Dear Abandoned,

I feel very sorry for you and wish I could make this all go away. However, the astrology is very clear. Your husband wants out. He is having a Uranus transit (so are you) and damn the torpedoes, he’s going to do what he’s going to do. However, I do think some of your fears are unfounded and I think I can see a way to ease your pain by offering you a detached perspective.

First regarding your security fears for you and your children: although it is perfectly understandable to have them, he is telling you that this is not what he is trying to do. And I don’t think your husband is a liar. So I think you should listen very carefully to what he is telling you, because there’s gobs of information there in the midst of this chaos.

See, you’re scared to death and it’s no wonder. You’ve been hit by a train. But listen to what he’s telling you. He is telling you he is having an extreme urge for freedom. And astrology supports this, believe me. He is having a ‘throw the baby out with the bathwater” sort of time, so just imagine being him. Imagine all the sudden being hit with an incredible sense of being restricted and finding it impossible to endure. Because this is where he is at. “I’M NOT GOING TO TAKE IT ANY MORE!” And he doesn’t even know what “IT” is. And further, I would bet that on some level he is as surprised as you are.

But he is also telling you he cares about his children. And you! He is also telling you he is willing (wants) to talk to your about your relationship in six months… and I believe him. I also think this is very telling.

See, I play cards. And sometimes… well, most times people give a “tell”. They tip their hand with a look or some kind of gesture and your husband has done this with you. I think he wants to go. He needs to go. But personally, I think odds are he will be back. But not if you don’t let him go! So this is my advice:

Open the door. Open it as wide as you can. Give him total freedom. You can do this. You love him, it’s obvious. And when you love someone, there is really nothing to do but give them whatever they want anyway.

And you have a Pisces Moon. So it’s not like you don’t understand this kind of thing. Faith, that is. You have a deep knowing that things work out best, which probably explains why you can’t get over him.

You can’t get over him because he’s not going anywhere. Where’s the other woman, huh? Where is the woman he prefers to you? There is no other woman! Your husband is basically going insane but it’s not permanent. And he is giving you clues all over the place if you will only pick up on them. So try this:

Transcend your fear and act in a way that is totally loving. Give him whatever he asks for. Give him all the space he needs.

Then ask the universe to give you the best outcome for all involved and I bet you get exactly that.

Much love and good luck.

~~
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Dear Wife,

I may as well state it plainly. I believe in divorce! For your sake, for his sake and for the sake of your child. And apparently you’re not even married, but you get my point. I think you have responsibility to your partner and even more so to your child but in the big picture, I believe your primary responsibility is to yourself.

Further, I believe that when you take care of yourself, you not only take care of your child, but also act in the best interest of everyone on this planet. Yes!

Close to home, your son is watching you and your partner, and learning how things are in the world from you. So right now he’s learning things are pretty shitty. People aren’t happy and people don’t love each other. And if this is all he is exposed to, what do you think his odds are of creating a different type of life for himself? They’re not good.

In the larger picture, what are you doing for the collective? Well you can’t be doing much, feeling as lousy as you do. And is that right? What would you be producing in this world if your circumstances were different?

So you see what I think. Not only do I think you have a right to leave. You have responsibility not to “waste your life”, as you say. And you’re 23 years old. Do you realize you may live another 50 years? And your son another 70 or 80? That’s a lot of years! To suffer or thrive, that is.

So with that in mind, I’d suggest you transcend the tendency to sacrifice yourself that comes so naturally to Pisces, and commit to carving out and creating a life that will satisfy.

Good luck.

~~
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Dear Overwhelmed,

Some of these things are within your power to control, and others will work out in their own time frame. When you are feeling overwhelmed and inundated, it always helps to slow down and simplify. You’re in a crisis, see? So it’d be in your best interest to clear your decks of everything extraneous in your life so you can better focus.

