Dear Virgo,

I don’t think running home is going to solve this. Your chart reeks of everything you just described. For example, the disappearing partners? You have Neptune (erase) on your descendant (relationships) – so wherever you go, you are going to find this scenario constellating and only consciousness will help.

Same on the family issues. If you go home you are depressed around family. If you stay in your new land, you are depressed with no family but help is on the way.

However the help that is coming is Saturn’s transit through Virgo and Saturn is not some kind of light fare thing. Virgo will be called upon to grow up and define themselves and this goes for all Virgos not just you.

But specific to you, all your Virgo (and your natal Saturn) is concentrated in and around the 4th house / Moon which represents your family and your roots. And you can see how things are things are beginning to become concentrated here and I’ll tell you exactly what you are going to have to do to resolve this:

You are going to have to build (Saturn) your own family (4th house). You will have to be responsible for putting down your roots, wherever you want them and basically mapping out your piece of ground and I will use my friend, Denis as an example because he’s a good one.

Denis came to the US from Cameroon and he has been here 15 years or so. He is well established in this country but maintains connections with his home country both here and there.

He stays in contact, and is currently opening a business in Cameroon. Closer to home (this home) he is part of a network, a support group of sorts for transplanted Cameroonians who have relocated to this city. He has also formed relationships with people who have nothing to do with Cameroon… however he feeds them his home food!

I’m sure you get the picture. This is the answer. You can go home but if you do, you still need to map out and stake your territory and one more tip:

Personally, this is a 5 year odyssey you are heading into, so please adjust your watch to “very slow progress”.

Good luck!

~~
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Dear Mourning,

What an excellent question. I am very sorry for your loss and first need to tell you I have no ability connect with someone who has passed and transfer information. So I can’t tell you what your mother or your aunt may or may not know but I still think I may be able to help.

Having encountered more than my share of death in this life, I’ve been forced to develop some kind of philosophy about this because my natural reaction to loss was very similar to what you are experiencing. I just could not parse the deaths in my life and resolve them in a way that could bring me lasting peace. And part of the reason was that like in your case, the deaths came one after another, my feelings cascaded and I could not keep up.

But eventually I did find a way of seeing things that brought me a calm understanding around death that has held for about 15 years – so I’ll share it with you in the hope it helps.

You say you want some kind of connection with these women and with Venus (love/female) in the 8th (death/inheritance), the fact is that their energy flows very naturally to you. People with planets in the 8th house inherit the energy of the dead and carry their legacy whether they are aware of not. And since this is exactly what you’re seeking, this seems a fairly easy thing to resolve. Their energy is with you and I only need make you aware of this.

See when someone dies, that’s their body. There goes their body; they can no longer use it, but what about their energy? Their energy is still with us. And if you wonder if this is true, just think of a writer. The writer is dead, but their book is with us and anytime someone reads that book, they access the dead person’s energy. Their energy is right there, in their hands. So how can you say this person is gone? Their body is gone, their energy is here.

But what if the person did not write a book? No problem. They did something.

In this case, your mother had a baby: you. You are her energy. She made you just like that writer made that book. So how can she be gone when you’re still here? You are wearing her face, don’t you know this? Go look in the mirror and see your mother.

Further, I happen to know that you write. And don’t your mother’s words come through you at times? Don’t you use her phrasing or rephrase her ideas at times? If so, how can you say she’s not here? She is coming through you all the time. You express her energy… constantly. People who knew your mother look at you and see your mother so how can you say she is gone?

My grandfather (Henry) haunts this blog. When he died, I nearly died. But Henry has gone nowhere. Oh, his body is gone but he lives through me. I would not be me had he not been my grandfather, and I am here impacting people everyday – empowered by Henry who is dead. I am Henry’s legacy. And when I die, Henry will still live through my children and through the people who have read here and been moved by what I have to say which originated in Henry… and the person before Henry and the person before him (or her).

So this is my advice:come to see the truth. You are your mother and your aunt. You are an amalgamation of them and others and none of these people can ever leave you or you them, and mad?? You think they may be mad because you were not there when they died?

