Dear Mom,

First off, you should know that anyone in your situation would have a struggle. You have been joined with your baby for close to two years. How could you not be anxious? So relax about the feelings you’re having. Something would be dramatically wrong if you were not experiencing them.

Now regarding the fear, it may help if you can better define it. Considering you have found a caregiver you trust (no small feat for a Scorpio), just exactly what is it you’re afraid of? How about I take a guess?

Are you are afraid what people might think of you? Are you afraid people might think you are a bad mother? Well then, just say it right out. That’s what scares you! And then you can deal with it rationally and I can help.

First, you’re a single mother. You have to support your baby!! Going to work is making her a priority! But further, these are facts:

There are people who are cut out to be stay-at-home moms. They love it! They love every minute of it. They like to homeschool. They thrive in this role and guess what? You’re not one of them! You are you, and I assure you that your daughter has the right mother, not the wrong one. So your main job as a parent is to manifest yourself completely, to set an example for your daughter so she is empowered to do the same. Sound right?

And so what I think is happening here is this: Your Scorpio “feels” taking the job is the best path (and I agree). However, your Capricorn side – which is pronounced by the way – feels guilty for wanting to achieve in the world… something beyond parenting. And bottom line, you are going to have to accept yourself. Your nature, that is.

It’s really too bad women judge each other. The ones who work outside the home assume the ones who don’t are lazy. The ones who work inside the home think similar about the ones who go to work. You know. They are escaping their family duties.

The fact is some women don’t have a choice one way or the other. Lack of money can force either situation into being, but more importantly every woman is an individual! And some of us thrive in the workplace while others thrive at home. And the only thing that matters for our sons and for our daughters, is that we thrive, period. So here’s my advice:

Go to work. If people judge you, assume they are ignorant. Because they are.

Good luck.

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Dear Wanting,

Congratulations on successfully navigating such a delicate situation to this point. You sound incredibly sincere and well intentioned. You sound as if you are acting from the heart, in as thoughtful a manner as possible, so you can be proud of that and further, this is really all you can do.

I appreciate your fear around your ex-husband’s reaction but his reaction is out of your control. However, as smart as you are, there are some subtle adjustments you can make before you speak with him that may help tilt the scales in your direction and make it more likely he absorbs this news without lashing out.

On that, I would look at your language. “Let the chips fall” suggests a cavalier attitude. You know. Roll the dice and fuck it! It is what it is! But I don’t think this is your best play.

See, right now you’re winning. What you’ve successfully orchestrated here… the opportunity for your son and his bio-dad to come together and heal, is incredible. And you managed this by being cautious and sensitive – so I think you’d be well advised to keep doing what you’re doing.

See, to contact the bio-dad Ms. Pisces, you had to transcend your feelings about the past interaction between the two of you. Can you do the same with your ex-husband? I think you should try.

Because if you “let the chips fall” and they fall badly, you may have regrets. But if you continue to act with the utmost integrity and heart… well, then it won’t matter what he does. You will be able to look in the mirror and know you did your best.

If you want a clear picture of where you’re going off track, re-read your post. You’re all good until the last paragraph when you write about your ex-husband. And if I figure if you can forgive the bio-dad, it’s only a matter of time before you do the same with your ex-husband. So how about you rush that process and get yourself a Grand Slam here? Because it sounds like you’ve done a stellar job for sixteen years. No need to drop the ball now.

Good luck.

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Dear Mum,

People who read my column probably expect me to tell you that you’re wasting your time. But I’m not so sure about that. I think you may just be confused.

You say you are getting together for sex… which you describe as intense. This tells me, that you are connecting. You are a Scorpio, so sex matters! And he has a stellium in Scorpio, so sex is important to him as well. Point is: you are having a significant intimate exchange with this man, so just what is it that you think you are missing?

I have a guess. You have a bunch of planets in Sagittarius and I expect you want to MOVE. You want to get out. But he can’t get you out. You’re a single mum, remember. So what is he to do?

Get hip to the fact that you are limited by your responsibility to your children… which has nothing to do with him. And will he work around this? Yes, actually I think he may. He is a very responsible type but probably frightened just like you.

You are frightened that you can have nothing more than what you’re getting at the moment. And he wants to do the right thing – i.e. not involve himself with someone’s children unless he means business.

So here is my advice: get real about your situation and the limits it imposes on you. Think about just exactly what it is you want, stacked up against what it is you can have. And beyond that, if it were me I would definitely keep the guy. I am a single mum, and good sex is heaven sent. We need all the stress relief we can get. We need to connect with another adult!

And this guy has done nothing wrong. His chart shows him to be quite a responsible character who is not going to ingratiate himself to your children, then leave them high and dry a week later. So I think your instincts are dead on. Go slow and see what develops. And don’t underestimate the exchange you’re already having.

Good luck.

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