Dear Elsa,
I am a 29 year old girl, and I’ve been having a relationship with a boy for more than one year. I am very much in love with him and he has told me that he feels the same – but he apologizes for his LACK of commitment with the excuse that he is “phobic” to commitment.
Do you think that it means in reality that he doesn’t love me enough?? Should I wait or should I assume that I will never have a commitment from him?? I really love him, but I also would like to settle down and I don’t know if only time will resolve the situation.
Thanks a lot,
Uncommitted
Dear Uncommitted,
I looked at your man’s chart and no, I don’t think it’s an ‘excuse” or that he doesn’t love you enough. As a matter of fact, I think he is telling you the utter and complete truth! He is afraid of commitment. He is afraid to be tied down. And it has nothing to do with you! He is going to have these feelings regardless of who he is partnered with. If he is with the greatest fantasy movie-star love in the world, he is still going to be nervous and jerky and wanting to know there is a door!
So no. This will not resolve in time and what you do about this is up to you. But let me clue you in to something. With Uranus conjunct your Sun and Venus conjunct Neptune in Sagittarius, you’re a bit of a commitment-phobic yourself! And I think you are projecting this on to him to an extent.
So just think about it, okay? Forget about him for a minute. How would you feel with a ring on your finger committed for life. For LIFE, baybeeee! To death do you part!
Does that make you just a little bit anxious? “Life” could be 40 more years! 50! More! And it’s going to be him, him, him, and him and him, and him! Can you feel this? Security, yes. But can you feel the butterfly in you getting pinned to the mat?
So my advice is to think about things like this. Commitment-phobics find each other! And if you can get conscious of your own need for freedom (which I assure you, is pronounced) you may just be able to work it out with this man you love.
Good luck.
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Oh my!
Elsa, you made me remember those butterflies. Even thinking of 10 made me want to run, it was unimaginable for me.
ROFL!….and here I am… a couple of months ago we celebrated our 30th anniversary.
I guess that 7th house got a good hold on my Aqua Moon.
Oh yes, good advice! Commitment phobic does not mean not loving someone. I am the same. I need a deep bond but at the same time I need to be FREE. And, you guessed it, my boyfriend is the same. It can work if it’s authentic.