Dear Girl,

I feel for you and while I have no magic solution for you, I have some angles that may help.

First, take a look at how you got this way. You created this defense to protect yourself. I imagine leaving your friends was inordinately painful for you so it made logical sense to not get close to people since you knew you would only be setting yourself up to be devastated. So look at that and look at the difference between now and then.

Then you were a kid, but now you are 24 and you have a lot more to say about how you live your life. You need not leave or lose your friends ever again. Even if someone moves, you can keep in touch. I have maintained friendships at a distance for decades and they are a rich and strong as they ever were. The point here is that you get very clear with the idea it is safe to invest in friendship. Because by the tone of your post, you’re lacking this understanding.

The next point I’d make is that you only need one friend. Forget about making “friends”. You have a stellium in Scorpio and you are never going to want a million friends. What you want is an “inner circle” and you create one of those one soul at a time.

For example there was a point in my life where I was down to one friend (Ben) for a period of years. For about 3 years, Ben was all I had and vice versa and we sustained each other. Eventually things shifted, planets progressed and both our lives opened up to include more people but you get my point. I would be out there looking for 1 friend, which I bet you can find. So don’t talk to everyone. Scope around and talk to the one person you really want to know.

Forget about being a social butterfly, that’s not who you are. Instead, narrow your focus and look for one person you can relate to and I think you’ll find your friend and eventually another… and you’ll pull out of this early trauma just fine.

Good luck

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Dear Torn,

I believe that you believe your story and I’d believe it too, if you didn’t have a big fat Moon Pluto conjunction in the eighth house! Since you do, I think this situation has a much deeper root. See, you’re a Cancer and I will buy the Moon baby bit and the associations with “family”. I will also buy the “fairy dust” part considering you’re a Pisces rising.  What I won’t buy is the idea you have no shadow! This horrible bitch (and it certainly sounds like she is one) is in your life for a reason. A reason besides your sweetness, I mean. So what might that be?

Continue reading Astrology-Based Advice: My Friend Is A Mean, Horrible Bitch – Moon Conjunct Pluto In The 8th House

Dear Confused,

What your gal pal is doing with her Sun in Aries and her Moon in Leo is boasting about her conquests. Considering you have your Sun, Moon, Venus and Mars in Aquarius, just having it put that way might allow you a bit more detachment… or not. Because as Aquarian as you may be, you have Neptune exactly conjunct your ascendant, in easy (and very tight) aspect to your Moon and Pluto and this indicates some serious sensitivity.

So what I think is happening is you are trying to stay in head about this. You think you should be able to but your feelings are deep, they leak is all over the place and consequently you find yourself in this situation. And you have some choices via that same Neptune rising and here are the main three:

You can continue to transcend. You can escape this whole situation, or alternately you can try to teach this girl to be more sensitive, which is the option I would recommend. And you’re right. She may not like it. She may want it to be ME, ME, ME. It may be more important to her to be able to brag than it is to have you for a friend and if this is the case, don’t you think you’d better find out?

I’d say, yes. Because if this is the case, she’s really not what you thought she was and at that point, I bet you’ll be able to detach… if you choose.

Good luck.

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Dear Cusp,

It may be hopeless. I am sure your friend did not like being manipulated back into a relationship with you; however you have what may be a potential ace in the hole.

See, you’re not merely a Scorpio. Your Sun is part of a stellium in the sign that includes Venus, Mars, Neptune and the Black Moon Lilith. Further, you are possibly a Scorpio rising as well, plus your have Pluto (rules Scorpio) tightly sextile your Moon. And translated this means that you are a Scorpio on steroids, which means one of two things in this circumstance.

Either you have thoroughly repulsed this woman and you can commence to chewing your arm off or alternately, if you can take a long enough, hard enough look at how you behaved here… if you humble yourself (Capricorn Moon) and get a better grip on your own psychology, i.e. – become aware of and watch your tendency to manipulate people – you may enjoy a rebirth in this woman’s life. MAY.

So do you want to do that?

Good luck.

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Dear Friend,

It sounds as if you like this girl, so I would recommend you familiarize yourself with Cancers. For example, they are moody. And they don’t have two or three moods either. They have 12 moods and there is nothing anyone can do to stop or change this… take it from a Capricorn who’s tried!

