Big Daddy

There is a grotesque phenomena that exists in the blind spot of most.  What happens is an individual spots another individual with some kind of flaw.  They have the flaw themselves but they’re not necessarily aware of this.

Spotting the problem, they rush into this person’s life, usually by accessing their family or friends.

They tell the person’s associates all about this flaw that their friend, lover or partner has.  They claim they do not have this flaw themselves, or some some claim they *had* the flaw at some point in their life, but no longer do. This is why they’re an expert, I guess.

In whatever case, they are Big Doggie, I mean Big Daddy, arrives on the scene to help you with your life!

If you’re approached in this way, be on your guard.  We all want to be helped or saved on some level, but a person like this has an agenda.  If you take the bait, you’re likely to give up power for negligible gain.

It’s like a lover who seduces you into severing your connections with others.  If you go down this road, it’s a matter of time before you regret it.

Do you recognize this routine?

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Comments

Big Daddy — 28 Comments

  1. Ugh, it is crazy how much this describes my ex! I hate to even think about the low self-esteem that allowed me to be with him to begin with, even when my instincts admittedly said no right from the start (he reminded me too much of a politician with a hero complex).

    Consequently he was also the lover who was very vocal about his disapproval for just about anyone who was currently in/entering my life. When he was finally out of my life this past summer, I really did feel all of my power rushing back (and I also felt so silly for giving it away to begin with).

    I love that you’ve labeled this 8th house – I have the Sun, Mercury, Saturn, and Pluto all in Scorpio in the 8th house. Lesson definitely learned, albeit the hard way.

  2. I never recognized the pattern until you put it this way. I’ve been on the receiving end and vice versa. Wow… I have to sit on this. Explains so much. :(

  3. I’ve learned to spot these b******s pretty quickly.

    I know a manipulator when I see one. And I let them “diddle themselves unimpeded” (ElsaP’s words!) *giggles*

    o_O

  4. Sounds exactly like my insane former riding coach and her working student. The two of them are enmeshed in an incredible folie a deux. They’re both borderline, narcissistic personalities, but the older woman claims authority and insight — laughable, but that’s the story. I try to stay away!

  5. Kind of. Mine was a little different. My situation with my problem sibling was a real sore spot. It started mirroring in the work place. Two jobs in a row the bosses told me I reminded them of their sister. I was basically hired onto the whipping boy desk in both situations. It has taken me several years to get to now where I have set healthy limits with that sibling.

    They both said I needed fixing. But found out they just wanted more personal info on me to take me down. I made the first one fire me. That was so much fun. The previous whipping boy had left documentation in a notebook in the desk drawer so I knew how she was gonna run the drill. If I didn’t experience it, I would not believe it.

    It seems like basic sibling rivalry in those two situations and basically they just wanted to fight and destroy which I don’t do. Hate for them to get hurt LOL.

    I suppose our similarity would be that we both existed. That’s all I can see.

    The second one tried to take me out, but while she was busy scheming, I had built strong business relationships within the company so she was stuck. She sent in another person to take me down and I realized I just did not want to be fighting dragons all the time, so I walked. I think I am smarter now.

  6. Oh I know what I was doing. I was running to the defense of others when I should have been taking care of myself. That’s so mars in pisces.

  7. I don’t know why your comment got stuck. It was not personal. :)

    It is probably because it was long and the system thought it might be spam.

  8. It took me a long time, over a year, to realize my ex had this. I’d like to think he only had as much power over me as I let him, but I’d probably be lying to myself.

    Oh great, I was just reminded of my best friend’s baby’s father – she and I are both drawn to energy-draining yet magnetic men. So this applies to both of them.

    Wow.

  9. Great post! I’m responding to the dog picture. My pooch wore this very outfit for Halloween about four years ago. He’s an angel disguised as a shelter dog and I’ve found some great costumes at Goodwill.
    And about this topic, when I’ve seen someone do this to others, you can be sure you’re somewhere on their list. They can be very charming and personable until you realize you’re also stuck in their sticky little web and want out.

    • “..when I’ve seen someone do this to others, you can be sure you’re somewhere on their list. They can be very charming and personable until you realize you’re also stuck in their sticky little web and want out.”

