I think there are people (and I am probably one of them), who are high maintenance and don’t even know it. I am not talking about a stereotypical diva-type personality. I am talking about a tough customer. I am talking about someone who intimidates people in some way, either by their appearance, their position, their intellect or whatever it is they have that raises the bar on others.
As an example, if you are a server in a restaurant and the local critic is seated at one of your tables, the heat is on. Even if they don’t mean to put the heat on you, the heat is still on. If someone rich comes into your business, you’ve got to stand up straighter, lol.
Do you now anyone like this? What do you think the astrology is? Also, if you are someone like this, do you try to compensate for it in some way?
43 Responses to “People who put the heat on you…”
I do, but his heat doesn’t intimidate me because I know him to the core (my husband). I think I can see through it as a hologram type thing and that’s why it doesn’t affect me.
This is making me rethink my interactions with others who seem intimidating…
I think I am definitely one of those people…
1H Mercury-Uranus in Scorpio, 1H Sadge Sun, 5H Aries Moon, packed 10H Virgo Stellium.
I try to be polite, and close my mouth when I smile. Hides the fangs.
Namaste – I’m a sag stellium in the 6th house (so like a super sag with virgo flavor) AND also an Aries moon. Thanks to my cancer rising I try to smooth and calm down my intense energy. I’ve had friends say they dress up better when they know I’m going out with them..and refer to me as their ‘fabulous’ friend. I’m glad to see that
high maintenance can be looked at as high standards 
I work very hard to keep myself in mental, physical, and emotional shape and perhaps that in itself is intimidating…
*fistbumps* Whosthatlady – I also work hard to keep myself whip-sharp physically, emotionally, and mentally.
I’ve seen you around here and thought, “Whoa! There goes my astrotwin!” =)
I have Scorpio Rising and have been told I’m intense and intimidating. Once you start talking to me, though, the Sadge comes through…at least I hope it does…
I am really surprised at how many people feel they fit this description. I have certainly never seen myself in this light. But I was going to write this and when I talk about others, I am accustomed to checking myself, to see if I am projecting.
Personally, I don’t find this to be at all common. Or at least, I don’t experience it very often.
I have actually been wondering about this for awhile, Elsa. I have been thinking about what it is about me that could be rubbing people the wrong way?
Why do I find myself in the shadow when it comes to groups of women? I mean, besides astrologically (Moon Opp Pluto). What am I doing? How can I remedy it?
Your post sounded pretty spot-on. But it’s a challenge to balance a desire to compensate with the urge to be true to myself. I’m comfortable in the darkness, the depths, and the shadows and a lot of people where I live just aren’t. This could very well be a regional thing.
Well, I am just surprised is all. It doesn’t mean any more than that.
When I wrote this I was thinking about all of two people I can think of in the world. ::laughs:: My thought was they had no idea how difficult they are to interface with.
Before I say something like that, I have to check myself. Am I hard to interface with? Maybe. I have the potential anyway.
Knowing this (as of an hour ago), I am going to go out of my way not to be a PITA to people.
I don’t think I generally am a PITA. I am generally, very accommodating, but I am sometimes not accommodating at all and that is why I included a disclaimer.
@Namaste I think it is smart to consider what might be off-putting to people. Virginia wrote on another thread, it’s usually friends who save you when you’re up a creek. Hard to argue that. 
PS, I plan to go deeper into service and I don’t want anyone to have concerns about me. I just don’t want to go somewhere and have anyone think, uh oh.
I know someone like this. My mother! She is a double Scorp (like me), Moon in Scorpio in the 12th and Mars in Taurus in the 6th. She has NO patience and is very rude to service people. I don’t know where she got this, other than maybe her grandmother, who was very Victorian. If a waiter brings her water, she will literally move the glass and say, “I don’t DRINK water at dinner? Who wants to drink all of that WATER? It’s such WASTE!” and she will huff and puff if something does not go her way in the grocery store and cares not a wit about how rude she sounds to everyone in line: “Of COURSE I am buying THAT? Why would I have put in on the BELT if I was NOT BUYING THAT??? HUH!” Can you say “here comes trouble” and “what a cranky lady!”…lol
And to make up for it, I do try to soothe whoever she has barked at when she is not listening.
