My son is in high school and a lot of the conversation around here centers on his experience there. Few sail through high school, what with the hormones and all, never mind the academic pressure. In trying to sort through this, my husband and I feel, Vid has to work out for himself what makes him happy. My husband is very personable, but it is not at all important to him to have friends. I think if you pushed him, he’d say he prefers to not have friends. This is not a the greatest role model for my double Libra son. He can’t just do as my husband does, because he’s more like me – socializing is important to him.
Now some people are born with charisma. (see Chiron – You Can’t Buy Charisma) They just have it. People tend to like them wherever they go. Other people don’t have this quality. If they want to be liked, they got to work at it. They have to develop themselves. It’s like being natural public speaker as opposed to being someone like me who would struggle through a speech, unless I really trained myself.
So how important is it to you that you be personable? Do you care if people like you, or not so much? Have you ever done anything to become more personable?
23 Responses to “How Important Is It To Be Personable?”
i mke an effort to not put people off or make atrocious faux pas, but i don’t expect to be personable, ever. either people find me interesting and tolerate my awkwardness, or they don’t. the best i can do is to soften myself up a bit when i’m around strangers or other formal situations, and to keep reminding myself to pay attention to social cues. but i’m not good at reading them. it takes a lot of energy so i tend to be a bit more abrasive, blunt, and direct around people i feel comfortable with. (people who’ve proven themselves tolerant of my eccentricities…)
uhm, i’ve been diagnosed with asperger’s. for what that really means. it’s a hard thing to pinpoint. especially with women, who present a bit differently from men with asperger’s. i’ve been told in the past that i come across as stuck up, but a lot of that comes form not wanting to engage socially until i understand the dynamics of what’s happening, as otherwise bad things happen. and that takes awhile. so i’ve mostly put effort into figuring out how to make enough small talk to keep “normal” people from getting put off. but it’s a flowchart in my head and i get tired of it really fast.
my son, on the other hand, is a born charmer. people will give him whatever he asks for, most of the time, and we’ve had to teach him to be respectful when he does that. he has a lot of leo and cancer…. (i blame cancer for the cute. women especially tend to adore him.)
I don’t know how important it is for me to be personable but it was important for me to show that I had “good home training” and not embarrass my mother growing up. She has a Libra Moon and her training was very ettiguette based. God help the child that embarrassed my mother out in public. I just never wanted to be the kid that shamed her mother..lol. I’m indifferent on whether people like me. I just want to be treated with respect/humanity because I will automatically treat others with respect/humanity. I haven’t done anything to become more personable. I do stay to myself if I am in a funky mood or brooding. That’s my way of being personable, knowing when to become scarce.
It’s important to me because I was very, very unpersonable up until about age 12. I felt like a total creep even as a young kid when people supposedly dote on cute kids. I was terribly lonely, desperate to connect and be seen for once, not be in the shadow. Around age 12 (Pluto transiting my ascendant), I became more open with my hostility and anger, in my mannerisms, in what I drew, in my poetry. I just had to express myself, I couldn’t shut up anymore. It was liberating and as a result I got a reaction from people and from that point on I became a socialized human being. I still go through periods of loneliness, but my faith in human connection is as strong as ever and there has always been at least one person, a confidant, in my life since then.
Mars conjunct Chiron… Charisma?
I’ve got far too much pluto for most people. One night I asked one of the local musicians a question, and he thought a sec, and then said “that’s not an easy question”, and my response was “yeah, well I’m kind of known for that”. Some people see me clearly, and if they are comfortable enough with themselves, they really enjoy me. Others project, not seeing that I am really struggling with the whole crowd/community/outsider thing. Chiron in Aquarius, and on the AC, if I am correct about my rising.
It’s very important to me. Chiron on the Gemini Midheaven. I have Charisma out the wazoo but I live in constant terror that what I say will alienate people from me as it often has.
I find it sad that people need to blame others or ‘energy out there’ for not being able to communicate themselves properly.
