Dear Pluto,

As far as I am concerned, you are already in a real relationship. You’re there, he is there and there is a dynamic. So what you are really asking is if you can turn the relationship into something it isn’t and no, I don’t think you can. And I say this based on your chart.

The conflict you describe is shown in your chart in several ways and on multiple levels. For example, you have a packed 7th house (wants a partner) but it is packed with Aries (wants to hunt).

The fact that Pluto in Libra opposes your Aries brings projection into this big time and if you doubt me, just re-read your post.

He pulls away when you get close, then you pull away to get him close, and then someone else pulls away and the other clings. Can you see the hall of mirrors? In case you can’t, let me spell it out.

I guarantee you that if this guy started clinging to you, you’d balk. You would do this in spite of the fact you’re a Cancer and intermittently want security. Because what fun is security when there is “gut-wrenching, primal sex” out there?

You get the idea…

For what it’s worth, you are not alone. Most of us have conflicting desires to one degree or the other. But as for advice, I would recommend you work to know yourself better than you do, because guess what?

This shows up in your chart, not his. Good luck.

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Dear Mom,

Yes there is something in your chart that explains this. You have Uranus (experiment) in Scorpio (sex) square a 10th house (conservative) Sun in Leo (who me, the Queen?), and that’s just for starters. Your chart is full of this contradiction, so what to do?

Well first, a new frame will help. Quit calling yourself “dual-natured”. You’re no Gemini. What you are is an upstanding citizen with a wild streak. See? All one person. But one person who judges themselves rather than accepting themselves and here’s how to fix that:

You know how when you go to the eye doctor, they show you two images and you are supposed to merge them together? Overlay them? This is your task. Because there is such a thing as a mother who loves sex. There better be because if not, then what am I?

As to your husband, if he is completely unaware of your proclivities, I would slowly introduce yourself to him. I am sure the thought is terrifying but much less frightening then living a dual life when you’re one person. And here’s some reassurance:

People don’t meet by mistake. I doubt your husband freaks out especially if you are sensitive about how you go about this. Matter of fact, the way you are living now: part of being ‘wonderful” means he has to hold up your fa§ade and while this may seem okay on the surface, on a deeper level it is oppressive to him, I am sure.

So bottom line, I think relief lies in merging the two personas rather than trying to balance, which is what you’ve been attempting.

Good luck.

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Dear Wondering,

The first thing that occurs to me is he may have a problem getting an erection. If this is the case, there are drugs on the market to remedy the problem in most cases, but you’ll have to find out if this in fact what is going on. And you should probably do this as gently as possible as he seems somewhat fragile.

Now unfortunately, you have indications of a thwarted or reduced sex life in your chart which does not mean you are destined to be bereft of sex… but does make me think you might fare better if you lower your expectations. Because you do seem to care for this man (and he for you) and if he has some kind of problem, your high hopes have probably got him scared to death. So here’s my advice:

Yes of course continue to see him, and yes or course attempt to seduce him… but go very easy, giving him lots of time to tell you what his problem is.

Good luck.

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Dear Sagittarius,

Is masturbating a lot harmful to your health? No I don’t so. In fact I think it’s enormously healthy and good for you especially considering you have Mars conjunct Pluto in Scorpio and various other sundries that need to find expression… or else.

I can see why you would worry about this though. You’re 19 and you look around and it seems you are far more sexual that your peers. You are far more interested in fantasy and sexual experimentation that your peers and guess what. You’re right! If there is a continuum of sexual interest along which all people fall, you are going to be towards the end of it but so what? This is who you are.

Forget the worry. Unless this is interfering with your work or school… unless you have crossed the line into a bona fide addiction (where your masturbating is causing problems outside of “worry” which is a false thing ala “manufactured fear”), then I think you should continue doing exactly what you’re doing because you need the release. It’s actually healthy for you… when you have a muscle, you ought to flex it.

I say accept and embrace your sexuality because it is part of your nature. And for people who gawk at you like you are some kind of freak… never mind them because they have monkeys of their own to deal with, don’t let them tell you otherwise.

Good luck.

