Using The Online Dating Sites (As Opposed To Being Used By Them)
Effective dating, brought to you by my Mars in Libra.
“The dating sites provide endless opportunity and supposed “matches”. In reality, a match is hard to find. But people lose sight of this in the big ol’ candy store…”
I wrote to a client. I definitely think the dating sites provide an excellent opportunity for meeting someone you may not have a chance to meet any other way. But if anything is to come of it, both parties have to agree to leave the candy store together.
I also think a woman ought to insist on this, but few know how. Never mind all the blathering about why this is. Saturn is in Scorpio, these days we cut to the chase.
If you are a woman like me, interested in serious relationship, and not willing be one of a flock, go ahead and go on the dating sites and date until you’re blue. If the date is mediocre, don’t waste your time on another. But if you do meet someone you like , and you have a good time, I would broach this on the FIRST date.
Specifically, I would say: “Are you going to date a million people on Match, or are you going to date me?”
The implication is, if the person is going to date others, they are not going to date you. I realize many of you would be terrified to do this but the fact is, you’re running the show. You tell the man who you are and what your standards are and I guarantee you, if he likes you, he will pony up.
Bottom line, few know how to get off the dating Merry-go-round. This is how I would do it. PERIOD. And if the man is for you, he will be thrilled with this, because when a man likes a woman, the last thing he wants is to know she is out there shaking her ass for 1000 other men.
28 Responses to “Using The Online Dating Sites (As Opposed To Being Used By Them)”
Food for thought. New moon still going exact?
If someone is not interested in landing their plane, I am getting off the damned thing.
Period!
hahaha…Elsa you crack me up!♥ Mama ain’t playin’ no more! 
I met my husband on internet, and we r married for 12 years now and God knows maybe will be for life, one of us cause we can’t die in same second. Before i met him i dated few guys, but he was seriouse and insisted to date just the 2 of us and liked it. For us it ment to be to meet on internet and it turn out to be and still is as we both wanted. I think it is important to be open minded and really want to meet someone seriouse, really want it. An dit wil happen when the right time it is to happen.
I have been open to searching for a committed partner online but have to report that there is mucho superficiality with the person on the other end of the data connection. Even after months of interviewing the dating prospect, certain things are not revealed until there is a meet up. And then you find out these pesky traits that are not what you want! Or the person does not want a commitment after all – just free sex!
Another date from the internet turned out disastrous after the partner became a belligerent drunk!
So after months of dating it is a waste of time.
The success that Liv posted (glad that you are married and happy) I believe is not the norm as far as internet dating.
Tukie-Leo…
I also congratulate Liv on her success but I had a sneaking suspicion that what you describe is more the norm. I definitely got the vibe that it would be more of a disappointment, waste of time and hassle than any benefit.
Are you talkin to me Elsa?:) I agree with everything you’ve said. I have felt a shift recently in my approach to this. I used to get used. And it still happens every once in a while, when I start to care about someone who I know has no potential as a partner. I’m getting much better. (despite my post in the collosseum the other day)(I messed up bad with that one) That experience was kind of a turning point for me actually. I think I needed some reenforcement, and you just provided that for me. Thanks!
Well seeing as the Virgo and I are broken up, for now or forever who knows only God does, I’ll be cutting to the chase. I know what I want so there’s no use wasting time, it either is or it isn’t. Yes, we continue. No, I amputate. No long thing…
I’m been off the dating sites for quite a while now and have no intention of going back. The thing is, how does one meet men? Work is off limits, and I don’t go to bars… People met with no help from dating sites since the dawn of time until only about 15 years or so ago. I’m kind of lost.
“the last thing he wants is to know she is out there shaking her ass for 1000 other men.”
LMAO. So true!!
I dipped my toe back into the online dating pool, but after two dates, pulled back out.
There are still some internal kinks to work out, and I don’t think I’m going to meet the man I want to online.
elizabethe
All that a woman has to realize is the internet and dating is not what was available 12 yrs ago. It is a much scarier world dating included. I dont want to be an alarmist. I am still and will be open to love and searching. Just not as desperate and I really dont have all this time to waste anymore. And of course it is very disappointing when the attraction turns out one sided – and the person you thought you are interested in has ALL THOSE SIDE AFFECTS!!
Remember “Queens of Comedy” it was ROFL!
Ha! I WISH it worked in that way. My Aries Moon hates mucking around & wasting time. I dig, You dig, We All dig… SHOULD be no problem.
However, I’m only willing to call it like that on about the THIRD date.
Men think I’m too “forward” when I’m honest enough to state my case straight up =/
On the other hand, logically, if they have a problem with that… I SHOULD say “Screw ‘em!”
There has to be a better way.
ELSA, what if the plane circled, you had to stay, found out you made a mistake getting on, but it was the best flight offered in your whole life? That more flights were taking off daily, but the one you were on, though not perfect, offered substance and transformatoin no matter how painful at times…? Ie heading to your “true north”?
