Soulmates, For Real

Rembrandt van Rijn Portrait of an Old Jewish ManRecently I worked with a sensitive young woman who was dating a new man. While she liked him a lot, she was not sure that he felt what she felt.

She was shocked (but laughed) when I told her that I was sure he was not feeling what she felt! I also said that I was sure that he never would!

I explained that if she continued to look for this imaginary scenario, she would forever come up short. The are endless reasons as to why this is, but you only need to consider one of them, to realize I am right. How about testosterone?

Men don’t feel the way women do. There are physical reasons for this.  So if you can let go of some dreamy idea like this, you’ll going to have a lot better chance of finding your real soul mate.

That fact aside, looking, waiting, and pining for someone to feel the way you do takes a lot of time and energy.  If you knocked that off, you could spend that time and energy being authentically interested in who the person you are spending your time with really is.  Because one thing is for sure.  A person is not you, is not you!

It’s hard for me to understand why people lack interest in wanting to get to know people as the individual they are.

As an example, I love being in love. My husband does not enjoy it the least little bit. We both know we’re soulmates!

This is how it works in real life. I am not him and he is not me. This is exactly the way it should be. You’re looking for complement, rather than your mirror image.

Do you get to know a person as an individual, or do you constantly match them to yourself?

I specialize in love and relationships.  Check out my classes.

pictured – Rembrandt van Rijn Portrait of an Old Jewish Man

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Soulmates, For Real — 19 Comments

  1. Being in love with love(venus in libra) feels so good that I almost always fail to do otherwise. :D No wonder that explains the looking, waiting and pining part(venus square neptune)!

  2. Yes. While we women are swooning over the guys they are busy figuring out how to have casual sex with us, but they don’t spend time thinking about us otherwise. Sad (for us) but true, from this Venus in Aquarius, in the 7th house, opposed by Pluto. Being attracted to a guy is like an itchy sweater for me.

  3. I think the only person who was close enough to be what I was looking for (my real soul mate) had his Sun/Venus in opposite to my Moon/Mercury and his Mars opposite my Venus. Our differences were clear: He was one person and I was another person. And we both enjoyed this.

  4. I wish I would have read this when I was younger! My Venus is conjunct my south node and opposing my Neptune, which is my most elevated planet and conjunct my north node. So, I was always looking for something or someone that was not there. I love this Rembrandt painting!

  5. You are so right!! Venus in Libra, so it took me a few burps early on to figure this out but I am glad I did. My husband and I are not alike. I didn’t “look for” something….I dated nice, interesting men that I liked. My husband is the one who clicked for me. We match on some points and not on others. We may feel things two ways and see things two ways, and even tease each other about it. Or he knows I stand HERE and I know he stands THERE, and that is fine. We may bump, and then sometimes adapt to each other’s views; we sometimes we agree to respect the differences. In the end, though, we do complement each other, and often learn from each other, and I may be wrong, but I do think that’s why it works.

  6. Ok I’m gonna chime in here – I’ve been reading for a long time, but have never commented. That is just so brilliant! Who else says that?! :) Thanks Elsa! This is so refreshing.

  7. Even when I was young, I never thought in terms of soul mates, but rather animus/anima. The men I loved had qualities I wanted to have myself, and I knew it because, had I been male, I would have wanted to be something like them. And I’ve noticed that my husband especially appreciates the qualities I have that complete him. As for feeling like soul mates, the depth of our love has grown with time and shared experiences, but not because we are like each other.

  8. I don’t try to match others, but do compare and contrast in order to understand where they’re coming from. Seems the more contrast there is between me and someone, the more I like being around them.

    This has me thinking of the ‘pure kindness’ thread from the other day. This was what I was thinking of for that thread, you wrote it perfectly here:
    “I am not him and he is not me. This is exactly the way it should be. You’re looking for complement, rather than your mirror image.”
    Angie

  9. I’ve always been attracted to friendships and relationships with people who are unlike me. People that are like me, usually bug the crap out of me:)

    • I’m with you, Libra noir. My boyfriend of almost 6 years told me years ago that he believed people look for others with common interests and habits and how he believed people like that seem like they’d stay together in relationships for a long time. My response was that I imagined I’d never have a lasting relationship then because when I found that in a partner, it seemed like we became competitive and having the same interests and skills seemed boring to me, and over the years I found that I really enjoy talking with people who are not at all like me, but if they’re looking for someone like themselves, they’d never want to partner with me, while I’d be fascinated and filled with wonder about their perspective because it holds my interest like a magnet and just never stops. My dad is someone who is not at all like me. He’s unemotional and the way his mind works just constantly fascinates me. He’s the kind of person who has to stay busy fixing things and finding out why it doesn’t work. I am like him in this way, however his nature is so opposite of mine and his knowledge about electronics and technical things goes so deep while mine is less deep and focuses on different areas than he does but I’m emotional. It’s really hard to describe this idea.

      He told me once, that if a man truly loves a woman, he recognizes that his nature is unemotional and hers is a far more sensitive emotional nature than his, and that instead of expecting her to change or him trying to change himself, he realizes people cannot change this about themselves, and the key is to listen carefully and comprehend what bothers her, and just stop doing whatever that is. He said whatever it is, really doesn’t matter enough to lose her, so he doesn’t change himself but he becomes more considerate of her emotional triggers. When I told my mom that she said it’s true, that my dad does practice that and he’s very good about being considerate and she agrees they’re very different but somehow always resolve conflict with that in mind.

  10. This is great! I was watching all of ElsA’S relationship video’s today. Needed to hear some forceful words.
    Blame it on my Libra Sun or my Venus/Neptune conj. blame it on Saturn transiting Scorpio on my Venus! But please do not blame it on my soul…. ; ) I can’t help but pine…. If I feel it… it exists! It has to be! Right?
    WRONG….. (humpf) I particularly enjoyed and replayed the Saturn entering Scorpio video which through harsh words explains…. if we have no goals, aspirations or purpose this relationship may not withstand the transit of Saturn through Scorpio. But I bet I’m gonna fight it all the way through. Trying to locate a new area of interest for my energy! Take cover… ; )

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