Now it seems obvious the first thing to nix is the lover because all he is doing is taking up your time while boring you. In other words, he’s a sink! And I’m sure you hoped for some kind of relief and respite when you hooked up with him, but as you can see this is not helping your situation.

So I would say, get rid of the guy, and don’t run out and try to replace him either. Instead focus on getting your financial and emotional life together, while your divorce completes.

Once you manage this, you can address the cause of why you are changing jobs like hats and once you’ve got that figured out… once you can reliably pay your bills, then it will be time to go out there and find yourself an un-boring man.

One more thing. Forget the 7 ‚

Dear Stuck,

People move and move on at different speeds. They move when they damned well please and I don’t think you’re going to be moving anytime soon.

I base this on the fact you stayed married to a man who terrorized you (and your children) for 36 years and you state outright that you have no intention of backing off until and unless. Considering this I would not be surprised if you stayed attached for the rest of your life.

If you don’t like this, you’ll have to start thinking along the lines of cutting your losses but right now, you’re not willing. You do not want to think about how much this is costing you in pain. You’re used to pain I suppose. You’ve had 40 years of it!

If you want to think about easing up somehow, or letting something go, or seeking happiness as opposed to victory, then this could wrap up very quickly. But right now, you are determined to fight to the death, and I expect this is exactly what you’ll do.

Good luck.

~~
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Dear Divorcee,

Yes your conflict shows up very clearly in your chart. You have Saturn (commitment, serious) tied up with Venus (love relationship) that battles your Venus in Virgo (an unmarried woman) and your Aquarius Moon (Freeeeeeeeeeeeedom!).

So the new man shows up to highlight this conflict. You’re just getting out of a contract and here’s a guy who wants a contract… ::laughs:: And you can see the beauty here, right? It’s called “get to know you!” And I don’t know how you’re going to handle this with this guy or the next or the next, but I do know this is very common problem.

We are all ambivalent around relationships to various degrees. We want the safety that a contained relationship affords, but at the same time, we want to have our options open. For many of us “I do” feels like a death, but no one tells you that when you’re young.

Instead, conventional “everything” is presented as if it is the only path, which is why so many people wind up living lives that feel just miserable to them. It’s because they are like you. Or they are like me. They have a queer shaped foot that not just any shoe is going to fit!!

So I think you are on the path towards coming to terms with your situation which makes it possible to resolve it. You want freedom and commitment, for chrissakes. And so what? This is okay. It better be, because there are legions of us out there who feel similar.

And if you make this conscious and learn to articulate your feelings to your partners or potential partners, you may be very surprised to find they have similar challenge and at that point you can start to innovate. You can work to structure (Saturn) your relationship (Venus) in a way that gives you both freedom and security. You’re committed, but live in separate houses. Or you’re committed, but Thursdays are “Independence day” and you both go out to run amok. You’re committed, but short term. 3 months and the see if you want to re-up. You get the idea…

Good luck.

~~
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Dear Divorcing,

I think you and your kids will be fine, but go the way you want? I’m not sure. But I am sure even if it does, this is not going to solve your problems.

What you have here is a power struggle and I’d strongly suggest you change your approach. Forget about forcing your will – “what you want”. Instead, start asking the universe to make it come out in the way that is best for everyone. Because that’s what’s going to happen, anyway. Your will be damned.

Thing is, you’re an extremely willful person and this is for good AND ill. There is a shadow side to getting it your way, and I’m pretty sure you’re going to find this out, big time over these next couple years.

Think about this. You want to win, right? You want it YOUR WAY. Fine. Shall you fight to the death, then?

If you do, you’re going to have to explain the dead father to your children, aren’t you? So you see my point.

And I’m sorry if this comes off as terribly critical, but I’m trying to help you. I think you have enormous energy and if you focus it in a way that’s improper, you’d better duck, because it’s going to turn on you like you won’t believe. Like when you’re alone in the dark.

Sometimes the winner loses and the loser wins. If you can grasp this, you’ll have a major key.

Good luck!