“There are some synastry aspects that make people want to run the other way, a Saturn square or a Neptune one say, but that kind of reaction doesn’t take in to account the natal relationship each person has with the square planets in their own charts. Does that modify the synastry? Does the natal chart trump synastry and composite charts?”
I think what you are asking is if it’s possible to have a great relationship even when there are harsh aspects between the charts. The answer is yes!
I think what you’re asking if a person has good command of their Saturn energy, would it follow that a harsh aspect between their Saturn and their partner’s Sun might be less oppressive and the answer to that is maybe.
I say “maybe” because I think you’re trying to rely too much on astrology to think about this when in reality there are just too many variables. There are the things you mention but there are also an individuals wants and needs to consider.
For example, my husband’s Saturn hits my chart hard (synastry) and we also have a composite grand cross involving Saturn. Textbook astrology would tell you to run for the hills. Who wants all this hardship?
Well it turns out I do. It turns out I like firm surfaces rather than fluffy pillows. It turns out I could use some guidance in a number of areas and we all know that diamonds are created under pressure, right?
I might be in a more cushy position with a different man, but it turns out I would rather become a diamond. This is my decision and I don’t want astrology (or an astrologer) making this decision for me.
I’d say if you see these aspects between the chart, they will play. How a person feels about that play is an individual matter.
Anyone else out there in a good relationship with bad synastry?