Different Things Move Different People

This is a continuation of yesterday’s post: How Can A Person Reach You?

vietnamSpending time with my son over the Christmas break, I became more aware of the separation between us that can be attributed the difference in our age, as well as our experience.

For example, when I hear a Vietnamese person talk about their country, I am extremely engaged. Having grown up during the Vietnam war, I have a lot of memories tied to that country and it’s people.

Consequently, I am immediately interested, and engaged at a deep level. Pictures of that war play in my head as the person speaks. I think if the family I know whose and son (and brother) is still MIA. I think about poverty, which I understand on an intimate level.

I think about escaping poverty, but recalling it and knowing that while I have made it out of poverty, some have not. I can’t help but be spellbound.

Sitting next to me, my son has virtually no emotional reaction to the same stimulus. How could he? Why would he?

This has been a very important thing to have come to me in a way that’s crystalline. If I want to reach my son, and move him, I have to consider how things might look through his eyes. I am making significant changes at this time.  Chock it up to Mars in Libra.

Do you expect people to feel what you feel?

 

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Different Things Move Different People — 24 Comments

  1. Sometimes, I do expect people to feel what I feel (I’m not sure if this is due to more to my 9th house Scorpio Pluto, my Virgo Sun, or my Sagittarius stellium), but I realize that it’s not the case sometimes (having Mercury in Libra helps there).

    At the end of the day, it depends on the way they are wired, or if they have relatable experiences and circumstances.
    For instance, I can share feelings with someone who had to learn how to learn (a Saturn in Sagittarius experience). Or I can share thoughts with someone who had a similar learning curve somewhere in life, or similar dilemmas regarding ambition. Cultural elements can also be a point of common ground.

    I don’t always relate to my parents, but I understand that their upbringing and astrology explain the way they think.

    I think your son needs to reach the point where he realizes “oh, my mother has this or that configuration or this or that experience, so this is why she highlights this point in life”.

    At least in my case, this is how I became more understanding of my parents. It’s a bit tougher for my parents to understand me, but they are seeing that I am working things out because I am living life according to the way I am set up as much as possible, and I am working hard on my Saturn lessons to get where I need to be.

  2. Great post. Thanks.
    Brings up tons and tons of things to say and share–I will try to come back to this. Much food for thought. Thank you.

  3. I don’t expect people to feel what I feel. I just know that they won’t. They couldn’t possibly. Very bizarre, damaging, painful things happened in my house growing up. It’s stuff that simply cannot be described in a way that can fully land on someone else’s heart. You had to have been there.

    On the flip side, I can empathize greatly with adults struggling to heal childhood wounds. I totally get it. I can easily sit with them in that space and understand fully what they’re going through. That kind of pain doesn’t scare me. It’s hard to find people who can sit in a dark place with you just so you can not have to be alone there all the time. I’m able to do that for people.

  4. I’m with CP here… I’ve written three comments that went all over the spectrum and back. So much to say!!

    Let’s start with this:
    I realize other people are different / aren’t me and most of the time I can roll with that fairly well. However, there are some things that are so fundamental to my being that when I learn someone else doesn’t experience life the same way, I’m completely thrown for a loop. It’s like suddenly learning one of us sees in a entirely different spectrum of light. Yanno?? Just completely baffling until I can integrate it and forget for a while.
    Then the veil drops and I’m flabbergasted all over again, and so she goes.

    • (SD- exactly how I feel)

      This topic is SO relevant to a current big dilemma of mine..and has triggered a lot of thought processes…

  5. I’m glad some understand what I was trying to say here.
    Sometimes I think I have conveyed something but then I realize, I have not!

    I either left out something important, or other people don’t work like me?
    I don’t know. But I this has caused me to make a fundamental change in how I interact with my son…and other people as well, I’m sure, once I move further along..

  6. Nope – exactly the opposite! I have natal Merc retrograde in Pisces opposite the Moon in Virgo. So I always assume that everyone feels mysterious but precise things, but that it will be hard to express them to each other… and I think the ensuing curiosity about clear expression plus the need to help via connection are what led me to my current dual careers as a writer and massage therapist :)

  7. I get it. This humanitarian (Aquarius moon) is so empathetic with others I take on their pain. I try to reach my boys about social justice issues, racism and poverty. Yet what they hear is “Eat your dinner, there are starving children in China” to which I get the same response I gave my parents”then they can eat my lima beans.” I have learned to let them be in the innocence of youth. They will learn the ways of the world soon enough.