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Dear History,

OUCH. Are you sure you want to sell yourself to this guy? I don’t think you should.

This was his chance to learn not to ask questions when he can’t handle the potential answers to them and he failed. It was also his chance to transcend his narrow mind and his tendency to judge and he failed that too. He failed his chance to expand himself, and to go deeper into his feeling so tell me again why he is so wonderful.

Look. Don’t let the Sun in Aries fool you. You are a Plutonian through and through, and the last thing you need is someone who can’t stand the heat in your kitchen. On top of that, you are heading into a massive Pluto transit and your main gig now is to NOT let people like this make you feel as if you are degraded in some way – which is exactly what this guy is up to.

Get him back and I guarantee you he will find something else about he deems repulsive but it’s all projection, see? You are the light on here, he is the shadow. He asked a question, you answered it honesty – you rock, he sucks, end of story.

Good luck.

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Dear Taurus,

You are probably right about the premature ejaculation but I can’t see where it matters. Fact is, you can’t force anybody to do anything and attempting to is a fruitless pursuit – and I’ll prove it to you.

What if you get this guy to say, “You’re right! I do have this premature ejaculation problem. I am plagued with it!” What do you think the result of that would be… do you think he would call you more often? Want to see you more often? ::shakes head:: No. Matter of fact – if you win, you lose! Because he’ll feel like crap! People have their defenses up for a reason. It’s because they need them.

For example, you have a stellium in Aries, which is a Cardinal sign. All the Cardinal signs are into control, which is essentially what you are trying to do with this man. You also have Saturn (oppression, judgment, control) in Scorpio and you especially want control of this man but it will never work.

If you get him to admit this, what will you want him to admit next? Can’t you find a more worthwhile project? Try to control your own desire to control, because this other way is going to get you nowhere.

Good luck.

~~
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Dear Abandoned,

I understand your feelings and your fear because I’ve had the same experience. I had spectacular (Scorpio) lover some years ago and thought I would die without that sex!! I thought I’d never find such pleasure again and I thought wrong. You have a Saturn strongly placed. A reality check will probably help so here it is:

First there were two people in that bed. The sex you had with this man was not due his energy, but the combination of the two of you. You won’t have the same sex… but neither will he.

Secondly, you probably learned some things from him and whatever they are, they now belong to you. Aren’t you at least a little curious to try them out? On someone else, I mean.

Last, the sex may have been great; however this man is in love with another woman, so I am sure sex can and will be better if you have it with a man who is in love with you. So though you are hurting, I think you’re in a pretty good shape here – which may sound ludicrous, but come on. What woman wants a man who loves another woman inside her body?

I am very sorry but you are going to be okay. And you going to have great sex again and I’ll go even further to say the great sex you had was probably more due your energy than his. Women who enjoy and appreciate sex like you do are not so common. And although this guy may have woke you up some, he did not access anything that wasn’t already there. So I suspect your next lover is going to be a very lucky man.

Good luck.

~~
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Dear Wife,

I wish I could make this easy for you but I don’t think it’s possible. The fact is, you are in a long term marriage with kids and while I don’t blame you for wanting to bolt, I don’t think you are going to be able to manage this and I’ll explain.

Right now you are confused. And leaving a marriage is very hard especially with children. So if you are going to do this, you have your mind completely set. Unless you are 100% committed, the odds are overwhelming you will initiate this process only to return to the marriage – initiate, return, etc. – which will not only trash you but your children as well. So I am afraid you are going to have to stay put and suffer through the mulling over of this, until something definitive emerges from the muck.

Now astrologically you have a stellium in Virgo in the 8th house which rules sex, psychology, joint property, etc. And Saturn (your chart ruler) will soon be transiting these planets, in essence waking you up to reality.

And you can see this is coming in because you report your husband is emotionally unavailable and it looks as though you have stumbled onto a key to this. And though it is clear you would rather not use that key and delve into these waters, I do not think you will be able to avoid it.

In fact, these type of issues – sex and all things deep and hidden from view – are going to be front and center in your life for the next two years. And will this be good for you?

