My son has inherited my criminal mind. He’s seven years old. He has Mercury in Mars rules Aries (the family Mars Mercury signature) and a Scorpio Mars. And he is one crafty little bastard!

I was in my bedroom when he called me. “Mom!!”

“What? Are you calling me?” I shouted back to him because this is how we are. Loud, that is. We’re loud Italians.

“Come in the bathroom,” he called back.

“Okay.”

I walked in the bathroom and he’s standing there with a huge screwdriver. “Notice anything different?” he asked, pointing at the door knob of the bathroom door.

“There’s no lock,” I said.

“Come with me,” he said. I followed him to his bedroom. “There it is,” he said, pointing at the bathroom door knob, now installed on his door. “I have been wanting a lock for a long time.”

I just shook my head. What a little bastard, you know? Did he ask? Hell no! But how mad can you be when your kid is slick like this? I think it’s much more appropriate to be scared!

And the next day I thought this through. And I can see my kid is just like me. He knows right where the line is. What he can get away with and how he can get away with it.

How long do you think he plotted? Because had he asked…well there is no way I’d have given him permission to do this.

“Hey Mom, can I take the lock off the bathroom and put it in my room?”

“No! Are you crazy?” ::smiles::

And he had to have known that. So here he is thinking, “How am I going to do this…to get what I want?” And then he just decides to go for it.

And I wanted to go to the store when I was kid, living in the middle of nowhere. And I eventually decided the only way to get there was to drive. And considering I was ten years old, I was pretty sure if I asked…

“Hey! Can I drive to the store..?”

Answer? “No! Hell no!”

So I just stole a truck instead, see. And I got away with it, just like my son got away with this door knob thing. Although I am going to buy a new lock for the bathroom and have him install it. And by the way…

How the hell did he learn to change a door knob? Same way I learned to drive a truck, I suppose. Instinct.

So what about you? Any other criminal minds out there? Tell us!

Thanks for the great comments on the NCGR evil blog. I’m not sure I have some sort of comprehensive understanding of this subject. I do know I used to be very naÆ’

When something comes up three times in a week, it usually warrants writing about and in this case, it’s my criminal mind. I have one, I absolutely do and I mentioned this to another astrologer a few days ago.

He seemed surprised or something because he made me repeat myself.

“You say you have a criminal mind?”

“Well, yes. How could I not?” I answered.

I couldn’t tell if he was surprised I had a criminal mind, or that I was actually copping to it but in whatever case, I discussed this with him briefly and that was that.

I’ve written about this extensively, so I didn’t think about the conversation after I had it until a few days later when the AMF brought the same thing up. I had tricked him for about a week and he was sort of pissed off when he found out.

See, I had gotten this steroid shot in my back (hip) and he sometimes slaps my ass. So when he did this, I yelped and acted like it hurt me, “My shot! Ow! Ow! That’s my shot!” I shouted. And of course he got all discombobulated. “Oh Bean! Did I hurt you? Sorry, honey, are you okay?”

“I’m okay. But Jesus! Don’t be hitting my shot!” I said.

Now actually the slap had no effect at all, but fuck him. I figure he shouldn’t be slapping me anyway, so it serves him right. Plus he’s always claims to be waaaaay smarter than me so you can see this why this is irresistible.

So anyway, this goes on for a few days. Or a week. Because his patting is a habit. So he keeps doing it and I keep yelping and he keeps getting distraught.

And then one night he pushed me or something. He has that Aquarius and I think he was pushing me away on the bed to get himself some space. But anyway, he pushed my shoulder and I yelped. “My shot! Ow! That’s my shot, for godsakes!” And I started laughing of course. Like the banshee I am as I watched the realization come to his face. And then a couple nights ago, this came up.

“The look on your face. It’s…it’s priceless. When I’m found out,” I said.

“Well, yeah. That’s your criminal mind,” he said. “You’re a total criminal and I’m not. I’m a nice guy and it’s not easy for someone like me to be around a criminal like you.”

And I was so surprised at that. But then I remembered the day we met. I just wrote about it. He was there early. He’s a Scorpio and he’s a man. But I was there waaaaaaaaaaaaay earlier, because I’m a criminal.

But then came the clincher. What made me write this.

I was talking to Scott today about the immigration issue. Scott is a super-liberal, I don’t think he’d mind me telling you. He also has terrific guilt. His guilt is legendary and some of it centers on me. Because Scott has always enjoyed a sort of material security and I am from the other side of the tracks.

He is also a total UN-bigot. He actually feels anyone who is racist has a psychological problem. “They had to have been brainwashed, or something, because there is no logic to it at all.” And I agree with him, but back to today’s conversation:

“Invariably when you see someone waiting for the bus, or walking they are African or Latino,” he said. “It never changes.”

“Yeah I know. That reminds me of a story.”

“What?”

“Back when I didn’t have a car…when I was looking for a job, when I was kid? I would always have a car. I was trying to be a waitress and on the way in to interview, I would be sure to memorize a car in the parking lot. Then if they asked, do you have a car, I’d say, yes. And I’d point to one, through the window of the restaurant. That’s my car right there. Because come on. They aren’t going to hire me if I don’t have a car. They’ll think I won’t make it to work. But you know I never missed work, so what the fuck. Do I want a job, or not?”

He explained most people wouldn’t do that. They wouldn’t think of it. He said a few things, but while he was talking all I could think was there goes my criminal mind…

So I know where I got it. I was raised by a criminal!

But then I thought of the astrology. Where does this show up in my chart? Because it would have to be there. And it would have to be Mercury….it rules the mind.

And sure enough, it fits. I have Mars conjunct Mercury and I would say this is the Scorpio side of Mars. It’s some sneaky shit.

But the conjunction is in the 9th house (Sagittarius) so I broadcast it. I tell the truth about my criminal mind! I will testify!

So what about you? Are you a criminal? Or an innocent?

~~
criminal mind – take two…