Dear Gemini,

Your gal pal told you she was bisexual and apparently she was not kidding. So yes of course she is trying to talk you into the type of relationship that will satisfy her needs, which is exactly the same thing that you are trying to do to her. Can you see this?

What you have here is a power struggle, or a struggle to control. You want her to cram her foot into your shoe and she wants you to cram your foot into hers. Is this ever going to work? Not comfortably.

As for her hot and cold business – Aries is notorious for loving the thrill of the chase but loathing the security and structure – which with Venus in Cancer and Mars in Capricorn is something you crave.

I think you’re getting the picture. Very hard to make this one work, I am thinking it’s not meant to but other may disagree and can let you know in the comments.

I am sorry and good luck.

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Dear Love,

It is not unreasonable or selfish to want your own space but it probably is completely unrealistic to think you are going be able to have this while living with a woman, three children and a dog unless you can afford a house with a separate wing… which it sounds like you cannot.

I think you will probably be miserable if you move in with your girlfriend and also that you will make others miserable… so the fact you are looking at this in a harsh light is good. Because she has a responsibility to her kids and if she is counting on your to pay half the rent and you are ready to balk… well I think you should tell her right away that you are having your doubts.

And don’t think I don’t see your side! I have Libra you know. And it sounds like when she promised her kids they would each have their own bedroom… knowing your conditions, well as far as I am concerned, she sold you out right there.

So no. I would not recommend you move. You are too independent and kids are fixtures, you can take my word on that. Your girlfriend is also telling you one thing (you will be accommodated) but taking opposite action, so you know. Looks like you’d be jumping into a fire to me.

Good luck.

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Dear Elsa,

I’m a guy, and consider myself bi because I’m attracted to both genders, but nobody knows, but me. At work, I know a guy who’s a Scorpio, his birthday is on Halloween. Out of nowhere one day, he couldn’t stop staring at me in the eye from across the room.

I was shocked, so I looked away and a couple of seconds later I looked at his direction and he was still staring at me, so I finally looked away again and when I looked back, he disappeared. That night, I had a dream about him. I was excited because it’s like he hypnotized me, and so the next day I stared back at him without blinking for about ten seconds, which felt forever. Continue reading Open Question: Bisexual Libra Man Attracted To Scorpio Man, Wonders If He Is Gay

Hi Elsa,

I wrote to you away back in February about a friend of mine with who I’d grown rather intimate. 20 Year Old Man Loses His Gay Lover of Five Years To A Woman Who Is Pregnant: Pluto Transit

I’m writing to say thank you Elsa for your help and advice, and the subsequent outcome. I took your advice, and took a step back. I see now all the mistakes I made, and I am at that point where I am sincerely sorry for everything that went on, let alone embarrassed at how I acted. It was so naive of me to think that when I ‘outed’ him, he’d come running back to me with open arms. But I’m past all that and realize now that we were friends and that’s all and although we let each other down, we’re far better out of each others lives.

Now, I know what I really have. I give my friends a hug just that bit tighter, and I’m a lot more ferociously loyal to my friends. I’ve accepted the moral of the story and learned my lesson.

I started college this year as well, and I’m doing really well at that, and really want to get into university next year. I’m not out on the hunt for Mr Right, but no doubt things will work out when they’re meant to. College and my prospective career, family and my mates, are going to come first.

Thank you so much for your advice Elsa, you were firm with me and it’s helped. So did the two comments left by two gentleman, and I’m very grateful for older, more experienced gay men to take time out of their lives and give advice to me.

I can’t help but wonder though how I’ll get on with college and whether or not I have the ability to progress to university. I also wonder if I’ve the aptitude to be a writer… a novelist.

Thank you Elsa once more, I am so glad I discovered your site.

Young Man In(Less) Turmoil
Scotland

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Dear Man,

I am sorry, but is sounds as if you are trying to form a relationship with someone who is not inclined to form a relationship. So it really doesn’t matter what you do. If you pursue him there will be no result, if you let him go, no result, and if you hang in there… same thing. No result! So if you want a result, you’re going to have to ask a better question, like “Hey astrologer! What is it I want and why aren’t I getting it?”

And since I’m an astrologer and I’m right here, I may as well answer…

With a 7th house Sun in Libra, you want to be partnered, period. So every time you meet someone, you are going to try to form a relationship and there is absolutely nothing wrong with this… it’s your nature.

