Hi Elsa,
I have a question I am embarrassed about and ashamed to ask, but I thought you might be able to provide some clarity. The last thing I want to do is bad-mouth my man, but the strong attraction between us has a dark side: at times, I feel repulsed by him. Some of the good things – which relate to over-indulgence of food, drink, sex, and work – can be a total turn-off the next moment.
I love the intensity, but I hate his ‘greed’. He can’t seem to stop, especially when eating and drinking (but this relates to work, health etc. as well)- which shows on his body too – and I find myself feeling critical towards him. I also find him very controlling (he finds me very controlling too).
He is very much an optimist and full of energy, and I love to go out and party together, have deep converstations, mindblowing sex, having an eccentric lifestyle and feeling unrestrained by boundaries whatsoever. There is a very thin line here between me loving his gourmet and expansive being, and being repulsed by him ‘overdoing’ it. Am I being over-sensitive? If a healthy relationship is to succeed, <em>should</em> I be attracted to him all the time… and not on and off in extremes like I am now?
Has A Boyfriend Who Over the Top
Dear Top,
What an interesting question. You make him sound like a glutton, shoving food down his mouth. I believe I’d be disgusted as well! I have this picture of Dom DeLuise with a turkey leg in each hand! And you. A skinny, healthy diet conscious Virgo. Yeah, it’s probably not accurate, but amusing just the same.
I checked both charts to find out who the control freak is. And in spite of your concern over what goes into another person’s mouth, you do not seem especially controlling to me. Either does he, so this led me to check your composite – which revealed all.
For the novices, a composite chart is a merge between the charts of two individuals. It’s the chart of the relationship. And these things are static! You get what you get. So Top, what I’m telling you is this intensity between the two of you is hardwired. So is the control! And I realize this does not solve your problem, but it may provide guidance.
It means you can stop looking at what you are doing (should I or shouldn’t I), and refocus instead on the fact that this is what constellates between the two of you, period.
So the real question is, can you stand it? Can you transcend it? Because this boy is a Sagittarius rising. He is supposed to be bigger than life and telling him not to go overboard is never going to work. It would be like him telling you to enter a hotdog eating contest. That’s not going to happen, is it?
Good luck.
Hello Elsa,
You mentioned the Composite Chart of this couple said it all. Would you mind briefly saying what “aspects” you saw that are hardwired? I find the concept of Composite Charts highly fascinating?
If you can elaborate a little bit, like a short tutorial/summary of these people’s composite charts, or just composite charts in general that would be great. We learn so much from you!
Have a wonderful Holiday weekend,
Ken
I like Ken’s polite post! So darling! Anyway, I agree that composites are fascinating, and it does seem to point to karmic connections with people, doesn’t it?
Like one of Elsa blogs said (I think) one couple can have an obvious intensity, whilst another can be completely mellow. Some couples are hedonistic, fun-loving, others have businesses together. It’s interesting to see these things played out.
You can pair up your chart with other’s charts on astro.com if you want to, Ken, for a fun look at some possibilities. I found the pairings to be pretty acurate. I’ve heard, also, that there are different ways to look at couples/friends. There’s the side by side comparison, the combined synastry, and well, you could go more basic,like Sun, Moon, Rising juxapositions, but I think you can derive good info from several approaches. I guess I don’t know enough about it…
Anyone else have any thoughts on composite charts?
Thanks for keeping us entertained, Elsa.
XO…
Hannah
‘He is supposed to be bigger than life and telling him not to go overboard is never going to work. It would be like him telling you to enter a hotdog eating contest. And that’s not going to happen, is it?’
This made me get it. Because indeed this is what he is all about – or wat we are all about. Basically, I now introduced an ‘image’ of our relationship as ‘running together’- which obviously softens the control element. I ask myself: am I letting him run (this is Sag too isn’t it?)? And it is fulfilling for me too. See, it’s much more fun this way, and it’s near impossible to run with each other on each other’s backs.