I think my emotional nature really freaks some people out (my Moon aspects Sun, Chiron, Mercury, Venus, Mars, Jupiter, Saturn, and Uranus…lol)
I realized last night: fuck. I am going to have to do that pulling in the horn things I keep hearing about.
I do NOT want to do it. Chart ruler Jupiter in Gemini, I want to run free, and at the mouth. However, too many people just don’t like me like this. The only way I’m going to get through this, is to conserve energy and wait for the tide to change. I don’t want to set myself up to feel like a victim.
yep. This describes me. I think the astrology for me is Saturn and/or Pluto. I have a Capricorn Sun Square Pluto. I am probably a very tough customer. I compensate by hiding myself. I never want any trouble or to make people uncomfortable.
I think the issue is that I have an extreme work ethic. I drive myself ruthlessly. I LOVE to work and I strive for mastery. Some of my loved ones, partners, family members, and others have had a quiet problem with this. Some have quietly resented the hell out of me. It ALWAYS breaks my heart when that sort of thing comes to the surface. It’s happened so much, I have just hidden myself.
With my Ascendent progressing to Leo on Oct 29, this probably is signaling that I will no longer be hiding what/who I am. And what I am is a stone cold working machine.
I love people just the way they are. I don’t need or expect anyone to be how I am. But certain people see a hard worker, who is a woman with ambition and a competitive fire and they take offense. And I’m not talking about my competitors. I’m talking about my own teammates here. Why are my teammates taking offense?! If I go out hunting and kill 10 deer….guess what….we won’t go hungry. I’m adding to what you are bringing in, ya know? They never see it like this. I think they resent me for outworking them…like now they have to work that much harder. Well you don’t, you can just eat! My deer is your deer and your deer is my deer.
Yes.
I’m a Virgo. No lipstick or nail polish, but ridiculous standards for self, and massive storms erupt when people continuously “do it wrong”…
Especially if it affects my income or outcome. Then, oh good lord. You wish you could just send me shopping with the girlfriends on your credit card. WISH.
I’m trying to be mindful of it, as it’s not something I’m proud of, or at least, it’s gotten me nowhere fast.
So Elsa, I guess my mother is not the thing you are asking about…but I just had to express that, because I do think people feel it ten yards away. She can intimidate people with her rhetoric. They may not always get it, but she know how to hammer it home so you do not want to argue.
@Dawn, I am not expressing myself worth a damn today.
::shrugs::
At least people are thinking and talking so it seems okay.
I fear that I am like this. Not as a customer–but as a coworker.
My reputation is VERY important and should be. (10th house Sun-Pluto-NN). I like things done RIGHT (it’s my Virgo + 6th house Gemini BML, don’t mess with me). It pisses me off when coworkers want to cut corners or do a sloppy job. I also seem to be one of the few people willing to bend over backward for tough customers at work. (Not thrilled about it, but that IS our job.) Strangely enough, most of the demanding people we care for are also the most generous, or at least try to find ways to make our jobs easier. That’s something I can definitely respect.
This is definitely me. I find that people are quicker to rally against me, or become a fake friend, than have genuine exchange. Sometimes I wish I could turn whatever it is OFF. Or I wish I knew exactly what it is. My mouth can be quite potent, so I’ve definitely learn to filter. I do hate filtering, many times I find it hard to communicate without being able to do it freely. I think the worst part is that I can sense it (Pisces rising), and I’m often seething under the surface (Leo Sun/Moon/Mercury). I’ve learned a great deal of self control, because I’m definitely a sponge, and my main objective is to keep myself from internalizing the outbursts from some of the people around me. I’m projecting something, that makes some people lose their self control. During these episodes though I’m as cool as a cucumber, I’m amazed at myself sometimes. The old me though would be somethin like a grenade.
I also must add that way too often people can dish it but they can’t take it. People might speak to me harshly, and I let it go in one ear and out the other. But when I reciprocate its like all hell breaks loose.
I think I have a very intense personality and look to me, which makes people feel like they have to step ‘up’ to my level.
My saturn-uranus-neptune are all conjuncted in capricorn, and are all opposite my mars (which has made for some difficult life lessons).
My sun trines neptune, saturn, and almost uranus.
I don’t think I’m a high maintenance person, but I do find myself dealing with the type, especially in my work a lot. Might be more ‘unique’ personalities, that can be perceived as such (Uranus conjunct MC).
I love it actually. I like the challenge, I love being the ‘one’ person they have finally found that can ‘deal’ and does not freak out.