      That’s it exactly. Well said, EarthDog.

  10. Elsa are you using today’s Catholic liturgy to give an example of life’s encounters? Because it is truly exactly the same lesson in the liturgy today how funny!
    In this section of Wisdom it talks about a man who tries to ruin a just man by backstabbing him pretty much: http://www.easterbrooks.com/cgi-bin/Bible.cgi?reading=Wisdom+2:1%2C12-22&mode=paragraph
    Then in John’s message we have a blind guy who saw after Jesus healed him. But the “hypocritical” pharisees disbelieved and the parents had to speak sort of ill of their son in front of them or else they’d get in trouble…
    http://www.easterbrooks.com/cgi-bin/Bible.cgi?reading=John+7:1-2%2C10%2C25-30&mode=paragraph
    Then we got a rather blunt psalm by David who categorizes these kind of people in one word sort of like people use a mean word today and it goes on to say that God knows everything and will give the innocent person their reward which the other person doesn’t know about
    http://www.easterbrooks.com/cgi-bin/Bible.cgi?reading=Psalms+34:16-20%2C22
    This is very interesting. I went to mass today and although I wasn’t that illuminated in conscience as others were I did take that God has your back way more than family/lovers so its better to figure out how to lean on God. That’s my personal thing ;)

  11. Hey– I’m that person! :) Have none of you REALLY never acted this way?

    I largely intervene in the lives of family members because I don’t want them to experience years of pain I may have or I love them and wish for them a full life. If my dumb mistakes and what I’ve learned from them can save someone trouble, why not try to spread the love? I know I have definitely been in bad-boundary zone and I’ve been indignant at others’ foibles only to realize later I am the demon I seek to exorcize in said other, and sure, it’s a sure weakness. But sharing your passion for another person to avoid unnecessary pitfalls, to me, is kind. I learn a lot from people’s advice and experience. I feel grateful for that influence in my life. Is that really perceived as being a narcissist? I can’t CONTROL their lives, but can I really just say nothing? Is it judgmental now to tell those close to you you’re concerned they are falling into a trap you know too well? I dunno.

  12. Wait: re reading that, I may be misunderstand the question lol sorry: disregard :) I never talk to the associates of that person to get TO the person, I pour some wine and tell the friend or family member I’m worried about them. I think that’s different..

  13. I attracted a woman friend like this in my early 20′s. When I realized what was going on, I told her that I didn’t want to be her friend anymore. She didn’t seem incredibly hurt. Looking back she was a very damaged person. I mean we all are but she really was wallowing in it. Projected all up on me. I think on some level she wanted to bring me down to her level. But that level scared me, and for good reason.
    I haven’t attracted one since her. I’m pretty secure now. I know who I am. Which is such a beautiful blessing.

  14. I talked to, Ben about this today.

    “I don’t think you should know that Ben character, Elsa. I don’t like him. Or, Ben, I don’t think you should know, Elsa. I’ve heard some shit about her…”

    We laughed our asses off.

  15. Not a short topic for me. I have been having difficulty of late with context. Where I got confused here is with ‘helping’ as my experience has been that the supposed ‘helping’ is just a guise for something else.

    It seems to me those who get seduced into the game usually have something to gain or protect or have a shared strong death drive to annhilate.

    The interesting thing about the two instances I mentioned is that 3/4 to 7/8 to the end of my stays, a few people came forward to let me know ‘it’s just the game that goes on here’ and that ‘there would always be another me (ie. whippin boy)

    These were people who had been at these companies for a number of years and obviously silent observers. Their timing was unbelievable. They sensed it even before I realized it was happening. The same old game over and over again. Oddly enough, it was the children of my prob sib who acknowleged the game.

    I can’t really blame them for not standing in my behalf because I would not want them to jeopardize themselves. But I think that was a big part of my anger. Why is this being allowed? My thought was that if I just worked harder it would be okay. NOT!!!! It really had nothing to do with my performance.

    I have to agree with you Elsa, get the heck out of there. Their vendetta is none of my business unless I allow it to be.

  16. @Kit, I don’t know. I see it more as a seduction / manipulation. Someone acting on some drive, consciously or otherwise.

    But I think people are talking about different things in this thread.

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