Cancer is associated with the Crab, which withdraws into a shell at times by its nature. And nothing and no one is going to be able to stop a crab from doing this however if you will respect a crab’s way of being in the world, you should have no problems

Now more personal to your situation, it sounds like your friend likes you during most of her moods (which can be tracked by the Moon by the way… a mood change every 2.5 days), so you’re in pretty good shape here as far as maintaining a relationship with her. You only need not take it personally when she retreats, because she’s going to do it no matter what. Just think of a beaver or a polar bear. It goes in the water, it comes out of the water, it goes in the water and it comes out of the water.

You will never cure this kind of animal into living on land (or in the water) full time, nor should you try.

Good luck.
~~
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Dear Friend,

Advice and encouragement? Yes! I think you are completely on track. When it comes to friendship, quality trumps quantity in every way, shape and form. Stick with the friend who validates and values you and with time, exactly what you expect will occur.

You will slowly change and see things improve on all levels and when it is time for someone new to come into your life, they will find you. And on this note, HQ said something to me earlier this week.

We were talking about a friend of mine and a few weeks back HQ asked, “Does anyone in his life care about his happiness?”

I told him that I cared and outside of that, I really could not be sure. There are certain people out there who are so valuable as dumping grounds people don’t bother to think or care about how they feel and I thought he might fit this profile.

And a couple weeks have passed since we had this conversation and I have thought about it a lot. And I have scanned this man’s life for another entity concerned with his happiness. An although there are still some prospects I have yet to find a peer and reported the same to HQ.

“Well, you only really need to have one person who really cares about you in this life…”

That right there, is a home truth. Keep the friend that cares about you and you will find your way.

Good luck.

~~
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Dear Young Man,

I appreciate and admire your sensitivity and think you are wise to consider this carefully before telling this girl how you are feel. Because unfortunately I would be very surprised she feels the same way, if she has never given you any indication of this. I’m sorry.

I also notice you didn’t mention how you came about knowing she was interested in someone else. But if she is the one who told you, you can be almost certain that she said this as a means to keep you at a distance. So if this is the case, I would definitely not say anything to her because you will do exactly as you fear… put her in an uncomfortable situation and almost certainly compromise the friendship, if not end it entirely.

But if she did not tell you about another man directly then perhaps you should bring this up. Put on the table and I’ll tell you the best way to do that.

Do it casually! Please do not confess your undying love or she will surely feel her skin crawl. It’s just too much. Just very casually let her know you are attracted to her and be ready at the slightest indication she does not share your feelings, to drop it completely.

For the record, I have lost lots of friendships this way. But I have kept two friends (for life) after a message like this was conveyed and both times it was because the person doing the revealing kept it very simple and withdrew completely when they turned away. So if you are turned away?

So what! The way it stands you are caught on this girl and if you learn she has no intention of being caught on you, then you’ll be free to look elsewhere for someone who can and will reciprocate your affection.

Also feelings like this thrive in a vacuum but once they are let out, they will surely dissipate. And if she loves you too? Well in that case, congratulations!

Good luck.

~~
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Dear Inept,

I hope by the time you finish reading this, you will be willing to think about finding a new name for yourself because “Inept” does not suit you. And this may across as a personal reading which I don’t do on this blog, but the fact is a lot of people suffer as you do to a lesser degree – so I think a lot of people may be able to hitchhike on this. In other words, they will be helped by your energy and with a 6th house (Virgo, service) packed with Scorpio (copious amounts of energy), I think this is good and right. So on to your questions.

You can definitely feel close to other people and although it may not come natural to you, once your master this, people will be hard pressed to find a better friend. Because never mind what the fools around you are saying. At your core when we strip away the crap they are throwing on you, you are a loyal, steadfast, responsible friend, who would be the first to show up in a time of need and the last to leave. There is also a sense of humor in there somewhere and if you put this all together, it constitutes the package you’re selling.

So do these people around you deserve you? I don’t think they do. I think you need a lot less friends!

Now you are 22 years old. And in high school, whoever has the most friends wins. But when you get older, and particularly if you have four planets in Scorpio, then it’s whoever has the best friends that wins. And I just told you what kind of friend you are, so I feel pretty confident that like will attract like once you get your head on straight.

Er… you know how they say opposites attract? On one level that may be true but if so, how come all the pot smokers seems to find each other? How come I am an intense piece of work and so is every friend I have?