Even when I was a bartender- I was always the one that had to ‘handle’ the ones nobody else wanted to go near.
A lot of people have told me they find me intimidating or did before they got to know me. They can be intimidated by my Saturn, my intellect, and by the fact that I’m quite demanding – and I don’t much do small talk.
I’d say, that I can certainly be high maintenance in that way when I choose to be – which I sometimes do or rather did. Now I try hard to be more charming lol
I have heard I’m intimidating to men but…frankly I’m incredulous. Most women push me around, and other than Moon/Mars in Aries, I have no demanding placements.
I bend over backwards to be accommodating, kind, but my Pisces moon makes me very aware that I make people uncomfortable. Especially other women. I know some of this comes from my Pluto/Sun sq Saturn, but I’m also thinking that some of it comes from my BML in the 12th, conjunct my AC. I would never go after another woman’s man, I bend over backwards to not be flirtatious so as not to seem like I am doing so, and honestly, I end up not being able to be just myself most times when meeting men specifically because I am so ultra aware of not coming off as a predatory woman, but I still find myself being projected onto, and finding other women being very standoffish, judgmental.
My mom is a tough customer, in the sense that she is hard to please. But, I don’t think people stand at attention because of her. They just get annoyed. Which annoys her more. They both have a point — she is a little too unreasonable, and they often don’t do as good a job as they could/should.
I am a shadow person myself however when my children were in school I put the heat on the teachers and administrators to do the right thing by my children. My husband on the other hand is intimidating it seems to others but I have never felt intimidated by him ever. I have however seen how other people act around him and I have always found it to be odd.
No, I don’t think I am, nor do I hope to come across as that. But I’ve been told that people think they need to cross their t’s and dot their i’s, etc., when they are with me. Maybe it’s the Sun/Saturn conjunction.
People have told me that I’m “fierce” and “intense”. People that don’t know me well seem to be intimidated by me….all 4’11″ of me! This makes me laugh! I always think I project my Libra ascendant!
Hmmm…perhaps it’s my 2nd house Scorpio stellium – sun,moon,mercury,neptune. Mars in capricorn square saturn in aries (mutual reception).
Yes, I find that a certain type of person, wants to win my approval. I think the flip side of that is that is what Abek talked about, and that is not having very many genuine exchanges. But there is another type of person that feels very comfortable with me. I feel that these people grasp more of my essence than the other type. I don’t think I am demanding of others, but certainly demanding of myself. I’m sure that radiates outward at times. I chalk it up to Capricorn rising.
I don’t think anyone even notices when I’m around, ha ha. I had several bosses (military) whose personality dictated that no b.s. would be tolerated. It wasn’t the rank and it wasn’t only the position they were in. They just emitted authority vibes good and strong.
I’m interested by the way in the image you chose for this post Elsa. I tend to lay a table that way and sometimes I wonder if I’ve over done it and people think I’m trying to ‘socially intimidate’ them!
I wonder why you chose it
BP, I found the image searching “restaurant critic”.
But if I sat at a table like that, it would be a clue to use my best manners. I wouldn’t be uncomfortable or intimidated. I would just think someone knew what they were doing, and as a Jupitarian, I go native, quickly.
I really don’t see myself as intimidating or as someone who would push someone to stiffen their backs. I’m more of someone (I think) who brings comfort and more self-acceptance.
Now, the critic was a hard example for me to fathom because I do have Venus in Virgo and because of this I hold people in the service industry at a very high standard. But, I’m likely to approach them in a more nurturing way making suggestions and such or presenting an alternative reaction rather than reflecting their behavior.
But, then again, how I see myself and how others see me are often two different polarities. I’m sure some people (like my kids) would have a different view and might just classify me as one of the people you describe. But overall? No.
From feedback, I’ve found that I am intimidating and hard-to-please when I am under pressure. As a rule, though, no I am not this type of person. I like to make people feel at ease, I think they are more effective if they are not shaking in their boots.
I know someone like this. She is a successful politician (30 year career). Was a beauty pageant queen. Very intimidating, has a very large presence, projects the sense that she expects only the best.
Yes, this would be me. I have high standards. And I expect the best of myself and ipso de fact of others.
In a purely ‘fabulous’ or diva way, yes that would be me too. I look good without trying hard; that sets the standard for others as well.