How do you know you weren’t there when they died? You may very well have been the last thing that crossed their minds. You’re the man with Venus in the 8th. You may have kissed them both sweetly right before they died. The physical body is joke. We are dealing with souls here.

I say, go live. You are what your mother has left behind to carry her energy and her message forward. You can honor the dead by living the best life you can on the on the energy they’ve bequeathed you. How can you love your lost ones and do anything less?

Much love and good luck.

~~
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Dear Wits,

Yes and no. You’re going to get out of this but you have two years to go. Pluto is transiting your T-Square which involves your Sun, Moon, Ascendant and Mars – and I can’t think of anything more hard core than that! So what you need is a new strategy and I can offer one.

You’re in a power struggle with your ex and it’s one you’re not going to win. At least not now and definitely not the way you’re going about this. And please don’t take that as criticism because it’s not meant that way. You sound very sane to me. You sound reasonable. But the way your chart is set up and considering the Pluto transit, I just don’t think you’re going to get anywhere fighting him – as your experience has proven. Instead you will have to do something much harder. I’ll tell you what will work and you’re going to hate this. But you may as well give it a try. Because you’re at your wits end, remember?

You’re going to have to go super yin. You are going to have to let this fire consume you. Change your stance to “Bring it on!” And I don’t mean, bring it on, because you’re going to fight it. I mean, bring it on because you can take it. You can take everything he can deliver and then some. He can pound you into the ground in any of the stupid little ways he knows and you will still be here! He will not kill you. You will not be destroyed.

But I’m not kidding. You must stop being aggressive in any way. Pull your horns in… all the way in. Lay low. Be still. Work with your emotion. Handle it. Let it burn inside and survive it.

And don’t misunderstand. This is not some kind of flippy trick. You are headed into what will no doubt be the most painful transition of your life. But this is unavoidable. And you are not going to be able to rise from any ashes until and unless you are ashes. And you’re not ashes if you’re still fighting, are you?

Let go. Let him try to burn you down. Let him try to destroy you and I promise you’ll find out he’s powerless and you’re not. He cannot kill the mother but no one will find this out until you let him try. I am very sorry. Super yin. Remember that.

Take care and good luck.

~~
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pictured – Pluto, Agostino Carracci, 1557

Dear Widow,

I cannot imagine how you could be anything but lost after losing your partner of forty years. Having met him as a teenager there is no way you could have any experience being independent, so it very easy to understand why you would look to fill this void.

It is also easy to understand how and why you would look for a man among your inner circle. I can see why you would want to be with someone who already knows and cares about you, because you are used to a profound level of intimacy. The idea of going out there to meet someone “new” is probably nearly unthinkable.

However, attaching to your friend (and your friend’s husband) is not going to work. It’s not going to work, because it’s not okay with you and it’s not going to work because it’s not okay with him and I am sure his wife would also vote thumbs down! And considering these things, I think this is pretty definitive.

Now I know this is overwhelming. I can’t even begin to imagine what it must be like to be tossed into the sea after 40 years of security, however this has happened and this is where you are. And if you take a step back, I think you’ll see that you’ve been relying on this friend of yours as a means of support as you transition.

And I think you should keep doing that, actually. He’s your friend. But he’s not your man. And if you have to write that 100 times and hang it on the refrigerator, then do it. Do whatever it takes. But please try to release the idea you can be with him, because you can’t. And don’t think I don’t understand how cutting that is. See, you can’t be with him and you can’t be your husband, either. And this is the real pain. And it’s going to take some time to heal.

Pluto has just crossed your Sun in Sagittarius, which is a “once in every 240 years” event. And you have just lost the man you’ve spent your entire life with and it’s simply going to take some time and some tears to process your loss and figure out what you want to do with the rest of your life. But asked for advice, so here it is:

Take it very slow. Take it very easy. But try to reach out in whatever way you can think of. Like you did when you wrote me. Find some message boards where there are women in circumstances like yours, so you can have a place to share your feelings. And off your topic intentionally, I want to tell you how this works.

