Last night my husband and I were talking about losing confidence. What a sick feeling it is when you have doubts you can do something you’ve done many times.

He specifically mentioned burning on on a jump once. Something when wrong with his parachute and he fell to the ground, breaking bones.  The next time he was up in a plane and supposed to jump… well you can imagine.
Continue reading Losing Confidence (The 11th House)

We’ve got roughly a week before Pluto turns direct. If you are tracking this blog you can see people are falling off it like flies for reasons I don’t even remotely understand.  There have been three this week and from my perspective it’s ghastly.  I watch all these war movies with the soldier… I have seen almost nothing but war movies for a year and a half and what you see in these movies over and over and over, is people being shot or blown up.

Continue reading Tail End Of Pluto’s Transit Through My 11th House: The Randomness Of War… Loss and Death Etc.

Back on the (hot) topic of the upside of criticism and negativity…

It must be my nature but I am pretty sure every friend I have relies on me to speak up and vice versa. I just would have no use or interest in a friend who could or would not discern things and offer their impression or opinion of whatever. I run with some very intelligent and talented folks but if they won’t give it up, well what the hell? What do I want them to do? See me heading for the rocks and leave me go for what? My own good? I really question that as a motive.
Continue reading Astrology And The 11th House: What Do You Value? Friends Who Coddle Or Friends Who Don’t?

Deirdre writes regarding my feeling repulsive and wanting to be with a killer and all that jazz…

“I see what you mean. Sure. Well, I am not in love with the soldier, so in my life, I am not thinking about wanting to be with a killer and that may simplify my life because I think it is taboo to want to marry a killer. It’s not really “in” at least in my circles…” (read the whole comment, she is not attacking me)

Deirdre – this is a perfect example of the challenges I face in trying to communicate. Being attracted to what is taboo does not even enter into my equation when I think about this. What is most appealing about Special Forces training… what I admire the most is the soldier’s focus. He’s got a task / he is on a mission and there is no stopping him. Highly trained, he does not become hysterical or distracted from what he is trying to do and being exposed to this has been enormously instructive and helpful.

Continue reading Feeling Repulsive Redux… The Collective View Of Your Circle Of Friends

Dear Unmarried,

I’m glad you wrote because I don’t think either of those explanations is accurate in your case. There are some people out there who are just plain unconventional… period! And you are a stellar example.

You are an Aquarius rising. You have your Sun and Moon in the 11th house (Aquarius). You have Uranus (the planet that rules Aquarius) smack on your descendant and further, you have Jupiter and Saturn conjunct in you guessed it: Aquarius!

So does this make you afraid? No! It makes you an independent, nontraditional humanitarian with “friends”. And what’s wrong with that? Nothing!

My friend Ben is like you. He is also an Aquarius rising with Uranus opposing. The last “relationship” he was in was in the 80′s!! And this I not because people are not interested, because people have been literally lined up outside his door for each of the 25 years I’ve known him. But he has determined that pairing up is not for him. He wants no part of it! And he has stated this plainly for 20 years!

And you can imagine how many people have argued this with him, for what good that would do them. He’s not interested! And I have to say he is a gay man. So he is going to have an easier time pulling this off than you might as a heterosexual woman, however I just want you to know this is an option! Anything you want is an option.

So don’t go letting people tell you you’re afraid of commitment. You’re not scared! It’s just not your bag. And same with the “haven’t met the right guy yet”. Because that implies some kind of failure. You haven’t failed! You’re just living!

So might you meet a man you want to hook up with someday? Of course. But are you going to be and do like everyone else? There is no chance of that at all. I say, be happy just as you are. Because as my friend, Ben says, “This is a big world. I am sure there is enough room for someone like me…”

Good luck.

~~
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Dear Confused,

Yes, your chart reflects this. You have your Sun, Moon, Mercury and Mars in Aquarius, in the Aquarius ruled 11th house. That’s a lot of Aquarius!!!! Further, you have aspects from Uranus (the planet that rules Aquarius) to your planets in Aquarius so that settles it. When it comes to Aquarius, you take the cake, the grand prize the gold star and the blue ribbon!

And this explains your independence and your ability to be detached, your network of friends, etc. These are all Aquarian traits and all is fine until you factor in Saturn…

You have Saturn in hard aspect to your Moon. And as light and free as you are, you have a niggling feeling there is something wrong with you. And Saturn is hanging out near your descendant, being all ouchy, which is where the tie to relationships comes in. So how to fix?

