I will answer your question with yes…and I got my ideas/feelings about this from my parents. An astrologer, who was old and wise, told me several years ago, before I found this blog, that my parents had told me always what I COULDN’T do, but never what I COULD do. I spent my entire childhood not being able to wait until I grew up and ‘could start doing things my way.’ The trouble with that is that I ended up in two long marriages to two men who were carbon copies of my parents in terms of my relationship to them. Via this blog I have come to understand the dynamics of that and hopefully know now what my shadows are and can now attract a partner who will not work against me, but will have my back. Someone who is affirming and appreciative of who I am is the one who will best bring out the best in me, and I in him. Venus in Virgo.

venus opposite pluto in libra

A solid concept? No. I was only aware of strife in partnerships when I was growing up. Battle between the sexes. It wasn’t till I was in my 20s that I learned from friends and boyfriends who had parents who remained happy together.

Do I think it’s possible for me? Yes. I’m a very good friend to people and have been blessed with the same commitment and loyalty from my friends. This happened because I fell far from the apple tree, I’ve been seeking my family among outsiders (9th house) I value the attachment and tenderness that comes between two people who trust each other. I think this is about the only thing that makes life worth living, actually.

My parents are not happily married, but they have been together over 40 years. When we were kids they never fought in front of us. My mother was at the height of her mental illness when I was growing up. She was out of her mind. My dad stuck by her. He is very loyal (Taurus Moon/Mars) also of a generation who cannot with good conscience abandon their children (Pluto in Cancer). So no matter what, because we were there, so was he.

There are things about my parents marriage that I really do love and appreciate. They were always talking. I equate communication with love (and no wonder, with Mercury in Venus-ruled Taurus trine Moon). My parents have also always had shared goals. We went without so much as kids, partly because we didn’t have a lot but another reason for that is that my parents saved all year so we could go on holidays all August. My dad was a prolific world traveler before he was married and knowing August was coming for him probably kept him sane. My mother worked hard for that to happen, to, by challenging herself to feed a family on $100 a week. Not easy when you have 6 people and a dog to feed.

What I’ve learned. Well I always knew it was possible for me. I have that. I am a very loving person. So is my fiance. We talk, we laugh, we have fun. I have never been in such a loving relationship in my life. What I had before? I was starving compared to this.

I guess maybe I’m in the lucky minority. My parents have a great relationship, been married 51 years. My maternal grandparents, over 50 years, and although my paternal grandfather died in the first dozen years of their marriage, my grandmother never remarried (over 45 years).

The rebel in me has had a few false starts, but I never gave up, because I ‘knew’ what was possible and finally feel solid in the relationship I now have (12 years in Dec).

My parents have been married for 43 years. They have a good relationship now, but there was a lot of resentment for a lot of years.

I have a good relationship now, after being married 16 years. We had some really bad times where we did not treat each other well. But, we got through it.

I am not particularly relationship focused, which helps, I think, in a weird way. I don’t pressure the relationship, and it’s not my primary means of getting what I want out of life. It’s more like icing on the cake. If that makes any sense.

My parents were good role models for relationships, I think.

I had absolutely no idea how healthy relationship should look like based on family experiances. So I have to figure it out for myself. One good thing that came out of this is the fact that I do know what it should NOT look like….

My parents were happily married for 41 years until my father died a few years ago. Out of 4 children, my parents only have one child who is happily married. Two have never married and one is divorced.
I am one who has never married and I sometimes wonder if it has to do with the fact that my parents were so happy. I have not found anyone who makes me anywhere near as happy as either of my parents seemed to be. My parents enjoyed spending time together and doing EVERYTHING together.
I do think people waiting to marry could be a very large factor. My parents were young when they married and had only known each other six months before they were engaged. They grew up TOGETHER, they matured TOGETHER, they had failures TOGETHER, etc. I think that by waiting people become very set in their ways and unwilling to compromise.
I have been seeing the same person for six years and while I love him, he is a person who is set in his ways and feels that any decisions that are best for him will be the best decisions for the person he is with in the long run. It only makes me think I don’t want to be that person.

