This is my Mars in Sadge opposite Jupiter in Gemini, blurt for the day:
A lot of people who have beliefs that sound normal coming out of their mouth, but that truly thwart them. As example, you can’t be alone and together with someone at the same time. If you want to insist on having both these things, or in telling yourself you can’t compromise either camp, you should probably prepare to live in misery the rest of your life.
In reality, you can’t be in a relationship and not consider the other person and “have it be all about you”, as they say. If you want it to be all about you, and have your priorities come first, then you don’t want to be in a relationship!
A relationship, by its nature, occurs when two people decide to care for and consider each other. If you enter an agreement like this, guess what? You’re no longer on your own!
Do you have crazy beliefs that make life impossible? What is the point of this?
42 Responses to “Crazy Beliefs That Mess Up Your Life”
Well…that depends. I believe you should be able to accept your loved one for who they are…and not EXPECT them to change. But what if the OTHER feels believes that this is a false and that we should be willing to become the best we can be in the relationship. It just sounds like a LOT of work trying to meet THEIR expectations of what could be your best self and how do you just enjoy being/relaxing together? So maybe it’s crazy for me to believe that someone should just accept me for who I am? What is the point? To not have to stress out and have somewhere soft to fall?
Another crazy belief – That you are entitled to achieve without making the required effort. This denies the very real, very stark power dynamics that determine who gains power, who keeps it, who loses it. Don’t complain about the rat race if you are still on the sidelines.
ha ha, yep… she tends to the latter … I guess as her friend that always has to listen to the same ole, those are my options for her 
I think I’ve rid myself of most of them.
Beliefs like: it doesn’t matter if others make bad decisions, it won’t affect me (yes, it will. I’m sensitive).
Or, just because someone is an asshole doesn’t mean they will mistreat me (yes, they will. Eventually).
I could go on. I have learned a lot these past few years.
I just realized this may be my SN in Taurus speaking above..lol
I feel like your hologram is speaking directly to me. <3
Seems like my crazy beliefs have mostly been a plus for me.
Must be Virgo Uranus in the 9th with its ruler Mercury in the 11th haha.
Oh lordy this is so speaking to me right now. How much longer can I ignore this aspect in my life? Ugh
A relationship, by it’s nature, occurs when two people decide to care for and consider each other. If you enter an agreement like this, guess what? You’re no longer on your own!
Key … care for each other….pointing this at a relationship other than man/woman/SO…
I have tried to communicate this for the last two years to certain people. “If you are going to be HERE you are not the ONLY person here”
This speaks to my soul
I just think this would be a good time for people to ask if what they believe and run around saying, actually makes sense and serves them.
You have a life. Do you really want to make your life an unsolvable problem? How is this powerful? How is it high-minded.
Sorry, but something ain’t right in the milk.
also @dorchid, thanks for weighing in with another cray belief. I appreciate it.
entitlement is a good one @dorchid… feeling entitled also, that you can dismiss personal responsibility because something bad happened to you or someone mistreated you… so your revenge is validated or it’s all their fault anyways or screw god, so screw everyone else
it is for this exact reason i told the scorp that he should spend the rest of his life alone.
he wants all the independence and freedom he pleases, to do what he wants when he wants, to not be tied down to anyone and never have to answer to anyone… BUT, he wants someone he cares about to be there when he needs it. he wants to treat someone with love and affection, but only when he feels like giving. he wants to be loved, but only when he is in the mood for human contact.
if i loved him and wanted his attention, I had to wait for him to want to give it. um.. NO.
i know he pulled the same load of crap with others as he did me.. and he even told me how horribly his previous “relationships” ended. but when ours ended, he told me i was being hurtful for accusing him of being cold. i never actually accused him of being cold.. i accused him of being detached and aloof to how other humans live. it didn’t matter… he left my plants in a box on his back porch and never spoke to me again.
——————–
then there’s my Gemini friend. He also (like the scorp) has a first house Aquarius moon. his Sun and Moon form a grand trine with his Uranus in Libra.. The boy has some bizarre relationship requirements.
#1. his boyfriend will move in with him .. (ok, not so bad) immediately (nope.. bad)
#2. his boyfriend will give up all outside contacts.. as in, friends, family, acquaintances .. (what!?!)
#3. his boyfriend will submit to periodic STD testing to prove fidelity .. (major trust issues)
..obviously this friend has got some issues.. he has been burned in past relationships, and now believes that these are the only ways he will be able to keep someone in his life. But every time he brings this crap up, i just look at him and say, “you do know you are going to spend the rest of your life along if you insist on acting like a possessive psycho right?”
he won’t budge… nothing I can do about it but shake my head. he tells me he will continue his search until he finds someone who will submit.. and he will “import” them into his life….. like a damn couch from china or something.