Awareness can help. When you have such an emphasis on one sign and one house like this, there is a tendency to deny the rest of you. But this won’t work obviously. You see how it comes up to dog you. And what will help is to own this side of yourself. Because as independent and unfettered as you may be, you do have feelings of insecurity that need to be accepted and incorporated into your life. And like happens so often on this blog, you are well on your way by writing me.

See, I imagine you with your friends: chit, chit, chat. And I am sure you are brilliant. So this side of you gets all the air. But when you wrote this blog, you gave Saturn some air. Saturn being your negative feelings and your fear. And this is the path that will bring relief.

Because the fact is, you probably will go insane if cooped up in a relationship. It’s just too restrictive. But if you can acknowledge the reality (Saturn) that your lack of relationship concerns you (Saturn) in spite of being A-OK in all other ways… and if you talk to your friends about this, then it can become just another quirk in personality of which I am sure there are plenty. Get it? You were already weird, and now you are a little weirder and I think you can live with that.

One more tip:

You may need another friend. One you can call when the black mood strikes. The point being that this new wrinkle of yourself that you are owning expands you, not otherwise.

Good luck.

~~
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Dear Libra Rising,

You’ve got a true conundrum here and though I can’t solve it for you, I can define it and you can take it from there.

You say you are in love. You’re very happy and things are heavenly but then you go on to complain and outline your fears. So at first glance a person might think, she’s already happy, isn’t that enough? Someone might wonder, “Does she want to be happy? Or committed?”

Because oddly enough, these men who don’t commit so well (and a double Gemini certainly qualifies) seem to please you on one level. But there is more than one level, isn’t there?

See the Double Gemini (an air sign) is an excellent complement to your Sun and Moon in fire and this is what is so heavenly. With an Aries Moon, and an 11th house Sun, you are quite independent and basically having no problem at all.

But you have a t-square involving Saturn (serious) and Venus (relationship). And this side of you desperately wants a commitment and you go as far as to berate yourself and call yourself a fool when one does not materialize.

And in your current relationship it manifests as fear. Oh no! What if he doesn’t marry me! And you apparently forget the fact that your relationship is excellent and thriving.

So what I would suggest you do is examine your goal. Do you want a marriage or a happy relationship? Because let me clue you in to something disturbing: If you get some stodgy committed guy, you may be married but the fire side of you is going to go feel restricted and go crazy with boredom. Ain’t that a bitch?

But this is who you are so if I were you, I’d be thinking about how I was going manage this, as opposed to chasing something I think will solve all my ills when it won’t.

Good luck.

~~
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Dear Trouble,

I’ll be honest with you. I’m a little bit baffled, because I think you’d be a good friend to have just by reading this. You’re honest, you’re humble and you want to connect. These are all exemplary characteristics. They are hallmarks of a person worth knowing. And there is nothing in your chart suggesting you are any more broken than the rest of us, so I am going to have to take a guess what the problem may be, okay?

Could you be trying too hard? Because you are a Virgo with Venus in Virgo in the 11th house. Virgo wants to be perfect and the 11th house is concerned with friendship. So are you trying to be the “perfect friend”? Because I could see where that might be off-putting. Think about it. People are all jacked up. Every single one of them! And then here you come, all perfect and everyone turns their back.

You know, I’ve seen this out in the world. In the gym, specifically. I go to a gym and have for years. And I go at roughly the same time of day, so I am familiar with most people… I know them all to some degree. But there are two women in there who really stand out, for the simple fact that the whole gym ignores them. Not avoids them. Ignores them. And one of them tried to talk to me some years ago when I first started going.

She tried. She fell all over herself trying to make nice with me and it creeped me out. “You aren’t real?” I thought. “Get away from me, you Stepford Person.” And I could see she was hurt by my lack of response. I could feel her pain! But I still didn’t want to be her friend.

And I watched this happen to this gal several more times with other people and now, some years later, she doesn’t even try to connect. Expecting rejection, she just cuts through the gym, like everyone hates her and I don’t think they do. They just sense she can not be accessed in a way that is genuine. And I feel very sorry for her. And I know this is a horrible story, but it’s the only thing I can think of to explain your plight.

So remember, this is a GUESS. But if it resonates with you… well you’re going to have to relax. People like people who fart, you know? Because they fart. People want to talk to people, not Barbie. And you are a person… it’s obvious from your mail.

So how about going out in the world, like you did with this email, leading with your fears and insecurities – your humanness this is. And see if you don’t get some takers. Because I bet you that I’m not the only one who finds the person who wrote this question appealing without reservation.

Good luck.

~~
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