  8. Yes. I have been teaching my family this ‘difference’ in processing/relating for a few years now. It has made a tremendous difference to our communications and how we interact with other. Our intimacy levels have increased ten fold. To keep fore front in our minds that just because one sees it this way, the other may not. I have used astrology to teach them the differences in their relating styles, so there is less blame and push pull dynamic and more cohesive curiosity to understand the inner working of each member. It has been arduous but very successful. In psychology they call it ‘radical acceptance’. It stops arguments, push pull dynamics, cold freeze outs, defense mechanisms, misunderstandings..it completely flips emotional and ambient abuse on it’s head. This is fundamentally the first and most important piece of knowledge one must have to open a door of understanding and relating that becomes profound compared to our normal way of relating. They are closer than they’ve ever been. They are opening up like never before and working together with excited curiousity. I see it effect their outside relating also. Pluto in the 8th..family curse breaker. Hehehe.. I put back together a family crushed by plutonic forces that had been devestated for over 3 generations. I didn’t get them all, but i made a dent large enough that the nucleus in my immediate family is built. It has been an honor to serve, and get to know them on a depth level that is intimate and rewarding..it’s very special. Congratulations Elsa, i am sure your new knowledge will benefit thousands of people.

    Yes Elsa, this lesson/understand is one of the most profound, most important ones i’ve ever learned and taught. Congratulations on figuring it out. I’m sure it will make a profound difference to everyone you teach it to. (Very Aquarius)

  9. No! Was raised by a mother who had no concept of other points of view – if she thought something was pretty, it WAS pretty – no “eye of the beholder” in her eyes! It just didn’t occur to her that what she was feeling wasn’t what everyone was feeling. Still boggles the mind :)
    So, because I often didn’t feel the same way as her, I learned that lesson early. Mars in Libra, does that mean something?

  10. When I went back to school to be an art teacher I remember my favorite teacher telling us that kids (especially the older ones) are not going to love art the way we do. I think you really love something when you want to teach it. Any way, it didn’t really hit home until I had my own class and would try to motivate teenagers.
    On the generational topic, My Pisces nephew married a Gemini Vietnamese girl who had lived in a refuge camp. When her family got on a boat to leave, someone grabbed her (she was a baby) and threw her overboard. An uncle jumped into the water and saved her. They made it to the US, where she thrived and went to college. She died of cancer a few years ago and now my nephew is raising their beautiful, intelligent son with the help of loving relatives on both sides of the family.

  11. I remember war footage felt fictional to me, like cartoons, or fake rubbery giant monsters that all the people united to fight against. They were exciting but I thought nothing bad could happen to us. We were surrounded by a strong sense of love that softened reality, like the fog that buffered us from feeling frightened. The only thing that was real to me was the love of my family. If I had a nightmare, I believed if I went and slept in my parents room I’d go back to sleep and feel secure. Even when I was too old to sleep in their bed, if I had a bad dream and was scared, I slept on their floor (until I was 8 at the oldest) and it was to me like being on the holy ground impenetrable by evil.

    The earliest time I remember feeling like suffering or danger was real, was around 20 years old when I felt nausea for the first time when watching a scary movie and couldn’t watch them any more. I started becoming more empathetic then. Eventually as an adult I became faint at the sight of blood.

    I work with a man who lived in Vietnam and was in the war as a helicopter pilot. He tells us stories at work about his experiences and I feel strongly empathetic toward him. He was a helicopter pilot and was shot down. He landed unharmed but was taken prisoner as a POW for 5 years. He described being interrogated with the same questions over and over and how it made everyone feel crazy.

    When he was released, he married his wife and gave her an expensive ring, and came to live in the US with is wife but when she flew back to Korea they wouldn’t let her leave because they thought he was a spy. He said his wife was upset that they confiscated her wedding ring and a few years later she was allowed to join him and he got her another ring but she was upset by that for a long time. The ring he wears is a simple band. He said he didn’t want her to get him anything expensive or worry about having the first one taken away from her. They have two sons and a daughter. His wife has a heart murmur condition and he was hospitalized a couple of times while I’ve worked with him. I can tell he loves her very much.