But if you want to have success, you have to find someone similarly inclined otherwise you will be deprived and feel like a failure – something you are prone to, with your Moon in Capricorn.

Last, you have Venus conjunct Neptune and you like to fantasize / dream up love which is what you’ve done with this Aquarian man, can you see this? You’re in love and pining after 2 dates and he’s like, “huh”?

You can compare the disparate responses to an alcoholic who drinks, as opposed to a non-alcoholic. The alcoholic takes a drink and all kinds things result. They lose their job, wreck their car, mess up their relationships, etc. The non-alcoholic has a drink and… nothing. They liked that margarita but tomorrow it’s no big deal.

So you are the alcoholic here.

Here’s my advice:

1. Own your own nature around wanting to partner.
2. Make sure whoever you involve yourself with is like-minded around the concept of forming a partnership.
3. Get a handle your ability / propensity (gift/curse) to fall in love via your imagination.
4. Be happy.

Good luck.

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Dear Man,

I tend to agree with your mother and think that you know everything there is to know about your situation – except how to feel okay with it “as is”, and on that I have some ideas.

Love is love, it does not go away. And it seems pretty obvious you really love this man, so I would discard the advice of your friends who suggest you abandon him. Why in the world would you do that? Are you really writhing around all that much? He lives with you!

I’ll tell you what the problem is here. You’re a triple Leo. That means you lack the attributes of the sign opposite (Aquarius), and if you cultivate Aquarian qualities it will go a long way towards solving your problem. Number one thing to develop? Detachment!

And you are almost there. You get this intellectually so you only need try to focus on that. Get in your head (Aquarius) and stop with the hurting (Leo) heart. I think you can do this pretty readily, just keep the COLD FACTS in mind…

Heterosexual men do not have passionate sex with other men.
It is hard for many to accept homosexuality, especially their own.
Etc.

Also, give this man SPACE. Space is another Aquarian concept and I’m thinking that if you detach and give this man some room, he’s very likely to come clawing for you. And how did I figure that? With my head, not my heart.

I can’t stress this enough. You’ve got too much Leo. Study Aquarius and incorporate what you learn and you will see all your relationships and your life in general improve dramatically.

Good luck.

~~
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Dear Aquarius,

It is a true challenge to be 14, what with puberty and all. No one is exactly stable with their hormones raging and it may be some comfort to keep this in mind. My daughter is your age and I tell her constantly that not only is she crazy and struggling, so is everyone else in her school – and that seems to support her. Puberty is an adventure and also something she can detach from and view intellectually, which is an Aquarius forte. Because the fact is: regardless of the exterior, virtually everyone in your age bracket is half-crazed trying to figure it out!

And I mention this is because I think you’d be best served by paying less attention to the individual questions which will ultimately solve themselves, and focus instead on figuring out how you are going to live in the this soup we call society. Your Gemini man and your Sagittarius woman and your parents are all part of the soup. They have a role to play, you have a role to play, and with a stellium (group of planets) in Aquarius and another in Pisces, you are going to be somewhat out of bounds… this is just the way it is.

So in the case of your parents, someday you are going to shock them, aren’t you? I would say this is inevitable and as to when you want to do that, the answer is whenever you like. It’s your life!

On the generalized hate out there, I don’t think you should pay it much mind. People do have prejudice against gays but they are also prejudiced against any number of other things. This race judges that… while the moneyed judge the poor, and the poor judge the moneyed. Best not be too attractive. Best not be overweight! You get the idea. It will not help you to take a victim position. Why feel set upon when the guy next to you is oppressed as well but in a different way?

Last, these two loves of yours. I would just take that a day a time. You’ll tell them whatever you tell them on the day you tell them! And this may not seem like ‘advice” but it is actually the best thing anyone could tell you. That you are FREE, that is. And they will react however they react because they are also free. And this is also, just the way it is.

And you don’t have to take this so seriously. For example earlier this year, my daughter, who is a fairly mature 11 year old in 7th grade, ran around and told the whole school she was bi-sexual. There was an uproar, which I think she quite enjoyed. She has since decided she is not so sure and wondered if she made a mistake. I told her there are no mistakes and maybe you get the point.

Never mind the details. Try to develop a philosophy that you can live by. One that allows everyone to be whoever they are and this includes the bigots (of all kinds).

Good luck.