Welcome, wonderingheights and NancyMac.

My parent s fought non stop but stayed together. But most of the marriages I grew up around were happy, and visibly so, even if there were occasional disagreements. It was very rare, when I grew up, for people to even separate let alone to divorce. When some close friends of my parents divorced in the mid sixties it was deeply shocking.

I wasn’t very good at marriage myself – left it too late maybe, or perhaps my childhood experiences led me to feel safer alone – but I still root for marriage, and the marriage vows. I never cease to be shocked by how little work young people are prepared to put in if things start to go a bit wrong, to save their marriage.

I don’t think two people in a marriage can be happy if they don’t respect and trust each other. Add some balance to the mix, willingness to talk about anything and everything, focusing on improvement, caring about the wellbeing of your partner, that’s my concept of a happy and healthy and loving marriage/partnership. Hey, I’m not asking for too much now, am I? )

I got my ideas from analyzing my own experiences, learning from where others failed, reading, also from movies

I’ve witnessed people thinking they were happy when they were only deluding themselves into it, I’ve seen people boasting about having a happy marriage, when in reality they were hurting, in some cases one genuinely cared for the other but had issues with trust, and really a whole range of abuse stemming from lack of respect towards oneself and/ or the other. I’ve also felt real good vibes in some couples, but always temporary.

I myself have a hard time partnering in a healthy manner because I’m only now learning to have some self respect and also working on overcoming my trust issues. Plus the unrealistic expectations need to go!

Do you feel it’s even possible for you?
I think it’s unlikely, but I’ll never put a lock on that door.
Libra ASC – Aries DC, Libra Venus in the 12th square Cap Mars conj IC. Also 1stH Libra SN – 7thH Aries NN.
Raised by a single parent from day 1. Never been interested in getting married. I yearn for partnership, but it’s important that “2” is still made of two separate, independent “1”’s and accepting that each bring both their good and bad to the table.

They were married for 40 years before my dad died suddenly from a stroke. My mom has absolutely no intention of remarrying — she says she couldn’t ever trust another man — even though she totally could. She gets hit on at the senior center sometimes.

My godparents were my only example. They were married forever & seemed to have such fun. Other relatives were together forever but never seemed ‘together’ if that makes any sense. For me? Nope. I have too many conflicting ideas – what I want doesn’t match what I need (Venus in Sag & moon in Taurus, & heavyweight stellium in 7th, for example) & I doubt anyone can use what I have to offer and vice versa. Which is not the end of the world. Lots of friends & family & plenty of time for myself is a pretty decent way to live

Elsa, you told me during a consult that I don’t partner well. You were probably hinting to all the Sag and Jupiter in my chart as well as the Pluto problems. I really want to be a loving partner to someone and to be loved back. I was in a physically abusive marriage and a few relationships that were not remotely good. I haven’t had a good model and want to be better and choose better for myself. I will be getting a consult with you in the future because I have discovered I am not fit to be a single person. I am actually the marrying kind. I’m trying to be ok with being single and could probably be a high flying world traveler. Sounds sexy, right? It is so NOT my preference. I’m taking ownership and I need to do better for myself. In the past I have been a commitment phobe among other self defeating things. I don’t want to be that way anymore.

awesome…I’m glad it can be done. I am determined to crack my code as well.

I would like to add that cracking the code is going to help me in all areas of life. It’s going to help me commit to a career, a course of action etc. If I’m honest, I have had a problem commiting to anything. The way I’m naturally built, I attract flakes or those who are emotionally unavailable. Peter pans also. How convenient of me, right? smh
No more of this madness…

Maybe we all have our limits. What we can put up with in relationships and this is irrelevant to what our parents did or society taught us.
Would make sense if you look at each individuals chart and think about how much we try to conform to something that just isn’t us.
And feel out of place and get hurt as a result.