If you can’t change, you can’t learn and grow.. Saturn in Libra said it best when he told me that a relationship is a combination of two. not two individuals, and not one singular couple – but two people joining together to do just that.. be together. that takes work, and in the world of love.. without compromise you are all alone.
@Elsa: Just wanted to interject: What I said? Not anymore. I just have a fear of letting go. I feel afraid, if I try to change for someone else, I will lose myself and this may be a 12th house Sun fear. But not it does not serve me.
Well now… I have a question. Most couples I know it seems one of them consistently is more apt to acquiesce to the desires of the other. I see it all the time and it makes me wonder how they stay together so long. Every relationship I’ve had where there was such an imbalance has terminated at around 2-3 years yet I see so many people who live their lives in this exact scenario. Don’t they say that there is always one person who is the top dog in a relationship? I am going to be really excited if you tell me no because I was having a hard time accepting “that’s just the way it is.”
” Every relationship I’ve had where there was such an imbalance has terminated at around 2-3 years yet I see so many people who live their lives in this exact scenario. Don’t they say that there is always one person who is the top dog in a relationship?”
I am not sure what you are saying here. If you want an example of how a long term relationship works, talk to people who have been together for decades.
As for “top dog”, no I don’t agree with that and it addresses my broader point. Just because people say things, every if they say them a lot or eloquently, doesn’t mean anything if they are untrue 1″ beneath the surface.
Please ask a couple who has been married 50 years (I know more than a dozen), if there is a “top dog” in their relationship. I am pretty sure they’ll look at you and wonder what drug you’re on.
Not trying to be mean. Trying to make a point. People say crazy shit and in fact come to believe it, even when it is ridiculous if you examine it just the least little bit.
Don’t examine anything, ever and be safe where you are. That’s not problem, as long as you’re happy. If you’re unhappy, well hey! Maybe it’s a “mistake of your intellect”*.
*nod to James Braha
I don’t know Elsa…I just see it all the time. I’m just happy to know that through what you said that I’m not imagining some idealized version of what a relationship should be. I don’t think the couples I speak of are especially happy I think they just have resigned themselves to the belief that that’s how it is, that there isn’t anything better. I thought I was strange for believing that there is. Or as all the older ladies at the volunteer post tell me..”you’re just too picky.” I say it’s about time I’m “too picky” or have boundaries because I never did and I got shredded.
Oooh… “mistake of your intellect.” *swipes!* Thanks, James and Elsa. 
That’s a very powerful phrase for someone with lots of air!
There were a few beliefs I had to discard as a Sun in Virgo with a Pisces Ascendant.
1. The belief that I could help everybody…No that’s not the case. There are some people I can help if they are receptive to it, but not everyone. I’m not equipped to deal with profoundly broken people.
2. The belief that I can get along with everyone…Let’s face it, I get along and I am more comfortable with some people more than others.
Here are a few beliefs I had to learn.
1. I sometimes have to walk away from messed up situations.
2. I can’t say everything to everyone. The content varies according to the person because people have different limitations and different preferences in terms of topics of conversation.
@Pearl I have Venus Square Pluto too, but I don’t have Sun Square Moon thank goodness.
I like going into deep conversations with acquaintances, but I know how to create space between myself and others.
I’m a bit on the fence about emotional authenticity. I have no shame in revealing what I need to improve in myself and how I feel about certain issues. As a result, I usually attract people who are just as open about their thoughts and feelings as I am. But on occasion, I encounter a creep or two. When is it ok to reveal vulnerabilities and obstacles to confront? How do I emphasize goals more than personal vulnerabilities to deal with?
How do I become a nice authentic person who cannot be messed with at the same time?
Oh yeah, here is a new belief I am trying to embrace.
Be upfront about my needs, it’ll save myself and other people a lot of grief, even if I fear the other person’s reaction.
Something I have learned over the last year or so is that the majority of people do not want to live in reality at all.
Who could blame them.
I have some crazy beliefs. I’m aware of this. I’m aware that they are causing me misery. Doing the work and asking the questions in order to replace them with solid, workable beliefs. Really doing my best at this.
elizabethe said: Or as all the older ladies at the volunteer post tell me..”you’re just too picky.” I say it’s about time I’m “too picky” or have boundaries because I never did and I got shredded.
Exactly my thoughts.
I did when I was younger. It was the “all of life is sorrowful” and it did mess me up. It helped to learn that “all life is growth” and to start to learn the language of astrology. It helped to learn that a whole lot.
Lately I have been digging into the Jesuits. I think they teach healthy ideas.
I’m curious about whether these types of beliefs coincide with squares in the chart.
I had a crazy belief – something like “People should respect my boundaries even though I don’t voice them or defend them.”
I’ve worked a lot on it, still have a bit of work to do, but it’s a LOT better.