I have a friend who joined a message board. There were a bunch of women in it and they got pregnant, sort of all at once. They went on to support each other through their pregnancies and now those babies are in 3rd and 4th grade. Get it? The women bonded and friendships formed. This is what you need. And it’s out there.

One more thing. Don’t forget you managed a relationship for 40 years. This means you are very good at it and I bet you anything you will find another partner in time.

Much love and good luck.

~~
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Dear Pregnant,

It’s really hard to understand this before the doctor hands you your first child and you go home with a human being to take care of, but the fact is you are a mother now. And mothers, at least most of us, take care of our kids. And it brings us great joy, satisfaction and self esteem regardless of what the father (or anyone else in the world) does. So I just want you to know there is a way to feel better, and that is by focusing on your baby.

Now I am very sorry this guy is not showing up for you and if it were me, and he was out looking for another woman, I would not be sharing my body with him. Instead, I would focus on taking care of myself (and my baby) in every way I could think of. Eat right. Exercise. Get a nursery together. Make calls about how to chase this guy for child support, if this is going to be necessary. Get it? Start planning to be a single parent. Because it’s looking like this is how it’s going to play.

Now it’s possible if you focus like this, he may see you taking this serious and change his behavior – but if not, I wouldn’t worry too much. Because it sounds like he was not making you happy anyway. And I know this is exceedingly difficult to comprehend and come to accept, but maybe it’s okay if he falls away… leaving you to raise your baby with a man who is more devoted to you.

And I know you are scared, but you are going to have a baby which you apparently wanted very much. And you’re in your thirties, so I think you can handle this. Just try to shift your focus from this man to the child you’re carrying and I think you will begin to feel better within days. Keep your focus on your child and I bet you’re grinning within a month. And the astrology?

You have Jupiter transiting your 12th house. When it hits your ascendant (your body) you will be hugely pregnant and your baby will be born. S/he will have Jupiter is Sagittarius which is a great fortune and be very lucky for you.

Much love and good luck.

~~
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Dear Pregnant,

I read your situation the same way you do. It seems you’ve hit a tipping point and in my experience once that happens, there is no going back. You may think about going back, especially if you’re a Virgo and this is what you do, but in fact there is no going back. Back to what? I’m sorry but there is nothing to back to, is there?

So yes, I think you can and should and will move on. Have your real baby and let this overgrown baby learn to take care of himself. And I don’t think you need to know anything else. It seems you have the resources to go this alone. You are one who provides all the support so you don’t need to rely on him for anything. I mean, this is what he’s providing now, right? Nothing. So why be heartbroken, huh? I’d skip that step completely!

Just keep doing what you’re doing. Let the reality of your situation crystallize in your mind and I’m sure you’ll find the ways and means to make the break. And will you regret it?

I seriously doubt it.

Good luck.

~~
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Dear Cinderella,

Congratulations on your transformation! I would not worry too much about any significant backsliding because our lives are moving forward all the time, even when it seems otherwise. And once a person breaks out like this, they are not too likely to go back to living in a repressed manner because come on. Why would they?

Gays who come out of the closet virtually never go back in. And you can think of this in these terms. You are out of the closet. You have revealed yourself to be a woman with an opinion who appears to have had a heart opening… and once a heart opens, it rarely closes. Why would it? Why not live a joyful life?

But since you’re worried about this, how about you take what you did when you wrote me a step further? What if you write down all your gains and what they mean to you? And while you’re at it, write down your hopes for the future. Jupiter is in Sagittarius now and moving forward is favored. Keep your eye on the horizon; I think you’re going to be fine.

Good luck.

~~
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Dear Mother,

Your children are being abandoned by their father and there is no way you are going to be able to prevent them from being hurt. All you can do is be the best mother you can and there are limits to that. You have no control whatsoever over his behavior and it seems he will soon be off in another world anyway.

