When The Person You’re Dating Is Not Considered “Good Enough” For You
Ask the collective.
“Dodi got a lot of criticism when he began dating Princess Diana. No one seemed to think he was good enough for her.”
- Lorna Luft
It’s an interesting phenomena when people do not think one partner is good enough for the other. Basically one person is seen as the shadow and the other, the light.
My husband and I are in a curious situation as some believe he is not good enough for me, and others believe the exact opposite.
What do you think of this phenomena? Typically speaking, are you the shadow or the light in your average interaction. Got Scorpio?
34 Responses to “When The Person You’re Dating Is Not Considered “Good Enough” For You”
I do have a lot of Scorp and I think I am generally seen as more desirable as a partner. But with two exes I was seen as the bad guy, yes, by the family. In both cases I wasn’t docile and invisible enough. Oddly, after we broke up a few people from the familes came out and wanted a relationship with me.
I find that interesting.
My husband is the one everyone loves too – I am just the necessary dark baggage if you want to bask in his glow, lol.
Too funny I just looked and he has Scorpio in the 11th house.
Def the shadow!
I’m the light. I have no scorpio. Leo sun/asc in 1st. People thought my ex husband wasn’t good enough for me. Apparently a group of our friends discussed that the night of the wedding. They were right.
Definitely the shadow.
Men never gave me a hard time, though. It was always, and still is, women.
Venus/Pluto conjunct. Not surprising.
Yeah no one thought my ex was good enough for me. We have been finished for 4 years now after 20 together and as Saturn prepares to enter scorp I am just starting to see my shadow and let me tell you scorp moon conjunct neptune opposite Saturn/ASC doesn’t like it, it’s uncomfortable and ugly, but maybe now my Pisces sun can begin to transcend?
When people tell you someone is not good enough for you, they are trying to advance their agenda which may or may not be in your best interest.
Yes to the above. Psycho SFB SIL had an agenda, all right. SHE wanted to have a say in who hubs dated/married.
She tried to set the hubs up with her SISTER around 25 years ago. He said no way. So because he rejected her sister, she acted like a shit to the women HE chose.
Makes no effing sense, then or now!
Well Elsa besides my children it may be that I had to live it to see some truths, shed some light on my own shadow.
It reminds me of a doctor who episode where they suddendly had 2 shadows. The other one was there to eat them. Thing is before that they never stopped to give a thought to or even notice they had their own shadow. It was there, something that was ignored until it mattered to pay attention to their shadow, to only having ONE.
I’m trying to REALLY lay off my daughter who is seeing her ex again. I kept thinking I don’t like how she is with him. Then I realized it’s her lessons to learn her growth at stake. As long as he doesn’t physically hurt her I MUST stay out of it. She may be a libra but she has a TON of Scorpio. Thinking it’s better to begin to face her shadow now while I attempt to stay focased on my own shadow.
learningtoground, I am in a very similar situation to your daughter’s. I have been in a relationship with a man that my parents (and some friends) disapprove of, for almost four years now. I am Libra with prominent Scorpio. Namely, he doesn’t have the same level of education as I do, is still figuring his life out, and has asked me to lose weight in the past. My parents disapprove because they believe is he not mature enough, and has a lot to live through still. Certain friends were scandalised that he would ask me to lose weight, believing that everyone should be loved as they are. For the record, I am far from very overweight, maybe twenty pounds away from slim. This has had a very bad effect on me because I have a long history of ED. So I am grateful to have loving people tell me what they honestly believe. This relationship has definitely forced me to deal with my own shadows, and strangely (for some looking from the outside in), begin to heal. Although I definitely suffered more than I needed to.
At my brother’s wedding, her family made some kind of crack on the microphone that he was marrying “up” or something. I think i neptuned it out, thinking oh, it’s some bad joke, but my sibs were there and they were like WTF.
Modesty and good manners prevent me from comparing the two families….
These posts are so interesting to read. Just saw this dynamic played out at a wedding between 2 friends. “Luke” is the bubbly, like-able and sociable Pisces sun/moon, and his partner “Dan” is the humble, say it like it is Taurus with Virgo rising. They are, essentially, light and dark when it comes to their dynamic. Luke knows what to say and when, and Dan is more of the “I don’t take ish” realist. But they both compliment each other.
I just realized a recent ex tried to play a manipulation game. When people were around, he played the “innocent, nice” guy who was always looking out for people. But behind closed doors he was a selfish, immature Aries that liked to talk his way out of taking responsibility for anything. Dropped him because I quickly realized it wasn’t going anywhere. His Scorpio Pluto is right in the middle of my Sun, Pluto, Mercury, Saturn stellium. Under his spell till the spell broke?
I have been told by more than one person, I am unworthy to even be in the presence of my husband.
Whoa! That’s harsh Elsa. But at least flattering to him? But obviously you and yourselves should be the judge of this. I think you guys rock together! I love your conversations. Wish I could have had those kinds of conversations with mine. But is Moon in Pisces runs away.
