How To Recover After Major Loss

sun-vintageElsa,

What do you when the person that your life revolved around is no longer in your life?

Is it back to the North Node? Focus on the Midheaven? I feel like I’m fourteen and have way too many options and no real desire to pursue any path. I waver between feeling cheated and feeling pressure to be “doing something”. What if I don’t do anything except go to work, will I be bitter down the road?

Thanks!
Lost

Hi, Lost.

This is an interesting question. You don’t say why the person is no longer in your life. I assume  that you lost a relationship that was important to you, but when I read this, I thought it would apply to anyone who has lost a loved one…to death.

Actually, I think this question would apply to anyone who has lost sight of themselves after any kind of trauma. Clearly, you’ve been knocked for a loop and stayed in this state long enough to think you may never recover.

This is made even clearer by your considering looking to your North Node or Midheaven for guidance. I understand how a person could think that, but I’d suggest you look to your Sun, instead. The Sun is your creative life force.  Who are you, as an individual?

The Sun shows your vocation. The Sun does not require relationship to thrive, and let me clarify that.

The Sun in Libra shines in partnership. So lets say a married Libra loses their spouse, in whatever manner.  Do they still shine in partnership?  Yes!

It’s as if you’ve lost yourself. Look at the Sun in your chart, it’s sign and placement, for insight and better understanding.

As for your fear of becoming a bitter person, people who are truly living their Sun are not likely to be bitter. You’ll be way too busy shining.

Last, I think some people get into situations like this, because they don’t like their vocation. This book might help: Apollo’s Chariot: The Meaning of the Astrological Sun.

I paid $40 for that book, when it first came out, and I was satisfied.  It’s super affordable now. This book is great for anyone trying to understand their Sun, particularly artists!

The point here is that you are someone, with or without that other person. It’s a fact that can be understood and accepted and restore your vital life energy.

Got any tips for this gal?

Got a question? Ask here!

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Comments

How To Recover After Major Loss — 20 Comments

  1. Interesting look at your Sun – mine is in 8th house Cancer(25´) conjunct Vesta(22´) conjunct Vertex(19´) conjunct Juno(19´)conjunct Ceres(17´) conjunct Mercury(13´). I find that I have a “spiritual foundation” that I rely on when I feel lost.
    If you have any reflections on these conjunctions Elsa I would be happy to hear that. You are always sharp.

  2. No but I’ve bought the book because I feel the same (except it’s not through loss of a person just general lost-ness) I’ve never ever felt like my sun sign (cancer in 8th conjunct mercury) I feel more like my moon sign. So maybe this will help.

  3. I wish I had something helpful to add. I know now as an adult to take that pain from the loss and channel it into something positive, instead of turning to methods of covering up the enormous hole left by loss. It’s so simple when it’s not you or your life though.

    I never thought of looking to your Sun though for help with purpose finding. But it probably parallels the saying you have to love yourself before you can love anyone else.

    I don’t know. I have found losing material things much much easier than losing a person or relationship (that I valued). Those holes are like vortexes that consume me.

  4. Yes! The things that are uniquely you, are still you. I spent a couple years building my life long-term around a relationship that ultimately failed. I was devastated but eventually I started thinking about all the structure I had built. I built it. I built it because it appealed *to me.*

    And it turned out, a lot of it I could keep on with. I’m finding, many months later, that I am likely to be happier without him than I realized I could be. So that’s a factor, I understand. But either way – hopefully there’s something you can salvage or rebuild just for you.

    Good luck! <3

  5. I think this is great advice -and was usefull for me when I lost a close friend that died- but also when I lost my job.
    Then again I am a leo with sun conjunct jupiter in my 5th- so I always fall back on my sun-jupiter, and always tend to see the bright side….
    It would be intresting though to read a post about each zodiac sun strength …..thanks for the book recomendation- I will defenetly read that one too!!

  6. I like this idea of being our Sun. Looking back to the most terrible times in my life this is what I did to cope without realizing that that was what I was doing. Sank into my Taurus, plodded along, managed the practical, just dealt with one day at a time, slowly. I do have four planets in Gemini, Mercury,Uranus h3, Venus, Saturn,h4, The only other thing that got me through was my sense of humour. Good luck Lost, it will get better.

  7. Dear Lost, read this post by Elsa: Dealing With Loss – My Crazy Idea That Worked. Fantastic!
    Must admit, when my “favorite shows” have been cancelled, I’ve kept them on a continuous loop playing in the background… And I actually have written letters of protest to the “powers that be”… But look to your Sun, yes — mine is Aries, 3rd house — writing and communicating and learning and seeking the answers, the meaning, relentlessly, got me through… journals — mine was the “beat-myself-up book” due to the circumstances, but it got it out of my system… and astrological research — I found countless indications that the events were fated… ponder the lessons, what you can learn, take from this to create a new, stronger, wiser you with a new purpose… In the process, you may find work that is more meaningful, a more rewarding life that doesn’t just revolve around one person, a healthier balance…

  8. I am afraid I will feel like “Lost” if I go first (venus square saturn, venus exact trine pluto, venus sextile neptune, venus chart ruler…). As a Scorpio, I would say live like a battleshipand keep your compartments going, but I can’t say I’ve done that so well in the past few years since allowing myself to sink so deeply in love with my husband …

  9. I meant if I don’t go first! I can’t even think of love without thinking of death in the same breath! My mom died very young….