Yes we all have a specific natal charts that makes us all very unique & individual. But i do not believe that your natal chart will determine what kind of human being you are going to become ie: shy, personable, eccentric, extroverted, good at this, not so good at that..etc etc.
If you find an aspect in your own Natal chart that you believe may be the cause for one of your personal ‘bad attributes’ its good to question IF it bares any truth to yourself. But at the end of the day…it is simply personal choice.
Bad things can happen to good people. Good things can happen to bad people.
All you can do is try you very best at life!
& dont over think or analyze it to much..& just live & let live 
Hi Elsa!!!!! !
I have Chiron 11 degrees in Gemini…
I have always believed communication is key to any healing process – within any situation ,)
I also have Libra on my solar ascendant. So i understand what your saying with your son. Libra’s need to have a social life. It is paramount to their understanding of life & love.
‘Believe’ being the key word here..
I have to be a realist at times..
Saturn & Pluto in Scorp. >-(
I like your outlook, SaturnRxScorpio. I feel similarly.
I consider being personable part of my job as a human being. No, I absolutely do not have to, need to, or want to be friends with everyone (hi, Uranus in 11th) but I do feel that unless someone is harming me it’s important for me to be kind and try to get along with people.
I really don’t feel right about bitching about “everybody” unless I act in the way I can feel good about.
Libra NN/10th sextile ASC.
what a silly and superficial subject – is this very “libra like” in general?
Yup. Don’t function well for long without at least feeling like im relating and connecting to people and they’re feeling me.its good to fly solo here and there but i really do need it in my life. 11th house filled with retro outer planets… :/
I’ve always had charisma but the older I get the less personable I am. You won’t see it from the outside because I am invariably calm and kind and polite but I can feel the difference. I used to be really lively and outgoing and curious but nowadays it is harder for me to gear up enthusiasm for interactions that are not meaningful or intimate.
Partly this is probably because of my job – I have deep intearctions all day and when I’m not doing that I need a bit of solitude to reset- and partly it’s because the older I get the less I know how to do small talk.
I want to know the deep stuff, the real stuff but don’t want to pry and at the same time I think I seem strange to people because often they do not see me. (One to one they see me, but mine will never be the face that gets picked out of crowd, which is okay because I’m quite uncomfortable with limelight and I think it shows).
On the other hand my Sagittarius husband is the soul of personability and my main social helper. He charms everyone, talks to all and sundry and I get to be nearby watching and enjoying and joining in.
I’ve always been fascinated and amused that although he is much more likely to say something thoughtless and offensive than me, people don’t seem to hold it against him the way they do with me.
I try to be, but like Ruth, my Pluto gets in the way. I have to work to make friends. Plus I love being alone, so throw all that in a pot and mix it…good friends come to me only out of serendipity!
After I am done being personable, if someone does not like me…it’s ok! I have Jupiter in Libra and sometimes it’s too much of a good thing. I enjoy more one on one and being alone. Not a social butterfly even though I have Juno in Gemini as well in the 7th house trine Chiron and Jupiter. Sometimes I just have to get away from all that.
Think it good to cultivate those skills… in the end, friendship is what gets us through the dark nights. Love saves the day and all that. Everything good in my life that didn’t come through family came through friends.
Chiron in the first, conjunct ASC.
And Asperger’s. ::waves @ eris::
I tend to polarize people. Love it or hate it. I don’t have to do too much, really.
I think it’s really important… it helps open doors & adds an aspect of ease throughout your life. It’s certainly something worth working on!
different astro, but ditto electricmind otherwise. ditto Nina until she got to the fab sag hubby. i got a sometimes reticent cap partner. :/ lol
I think charisma is very different from being personable. But I do like congentiality. It makes a person very personble in my opinion. I like to make myself look my best.
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I’ve got a Libra Midheaven and first house Venus. Definitely important to me to be personable. I do not want to be off putting or come of snoody.
Being personable and people liking me are two different things for me. I do care that I am not offensive or unapproachable. But its not that important that people like me. Its more important for me to be myself than it is for people to like me.