Saturn In Libra / Saturn Transit The 7th House: Mathematics Of Marriage and Composite Charts – Predicting Divorce
I am learning about how people relate and I didn’t mean to, but I came across the name, John Gottman who is a psychologist who wrote among other things, The Mathematics of Marriage: Dynamic Nonlinear Models.
This guy studied relationship in an effort to be able to predict who would divorce and who would not with very limited data and he came up with a super effective formula. He claims that if he can can listen to a couple talk about *anything, for an hour, he can predict with 95% accuracy if they will be married or divorced within 15 years. If he listens for just 15 minutes, he can still predict this with 90% accuracy.
My marriage is ending, which is a very good thing. I am seeing someone else though (a Scorpio), who is adding to the confusion in my life.
He is foreign, ambitious, passionate, and exciting. When I am with him, everything seems so effortless and my problems seem manageable. Because we both are very busy people, we do not spend a ton of time together – but the time we do spend is very fulfilling. He is very demonstrative and affectionate physically and verbally, and tells me he loves me and such. However, this is all tempered with days when he is not exactly cold or ambivalent, but close to that.
He’ll be distant for days, and then jump back to being adoring and attentive. It will seesaw like this. Days that are so lovely… then days that are upsetting, because it seems like we are wasting what precious time we have together. This confuses me.
Is this all just a huge mistake? He has been patient and supportive for the most part, but there are those times when he gets almost fatalistic. There are a million other things going on in my life that make every day a trial, and he has been the one place where I feel calm and like I can be myself for better or worse. But then there are those days when his distance adds to the pressure.
I am so confused, I don’t even know what my question is. Is this worth it? I do absolutely adore him but are we just too different? Is this just crappy timing, or could this work?
Let me read this back, simplified and from my perspective:
You have met someone new, and your life is in flux. This new person is supportive and has you energized; however he is a human being, with various patterns and quirks. The bastard doesn’t go left, left, left, left. He goes left, left, up, down, left, left…
Commenting on the comments
Ms. Scarlett asks on People Who Marry You When They Don’t Even Like You:
“I just wanna know how does someone smash a wedding ring? There’s an omen if I’ve ever heard one.”
Ms. Scarlett, he pushed me, my hand flung back and it smashed against the wall. It was a cheap ring that was meant to be stand in for a big honkin’ heirloom ruby promised by his family. He actually took the ring and got it repaired. Made a big display if it. He made all kinds of big displays for me… you’d have never guessed he didn’t like me, I’ll tell you that. This guy would take me on dates you wouldn’t believe.
I was married for 36 years to the father of my 4 children. He was a control freak and I lived in fear of him. On requesting a divorce in Feb 2003, he agreed to an amicable one, saying we should have parted years back.
I was not to go to an attorney or I would never see my children again. Our children all work for him and this was the kind of hell he put me through. He used the 3 eldest kids to draw up my settlement offer. On refusing, it, I sought legal advice. I and my present husband were then sued – for going against him.
My last 3 years have been a nightmare from hell with this man still threatening me, I agreed to settle out of court because I feared him and I was also emotionally unstable due to the threats he made on me. I got a pittance from him. I never worked but was a full time wife and mother – which he was quite happy with. I want to be happy, to see my life out in peace but this man continues to cause trouble, his kids all fear him and I won’t back off until I have the money he owes me. How long does it take to move on?
Ex-Wife Still Stuck
People move and move on at different speeds. They move when they damned well please and I don’t think you’re going to be moving anytime soon.
I base this on the fact you stayed married to a man who terrorized you (and your children) for 36 years and you state outright that you have no intention of backing off until and unless. Considering this I would not be surprised if you stayed attached for the rest of your life.
If you don’t like this, you’ll have to start thinking along the lines of cutting your losses but right now, you’re not willing. You do not want to think about how much this is costing you in pain. You’re used to pain I suppose. You’ve had 40 years of it!
If you want to think about easing up somehow, or letting something go, or seeking happiness as opposed to victory, then this could wrap up very quickly. But right now, you are determined to fight to the death, and I expect this is exactly what you’ll do.
Have a question? Need advice? Ask here!
Divorcing! Casual Dating? Another Commitment? What to Do? 7th House Saturn, Venus in Virgo, Leo With an Aquarius Moon
My husband and I are in the process of a divorce, and I had told myself that I am not the kind of person to ‘need’ a serious relationship – that I would be just fine to spend the rest of my life single, dating casually. I really cannot envision myself being satisfied with only one person for the rest of my life. Though I wonder if I am deluding myself; I am rarely satisfied with the superficial, and I have such a difficult time with people ‘just passing through’ my life. Do you see anything in my chart that explains these feelings? What would be your advice to reconcile these seemingly opposing forces?