~~
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Dear Girlfriend,

While I don’t necessarily agree you need a therapist, I do think this woman has made it abundantly clear she is not interested in a relationship with you and you do seem to be enormously resistant to accepting this. Fact is, three months is not very long of a relationship, regardless of the degree and depth of your passion. It seems this woman did not feel what you felt but was perhaps caught up in your energy, which is clearly very powerful.

But for her, that was then and this is now and the way you are acting, my sympathies are with her. It’s hard enough to reject someone, and to have to do it repeatedly is terribly difficult and painful to some and I would not be surprised if this woman is not suffering something like this.

However, I feel sorry for you as well because I don’t think you understand your energy and with this, I can help.

Your Sun is in Aries, you have a Virgo rising, and Leo Moon in the 12th and you probably think you are acting in a way that is right and gallant. You are offering a “friendly dinner” and you want to just talk. And I believe this is what you are thinking and feeling when you reach out. However…

However, you have Pluto in Libra opposing your Sun and I think that unbeknownst to you, there is a strong undertow to your personality and there is nothing wrong with that. There is strong undertow to my being as well and I accept and exploit this. And you can do the same, but not if you remain unconscious of it.

So to this end, it may help you to really comprehend and internalize the fact that your energy is disturbing this woman. Realize it, recognize it, come to terms with it and then start digging in to who you are really are. Because you are not the merely the gallant maiden you think you are, but something deeper and more powerful than that. But this woman? She wants out, let her go. I’m sorry.

Good luck.
~~
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Six years ago…

“I wanted to ask you something,” I said.

“What? Shoot, Elsa. Shoot.”

“I want to write one of your stories.”

“My stories? Go ahead.”

“No, I need specific permission.”

“I just gave it to you.”

“No. I want to write something ultra personal. I’ve just been thinking about this non-stop and I think it’s something I should do. You know how your parents took your journals when you were a kid?”

“Yes, Elsa,” he said sounding solemn.

“They stole your writing. And your drawing. They took it from your room without your knowledge or consent.” Continue reading Ben In The Spotlight… His Un-Comfort Zone: Parenting Scorpio Children and Betrayal

Dear Scared,

No, I don’t think people randomly turn gay. I think sexuality falls on a continuum, pure heterosexual on one end, pure homosexual on the other and everyone including you falls somewhere in between. So I don’t think this is so much about where you fall in that range, as it is about your fear over where you fall in that range.

Fear is Saturn-ruled and the antidote for Saturn is Jupiter. So I think this would be best addressed by facing your fear (Saturn) and the best way to do that is to expand or adopt a new perspective (Jupiter). So how about I give you one of those and hopefully you can hitchhike on some of my ideas and this will ease for you in some way.

Now as far as I am concerned, a person’s sexuality is about as important as their hair color and in the grand scheme of things… do we care if a person has blonde hair or brown? It is the quality of person that counts, not the color of their hair or their sexual preference. When the house sells next door, what I want is a “good neighbor”. I want a kind, considerate person to buy that house and I don’t care who they sleep with. I also don’t care what color hair they have. Can you see the logic of this? Can you see how sane this is?

Now here’s where you make a leap. If your neighbor’s sexuality is irrelevant to the quality of person they are, why would your situation be any different?

And what if your neighbor (a woman) decided to sleep with a man one night and a woman the next, but she’s a great neighbor? What if she feeds and walks your dog when you go on vacation. What if she brings you soup when you’re sick and you just in general, like her? Considering this, how much time do you think you should spend trying to figure out if she’s a LESBIAN? I mean, who cares!

And here’s the point, in case it’s not obvious. Right now you think if you’re a lesbian, this means the sky is going to fall. But in reality it’s a non-event. It is your FEAR that is causing all the grief. So how about you just face it head on?

I have no idea if you are a lesbian – but if you are, then what is going to happen? Nothing is going to happen that you do not allow and consent to. There may be people out there who devalue homosexuals but guess what? I am a heterosexual and I am “devalued” every day of my life! People have all kinds of trouble with me but it’s only relevant if I make it relevant and I don’t make it relevant.

I figure anyone who doesn’t want a good neighbor because of their hair color or their sexuality is a stone cold idiot, so this is one thing this crisis could do for you. You may delve into this lesbian thing, and find out you’re in fact heterosexual but also find out it doesn’t matter. Because you know what? It doesn’t matter. Just be a person you’re proud to be and the rest will fall into place.

Good luck.

~~
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