Interesting. I like the point you made at the end about power Mokihana.
It’s me at work as far as intellect, which is curious, a relief, unnerving and bewildering all at once. It’s confusing to be treated that way, and at the same time it keeps the heat on me – I have to maintain my corner! So it’s a gift. It’s tempting to allow myself to be defined by that so I have to watch the narrowing of it. It also feels like a projection and that’s instuctive and makes me more aware about what I put on others that’s really about me. I compensate all sorts of ways depending on which end of the bargain I’m on.
Astrology – probably pluto/uranus opp Saturn sq sun in the 10th.
Thank you Elsa!
I cannot relate only because I have great need to serve sans the heat. With a Virgo stellium you would think it would be tyranical and demand. Maybe I have counter balanced that energy? Neptune conj MC, there is the projection. I am aware of it and try not to tip toe around it, but make myself aware of what I may be putting out. See, all the Virgo is making me nuerotic in watching my step. (sigh)
This thread is very interesting. I am seen as a pushover. When people meet me they think they can say or do anything they like and I won’t say a word. It happens all the time. My grown sons notice it. *This was not always the case though.
Then when they do it and I come back at them (and it really takes a lot these days) they are shocked and horrified. Scorpio Stellium is scary I guess….but I don’t want that side of me out there. I have no desire to be about any of that.
It’s important to me that I appear friendly and giving. I work on this! I don’t want to come off as an aggressive asshole. But when I am shoved in a corner I will show my cards.
If I am not being pushed around by a rude know-it-all jerk I make every effort to come across as someone anyone can talk to. I make every effort to be down to earth. I would rather have a conversation with a street person than a diva.
I ran in a circle of Diva’s when I worked corporate all those years. The marching Louis Vuittons…I have lived with the best of everything (at one time) I escaped! And I am happier today than I have ever been.
Today you will find me sitting on the floor in a pile of dog hair singing to a pooch…. I am covered in soap and water and I have found that by being open to any kind of person my life is whole. I have made so many new friends. Good down to earth working people …and they are so generous. I just love them.
I will never be back in that high maintenance circle. I don’t want it. It’s funny how the years change you. I have no idea who I was when I was in my 30′s. All that wasted time. Wasted on things that were just not important. I would give 2 pints of blood to get a do over and make things right. All I can do now demand the greatest good of myself and respect all people no matter who they are or where they come from. All I can do is come from a loving place and unless I am being pushed around….give the best of me. I will do this to make up for all that diva bullshit I dished out 20 years ago.
I am ashamed of anything I ever did to intimidate another person. And I police myself daily! You get to a place where you realize that trying to be the best looking person in the room has little value in the grand scheme of things. I have a girlfriend Miss doub Cancer that is still standing in the mirror. All that crap is still important to her. And she is missing the MEAT of life. When you let go of all that superficial bullshit…the gifts you get are amazing!
So when talking for high maintenance,we are talking mainly about the Saturn – Capricorn or/and Pluto – Scorpio energies?
What about “the larger than life” Jupiter?
When it comes to Jupiter influence dont we get a high maintenance attitude without the fear/power struggle?
It seems to me lighter and more exact to the philosophy of the original post.However i would keep the Capricorn material by focusing to 10th house and suggest a 10th house Jupiter or something relevant that could give a sense of authority regarding how other see you,but more high maintenance and less fearfull and controlling.
Haha! I WISH I was intimidating. You’d think I would be, with heavy Pluto/Saturn, Cappy and 8th/10th. But all my cuddly Libra and jolly Jupiter sort of ruins it. Lol
Plus, I don’t think I’ve yet accomplished anything to merit “intimidating” status. 
Heads Up from Elsa P!
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I think I’m one of those people. Saturn and Scorpio stelliums in the 10th-11th Houses and 7th-8th House create a tension of power that for a long time vexed the heck out of me. In the workplace where I was “hired” to create and communicate that heat was directed and I learned to stand in the light.
Before and after those years of careers the lessons have been even greater: if I wasn’t for hire but still that same sort of person something else needed to be learned. Your last question: “compensate for it” addressed this for me. The Saturn through Libra years gave me lessons in getting along in all forms. I had lost my health and my home and now it was time to get along (with life) anyway. Maybe an odd angle on your post but it makes for thought-provoking moments as Saturn moves closer to my Solar Return in Scorpio. Whose intimidating who?