I have never been told either way, but I think that people always have liked me to the extent that I have Venus sextile Mars. I am pleasant. Those that find me to be the “shadow” just don’t come around I guess. Too bad for them!..lol
Well, when you’re a couple you are visible socially. In a way “society” has a minor — and possibly fictional — stake regarding whether your association is approved ( safe) or not. For example..you know, you don’t marry “down”, you don’t marry out of the family, you don’t marry outside of your race or ethnicity. These are all societal tactics to make everything stay exactly the same; safe and unsurprising.
So when you’re with someone who’s an outlier somehow according to your own society, there is a twinge of responsibility demanded to surrender to or register that opinion. It’s your own sense of responsibility to your culture or family, roots or greater environment that would make you even consider this had anything at all to do with reality.
Its the thing that separates sociopaths from non-sociopaths. Most people are interested in public opinion and want to cooperate with larger society. For the *most part* society is a good guide to responsible and cooperative behavior. So when something you do is not entirely approved it hurts a little. You’d hope everybody would be happy for you regardless.
But outside of the societal need to make everything match up and look safe and well-organized that opinion is not worth anything. It’s nobody’s business who anybody’s got in their bed at night. Nobody’s.
Yes I see your point Elsa. I wouldn’t listen to them.
I agree with eva.
We both attract people, but I’m the one who stands out. I’ve got Scorpio Jupiter in the 10th he has Scorpio in the 12th!!!
HAHAHAHA
A weird flipside: my past Scorp lover got rid of me – his famous last words were, “You’re too beneficial”….he gets into some trouble, and I stay out now, but I still love him 
it’s one of the only things that really gets me down. being told by someone that I really care about, to leave him alone because I’m too good? weird. I finally left him alone though.
@CocoPeaches: too beneficial?? Well at least he has enough respect not to use you. (((CocoPeaches)))
thanks Dawn. yeah I think it make me like him more, lol.
I’m usually seen as the ‘darker’ part until people get to know us. Then it becomes obvious that, that’s not the case,
Angie
People said this to me about my last ex. Ex is a nice person, but unfortunately has zero interest in work or academics. So he will probably spend his entire life as a slacker. They were right and I knew it even then. However, I can only choose from who wants to pick me, and he was the best of the lot. Which still wasn’t good, unfortunately…
I have a hilarious astrological example of that. I had an overwhelmingly fatal love story with a man, whose Pluto squared my Sun, and whose Sun was squared by my Pluto. That is such a difficult double-whammie that I am not yet fully ready to analize all the practical effects of it.
But one of the internal paradoxes of the relationship was this:
while many parts of our personalities were absolutely not good enough for each other, the other parts were totally out of each other’s league. There was no middle ground, there were extremities only. And it was irresistable.
Fascinating question! I would say that, most of the time, men thought the woman was too good for me and women thought I was too good for the woman. And most of the time, the women were right.
Not that I am biased or anything.
LOL @gemini7
A few have told us both that the one isn’t good enough for the other. My man is constantly in the public eye because of his work as an artist, and siren women in his field think they’re competition. Being ‘good enough’ = being on his level of creativity.
we each get that we’re not good enough for eachother. Although, I’d say I’m the shadow because people who want to take advantage of him really really do not like me. Smiles, slowly. He’s the bright, shiny one. But our true friends think we’re an excellent match for eachother.
My family made it very clear that they thought I ‘could do better’ by which they meant should, not could. My ex was from the working class, had tattoos (he’d been in the royal Navy) didn’t have a cut glass accent, and when they first met him, had a front tooth missing. And he had no money or property. They were right but the point is I had no money or property or social standing either (except in ‘bohemia’)
My First Great Love was a working class boy too, but he’d been on a scholarship to public school so had the right accent, although he also had attitude in spades, and two foot long hair. The family never met him. They were also horrified by my association with the Arab, and my Ma said she’d cut me out of her will if I married him – she;d have been all over him if she’d realised that in the extended Arab world he was all but royalty.
FGL always felt I was ‘far too good for him’ and sabotaged the relationship because of it He said so at the time – that I made him feel weak and inferior – and said so again when he apologised last summer, 40+ years after the event
I’m not usually the shadow because I was beautiful and have a ‘posh’ upper-middle class accent. It’s crazy!
I have generally been seen as the shadow because of a) my reserve and b) my physical disability. Until people get to know me outside of the relationship, then it usually becomes the opposite. I have a lot to offer, but it’s not surface stuff, and it takes a while to get to know me in person. Many of my exes have been much more social than me, and “shinier” at first glance.
Sun, Mars, and Neptune in Scorpio. The Sun/Mars is at the apex of a t-square between Uranus in Leo and Chiron in Aquarius.
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My ex had all the social graces. I like people but he had the etiquette and always knew what to say which made for very smooth social interactions. People who liked us as a couple generally liked us because of him. After we split I didn’t want to remain friends with any people that we’d met together because the relationships were superficial.
People are attracted to the light and breezy. Even our therapist couldn’t/wouldn’t get past the facade. I went to her saying ‘I need to get out of this relationship’ and she decided i was too crazy to be with anyone else. After years of therapy I fired her and got rid of him but the whole sham came at great personal cost. That’s the last time I’ll let someone trash my life because they’re perceived as better.