I don’t enjoy breaking hearts, but I’m ruthlessly efficient at it. I’m a self-proclaimed commitment phobic and I’m not entirely sure that I’m fed up of being one just yet. But if I were fed up with being one, is it possible for me not to be one any more?
I’m in the process of breaking up (again!) with a wonderful man, who would give the world to me – if I let him. He’s aware of my phobia and has spent hours upon hours doing research and trying to figure a way to help me get over this. I don’t believe I can change even if I wanted to. Am I wrong?
I don’t believe you don’t enjoy breaking hearts. I think you love breaking hearts and get some kind of ego boost off it. Can you stop? Of course! But I don’t imagine you will anytime soon.
I see the T-Square in your chart. And I believe you seduce these men for the sole purpose of cutting their throats in some misguided show of your prowess… and eventually this will backfire. It’s as if you are a massive alcoholic who has just started drinking. He/she thinks she can go on like this forever, but this is an illusion. Eventually you will wake up and find yourself bereft. If you’re lucky that will be soon but I’m not holding my breath.
Continue reading Commitment Phobic Heart Breaker – Can She Change?
Tips from the goat.
Saturn will leave Libra at the end of the year. Many are trying to decide whether or not they should continue in a certain relationship or not. Here’s a simple no-fail criteria for ya.
Are you trying to decide whether or not to stay in a partnership? Tell us!
I feel like I’m in the midst of yet another transition or maybe still transitioning, having not yet found my place in the world, not yet found my love/life partner in this world, not yet found my livelihood in this world and desperate for all (and secretly wishing they are all intertwined with each other). It’s not for lack of opportunity or interested companions -I’ve had & have numerous wonderful men profess their love & desire to be married or build a life together. Ok, so maybe I’m a commitment-phobe aka having to have everything right & perfect before I can completely trust and commit.
Where is this ridiculous fear coming from? I know… it’s coming from me. I suppose the real question is, how do I bust it?…will I bust it?…so I might fully engage in life like I know is possible!!
Many thanks Elsa for your insight!!
Looking For My Captain’s Hat
I have no idea what your signature means but I left it intact for others to puzzle over while I try to crack your problem, which I feel is far more common than the people care to admit. The cause, and the specifics from person to person are endlessly varied but what you have in common is this: You have cracked 40 years old and you are alone. I’ll tell you exactly why I think this is.
Continue reading Commitment Phobic In Her 40′s: Now What? Astrology-Based Advice
Astrology-Based Advice: Wants Love, Needs Space in Relationships – Venus in Aspect To Uranus And Saturn
I have been going in and out of a relationship with a man that I’ve known for 4 years now. We are both very fond of each other, but we just can’t seem to get together. Every time we break up, something happens to bring us back together again… so it’s pretty obvious that someone, somewhere thinks that we should be together.
What’s going on?!
Someone up there thinks you should be together… are you sure? Maybe someone up there thinks you should be apart! This is what has manifested repeatedly, yes?
I don’t have his chart but I think you’ve got a hard-core dilemma in yours: The minute you’re in a relationship, you want freedom. Three minutes after you get your freedom, you want to commit again! ::shakes head::
I really don’t think it has any to do with this specific man. He probably has a similar setup in his chart, but this pattern is yours, it is not subtle and you’ll constellate it with any man you meet.
Two months ago, I met a man at a local open mic night. We hit it off from the beginning, going for coffee the first night we met. He got my number and gave me his. We went out on our first date a few days later and became much more intimate more quickly than either of us planned. Apparently, we have both been without a relationship for an extended time (13 years for me – 8 for him).
We are still seeing each other at the open mic and we go out (or stay in) every Saturday – but he doesn’t seem to want to see me more often than that. When we are together we don’t just have sex, we talk for hours about everything – except for us. He is gentle and kind, an old fashioned gentleman. He’s open and honest and seems to really enjoy being with me, and I with him. He calls me when he says he will and seemed genuinely happy when I sent a thank you card after our first date and an encouragement card when he went for a job interview.
He warned me early on not to be building expectations, but then he talks about things we’ll do next summer. I don’t think he is seeing anyone else romantically, and I am not either. After a 22 year marriage to a man who was extremely controlling and verbally abusive, I don’t want someone who will want to own me, but I think I would like to see him more. I guess I’m afraid if I push for more, he’ll run. He’s been engaged six times in his life and married three times, so his track record with women isn’t great. But I’ve been married twice myself, so I know people can make bad choices.
So here we are two people who are very attracted to each other but both very hesitant to commit. So here’s my question. How can I make this man really happy? How can I make him feel more secure with me? I don’t necessarily want a commitment. I don’t need that. But I don’t want to be just the Saturday night lay either. I’ve been out of the dating scene so long I just don’t know what to expect. Any advice on romance for the over 50 commitment phobes?
On The Fence
Yep, you have a profoundly commitment-phobic chart here (so does he) and I don’t know there is any way you are going to be completely content and satisfied. And I don’t meant this in a critical way. It’s just you want something that does not exist. You want someone you can count on, you want to be special to someone but you do not want any baggage with that. It’s as if you do not want a commitment, but you do, but you don’t and I don’t think there is a cure.
Say this guy commits. Next thing you know you’re moving into his place or he yours. You’re going to merge your lives and it’s going to him, him, him and him. Are you panicked yet?
Continue reading Over 50 and Commitment-Phobic: Taurus Sun, Aquarius Moon Baby Boomer
My boyfriend and I have dated on and off for the past 9 months, we’ve been very comfy and I was for the first time, completely ready for nesting and maybe someday, babies. The sex is great, the energy calm, but he seems so skittish about the future. He finally told me he can’t stay committed to me b/c he says there’s “something missing.” He’s said this about EVERY relationship. Is there any hope for him coming around or should I just hit the road running?
