Recently I ate dinner with a group of teens, their average age was about sixteen. It was a semi-formal dinner, table for ten. Outside of my husband, everyone at the table was under 20 years old. You can probably guess what comes next. Half the kids ate dinner with their phones in one hand, forks in the other, mindlessly surfing, scrolling and stuffing food in their mouth. It was quite funny.
The other half of the kids sat in silence with just one exception. These were the kids who were respecting the rules (no phones were allowed) or perhaps they didn’t have a phone, but I doubt that. In whatever case, the no-phone kids were at the table with one or two friends and if they spoke at all, they kept it between themselves.
Now I am not calling this “rude”. I don’t think it’s fair to judge this generation by the rules followed by my generation, but it certainly was different. I wonder if people converse without distraction anymore. You know. Do you look at someone when you talk to them, or do you merely glance up from your screen now and then?
I have been fortunate to have, Ben as a friend for nearly 30 years. We get on the phone and talk intently for two or more hours, with complete focus. I can’t imagine living without this. I can’t imagine sound-bite interaction with others…and that’s it.
If your teenager was at this table, could they converse? Would they? Would you? Where is your Mercury?
pictured – A Conversation, Daniel Ridgway Knight
26 Responses to “The Art Of Conversation”
No, this is rude. Doesn’t matter what has happened with technology or the fact that people are glued to staring at texts or Facebook. Next time they can eat at the children’s table, if they can’t converse like adults.
My 15yo daughter has Mercury in Gemini. Dinners at our house can be pretty funny.
She will be having an in-depth conversation about film or music with her Dad and me while simultaneously texting with one or more friends.
Then she’ll suddenly remember something funny that happened at school that day and tell us about it. Then catch her dad or me in a conversational “faux pas”, laugh about it, then go back to conversing and texting without missing a beat.
She’s a product of her generation for sure, but has no problem carrying on an intelligent conversation and can get along just fine without any “gear”.
I worked for a firm that had a big bash every year. At each table they would put a “leader” who would be responsible for keeping the conversation flowing with questions, topics, answers, whatever. I brought a friend who was in his 20′s and he told me afterwards how “interested” this man was in his life – he just asked him about his likes and hobbies and – well, had a conversation. My friends reaction wasn’t abnormal. Kids these days don’t get much exposure to actual conversation and when they do, it always seems to be negative. I really don’t think, with busy families and all, our children get much training in “polite conversation”. That’s too bad
Again, I’m not sure if it’s lack of training or lack of practice. People don’t have conversations with strangers anymore. They’re all looking at that little box that controls their life. But if they don’t know what else to do, how can they comply?
I’m 25. I wouldn’t dare text or talk while at a dinner. It just strikes me as inconsiderate. Even if I had nothing much to say, I’d rather sit quietly and listen than escape from my surroundings. I’ve got in the habit of leaving my cell phone on silent most of the time, or even in the car, to avoid this sort of issue. Don’t have a smart phone.
I do understand we can’t judge people too harshly, as having these amazing mini-computers in hand at all times has become quite normal. They are the new way of alleviating the feeling of social awkwardness, via dropping out entirely.
I have Mercury in Libra 9th.
In our dinner table, no phone but there is barely any talking. Some times I talk, my Spices hubby either rules or stay quite. My middle schooler can’t able to eat without reading a book. My toddler keep doing mess up one after another. Still I want to eat dinner all togather, this is my (rather then our) family time. I really want to keep this tradition but looks like no one care in my family. I have Mercury in Libra 6th house (cusp of 5th) and Jupiter in Virgo 5th house (cusp of 6th house).
I have noticed that many of my friends across many different age groups no longer want to talk on the phone.
They only want to send very brief text messages.
My Scorpio Mercury doesn`t find this a very satisfying method of communication.
I here you Namaste. I have a 1st house Mercury too. I always love to talk at the dinner table. I can sit and enjoy others talking too. But I am not a teen. I grew up that way though…listening to adults talk at the table. And when went somewhere with other kids there for dinner, we had our own little table all to ourselves, sometimes in another. It was fun.