  12. Interesting topic! I have come to understand that everyone’s feelings and ideas are their own. I can’t change them. I can express mine and whether they influence the listener is up to the listener. I have no control over that, and indeed, it’s none of my business!
    Please, also remember that your teenage son is a teenage BOY. I used to have one; he’s a grown man now. He (Scorpio, Virgo moon) was never forthcoming to me about his feelings. I think it’s fairly common that boys don’t confide in their moms much. (Esp. if all they think about is sex.) I know he loves me deeply, and I know he knows how deeply I love him, and with that I am content.

  13. On a gut level, I get this. In the past, I used to only value those people who reacted/emoted/empathisized as deeply as me… without even realizing I was doing it. I thought I was open, or at the very least receptive, to everyone’s ‘story,’ but it took me awhile to recognize how often I would shut people out just because they weren’t moved in the same way. Then I met someone when I was 19 who was an Indian national, and even though we felt just as deeply as one another (in that scorpio stellium sort of way:-)-mine in the 7th), I was crushed when he told me we could never be really close because I was American and would never truly understand how rough it was to adjust to a ace that valued things so differently. It hurt, but it was the swift kick in the butt I needed to begin to appreciate that my idealism about shared ‘emotional values’ transcending cultural differences was just my privilege talking. It’s so wonderful to think we’re all fundamentally the same sometimes, that were all moved the same way, because it falsely promises harmony and a shared humanity… but that’s not real, and that definitely doesn’t lead to intimacy.

  14. Your story interests me. I have been experiencing this recently (from the younger generation perspective) reading out John F. Kennedy. I’ve held a detached, limited view of him, associated with an assassination / affairs / Cuba, but none of the nuances of what made him a leader and why his death was so impactful to America. I’ve been reading several books about him recently and have a much greater understanding of what my parents felt and a much more well-rounded picture of a man. Reading history has become more and more important to me over the years. I’m not a teacher, but there are a few books I think should be required reading for American students to really understand the “ugliness” we have worked through so far and will hopefully continue to work through. One book is titled We Are Not Afraid, about the civil rights workers in the south.

  15. I don’t expect. I THINK they do! That I hear is the downfall of Mars in Scorpio. I should not assume people think feel about something the same as I or am interested in me like I may be in them. I know what you mean though Elsa about the Vietnam War. I have emotions that come from the past out of no where when I see footage or pictures of that era. It affected me deeply even as a 9 year old. Your son did not experience this era but none the less it is rife with dramatic images (the Buddhist Monk who set himself on fire etc) that no matter if you experienced it or not it could affect you, much like photos from the Holocaust. We did not experience it or that era, but boy, the horror we feel from those images says it all.

  16. But then reading every one’s replies. .maybe I missed the point. These images may be horrifying to me due to visceral memory, but to another who is younger, the emotions are once removed. Although it may make them sad or feel disgust, they may not feel they won’t feel the same or as deeply about it as we who went through that. I get it now.

  17. I’m trying HARD HARD and HARD to work with my son. He is just 12 and half. He urgu using his loose logic.
    Its so hard to make him see the practical picture. The picture of 10 years from now. The picture of limited resourse. The picture of him. He is happy with the present and can’t understand parents are providing him (how they are providing) (how long they will be able to provide). I made him watch some practical life movie, people work hard in this wrold to get their living, food, cloth, shoe. He felt surprised!! Its the most difficult to make him see what I see. I never try others to make them see what I see. But for my kids, I would like to, so that they can be cautious.
    Some of my younger friend sometimes gives me advice, I feel angry in my inside, but don’t urgu, becasue I know people learn from their own experience and not from others. I have Pluto conjunct Sun. I have gone through a lot in my 43 years life. I remain silent. I don’t expect people see or feel the way I feel or see.
    My mom died, people told me I’m strong so I’m handling it good, I’m smiling, cooking, serving my family and friends. I felt angry on their comments. No one will remain strong on their mom’s death news. Howcome my friend is telling me that?? Yes, I’m going on in my life becasue I have to, I’m not a princesses. It doesn’t mean that I’m not crying in my inside!!

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