Great question and answers here.

Loved to see this subject come up.

My grandparents both sets made it past the 50 year mark till both lost husbands. They both lived to be almost 90 without a partner but they were elderly. My mother and step father were married for 45 years when he passed. Of course they were crazy and fought like they were at war the entire 45 years. Of the 5 of us, (daughters) not one has stayed married. My older step sister has never married and the rest of us have been married more than once.

I used it as a teaching tool. I didn’t want my kids to follow this. They were told over and over to pick carefully. My oldest has been with his high school sweetheart for 15 years. Married all this time and still not a statistic. I can’t imagine they will ever be apart.

The youngest has 5 years in with his wife. Peas and carrots there too. Very proud of how they have managed to keep their marriages alive.

I stay out of it. They used to call when they would argue and I’d tell them….talk to your wife. This is not my business and she will not appreciate it. Once my oldest did come over and ask if he could stay with us for a while. I said …I am not your easy out. You’re married. Go work it out. We are not going to make it easy for you to throw that away.

They are still together. I think family need to mind their own business. They are too quick to get involved sometimes and leave the door open making divorce easy. I will not do it. (unless there was some sort of abuse)

I have been with my husband for so many years and married almost 15. We have had our issues but they have never been anything that amounts to much. If we should I would be prepared to do the work. I think the only reason I can come up with that I would ever leave would be cheating. And I wouldn’t hesitate. We would be separate from the moment I knew. Other than that…I do the work. And it takes work.

Whoopie said once being funny…. When you live with someone that isn’t you…there will always be a problem lol

One thing is for sure. My husband is not in charge of building my self esteem or making sure I am happy. This is my job. I have come to believe happiness and self esteem come from accomplishment not another person. Our marriage works because of our simple rule. He puts me before himself and I put him before myself.

Relationships are babies. Tell me parents out there who has not had stiff or yelled at their kids or just when you thought “That’s it” then you go back and reconsider your actions?

You see your kid grows into adult hood. So as relationship, they grow and mature. Some good , some bad. Some choose to stay some leave….

There is no one way you can bring up your kid, you will tweak and adapt your thinking so as any relationship.

My wise Saturn – Pluto advise along my cancer sun.

Many would say it is all about compromise. However, having been in a committed relationship for 32 years and married for 27 of them, I would have to say that it is not. I would say it is about learning to ask for and get what you want and for your partner to do the same. Compromise, in my mind/experience, tends to negotiate away just about everything you really want or what your parter really wants. Interesting question because this approach is certainly not modelled in our society; thanks Elsa.

Considering we just had the Venus transit across the Sun, coupled with Pluto in Cap – Saturn finishing its transit through the relationship sign & soon to be in Scorpio – (sex,death,rebirth) Mars in Scorpio coming up..& the inevitable revolutionizing long transit of Uranus in Aries..

Maybe we will see a complete transformation & long overdue reconstruction in relationship traditions, & the entire concept of monogamy.

With the Uranus in Sag generation leading the way.

Im no pro astrologer, but i have done a little research. & one can only ponder..

“Do you have a solid concept of how people love and function with each other over time?”

Solid? No. I could probably count on one hand the number of healthy, loving relationships that I’ve seen at all. Up close? Probably not. My mom settled and there was no schmoopy love going on growing up there. My less bad aunt is only slightly warmer than that with her husband. My jerkiest aunt and uncle have True Love, but then again, they are jerks, so is that healthy? Who knows. I think my grandmother was an old maid and had to settle (my grandfather was really jerky). Her sister found true love, and one of her kids did well, the other two had nothing but disastrous marriages. Some of my cousins are doing well, but overall…you get the drift.

“Do you feel it’s even possible for you?”

No.

“Where did you get your ideas or feelings about this?”

I was just born knowing it wasn’t going to happen for me. I knew that when I was five.