Though not having children, I was shocked when we went out to dinner one evening, and it was around prom. There was a whole long table set up with about 20 teens around it. Not one was conversing. They all had their heads down while looking at their phones. I said to my friend, “I bet they are texting each other.” He said “no doubt.” I find it sad.
In despite of being a quadruple Gemini (Sun,Mercury, Mars on the Gem Ascendant) my phone is switched off when I have company over or when I am at a bar conversing with a dear friend. I always switch it of with the remark: ”I am already in a conversation”.
I forgot to add that my chart ruler Mercury is in Rx in the 12th house. That probably gives it its private character.
I’m also a quadruple Gemini. I don’t own a cell phone or Crackberry. If I were the only adult at a table of teens hooked to their devices, I’d ask them politely to put their phones away. In our home, and in the homes of our relatives, phones and such aren’t tolerated at the dinner table or at any family function. The teens and young people don’t complain (at least not audibly!) as they know the rules. Some are conversationalists while others tend to be quiet and are just happy to listen (and eat!). My mercury is in Gemini squared by Pluto/Mars in Virgo. I don’t usually add too much to family conversations but I’m good at listening and connecting the young people (“Paul, your cousin Laura is planning a trip to Italy this summer and would probably love to hear about your experiences…).
LOL….Crackberry.
LOL…I laughed too! Crackberry..love it!
This i-Phone generation annoys the daylights out of me! Not just kids but the adults too. Constant texting, facebooking, twittering. I’m sorry but your life is not that interesting that everybody needs to know every mundane detail of your life. The other people that bug me— The Blue-Toothers that attempt to carry on, in mediocre fashion, multiple conversations. 
On a more personal note, I hate the phone and will avoid phone at almost all costs. I prefer my conversations with people either by email, when I can respond in my own time or in person, usually one-on-one. And I will give them my undivided attention for hours on end. Especially if the discussion is lively, intelligent, and invigorating.
12th house Mercury in Cancer. Trine Uranus, Sq. Pluto, sextile Mars.
That would annoy me. If we are all at a table together I find it rude not to engage fully in conversation. I am only one generation above them.
Mercury in Cap 7th house, sextile Venus.
I probably would not converse, but still be open to conversing. I have quite a bit of shyness/social anxiety, so I don’t talk much anyways. I have always preferred text over talk because it was easier for me to put thoughts into sentences.
As a kid, I used to just take off and play with the boys because I couldn’t stand the boring girly conversation where we just sit around and talk about make up. 
I’d rather do something fun or productive instead.
Throughout the decades of our large family dinners (15+ people) , I did not talk, and hoped there would be some kind of other thing to do instead of sit there, bored out of my mind, thinking of other things to entertain myself. I was not interested in their conversations at all.
You should also know that half of them primarily speak in a foreign language, so unless you understand it, there’s not much for you to do unless they temporarily switch to English. The other half are my cousins who speak English and are 1-10 years older than me. We used to play while the adults talked. When they started talking instead of playing, I’d just sit there and listen because it was interesting, or be bored and think of other things. I listen to their stories more now. :]
When it came along that everyone around my age was starting using their smart phones at dinner tables, I was opening up more and starting to appreciate (traditional) face to face conversation. I went in the other direction, lol.
BUT, I am still guilty of using the ‘smart phone’ at the dinner table. I try not to be rude. I will sit there for awhile, being open to conversing, conversing (if I feel like it), and listening to the conversation. But I will bring it out so as not to be bored if:
a) Some time has passed (30 mins-2 hours) and we’re pretty much just staring at each other, no one is talking, and no one is engaging, and no one would care if I took out my ‘smart phone’ because we’re not doing anything anyways!
b) I have to be there, can’t leave yet, and I’ve opted out of engaging with anyone for the rest of the meal because I am tired and done (like after 2 hours), and people won’t mind because they’re not talking with me anyway.
c) I have to be there but I don’t want to engage with the people I’m with at all because they are on my shit list, and I don’t want them to talk to me.
