People Who Hate Their Calling Or Reject Their Deep Nature

I was about 25 when someone told me I would never be happy…that I would be sure to suffer until and unless I got into service. Hearing that, I was pissed off out of my mind.

“What do you mean, serve? Why don’t you go serve, son-of-a-bitch!”

I’d been serving all my life, see?  And I have Venus in Leo.  I wanted to be a STAR! I didn’t mind paying my dues, but I wanted to get off the service detail and graduate into something more spectacular, wonderful and shiny.

Now it’s decades later. I have fully embraced a life of service and I virtually never suffer anymore. I can’t see how I would be happier in any other role.

Elsa P – Diva? Come on!

I no longer want to be a star. I feel for people in the limelight who are constantly scrutinized.  It’s seems such a burden. It’s enough for me to do a good job at what I am designed to do.

I think there are a lot of people out there who just don’t like the cards, they’ve been dealt. They don’t like their own deep nature, so they run and they run and they run and they run.  But in reality, if you embrace your calling, whatever it may be, you’ll probably be amazed at the sense of peace that comes to you.

Do you live in accord with your deep nature?

If you have no idea who you are, you can start to explore this by looking over your a basic natal report.

 

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Comments

People Who Hate Their Calling Or Reject Their Deep Nature — 38 Comments

  1. I do now. I wanted to be a STAR as well. I had the talent and the opportunities but, it goes against my teaching nature. I had more coaching fellow performers into their gigs and guiding their careers. Once I fully embraced my gift for mentoring others and vocational guidance I “magically” became happy.

  2. Hit me at the right time. My Vesta is in Cancer on Asc, I have many ”children” planets, and always knew this would make me happy. I married young, had a few children. I adore them. Raising them was a blessing. The last one is almost 18. I am in such a horrible rut now. I know I should write (Merc in Virgo House 3) but have not narrowed the topic down. So, so frustrating.

    I keep pushing it in my mind. Maybe I should just let it go, let it come naturally. Frustrating time for me. I loved my calling, but feel ”what’s next” on a daily basis. I love being in the shadows, so fame is not in my calling. Great topic.

  3. WOW can I relate to this, lol.

    I’ve heard this too, oh, it’s a “serve or suffer lifetime.”

    WHAT???

    Why do I get that??? Howcome YOU don’t get that, huh?

    In Vedic astrology, there’s a whole idea about the South Node that says one can draw projections but one *can’t hold them* — in other words fame is possible for such a native, but impossible to keep up them because it’s too exhausting. After a long time observing this I realized that being in the limelight makes me so tired and freaked out that I would sort of retire and regroup for months or even years and actually effect an appearance that was slightly unattractive just to get some privacy.

    Now I keep my eye out for stories about people who found themselves in the public eye and then ran like hell from it eventually. Hated it. Had breakdowns; bought islands they went to sit in the middle of; went back to their farms in Iowa, etc.

    People who are really meant to hold the limelight have a huge responsibility that *never* goes away. I wanted that when I was a kid really badly but I just don’t have the internal engine and, like you, I feel a little bit sorry for those people sometimes now.

  4. Yes and no.

    My deep nature seems to be a contradiction, with Cancer and Aries. So, no.

    But, with Pisces, I reconcile on another level. So, yes.

  5. I feel like I’ve had a few juicy tastes of my “deep nature”, but I certainly don’t feel “there” yet. I’ve noticed obstacles for me tend to be over-thinking and over-analyzing, and putting perhaps too much consideration into what others think, or how what I do can correspond well with others. Definitely seems to fit with having s. node in Libra.

  6. During the Britney Spears Breakdown period I studied her for a couple days intently. I think she is damaged beyond words, to the extent that she really *is not in the world* and has no real contact with how people perceive her at all.

    That’s a really extreme case of what you’re talking about. She is utterly cared for but also isolated beyond imagination. It’s like the tragic bizarre opposite of being raised by wolves.

  7. I have 10H NN in Virgo and this post resonates deeply with me. I couldn’t stand Virgos, until about half a decade ago. My father, his sister (my aunt), and various authority figures in my life are Virgos.

    Service is woven into who I am. I believe what you say, Elsa. I am so stoked about my volunteer gig, it’s incredible.

    I have Leo Midheaven and also want to be seen/recognized. FWIW, I think you’re a Queen without the literal crown, Elsa.

  8. Namaste, that’s very sweet. Thank you. :)

    I just got this from a client:

    “oh my…you are good.
    I’m speechless really…”

    This is what I am supposed to be doing, and it’s behind the scenes.

  9. No. My calling is the inverse of yours, Elsa. I’m called to be in the public eye, to embrace my star. (Leo/Jupiter rising, loaded 10th house, Aries MC) In a lot of ways, I feel like I’m living somebody else’s dream. But I do what I do because I love my family. It’s tough and I know I can’t play the martyr card for long before the dam breaks -so I have to find a way to balance these two worlds somehow. *shrugs*

  10. My North Node is Pisces, 11th house. I have a Virgo stellium.

    But I also have a lot of Leo and Aries.