I guess I’ll answer my own question above – maybe Sun in Cancer square Moon in Aries?
“I’m curious about whether these types of beliefs coincide with squares in the chart.”
I doubt it. I understand what you mean, I think. The Sun in conflict with the Moon or whatever. But in real life, it’s people will a bunch of trines who can be held up as they delude themselves over long periods of time.
In other words, you are far more likely to get knocked on your ass, with a chart full of squares.
Awesome news for me, since I have a lot of squares and oppositions, lol.
After being alone for several years, don’t we get set in our ways. Is it possible to be in a relationship and then again what is the purpose. Oh man, I gotta put up with your dog and if I don’t let your dog lick me or don’t pet him, I might be seen as not willing to compromise. I like most dogs but must I have them jump on me.
The last few years, all I had on my mind was to get into a relationship, now, it doesn’t matter. If it happens I probably will welcome it.
Virgo Ascendant, Moon in Libra (1st House) Leo Sun 12th. Saturn and Mercury conjunct Ascendant.
Crazy beliefs are definitely something I’m familiar with, and have tangled for the most part.
Sometimes depressed people tell themselves a lot of crazy things and thwart themselves. Lost before you’ve even tried.
“That’s not going to work.”
“I’m doomed and the whole world is too.”
etc.
Well, what you believe in is powerful, so if you want to invest in an unhelpful belief, you can only expect misery and drama.
untangled*
Ok I’ll play. I have had chronic health issues for years. A car accident and a few subsequent falls/head injuries created a damaged brain and immune system. Or so I thought.
I did a lot of holistic stuff(reiki, cranial sacral (etc etc) plus much personal growth work(still do) and took on this sense that I create my own reality. Now on one level I know that is true as whatever I see/feel/hear etc comes through my own filters.
So every time I feel ill I get into a process of trying to sort out underlying issues.
Then, very recently, I find out I have very serious heavy metal poisoning. Big time! Shuts down immune system, creates havoc with thyroid, brain etc (mercury,lead, Cadmium) and eventually can cause cancer(I have stage one)And this has been affecting my health for years and years.
So…reality check. Every time I feel lousy now I know its the poisons in my body.
Yet my deep belief that I can control everything by processing my emotional stuff is so strong I still feel guilty cause I think I must be holding onto something emotionally/psychologically etc.
Its interesting. Cause the belief has a truth and has a reality yet in a way is not as true as I thought. Makes me a bit disoriented actually.
Sometimes a banana is just a banana!!!
I know this is a bit more complicated than maybe what you are getting at Elsa but kinda in the ballpark. I don’t know what I know anymore.
Removal process(chelation) should be finished by my Saturn return in 1 1/2 years. I got ill around time of first Saturn return. Saturn in first house (body,)
Here’s my conundrum:
Belief #1: Everybody should be more like me! Cuz I’m awesome and organized and knowledgeable, I’m level headed and emotionally aware. I’m hip to your bs and I’m smart and hard working and…
Belief #2: If people got to know the real me, they would not like me. At all.
@virgovixen how honest! I think you have a lot of company with those beliefs. They are also likely to destroy everything in their path. 
Thanks for your comment. This is why I posted this.
Expose myself. That’s what I meant to say, intimacy is being vulnerable, letting the other person to see you as you are.
The Man with whom I was involved on and off for over twenty years had and probably still has exactly that belief: that he can have deep and lasting relationships with women (more than one!) whilst never having to consider their emotional or sexual needs and considering only his own comfort and pleasure.
He has two grand trines in his chart and this stuff runs round and round in his own head.
Leo Sun/stellium opp an Aqua Moon – come here, now go away; I need you in my life, don’t bother me. No I’m too busy to see you this month – what do you mean, you don’t want to see me any more…
He’s now 56 and still pulling this shit. Maybe he’s changing: he has Sun square Saturn right now, and is just heading into his second Saturn return. During the first one, he more or less learned to stop living with women because he couldn’t give them what they need; but he sure as hell didn’t learn the whole lesson.
Another crazy belief is that you can have success in life/business without taking on any responsibility. Can’t be done.
I have the belief that people should deal with their own stuff. I believe my boyfriend should deal with his issues.
Reality: I should deal with mine!!!
@Raven its been my experience that most of my partner’s issues that I wish he would deal with are in reality my issues, projected onto him!!!
This aspect is happening over my 11th house Gemini moon. I’m worried that it may mean conflicts with troublesome female colleagues.
Heads Up from Elsa P!
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I have a friend like this, Sun in Sadge sq. her Virgo moon in th 7th… she always winds up with guys moving into her place while at the same being driven crazy by the restraint. Her Venus-Pluto in Scorpio sucks them in until they are hopelessly obsessed and then she’s running for the hills. I’ve run out of words of wisdom for her… told her over and over- make a choice, in or out