I just finished a consultation with a gal who is dating a man with a lot of internal conflict. She has a sophisticated Scorpio Moon (she works at it). Her Moon conjuncts Uranus so it’s not like she doesn’t know turmoil is, but her chart shows range as opposed to an in-house war that stays in one place and rages day and all night.
It’s possible for situations like this to work out. My husband and I are proof of that, but what do you think of this? Which pattern better describes you?
12 Responses to “Internal Conflict”
Littlemy, I am not sure I understand, but I will take a shot at this. You are describing an internal conflict, that occurs independent of your partner. Therefore, it is your problem to manage. I mean, blaming your partner will do no good, because the internal conflict will be there, regardless of who you partner with. 
I have an Aries moon opposite Pluto, Cancer sun, which causes a lot of internal conflict.
Maybe because of that, or just the Cancer sun itself, I cannot abide a long-term war in my home.
Not 100% sure, but I think it is partially to do with not wanting to expend energy on external conflict (when I’m already managing internal conflict), and partially to do with my home front being a special place for me, a “retreat.”
My hubs and I do have arguments, and sometimes our home feels (to me) permeated with strife (he has internal conflicts too). But it’s more like two internal struggles, and externally, we’re helping each other, not warring with each other.
I have had times where I had a long external war in my home place, and it was unbearable for me.
Sorry I wasn’t clear enough (and that’s often a key element in conflict issues, right?) My own situation is not a partner, but a younger person at work, who seems to be driving almost everyone at work crazy with her continual ‘issues’ and demands. Whenever anything like this happens around me I try to think along the lines of….in what ways have I been like this person? How does it mirror my own issues? In other words, I try to own my own internal conflict rather than just join in with a group projection of them as ‘the problem person’. And one thing I’m owning here is that its not the first time in my life I’ve seen that I’m not good at dealing with arguments and strife. Sometimes because I’m still too quick to accept the blame for what isn’t mine to own, and other bad habits.
So my curiosity was around your comment that ‘its possible for situations like this to work out’, which I read as …getting along with someone who carries a lot of turmoil. Whether that’s oneself or the other. Same difference, maybe.
@Littlemy the way this works in real life, is the person with the conflict, owns it and the person who lives with the person with the conflict has good boundaries.
Natal Neptune in Scorpio, here it comes. And thank you for the valuable advice.
Very interesting. I think I’d have just about been able to carry on handling my long and conflicted relationship with the Man, if he were willing to own or even admit to his basic inner conflicts: H12 Leo Sun/Uranus opposite Aqua Moon.
I have enough inner conflict myself, but I work on mine constantly and always have. It’s pretty impossible to reconcile that with someone who won’t even do the work on his own, let alone with me.
I agree with BP, “very interesting.” I fit the inner conflicted better with most of my chart concentrated between the 10H-11Hs interaction with the 7-8thHs and a Pluto Moon in the 12th H. Karma, legacy,reputation and inner world are all within. Roots of “range” as you put it for the gal you describe Elsa, are my North Node in the 5th House of babies and creativity and fun; as well as my Uranus in the 6th for revolutions.
My husband has more natal range with lots of Gemini(he needs to talk and interact with the world); and has Virgo raising so service and orderliness is a constant to his Cancer Sun.
In our relationship we have had to ride some deep troughs of conflict both internal and personal and collective(between us and us and “them”). Owning our well-trodden paths … our pathways has made it possible at the worst of times to manage the wild things within like Max from WHERE THE WILD THINGS ARE. In fact, that book/movie is a perfect tonic for me to make peace with the wildness that is me. I’m pretty sure the ride is part of the journey.
I agree with above comments, this is a very interesting topic.
Elsa said
“the way this works in real life, is the person with the conflict, owns it and the person who lives with the person with the conflict has good boundaries.”
Maybe I’m too young but I’ve had only two lovers who were sophisticated enough to gauge and express their own internal conflicts. And they often pointed out that I was a mixed-message conundrum myself!
I think my pattern is I have an internal conflict and I project it onto my partner. I start a fight with them (how nice of me huh?) but really I want a boxing partner, someone who can go in the ring with me and help me deal with my demons. It’s a huge burden to put on my guy but that’s how clueless I’ve been. Maybe I thought if we were partnered they should be as invested in my inner conflicts as I am. I know I get invested in their inner conflicts. I do not have strong boundaries in this regard.
Internal conflict that doesn’t move me to another place is hell. I think relationships that move me and/or my partners to a new level of understanding rock. I never was successful with that in the ‘special one’ relationship . I had men in my life who wanted the no hassle me. It’s the female comedian’s joke that goes ‘ I ran into my ex today and he is dating someone who is exactly like me when we first met.’ So I suppose I had to go through all the changes alone or with friends (or now blog masters while he went back to the same old model. So if that is working in some relationships for people, I’d say that is a keeper. However that kind of work doesn’t excite everyone. Some just don’t want change.
I have a Scorpio moon, 4th house. Internal conflict in myself, triggered by home related situations. Partnerships seem to work well….until we cohabit.
Mhmmmmm.
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Hi Elsa, very topical for me today as I’m seemingly stuck in a conflict with someone who appears to be similar to the latter pattern, whereas I feel I’m the former.
I have mars in gemini square mercury in libra so I have to accept that arguing is a feature of my life (or learning to harness communication energy in a more constructive way)…But I also have venus in libra and moon in cancer so i find my own stress and disagreements… stressful. As saturn moves into scorpio and it feels as if this is upping the ante, i am very curious as to how your husband and yourself make this work. Do I have to learn to enjoy the strife? And if so, isn’t it risky when feelings run high?