People find each other and you will find your people but you have to find yourself first and to do that you are going to have to rid yourself of all the negativity people have thrown on you. And once you’re clear, you will have to be vigilant about who gets close enough to affect you in this way and on that I can tell you where to start.

Anyone who tells you that you suck has got to go. You have enough Capricorn you can do that for yourself. What you need is people who will support you and remind you that you don’t suck. So when there is someone in your life who is sending you the opposite kind of message… amputate! Get rid of them. And it may help to think of it like this:

You are looking for an “inner circle”. You are going to give your friends all you have, so how many can you accommodate? 1? 2? Probably not more than 3 or 4. So do you need someone running their mouth about how awful you are taking up a slot? I don’t think you do.

So I say, clean house. Weed the garden and then be still. Because you have incredible energy and the people will come to you. And when they do, then you judge them, not the other way around. And when you do get a friend you like and can trust, then protect them and the relationship with everything you have and you should be just fine. And one more thing:

One friend is plenty when they’re awesome. Sometimes it’s like that. I went five years with one friend (Ben). I have more people in my life now but I would not trade that “one friend” time for anything. What you need is intimacy, see? And you can’t have that with people who talk behind your back. Less is more.

Good luck.
~~
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Dear Co-worker

This is a great question. I think you are very wise to be approaching this cautiously. Because you have a friend here who I don’t think you want to lose. And though I don’t think you can avoid broaching this subject with him without going insane, I think you should get a cool head about you first. And with this I can help, since I am not in love with him… you are.

First, you have to prepare yourself for the worst, which I really don’t think is that bad. The worst being that he is not interested in you in this way. Because to be very candid, this is the most likely scenario. And it’s not personal to you. Some people just like to have friends. Friends of the opposite sex that is, and I know this because I am one of them.

So let’s say this guy is like me. And he’s found you and he likes you obviously. He’s got a friend. But does this mean he wants to escalate the relationship? Probably not. I think if he did, he’d have leaked something by now. Probably. And you are going to have to find this out once and for all, but first I have some thoughts.

The communication you describe sounds to me like a friendship that is getting deeper and for this you are very fortunate. It is hard to find good friends in this life! So I figure the smart way to play is keep your friendship no matter what. And that means you have to love and care for this guy enough to want him in your life even if he does not want to be your man in a romantic sense. Can you do that? I think you can.

So if this is agreeable to you, then all you need do is take that Capricorn Moon of yours and control your girlish feelings momentarily so that you can talk to this guy straight. And it goes something like this:

“I’ve developed a crush on you.”

If he says, “Oh no!” that is all you need to know. Back off immediately.

“But I know this is not what you want to do so I am going to work it out. Don’t worry, okay? I’ll work this out myself, I want to be friends…”

It will be uncomfortable but you can see how this is the worst that could happen and it’s not that bad. Because if it plays this way, you will be released from your crush which means you will be free to look elsewhere for a man… and keep your friend too!

So if he does respond in this sort of way, then you do exactly what you said you were going to do. Get over it! And the next time you talk take it back to the regular friendship and at that point everyone can be relieved this has been asked and answered and you can move beyond this to a place where your friendship can be lifelong.

And if you get a different response… “I am in love with you too!”

Well then you’re off in another direction. But here is my advice:

Bring this up but make it a very little deal. If it is meant to grow, it will grow and nothing will stop it.

Good luck, and again… I admire your thoughtful nature.

~~
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Dear Scorpio,

Yes, I think I can help. The best thing you can do is pull your energy off her. For both of your sakes! Because although I know you’re trying very hard to be a good, loyal friend, sometimes people just need to hit the wall in their own time. And you can be there when she does, if you like. But by being there now, you are only postponing her inevitable crash. In other words, you are like the co-dependent who sustains the alcoholic.

See with your Sun and Moon part of a stellium in Scorpio, your energy is very strong. And you’ve got it focused on your friend at the moment. But if you manage to take your energy off her, she will drop and it will be dramatic. And there she’ll be with this crappy boyfriend to support her… and you get the idea. She wants him for a best friend? Let her find out what that’s like, knowing you’ll be facilitating if not forcing a crisis that most would agree this would be in her best interest.

And on your side of the equation, you’d do well to learn to relax when it comes to forcing your will on other people. Again, because your energy is so incredibly strong. It is stronger than you probably realize and a little can go a very long way. So there you go.

I think if you withdraw, you’ll win and further, you’ll learn something potent in the process.

Good luck.

~~
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