If I even bring it out during the meal (sometimes I won’t because it would be rude or the conversation was interesting), I put it down when someone is talking to me, until they are done talking to me. Then I wait a while, and don’t put it back up until I see that no one is going to talk to me again and/or see no one has been talking for awhile. I put it back up immediately if they’re on my shit list since I don’t want them talking to me anyways.
Really, just shoot me if I have to go back to ‘staring at wallpaper’ most of the time during family dinners. I’ve really lost my patience for it after 2 decades of it.
I still hate talking on the phone unless it is short, meaningful, or gets things done more quickly. During a long, boring, and meaningless conversation on the phone, I feel like someone should just hang me with the cord. I prefer face to face over phone, because I feel *more* awkward and like I’m doing nothing/wasting time talking on the phone.
Face to face > text > phone
Moon-Mars-Mercury in Leo in the 8th, Pluto in Scorpio generation
Btw, I don’t have a smart phone. I have an iPod Touch, so I don’t text anyone. I do my Japanese flashcards when there is nothing to do.
If I was at a table with older adults, I’d only converse with them if they spoke to me first. I’m afraid to bother people. Mercury in Libra 6th house
I can see how kids would be shy around an adult. But as far as the larger point goes, I love conversation waaaay more than I love my phone.
And I do love my phone — I use Twitter like RSS, tbh. I also read books on my phone. Facebook to an extent but my phone’s memory is kind of puny so not much of that.
But real interaction is much more fun. OTOH, half my life was pre-internet so I’m probably wired differently than kids today.
Mercury in Libra is so polite 
Mine is in the 7th (scorpio) and I won’t use my phone at the table, work, school, or when I’m with my friends because I find it rude. I’m also really paranoid that people will hear my conversations and that would just be the end of the world.
I think teenagers can converse just fine. Maybe not at the dinner table with their families, but I work with a lot of people under 20 and they talk plenty. Lol they probably all text each other because what they’re saying is inappropriate to say in public places. You can’t just yell out things like “I WOULD FUCK THAT WAITER RAW” in a restaurant, now can you? I text my friends all the time when I’m sitting right next to them for that exact reason.
Haha, Crackberry is what I call my boss’s phone.
Definitely!!!(Sorry I haven’t had the opportunity to read all of the preceding posts..).
My kids were raised to believe that the cell phone is a “tool”, not the primary means of communication.
It is an insult to the people who are there at the meeting place (table or whatever), that the phone takes control over whatever communication needs to be had..
The way I see it, the ones with the cell phones feel as though they can post/say whatever they want to (on the idea of anonymity), but feel justified in their posting – and the ones that don’t have the cell phones have to endure whatever happens.
Sorry, I did not answer the original question:
Mercury in Pisces in the 4th…
Who needs teenagers when there are adults around?
One of my friends, 47 years of age, cannot separate from her phone.
It was a pre-Christmas party and we were seated at the dinner table. All formal: whites and silvers were out, candles and music had been carefully chosen, perfect food and wine and a very intresting and versatile group of people to talk to.
She had her phone beside her plate and was constantly checking it and sending SMSs and jumping out to the balcony to have a chat with whomever called. In the middle of the dinner.
Finally I had enough. I told her her behaviour was inexcusably rude and bad-mannered and outright impolite towards the other people.
She failed to see my point, failed completely. She tought I was joking.
My 9th house Mercury sits at 0 Aries (quintile Mars and both bi-quintile 1st house Pluto). My Mercury is my powertool.
I love my phone, but I put it away when I’m having dinner or out somewhere.
I’m not the most outgoing person around, but I love having a good conversation.
Virgo Mercury in the 5th.
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I know 30-somethings who act like this with their “smart”phones, much less teens. I am constantly appalled/annoyed.
I have 1H Mercury and adore the [lost] art of conversation…