    • Libra Rising, I completely identify, you put it into words so well. Always felt that way, perhaps due to being only child of rather old parents, or my wandering dog being killed by school bus when I was 7 — never would have another until I was 30, married, with fenced yard!
      Saturn Scorp 9th, Mars Cap 12th, Aries Sun, NN Cap 1st.
      My husband did go first, but by then we were divorced but very close, I was certainly “lost” and blamed myself for years until found that our composite North Node equated to the day he died, of a heart attack. Meant to be, fated. Live for today, savor every day, be happy.

  10. Let yourself grieve.
    Make sure you take breaks in the grieving, because it literally releases a chemical that destroys your heart. You can literally die of a broken heart if you do not take breaks inbetween sessions of grieving. And, if you have truly experienced such a loss, which I actually have, unlike most people, you WILL feel it hurting your heart in that manner, and you WILL feel it’s potential to kill you just to be grieving so hard.
    And, over time… You’ll get over it. And, move on. When you’re ready to do so.
    Just make sure you mind your health, and take breaks inbetween crying sessions… Maybe spend those breaks focusing on stress relief activities, such as laughing at a comedy movie that also takes your mind off it for a little while.
    It is not the end of the world.
    It isn’t going to kill you if you’re careful.
    And, your life can, and will go on, as long as you choose for it to do so.

  11. I have a partnership-oriented sun, but can’t find a partner in anything to save my life. If I offered my soul to the devil if he’d get me one, I’m pretty sure he’d laugh and say no. So yeah, I’m bitter, but the thing about partnering is that someone else has to want to do it with you. I’m sure I’m not easy to do it with either, of course. And I feel bad on the rare occasions when someone’s interested and I still don’t like them like that–I may be starving but I’m just not up to eating dog food, or whatever terrible analogy you can come up with for that.

    I look for other things to occupy my mind and distract me. If “going to work” does that for you, then go with it. I keep looking for some other goal to pursue that doesn’t involve another helping and supporting me. Things that are occupying and don’t involve others, like hobbies. You can’t really have control over whether or not you find someone else, but you can control you.

  12. I’ve got Libra sun in the 10th house and I’m still not sure what to do with the rest of my life as far as vocation. My MC is at 26 Virgo, so I’ve always liked the security of working for a stable company, (as in hospital for the last 28 years even though I got outsourced in 2012) and the feeling of serving someone. I regret I didn’t know earlier in life that my creative side needs an outlet or I would have studied something like art, music or writing more (I did all these things to some degree in school). I also have Moon opposition Saturn, so I second-guess myself a lot.

  13. I just read that the Sun is in “fall” in Libra. And if you care what others think too much it will “block” your sun so maybe embracing yourself is one step in the right direction.

  14. Love yourself, be gentle to yourself, treat yourself like a friend you really care about. Then love yourself some more.
    As for bitterness, if you are conscious of the danger of it happening, it means you’ve already chosen not to go down that path.
    Astrology is such a wonderful tool for awareness. Remember it is also all about life cycles. Moments like that feel like death, but they are the beginning of a new birth, within the present existence. Happy future to you!

  15. Dear Lost, read this post by Elsa: Dealing With Loss – My Crazy Idea That Worked. Fantastic!
    Must admit, when my “favorite shows” have been cancelled, I’ve kept them on a continuous loop playing in the background… And I actually have written letters of protest to the “powers that be”… But look to your Sun, yes — mine is Aries, 3rd house — writing and communicating and learning and seeking the answers, the meaning, relentlessly, got me through… journals — mine was the “beat-myself-up book” due to the circumstances, but it got it out of my system… and astrological research — I found countless indications that the events were fated… ponder the lessons, what you can learn, take from this to create a new, stronger, wiser you with a new purpose… In the process, you may find work that is more meaningful, a more rewarding life that doesn’t just revolve around one person, a healthier balance…

  16. Let yourself lament.

    Verify you take softens up the lamenting, in light of the fact that it actually discharges a synthetic that demolishes your heart. You can truly pass on of a broken heart on the off chance that you don’t take breaks inbetween sessions of lamenting. Furthermore, in the event that you have really accomplished such a misfortune, which I really have, not at all like most individuals, you WILL feel it harming your heart in that way, and you WILL feel its capability to slaughter you just to be lamenting so hard.

    Also, about whether… You’ll get over it. Also, proceed onward. When you’re prepared to do so.

    Simply verify you mind your wellbeing, and take breaks inbetween hollering sessions… Maybe use those breaks concentrating on anxiety easing exercises, for example, chuckling at a drama film that likewise takes your brain off it briefly.

    It is not the apocalypse.

    It isn’t going to execute you in case you’re cautious.

    Furthermore, your life can, and will happen, the length of you pick for it to do

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