At this point, your job is to pick up the pieces and to do that you are going to have to let the pieces drop. You will have to stop holding up the illusion of “Daddy” when there is no daddy. And I don’t know how old your kids are, but I would say you start by telling them the age-appropriate truth.

See, they can’t have him because he’s not interested in them. They cannot rely on him and you are going have to let them find this out, while simultaneously letting them know that they can rely on you.

I would say, the sooner he is out of the picture the better… and advise you to work on releasing him and all expectations of him while concentrating instead on how your family is going to function without him. And accept that pain is part of life – even for children = and all you can do is try to not be the one who inflicts it.

Much love and good luck.

~~
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Dear Planets,

This is an enormously interesting question because you describe the pathology of your entire generation. You the baby boomers all have Pluto in Leo and consequently a powerful need for attention and to be recognized as special. Leo is the perennial shiny child and if you look around, you can see this all over the place – the face lifts alone!

Baby boomers aren’t coping with aging all that well. Everyone wants to be the one who managed to hit 60 years old with nary a wrinkle. How’s that for special? So know this: You are not alone.

And your timing to be asking this kind of thing is sublime. Because Saturn is transiting Leo now, pressuring you to “grow up” and face reality – which is exactly what your question addresses. Saturn transits always ask you to define something and Leo represents the creative self. So this is where relief lies. By defining what is singular and creative about you.

For example, no one could have written that post up there but you. It came out of your psyche, your soul, and your fingers. So considering that, it doesn’t matter what another person may have written today. This is your product.

And it doesn’t matter if it’s popular either. Because here’s the revelation: Popular does not equal special! MySpace is popular, but is it special? The popular girl in high school is popular and may think she is special, but is she? Generally not! She’s the one who blends in!

So here’s the path to satisfaction. Dig down deep (Pluto) to excavate what is authentically special (Leo) about you and then work (Saturn) to manifest it in the world. And I’ve given you a hint.

With all your Virgo and Gemini, I think you are a writer. And you have perfectly articulated the question an entire generation is asking right now, so what’s that tell you? Could you be a voice for your generation? Yes.

Does this mean you are Hemingway? No. But it could be your niche and I promise you if you find that… if you find the shoe you were meant to wear, you will be satisfied beyond your wildest dreams and that is what is special.

Good luck.

~~
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Dear Single Mother,

No, of course it’s not going to last. And the separation from friends when you have your first baby is so common, it may be universal. Having a baby is all consuming and when the baby is born, you’re so busy and tired and obsessed with your child it makes it very difficult to relate to your old single, child-free friends.

And it’s easy to see why! They’re going out. You’re wondering when you’re going to be able to sleep through the night. They’re playing around. Your baby is vomiting and you’re scared to death, overwhelmed and not sure you’re equipped to take care of this little human being.

And if you stand back and look at this, you can see that friends who can make this kind of transition with you would be so exceedingly rare, they may not exist. So I hope this gives you some perspective. The old you died to give birth to this baby, but now it’s time for you to resurrect yourself. It’s time for you to rise from the ashes and can you do this? Of course you can!! You have a Scorpio Moon!

So on the guy… call him up if you can. I mean, I don’t know the situation. If he’s married or something, then forget about it. But if you think he’s out there floating around and he’s someone you could connect with, reach out because you’ve got to start somewhere. You’re an Aquarian with Venus in Sagittarius and you know how to be friend with old lovers. And if that won’t work, take another tack. But you do need to get out there in some form.

As for meeting people, if you’ve been isolated it can sometime be daunting but you can start online. Look for message boards. Hang out on the Elsa blog! Because you have energy and if you put it out there, eventually you will be spotted. What you say will resonate with someone and this is how relationships begin.

As for dating, you need to do that too. Do you have a baby-sitter? You need one. If you are loathe to leave your baby alone… well, as new parents we all go through that. You’ve just got to sit through dinner with your heart pounding in your chest the first few times, but it gets better, I promise. Just get out of the house. And be ready to offer your phone number to anyone you might meet who seems appealing. You get the idea. Wake up and venture out. It’s time.

Good luck.

~~
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