There’s a second part to my question, I recently met a man who on the surface seems ideal for me, and the circumstances under which we met lends an almost ‘fated’ quality, though I am terrified of jumping into anything anytime soon. He is looking for a life-partner. Should I even consider getting involved?
Yes your conflict shows up very clearly in your chart. You have Saturn (commitment, serious) tied up with Venus (love relationship) that battles your Venus in Virgo (an unmarried woman) and your Aquarius Moon (Freeeeeeeeeeeeedom!).
So the new man shows up to highlight this conflict. You’re just getting out of a contract and here’s a guy who wants a contract… ::laughs:: And you can see the beauty here, right? It’s called “get to know you!” And I don’t know how you’re going to handle this with this guy or the next or the next, but I do know this is very common problem.
We are all ambivalent around relationships to various degrees. We want the safety that a contained relationship affords, but at the same time, we want to have our options open. For many of us “I do” feels like a death, but no one tells you that when you’re young.
Instead, conventional “everything” is presented as if it is the only path, which is why so many people wind up living lives that feel just miserable to them. It’s because they are like you. Or they are like me. They have a queer shaped foot that not just any shoe is going to fit!!
So I think you are on the path towards coming to terms with your situation which makes it possible to resolve it. You want freedom and commitment, for chrissakes. And so what? This is okay. It better be, because there are legions of us out there who feel similar.
And if you make this conscious and learn to articulate your feelings to your partners or potential partners, you may be very surprised to find they have similar challenge and at that point you can start to innovate. You can work to structure (Saturn) your relationship (Venus) in a way that gives you both freedom and security. You’re committed, but live in separate houses. Or you’re committed, but Thursdays are “Independence day” and you both go out to run amok. You’re committed, but short term. 3 months and the see if you want to re-up. You get the idea…
Have a question? Need advice? Ask here!
I’ve been dating a wonderful, kind, and spiritual man for 7 months – in most ways, he is the man of my dreams. The downside is that he has been going through a chaotic divorce for the past two years. Although he has filed, they are still in the negotiation stage and nothing has really moved in the past year.
Here’s the problem. He has been married twice and has five children ranging from 3 to 19. Although he has a good job and income, his current wife doesn’t work outside the home and they lived beyond their means. That is, he’s over his head in debt and she keeps spending. He turns over 85% of his paycheck to his wife to pay for living expenses for the wife and children. Apparently this amount still isn’t meeting her expenses as she continues to send my boyfriend unpaid bills.
Several months ago my boyfriend and I decided that he would move in with me. Although I knew at the time that he was financially strapped, I had no idea how bad. It goes without saying that he has not contributed a dime toward food or household expenses. In fact, he has to borrow small amounts from me from time to time and it appears that his wife is continuing to spend money frivolously – yet he does nothing and the divorce does not seem to be moving forward.
It may seem obvious that I need to dump the man until he’s on his feet. However, we get along wonderfully and he is a great lover and companion. Also, my two teenaged children enjoy having him around and he has been a very good influence on them.
Am I being too pushy in wanting him to be more aggressive in getting the divorce finalized and getting his finances in order?
Virgo In Love
No it’s not obvious you should dump this man. You sound very level-headed for one. You do not sound as if you are suffering from denial, for two. But beyond that, it sounds as if this guy is doing a splendid job of meeting your needs. Outside of this one glaring issue that is. Money.
And why dump your great sex with a man your kids like, because of one problem he’s got the ability to fix? Who would do that? It makes no sense. If it were me, I would definitely keep the man and try to solve the problem. But how?
Well first, regarding your question, no I don’t think you are being pushy, asking him resolve his divorce. But I also don’t think he’s responsible for your choice to get involved to the level you have. You’re the one who is a Virgo. You are the one with the need to find people who need your help, yes? You’re running a hospital there, and now you’ve got a patient… so no bitching!
You need him as much as he needs you. Matter of fact, I bet if you dumped him, you would be out looking for one just like him within a week or two. And knowledge like this can only make you more effective and more resolved. And this is what will help. Commitment that is. Because here’s the astrology:
You have a Saturn transit to your Venus. This is serious (Saturn) relationship (Venus). Money (Venus) is limited (Saturn). Your partner (Venus) has baggage (Saturn) and the way I see it…
If the love (Venus) is real (Saturn) then you must work (Saturn) it out. And can you do this? Yes, I think you can. Good luck.
Have a question? Need advice? Ask here!
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