    Am I here to serve? Yes.

    Who am I here to serve? Children (5th) and animals (6th). That’s what I’ve been doing for the past decade. I’m a stay at home mom with a kazillion pets, and the eggs my chickens lay provide us with an admittedly small, but satisfying, nest egg (pun intended).

    I can’t sit on my throne and play around. I have to get out among my subjects, listen to them, and provide for them.

    In my worker bee phase, I couldn’t reconcile providing for my family with working for an a-hole. I was much more content when I dropped out of the work world to raise a family.

  11. LOL @ LisLioness “the eggs my chickens lay provide us with an admittedly small, but satisfying, nest egg (pun intended)”

    I was excited to be a stay-at-home mom at first but after 5 years…. all these recent transits are making it blatantly obvious there’s a disconnect I’ve been suppressing. Especially with my moon in the 10th conjunct Mars (emotional well-being connected to success in the workplace) I’m fighting what’s right for my family (serving them 110%) or making me happy to some extent.

    Forgive. I have much to sort out. Which, oddly, until this post, I don’t think I’ve been that honest about. Hmm.

  12. I think this explains what happens to me when the Leo nature of me (Mars/Saturn/Pluto) wants so much to be out and shiny. Eva has described this so well.”People who are really meant to hold the limelight have a huge responsibility that *never* goes away.” My Sun/Chiron/Mercury/MC in Scorpio square all that Leo and for decades the struggle to maintain the shine has left me tired, though the climb-on is always there.

    Elsa said: “This is what I am supposed to be doing, and it’s behind the scenes.” Serving things up from the kitchen makes me happiest, too. My latest creation is called The Safety Pin Cafe where ‘common magic for uncommon necessity’ is the house specialty.

    So, mostly I learn to appreciate the Chirotic lesson of not being cured of the impulse to shine, and draw on the Node clues which tells me: ‘make a home, have fun doing it, enjoy making pie.’

    Thanks, Elsa needed this.

  13. I think I know my deep nature, but I still have no idea what my calling is, lol. Once I think I know what it is, it switches to something else.

    I want to be a star a well, and I have a stellium in Leo. But er, the cards I’m dealt, I freeze/ramble on stage and have no public speaking skills at all. :D I’m going to do Toastmasters sometime to get over that fear, just because I want to. And in case I do land in the public eye frequently and happen to need it later.

    I didn’t used to have stage fright, but perhaps the first Saturn square came along, and I became aware of the fear and did not deal with it very well.

  14. I have Jupiter conjunct the MC in the 10th house, but I do NOT like being in the limelight or on stage or anything like that.

    I am happiest working behind the scenes.

  15. I have no idea what my calling is and I don’t care! I just want to be a composer and am taking steps to get there. A wife and family would be an icing on the cake ;)
    This reminds me of the theme of the talking heads song “once in a lifetime”
    “you may find yourself living in a shotgun shack, you may find yourself behind the wheel of a large automobile or in a beautiful house with a beautiful wife and you may ask yourself, well how did I get here? . . . ” -David Byrne

  16. Do I live in accord with my deep nature?

    In part, yes, in part no.

    I am in the process of improving that.

    Funny coincidence this particular convo, because just days ago I ordered a “basic natal report” from Elsa. (For $10. man you get A LOT to chew on!! Beats Starbuck any day!)

    Stuff had been brewing inside me, changes I need and want to make… and the report helped me zoom in on ~my~ nature.

    Then this specific blog post came along, and the comments above, and rereading the report… it’s all helping me achieve MORE clarity with each pass…

    My eyes are being OPENED and I am SEEING new avenues, new ways of being… that will help me HONOR MY NATURE better… and better ‘live my calling’, give ~my~ gift…

    AND stop wasting time going down alleys that aren’t mine!!

  17. Just when I think I’ve reached the bottom of the well I find it goes further. So–no. I don’t know if I will ever be so lucky to know that I’m at the deepest point.

  18. Interesting piece. I had my coworker read my palm today. He told me things that I did not want to hear. He has studied palmistry and vedic astrology. The conversation struck because he saw my saturn return book on my desk. Most of what he said was very relevant. I was not fond of the negative things he had to say (I am a Leo rising) it made me think a lot. He told me where my calling would be. He said it would be in travel. I am wondering what to do with the information.

  19. Well, if this isn’t the ultimate question …

    I think I am inching into living in accord with my deeper nature. NN in Cancer in h7: I have a wonderful family and a wonderful partner. Sun, Mercury, Venus, Saturn, and Pluto in h10 with a Scorpio stellium: in and out of college for an embarrassing number of focuses (focii?), but have forgiven myself for this, realizing that the healing arts are probably my calling. Looking into that now.

