they have this expectation… the odds they will be able to connect will be very high for the same reason I connect with these older African men. Especially when compared to the person who has not had exposure and consequently, has not had positive experiences with people of other races.

And I reinforce this all the time. Because my kids are old enough now, they encounter bigotry.

“Yeah? Well you don’t have to pay attention to that. It has nothing to do with you. As you’are well aware, you can get along with all people. You always have. And if these other people have a problem, then they have a problem. And that’s too bad. But you don’t have this problem. So just ignore this other stuff you hear, why don’t you?” ~~Erase/Neptune Reality/Saturn~~ “It has nothing to do with you. Live your own way! Our family gets along with whoever we like. And we don’t care about anything else… race, sexual orientation, money or any other thing you can think of. We like whoever we like and don’t worry about things that are stupid and have no basis at all, like skin color for Godsakes!”

And this is Saturn Neptune on many levels. Besides believing something into reality, it’s the erasing (Neptune) of boundaries (Saturn) and limitations (Saturn). And here’s the thing:

I find that when I am proactive and work (Saturn) to use my Saturn Neptune energy, I am far less likely to be plagued by hologram fears and the other negative manifestations of these two planets when they combine.

Keep reading -> Fear Of Various Types

~~
pictured, my daughter (the Italian looking one) with variou kids on the block, circa 1998.

So about these older African men, after all these years of this happening, I got to thinking about it. Because it never fails. I have had an older black man supporting me, and I mean absolutely accepting me and everything about me without equivocation all my life.

And when I move or they move, another man shows up. Someone just pops up to take this position and place in my life and here I go again with another African father figure.

And there is always a motorcycle involved! But never mind that, at least for now. The point is eventually I had to think about this. Why does this happen?

And I thought about the psychology and all kinds of things deep and meaningful. And I am aware this phenomenon is rooted to my core. But bottom line, I think this happens because I have some kind of imprint. You know. When I see an older black man, I just totally expect we’re going to hit off, have some fun, understand and appreciate each other and the whole nine yards.

And my face and my body language must convey this, right? Because these men I meet don’t have my background. It’s my script. But this constellates almost immediately, without fail so there has to be something in my demeanor.

And the point is I have this strong belief (Neptune) that older black men are incredibly freakishly cool to know. I believe this is real (Saturn) and it appears that what I believe becomes real because I believe it.

And I so seriously (Saturn) believe this (Neptune)… I’ve taken profound action. I have made life decisions based on this and I’ll tell you about them in my next blog. Meantime, you tell me.

Do you think you can believe something into reality? Or no?

Keep reading -> Racism – Erasing Fears and Limitations

Other astrologers blogging on Saturn Neptune! Check ‘em out!

Doreen Gordon writes about “Field Of Dreams”.

Lynn Hayes of Astrological Musings writes: Rumi on Saturn Neptune

Dan Ciubotaru of Living Astrology writes, Jupiter-Saturn-Neptune T-Squre configuration 2006

Philip Brown of AstroBlog writes, Mel Gibson, Ken Lay, and Saturn-Neptune

Robert Wilkinson of The Aquarius Papers – How the Jupiter-Saturn-Neptune T-square of September-October 2006 Affects Aries, Taurus, Gemini, Cancer, Leo, Virgo, Libra, Scorpio, Sagittarius, Capricorn, Aquarius, and Pisces

April Kent of Big Sky Astrology: “Ripped from the headlines…”

Jeffrey Kishner of Astrology at the Movies on “Hollywoodland”.

Susan Custer of The Astrology Page Blog – A Saturn Oppose Neptune Bungle

So here’s a story. Ultimately it’s in line with the parenting theme though I guess this won’t be immediately apparent. The Saturn Neptune themes fly in all directions don’t they? Saturn = parenting. Neptune = nebulous. ::shakes head::

Once upon a time I met this African man. I was thirteen and I don’t know how old he was. He was thirty maybe. Or thirty-five. And he was GIANT. He was like 7 feet tall with huge hands and I was the skinniest little baby Capricorn goat you could possibly imagine.

And I was from the desert which meant I’d never seen a 7 foot tall black man before. And standing next to him, I was scared to death. Because he was as big as a mountain and obviously if he wanted, he could squash and crush me like a pea!

But what happened is we hit it off. Because we had a lot in common, actually. For example, he was ultra-cool and so was I though I was the only one who thought so at the time. Until I met this guy, that was. This man could “see” me and he thought I was a ridiculously cool kid. Stoopid cool. And because of this he treated me with great respect and a kind of fondness I’d never experienced. And as a result?

As a result, I have found older African men friends, throughout my life. In fact, it’s very hard for you to be a black man who is 20 years older than me and not like me. To not be completely drawn to me, like the living shit out of me, think I’m a kick in the ass, have me think the same of you and always in a non-sexual way.

For example, meet Amos. We go to the same gym and that’s his pic on my cell phone. See, he makes me feel so good… he’s gives me such a zing, I snapped his pic so I could be amused every time my phone rang. He’s that cool. Amos is as cool as the older African man pal before him and the one before him and the one before him.

“Can I take your picture? You give me a zing and I want to see you during the day because you make me feel good.”

“Go right ahead…”

*click.

And I’ll come back to tell you what this has to do with Saturn and Neptune, but in the meantime, have you had any experience like this? Are you aware of some weird stream you’re living in? Tell us.

Keep reading -> Believing Things Into Reality