Dear Sixteen,

I am sorry you don’t have anyone you feel you can talk to and I am happy to tell you I think you should dump this guy tomorrow – and I’ll explain why.

Number one: if you think someone is using you, it is almost always because they are. This falls under the rule, “If you have to ask…”

Number two, he is controlling and that’s not love. That is the furthest thing from “love” there could possibly be. And here’s a tip for the rest of your life:

Anyone – man or woman – who separates you from your friends is bad news!! Always. And when a person’s family doesn’t like you, this also very difficult and considering you don’t like them, it makes me wonder if you even like him. Because frankly, why would you?

Is it because he threatens you? Makes you cry? Goes out on you? Is it because he has you so mixed up, you think he gets to decide whether or not you can see your friends?

Look. I am sorry. I know it’s got to hurt, but I think you should cut your losses with this guy. Because when it comes right down to it, there is nothing in this for you. You are getting no support whatsoever and this is a clear sign he is a worthless boyfriend.

Good luck.

~~
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Dear Wants,

You have a very Cardinal chart which means you like to control things. And this is going to frustrate you but the fact is there is no way you can make this guy do or say or feel anything. Just think about it. If a guy likes you, then he likes you. If he loves you, he loves you. If he likes you and then changes his mind, then that’s what happens. And absolutely nothing you do extra, or over and above is going to change things.

Personally, I think you lucked out here. You avoided having sex (your first sex!) with a guy who is obviously not so loyal. So I would say you dodged a bullet there. Because had you’ve had sex with this guy, I bet he would have moved on anyway and how do you think that would feel? So aside from the fact you can’t control how this guy feels, I just want to ask you this:

Why do you want this guy? Because he said you were his girlfriend and then acted otherwise? Because he says he has another girlfriend but he wants to hang out with you? Don’t you think he sounds a little creepy? Here’s what I really think:

I think you want a boyfriend and I don’t blame you! But you sound like a classy girl and classy girls need to hook up with classy boys! If I were you I would let this guy pass. Because does he know what he’s doing? He has no idea. He’s going here and he’s going there and he’s getting what he can get from whoever he can get it from. And the way I see it, if you can keep your pants on until you’re 18, you deserve a much better experience then this guy is going to be able to deliver.

Good luck.

~~
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Dear Sixteen,

Friends are very important. I think they’re critical if you want to be happy in this life so I definitely think you should try to get your friend back. And it does sound as if you are primarily responsible for the demise of the relationship, although she obviously has play too. But if you’re smart, you’ll forget about what she did or did not do wrong, and just make up for what you did wrong. Because it’s friendship, see? It’s not a contest you can score. And you said yourself you were at fault. You were a prying Scorpio…

So apparently whatever you did, you hurt your friend in the process. She responded by shutting down. And at that point you might have become more sensitive, but instead you insisted she talk to you, confide in you, etc. In essence, you were asking her to take care of you. Can you see that? Your friend is hurt, you’re the reason and now you’re telling her to trust you… and if you stop and feel this out, you’ll see it misguided. And from there it deteriorated further when you decided to insult her by calling her “stubborn” and whatever else you did. Getting the picture here? If you did this to me, I wouldn’t be talking to you either! But that said, you can probably get your friend back.

Just let her know you understand what you did, and how it made her feel. Tell her you are sorry and you will try to be more sensitive in the future… and then do it! You will probably get your friend back, but even more important you will be a better person yourself. This action will lead you to be a more sensitive in the future, and this would be Scorpio at its best.

Good luck.

~~
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Dear Eighteen,

There are several issues here that you can and should address, so I’m going to take them one at time. First, when someone repeatedly tells you they love you and their actions match their words, the chances are they are telling you the truth. So whatever it is you weigh, apparently this is a non-issue to our boyfriend. And you really ought to try to stretch yourself and open your mind to this possibility. Because to not do this is ultimately disrespectful of him.

See, people are individuals. And you feel how you feel about your weight, but this has nothing to do with how he feels. So though I understand why you’d do this, in reality it is not very kind to paint him with your brush while simultaneously ignoring what he’s telling you directly (“I love you”). So that’s number one. Entertain the idea that other people think and feel independent of you.

Secondly, you mention your childhood. And if you are aware that things that have happened to you are having a detrimental effect on your life, then congratulations! Many people are thirty before they figure that out! But that said, if you have a problem, it is now yours to solve. So do what you need to do: get yourself to a counselor.

I know you are young but help is available even if you don’t have resources. There are counselors who work on a sliding scale and if you can’t find that, there are 12-step groups which are free. You get the idea. Don’t just notice the problem, do something about it.

Now last, you don’t like how you look naked. And believe me, you are not alone here. As a matter of fact, it is the rare woman who is satisfied with her body and this is what I would suggest you strive for. To be rare that is! To be satisfied with your body, as it is at the moment, because it is this kind of self-acceptance that leads to better self care, where otherwise leads to more over-eating!

And on the man… well, people can see each other. You can see your boyfriend and he can see you. And really, people don’t look all that different naked. He also probably knows you are scared, so how about you talk to him? He loves you, right? So tell him about your fears and maybe he can help you. Turn the lights off, for starters. Go slow. But whatever you do, I hope you will begin to take steps that will heal this for you. I don’t imagine there is an easy fix, but there is definitely a path out, away and eventually clear of your bad feelings.

Good luck.

~~
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Dear Fourteen,

Yes, absolutely. I definitely think you will be able to sustain a healthy and prolonged relationship. You are exactly on track to this end with what you’re doing right now. That is, you are discovering yourself. And I can help with that. But not that much. Because you’re doing such a good job already…

First, you’re a Libra. You’ve got several planets in Libra, so you are automatically going to want to be in a relationship. You want to relate to another as opposed to being a loner – and this is reflected in your mail.

Secondly, you have a Scorpio Moon conjunct Pluto which is where your intense feelings come from. Where your Libra Sun just wants a pleasant interaction with another, wants to be partnered… your Scorpio Moon requires intense connection, otherwise you’re hungry. In other words, you have a great appetite for significant intimate connection. And these two things do not conflict. You only need find a partner with similar needs.

So that’s the nuts and bolts. Obviously there are other influences and parts of your character. There are layers and layers of nuance which you will uncover and discover via interaction with other people…which is your main gig. And if you go back up and read your post you will see how utterly on track you are. You know what would worry me?

I would worry if you were saying you were going to swear off relationships and go live in a cave! Then I would know you were off track. But as is, you seem to have a very healthy awareness of what you’re interested in this life, so I say – Carry on!

Good luck.

~~
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