Dear Aries,

I think it’s terrific you are on to this at 21 years old and I will try to help. It appears your boyfriend has a problem with porn and is in denial about the situation and there is virtually nothing you can do about it so let’s focus on you.

You have a snooping problem. With Mars conjunct Neptune in your chart, you have a sneaking problem that probably stems from deep feelings of insecurity. And while I don’t think you are exacerbating his problem, I do think his habit is probably feeding yours.

That does not mean you won’t have the problem with someone else because we already know you will. I am just wanting you to see how the two addicts are feeding each other. In other words if you want to get “sober” as in learn not to snoop, the odds of pulling this off are going to be very low if you are partnered with this man.

Just imagine the various scenarios you could be in if you wanted to try and fight your craving to snoop around. You know. The rush you get invading another person’s privacy. The satisfaction you get by proving they in fact SUCK, just as you imagined. Would you have an easier time doing that with this guy, or the one before him that could be trusted?

The answer is obvious so if you want to try to find a way out of this (and I definitely think you should), then I would cut ties with the other addict who is basically enabling you. And when you find yourself struggling, you are going to have to do like any other addict who manages to curb their addiction. You are going to have to root around for what is driving you on a deep level and bring it to light. Get a therapist to help if you can. It would be a terrific investment at your age and I have a lot of faith in you because it’s a rare 21 year old who can and will admit this:

“And still I snooped through everything, his phone, dressers, computer, etc. Never found anything and yet it was like I wanted to…’

That’s key right there. Men are dogs and you want to prove it. You want this validated.

Who told you that? Figure out who told you that and nuke them in your psyche so you can heal. There are scads of people who can be trusted. There are many, many, many people you can trust and half of them are men.

Good luck.

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Dear Single,

No! You absolutely cannot assume that. This guy has told you in plain language he is not going to become serious and I don’t think he has changed his mind.

I imagine his increased interest in due the fact you have told him that he can play with you (and others, if he likes) without your expecting anything in return. Because this is what you have done. You have also voluntarily committed yourself to someone who is not committed to you, and I don’t think there is anything wrong with this as long as this is your intention and on that I have my doubts.

You have Mars in Pisces – square Neptune no less – and consequently you are prone to be confused about not only other people’s motives, but your own. So I would definitely not be making assumptions or reading anything into this guy’s actions. For example telling his family he is dating some girl means virtually nothing. If he’s told you he could be dating another girl next week, what do you think he’s told them?

Basically, I think what you’ve done is put him in his comfort zone by sacrificing yourself and eventually you are bound to feel angry and not know why. So the answer?

The answer is consciousness. Grok what you are doing, decide if you want to keep doing it and then act on that. But don’t guess if you are “moving forward” but it is way too easy to guess wrong.

Good luck.
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Dear Girlfriend,

I think you are right about everything and I think your friends are right as well. I will explain that and I will tell you what I would do and what the charts reveal… and after that you’ll have to decide.

Now personally, I would read everything the way you have and I would leave this man. Because I like things very focused. And perhaps it’s my ego too. It’s fine with me if it is. Because I have Venus in Leo and I am just plain not going to be seen screwing some guy who is enthralled with another woman. And you’re a Leo Sun, so I think you can relate to this.

However your friend who says this is “normal” is right. It is normal for him. Your boyfriend has Neptune square his Moon and his Mars, and he going to be leaking and fantasizing all over the place, mostly unbeknownst to him as you’ve witnessed. So can you stand that? Because if you’re with this man, you’re going to have to. And I want to point out one other thing.

It is his chart with all the challenge. You have a lot of ease in your chart and in your life in general, as evidenced by your attitude about all this. You can go or flow anyway you want to pretty much. So this is where you are. If you like it, stay. If you don’t then leave – and either way, I don’t think you’ll have many problems.

Good luck.

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