  20. Well, I still want to be a shiny, shiny showing off star and have never grown out of it. I have no Virgo or Pisces or any “serve” stuff in my chart, and a Leo 10th. On the other hand, it’s Saturn in Leo.

    Fuck if I know how to shine, though. Nobody has ever considered me to have any stage talent. And these days, yeah, you’re constantly bludgeoned over the head to stay quiet, stay under the radar, stay invisible because fame is so terrible. No shining! No no! Bad things happen to women who are out in public! You get death threats and stalkers if people see you!

    I don’t know what to shine at anyway, really. You’d think it’d be writing, but it really doesn’t feel like that’s the answer, and it’s not shiny and public enough. Bugger if I know, really.

  21. I also have Venus in Leo (in the 11th), along with a stellium in Virgo conjunct the Ascendant. With a North Node in the 7th, so long as I shine for my significant others, being of service is clearly part of the grand plan. It feels right to keep working on my evolving self; rather than seek out the spotlight. It allows me to be of service to whoever I can help. It has taken years for me to see this.

    Thank you Elsa for being a beacon of light and reminding people to get beyong being pissed off when we’re called to a chart of service. Heck, you are entertaining people regardless, bringing many unseen smiles in an elevated aha light bulb sort of way to so many that come visit this blog.

  22. I was just thinking about this today. Hmm…well up until my Saturn Return I wanted to be showy and get recognition and actually spent years in school as well trying to get as I call it “degreed up”. At my Saturn Return I finally left college and accepted it wasnt for me. I am going to massage school in the Fall and start my Reiki classes in April. Healing and nurturing are where its at for me (Virgo MC, 8th house Cancer moon, Chiron in 6th House, Jupiter in Scorpio). I really thought I was going to be all “look at my PhD”…but in reality that is not me at all. I have my Saturn Return to thank for this realization.

    Also, I am actively moving towards my North Node in Cancer in 8th house. It feels very uncomfortable to me…but I see rewards. I must admit having my Libra stellium (Mars,Saturn, Pluto) squaring the nodes causes more uneasiness…still trying to figure it out.

    I needed to see this post today to let me know I’m on the right track. Synchronicity at its finest.

    Thanks Elsa

  23. I think I am starting to, I am just a late bloomer. I never ever wanted to reveal my true nature to people, because I feared the reaction. An irrational fear that I am learning to let go, day by day and I have you and your site to thank for it!<3 Thank you Elsa for just BEING.

  24. I heard the serve or suffer thing, too, Elsa. And with all my Leo, flipped the bird at them.

    But when my health declined at a fairly young age, the stage (even though I had lots of talent, stage presence) and drive – were no longer an issue. What I learned there has had a great impact on my life.

    Do I live with my deepest nature? In the sense that what I do comes from the depths of my being, and not what society tells me. I don’t need another new iPhone, thank you very much. Or one at all, for that matter.

    I really need to travel. It’s deep within me(Moon in 9th, ruled by Sag; also Jupiter is in my 4th house, ruled by Cancer). Travelling and experiencing other cultures is a purpose for me, but until I have the money to do so, or can at least figure out a way to make it work (ie workstays, etc).

    Performing is another need, and sometimes right now it’s performing for clients/customers (no, not that kind of work! ;) Have a laugh, establish some sort of common ground, etc. Another talent I possess, and again one that may give me a hint of where to go next in my life.

    I don’t know if I (or we) have one true life purpose. I think at different points in my life I’ve had a certain purpose that needed to be worked on/out/fulfilled. Then, when it is, another one appears; sometimes my older purpose can help me with the newer one. In some cases, it becomes like a ‘past life’…like a dream…did I do that/was that really me?? (I’m not talking about immaturity here necessarily, either)

    I’m not sure if it’s just the layers of the onion peeling…perhaps it is. Or perhaps it’s a balancing.

    For example on the last one. Dated a guy, Scorp stellium – brilliant off the charts mind. Wanted to be, and became a doctor. Wow, he found his life’s purpose! Or…did he? He had such an overdeveloped intellect that emotionally, he was still back in junior high. So what is his purpose – to heal others, or to heal HIMSELF? (and hopefully in the meantime, get rid of some very nasty biases, especially towards those who are mentally ill and/or addicts. He saw them as morally deficient…) Maybe it’s both. But just a reminder that all on the surface isn’t what it appears. Or even down deeper.

  25. I returned on this post — because — it hit me hard all day. Thank you for posting it Elsa. You opened the proverbial box for me.

    Perhaps instead of dreaming of doing something else, I should ”just be” which is always my favorite advice.

    *Sigh.

  26. That’s a good question, pepe. Astrology can help, because it gives us an x-ray, but otherwise you’d do this by living and paying attention to how you feel. Living openly, I’d say, while paying attention.

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