This is an offshoot of this thread – new version of sticking it out for the kids.

I think a lot of people leave their marriage because they’re unhappy with themselves and they project the cause of their unhappiness onto their partner.  They don’t realize that you can run but you can’t hide and their dissatisfaction will follow them.
Continue reading Divorcing For The Wrong Reasons

Dear Overwhelmed,

Let me read this back, simplified and from my perspective:

You have met someone new, and your life is in flux. This new person is supportive and has you energized; however he is a human being, with various patterns and quirks. The bastard doesn’t go left, left, left, left. He goes left, left, up, down, left, left…

Continue reading Astrology-Based Advice: Divorcing Aquarius Woman Meets Scorpio Man

I had a very frustrating conversation with a gal last week, this was in my personal life having nothing to do with my blog. She’s young and not that bright I am sorry to say. I have been waiting for her to figure things out for the better part of a year and this is starting to occur mostly because I am so forceful.

Continue reading My Hope For Changes In Society With The Influx Of Planets Into Aries

A few days ago we launched Chat Now – Live and jo asks:

“elsa- i have a question… i’ve never seen the chat module on the sidebar, and i’m on here pretty often. im using google chrome… is it only compatible with certain browsers, or.. am i just always on when you’re not?”

Continue reading Regarding The Chat Now – Live Feature On This Blog

Dear Good,

Yes! Your Moon is in Libra, the sign of balance so you inherently know what is fair. That’s a help, but Libra can also be subtly controlling which can definitely piss people off.

It’s up to you but knowing what is “fair”, you might consciously decide to let your partner have slightly more than s/he is entitled to, for the sake of peace and ease of negotiations. This might not be the easiest thing, but it’s doable if you think in terms of transcendence.

Many people spend their lives locked in conflict with an ex. To me this seems a perfect horror and a waste of a person’s time and energy on this planet. If you feel similar you can see how giving up a little more than what is fair is a bargain in the long run.

Supporting this tack is Neptune transiting your seventh house (relationships). Neptune is concerned with what is good for “all”. It suggests you can be soft and yielding in negotiations, trusting that what you give will come back to you… in spades.

Good luck.

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Dear Sagittarian,

It sounds to me as if he is telling you what is in his head but in a passive aggressive way that is not your preference.

You have Saturn conjunct your Sun which indicates your serious nature and your desire to plan towards a goal. It does not sound as if this man has a goal in common with yours so yeah. If you are looking for a live in relationship, I think you’d do best to move on.

I’m sorry and good luck.

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Dear Wife,

I would not worry about Mercury retrograde. Sign the lease and get the hell out. Some things trump other things and this is a case of that.

If you want some more astrology for reassurance, there is a sweet little thing called a Jupiter Saturn trine aspecting your Mars and you should have no doubt you are doing the right thing and will be supported by the universe. Your other challenges are also paper tigers, let’s get real (Saturn) about what is true (Jupiter).

A man who assaults women and has an affair a month does not meet some gal at work and transform into Mr. Wonderful. You know who and what he is and she will find out I’m sure. The guy sounds like a sociopath to me and it is not uncommon they be charming.

As for why he wants this other woman, he does not want this other woman, are your kidding? He wants to meet people, mess with them, ruin their lives. and move along. She doesn’t know this yet but you do.

Keep your head, keep your focus. You have your evidence, Virgo – now get out, get out, get out.

Good luck.

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Dear Stellium,

It makes no sense to you that your boyfriend who had another girlfriend is not around all that much? Well it makes nothing but sense to me. He’s with the other woman!

I would definitely recommend you bail but not because of anything he is doing. Bail because you are 45 years old, not yet divorced, have self-proclaimed trust issues and you are possibly dating someone else’s man 0 – who it seems can ultimately do nothing but give you even more “trust issues”.

I am sorry to be blunt, but it doesn’t sound as if you are ready for a new relationship in any way, shape or form. Shouldn’t you take a minute, a week, a month, or a year to ponder what went on in your marriage and what might be the root cause of your “trust issues”?

I would not make this kind of judgment if you were involved in something that seemed even remotely reasonable but dating another woman’s man and calling him “flighty” because he is not around smacks of someone profoundly confused. I think your best bet is to stop what you are doing and face the real thing you are doing – getting divorced. And the astrology?

Saturn is transiting your natal Pluto. Time to learn just exactly what is driving you.

Good luck.

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Dear Pisces.

It sounds to me as if you are serious and it also sounds as if you have a chance to win your wife back – but you are going to have to revolutionize your way of being. And if you are not willing to do this, I am sure a separation is in both your best interests. But so long as you’re willing to really change, here is a map. These are the steps you can take and and with a Capricorn Moon and rising I am sure you know how to follow a plan.

First withdraw the petition for divorce if you can. If she wants a divorce, let her file it. You don’t want a divorce, so what are you doing getting one?

Next, whatever the issues of abuse are, solve them. Don’t care what she did to you. That’s her problem to solve. But you’ve got to stop hitting her, yelling at her, or whatever else you are doing – and you have got to stop it completely. If you find this a challenge, get a therapist and figure out why but you must do this 100%. This is non-negotiable.

You must also use your dick! For Godsakes you cannot let your wife languish and go without sex for 4 years! Are you crazy? Are you drunk? Whatever you are, fix it! Women need sex from men to thrive! PERIOD. You are in your early forties for Chrissakes. There is no excuse!

So there you go. If you hit your wife and deprive her of sex, as far as I am concerned she ought to go find another man! And so she did. But in this case, even though she may love him, she apparently doesn’t want him or she would be gone! So it does seem she may be trying to make a point and you may have a chance… and if so I hope you use it.

But from one Capricorn to another, I can tell you right now: if you keep doing “the wrong thing”, you’re going to do nothing but continue to roll down the hill.

Good luck.
~~
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Dear Wits,

Yes and no. You’re going to get out of this but you have two years to go. Pluto is transiting your T-Square which involves your Sun, Moon, Ascendant and Mars – and I can’t think of anything more hard core than that! So what you need is a new strategy and I can offer one.

You’re in a power struggle with your ex and it’s one you’re not going to win. At least not now and definitely not the way you’re going about this. And please don’t take that as criticism because it’s not meant that way. You sound very sane to me. You sound reasonable. But the way your chart is set up and considering the Pluto transit, I just don’t think you’re going to get anywhere fighting him – as your experience has proven. Instead you will have to do something much harder. I’ll tell you what will work and you’re going to hate this. But you may as well give it a try. Because you’re at your wits end, remember?

You’re going to have to go super yin. You are going to have to let this fire consume you. Change your stance to “Bring it on!” And I don’t mean, bring it on, because you’re going to fight it. I mean, bring it on because you can take it. You can take everything he can deliver and then some. He can pound you into the ground in any of the stupid little ways he knows and you will still be here! He will not kill you. You will not be destroyed.

But I’m not kidding. You must stop being aggressive in any way. Pull your horns in… all the way in. Lay low. Be still. Work with your emotion. Handle it. Let it burn inside and survive it.

And don’t misunderstand. This is not some kind of flippy trick. You are headed into what will no doubt be the most painful transition of your life. But this is unavoidable. And you are not going to be able to rise from any ashes until and unless you are ashes. And you’re not ashes if you’re still fighting, are you?

Let go. Let him try to burn you down. Let him try to destroy you and I promise you’ll find out he’s powerless and you’re not. He cannot kill the mother but no one will find this out until you let him try. I am very sorry. Super yin. Remember that.

Take care and good luck.

~~
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pictured – Pluto, Agostino Carracci, 1557