It will. I believe you are heading straight into hell – how can you not be? However, when you come out the other side, you are going to be empowered and energized like you never thought possible.

As for immediate coping skills early in this process, I would forget about him. Let him worry about his problem (his wife is going to leave him?) while you get to the library or the bookstore and start reading about psych. I think you will be surprised how you take to the subject and I also think you are going to be fine once you commit to facing this head on. In other words, the major distress right now is in your erroneous thinking you can avoid dealing with this.

Good luck.

~~
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Dear Wife,

Yes, I have a pretty good guess. I don’t think the lack of sex has anything to do with you. I think your husband is feeling his age. He is in his mid-fifties and you are nearly 20 years younger and I think he’s slowing down.

However, I don’t know that he won’t fire back up. He’s getting hit hard with the Saturn Neptune transit to his Sun and its ruler Pluto and I imagine he feels low energy and just tired and dissipated in general. And with a stellium in Pisces, I am sure you understand.

Things may very well improve late summer when this thing breaks apart but I still think this situation is a heads up for you. Because Saturn is about to enter Virgo opposing your Venus in Pisces… and the reality (Saturn) that you are married (Venus) to an older man (Saturn) may become the issue of the day.

Good luck.

~~
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Dear Betrayed,

I am inordinately sensitive to pregnant women. I think that making a baby is one of the most demanding things a woman can do, so I take great care when I get a question from a gal carrying a child. And when I read yours I was hoping there would be some way to softpedal or ease an answer in your direction; but as it turns out, your chart is so extreme I am just going to have to come from an odd angle and hope I do a good enough job of making sense (without causing any harm).

Now it seems clear to me that although the porn is very hurtful, you do love your husband and would prefer to keep family together. And I agree with you. Your husband is honest, he is there and he has been there for eight years. So is there a way you can react differently to this situation? I say there is.

Now you are 26. And while that’s no baby, I am a lot older than you and can tell you that you are going to find out all kinds of things about sex… if you’re lucky! For example, while I do think men are more visual than women, when it comes to an ability to fantasize they’ve got nothing on us. And with as chart like yours, this is particularly true. You would be hard pressed to find someone who would be able to out-fantasize you so I have to think this whole situation is leading you to discover your own sexuality.

See, we start out with all these rigid rules. Won’t do that. Can’t do that. But the best lovemaking occurs when these walls come down. You can’t keep them up, anyway. You’ll kill yourself trying. You cannot expect a man to lie on top you and focus his mind on you, you, you, you to the exclusion of anything else. It is not realistic but it is also not desirable.

Because if turnaround is fair play, then you’re going to have lie beneath him and think if him, him, him, him and I am sorry… but that is freakishly limited, don’t you think?

This is not a male/female issue. I am a woman and I think about all kinds of things during sex. This does not mean I don’t know who I am in bed with. I am so grateful for a partner that gives me freedom. Because we are all interested in taboo, consciously or otherwise. I want to explore my sexuality utterly and completely, don’t you?

Think about it. Do you want to color between the lines this time, next time and the time after… until the end of time? I don’t think you do. Your chart says otherwise. Your chart says, this girl is boundless. This girl can travel. She has an imagination that can take her anywhere. So let me give you a “for instance”.

What if the next time you have sex with your husband, you imagine that teacher you had a crush on when you were thirteen years old? Think that might raise your temperature? Try it. And with that in your mind, let it go if it wants… your husband’s face is transposed with this other face… and then another and another.

If you did that, would it mean you do not love your husband? No. It would mean you are a vitally alive sexual being – and if he is same, then you can be set for life. Nobody likes a rut. And here is the newsflash: especially you!

I’m going to say it again. You have a Sagittarius Moon conjunct Neptune. You have an exact Sun, Pluto, Black Moon conjunction in the 12th house… in Scorpio no less. You have a Mercury Uranus conjunction in the 1st, also in Scorpio and puleeease… let your dogs out to play, I think you’ll be very happy if you do.

The baby growing inside you? He or she is a product of your powerful sexuality. Feel it and rejoice.

Much love and good luck to you and your family.
~~
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