Grand Cross in My Chart
Dear Grand Cross,
You should probably hit the road running if you’ve discovered you want to nest and have children, because he’s told you he doesn’t. But what bothers me more is this guy’s attitude – “something is missing”. It suggests something is missing with you, and though I appreciate he’s always has this problem and apparently has copped to same…well he must like it that way. He must like running through women, because otherwise he’d be trying to figure it out and fix this.
What it sounds like what he’s figured out, is that he likes to be non-committed and this is his story. “Something is missing,” he tells the women. Well hell. I’d say this guarantees the woman will walk at some point which I think is exactly what he wants and ultimately, exactly what he’s going to get.
Sorry and good luck.
Astrology in real life
Yesterday I brought up the gazebo conversation to the soldier…
“Yeah, because I’m not a… not a… what word was that I used last night? People think I’m a… did I say hyena?
He snorted. “Hyena?”
“Yeah, is that the word I used?”
“No it was like shrew or something. Oh yeah. Banshee. People think you’re a banshee.”
I met someone about a month ago, and he is a nice guy. At first I thought, there’s no way I’d date this guy. Well, we seem to be dating. But now I feel totally smothered and almost to the point of flying off the handle. I don’t know if this is a short or long term influence or if it just points out something that is part of the relationship. He nearly seems to be scared to disagree with me and nothing could be more annoying! I very easily see this man proposing to me and I think that’s what he has in mind.
It sounds to me as if you don’t like this guy’s passivity and neediness – plain and simple. Never mind he is so badly wanting to partner that he is ready to propose marriage to someone he has known for a month. But you may also hate your own passivity, since you are dating someone you decidedly did not want to date and I think the latter may be as much a problem as the former, as this type conflict is vividly shown in your chart.
You have an Aries rising so are not going to take very kindly to wimps; however you also have a Libra moon in the seventh house which wants to partner just as bad as this guy does. This may be why you started dating him in the first place. Hate to be mean to people.
The situation is further complicated by Uranus in the seventh conjunct your Moon suggesting a healthy dose of commitment-phobia and understanding all of this if you go back up and read your mail to me, you can see this guy is more a prop in your movie rather than someone who is driving anything. Basically you want to detach (Uranus) from anyone who is nice and wants to partner (Libra), even though you are nice and want to partner.
My girlfriend is an early Cancer. We’ve been dating off and on for about 2 years. We’re thinking of living together in 4 months or so. I have no kids but she has 3 boys and currently going through a new separation with her husband of 16 years.
I am very protective of my belongings, some being very personal and expensive. I also need my space especially with 3 kids and a dog to contend with. I told her I would need to have my own room out of the 4 rooms in the house. She is moving next weekend. I need a room to store my expensive things and for my private “get away” space to assure a more tranquil living environment and prevent issues with her very busy touchy feely kids. She already promised her kids they would each have their own room unfortunately and this may be a deal breaker for me. The garage is not an option as a safe space for me and my things.
If I move in I would be paying half the rent in the house. I don’t wanna be selfish but this may prevent me from being interested in living with her as, as you have read, this is an already tricky situation being that we both are women and this is her first same sex relationship. I know this is a loaded situation here but is requiring my own room or space silly? Should I by default, allow my things to get broken and tampered with by her kids to prove I love her and capable to make this commitment? Her kids are 18, 10, and 7. OMG!
Aries In Love
It is not unreasonable or selfish to want your own space but it probably is completely unrealistic to think you are going be able to have this while living with a woman, three children and a dog unless you can afford a house with a separate wing… which it sounds like you cannot.
I think you will probably be miserable if you move in with your girlfriend and also that you will make others miserable… so the fact you are looking at this in a harsh light is good. Because she has a responsibility to her kids and if she is counting on your to pay half the rent and you are ready to balk… well I think you should tell her right away that you are having your doubts.
And don’t think I don’t see your side! I have Libra you know. And it sounds like when she promised her kids they would each have their own bedroom… knowing your conditions, well as far as I am concerned, she sold you out right there.
So no. I would not recommend you move. You are too independent and kids are fixtures, you can take my word on that. Your girlfriend is also telling you one thing (you will be accommodated) but taking opposite action, so you know. Looks like you’d be jumping into a fire to me.
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30 Year Old Pisces Man Feels Pressured To Get His Personal Life Together: Neptune in the 7th House, Venus Trine Neptune
I turned 30 this year and I feel pressure to get my personal life together.
There is a girl in my life that I am attracted to. She gets along with my friends and we have fun together. I know she is interested in something more serious. But I still find myself hesitating. I’m afraid I’ll lose her and then regret it later, yet I feel like I need more time to figure this out – a lot of other things have been in flux with my career and we are both finishing grad school in the fall, so location is open-ended too.
Is this normal or does my hesitation mean she isn’t the right one?
What you describe is normal for you. I don’t know that you are ever going to ground for long – you are simply not built for it. So what will help most is redefine what “getting your personal life together” means.
To me, “personal life” means exactly that. It is personal to the individual. And it sounds to me as you are trying to cram your foot into a traditional shoe that really has nothing in common with the shape of your foot. Coming to terms with this seems the task at hand and your fear of loss and regret is also part of your nature.
To be in a state of “divine discontent” is uniquely Piscean and I don’t see how you are going to avoid these feelings. For example, marry this girl, and pine about what might have been. Don’t marry this girl and pine for what might have been. The fact is, there is no perfect solution or panacea. You can only flow and have faith that what is (ultimately) best for all involved will be exactly what happens… because invariably this turns out to be the case.
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