Oh @Del… I will let you know, if I find it 
I know people used to manage to meet/ date pre internet days, but our Society has changed much since. There used to be far more parties & “get togethers” amongst friends. There used to be things called “dances”, which according to my Grandmother, were the BEST (how she met most of the men she dated… & finally, my Grandfather!)
What I don’t understand is why all of that has fallen by the wayside!?
Like I said in my original post, I volunteer which puts me out in the world and fundraisers are a great mixing ground. Also, try Meetup.com. Don’t know if ya’ll have ever heard of it but it’s a website that has 1000′s of social groups in your area. There are groups for just about anything you may enjoy doing or be into … like gardening, politics, wine-tasting, sailing (I live in Florida),cooking…whatever. And you can start your own group. I also started going to this free yoga event in the park on the river they have here in downtown Tampa on Sundays and consistently over 100 people attend..it’s awesome. Networking is the key and it’s fun. You may not meet your man but you may meet someone who “has a friend” they would like you to meet.;)
Oh and Meetup is free in most cases or the group leader may ask for a donation to keep the club going…in most cases it’s like, $5.
I refuse to online date. I am an excellent judge of whether or not they are for me in person, but I am not online. I feel like I am leading them on online to talk to them in “dating context” and getting to know their personality first, only to meet them in person and be utterly turned off by them.
Plus, well, I don’t want to read 500 messages from total illiterate creepers either. I don’t work at a publishing company and I don’t have to go through a slush pile, thanks.
G-d bless people who use dating websites. I did exactly what you suggested Elsa back in 2010. I just knew, I just simply knew that he would be a date.comaholic. I stated my case and asked him straight out and got my answer and never went back and he never got a 3rd date. Some friends insisted that I try again and got with a ‘player’. Whatever you want to call it, it’s not my style and most of the on-line dating stories I hear are “sloppy seconds” anyway.
“I’ll never be sloppy seconds. Go ahead, take them back, your one, two, three minutes”
-Joel Zimmerman aka Deadmau5
The thing is, the guy can tell you to take a flyin’ leap, go on and on about his freedom or whatever he likes. Fine. Go back out there. There is no way in hell I am going to be part of a crew and that’s just the facts of life. Come back to me after you’ve gone ’round the block a few times and become disillusioned and I’m sure I’ll tell you, you missed your window of opportunity, dumb ass.
But really, IF (big IF) you are looking for serious relationship, you have not got six months or a year to audition for some bastard.
I can’t count the legions of women who do this and wind up with nothing 2 and 3 and 4 years down the road.
“You’re either dealing with everyone or you’re dealing with me.” I’ve said it many times and I don’t care what the answer is because this is my line.
If you’re comfortable with some guy fucking you and then fucking, Tammy tomorrow, then fine. This advice is not for you. But if you don’t like that, you’re the one who is (most likely) going to have to draw the line.
Women civilize men. Not the other way around. I say to women, get back on the job!
I love your quote, this is so priceless I am going to have to use it if necessary “Youre either dealing with everyone or you’re dealing with me” So true, to both sexes, but I am sick of the holding back and b.s. excuses, they dont need a reason, if I am not thier type or scared of any commitment, dont tell me after 8 months of knowing me and hanging out that you now all of the sudden have a girlfriend. Some people have so much baggage and fear that they waste other peoples’ time (mostly mine) and I have a responsiblity to stop them short next time the hemming and hawing starts….boy, Saturn in Scorpio is going to be fun for me..xo
I luv the dumb ass quote !
I love you, Elsa! Your insight is divine. I don’t go to dating sites. Now, I may give it a try. I love reading this blog in the morning. It helps to make my day. Merci beaucoup!
You’re quite welcome, MoRich. Saturn has left Libra and we are through weighing things until the end of time. This is the era of “shit of get off the pot”!
Sugar, it’s an addiction. It is true, I subscribed to a few on-line dating sites, candy & sweets. You look at one, that’s the one I want and then you go to another a moment later. These days transiting Saturn is squaring my natal Venus, it is evident as I am bumping into relationship possibilities and do not know how to react.
Heads Up from Elsa P!
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It’s funny you would write this because it’s come to the time where I am finally ready to get back out in to the dating world. I was divorced 3 years ago and have been doing MAJOR self-transformation and feel like I’m ready to jump back in the mix. I have had many people tell me to try those dating sites and I even signed up for one free trial…and all I can say is NOT FOR ME. It just gives me the most uncomfortable feeling. I never even talked to any of the guys I just felt so weird about communicating with someone in such a “meat-marketish” sort of way. It feels so false and contrived to me. So, I’m going the old school route, I volunteer, I joined a club that goes on outdoor events. Or it could just end up being the guy who holds the door for me at the supermarket. But I hear you, Elsa, part of my new improved self is knowing what I want and stating it loud and clear. Gone are the days of me hanging out with a guy I like hoping it would materialize into a committed relationship. To hell with that. I am looking for a partner not just someone who wants to entertain me and every other girl in town. Wish me Good Fortune!