My 8th House Observations Around Secrets, Both My Own And Others Plus Notes on Gossip

secrets-book-charm-image-1.jpgFrom 2008 – The other night my husband said he preferred to avoid knowing my secrets, they disturb him. I wrote about that and some others commented they also preferred not to hear other people’s secrets.

I can understand. There are some things I don’t want to know anything about. Details around my lover’s ex-lover would be an example but a bonafide secret? A secret is so tasty!  I love knowing secrets and I’m fortunate that people tell me plenty of them.

I also like telling my secrets though I have little opportunity to do so. I chalk this up to the packed 8th house in my chart, I have a healthy (thriving) attraction to the taboo and I’m happy in this realm.

I don’t tell other people’s secrets because if I did no one would trust and confide in me. But also if the information gets out it, it’s worthless as a secret and what makes a secret powerful is the fact it is privileged information.

gossip1.jpgBased on these feelings it’s hard for me to comprehend how someone would not want to be privy to something rare to know, and there is one other important distinction to make:

I hate it when someone tries to tell me another person’s secret.  It’s not the same thing!   An exchange between people who have enough confidence to share their personal experience with you is intimate and powerful. Telling other people’s secrets is merely gossip which is a completely different animal and not interesting to me at all.

The potency of a secret is derived from the fact it came from the depth of someone’s soul, and it’s given to you. Gossip is seen as an attempt to manipulate so completely undesirable.

Do you like knowing secrets? How about sharing your own? How do you feel about telling other people’s secrets or hearing them?

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My 8th House Observations Around Secrets, Both My Own And Others Plus Notes on Gossip — 44 Comments

  1. I feel privileged when someone shares a secret with me, or just lets me in in a way that they don’t let many other people in. I also love the Post Secret website – I almost made my own postcard earlier this year. Days later, one card was posted that was very similar to what I would have written…

    I don’t have many true secrets – I usually only tell the few that I do have, if I think that it’s relevant to the relationship, or if I just need to unload. I don’t usually like gossip, and have told people, when they’re about to pass on a juicy tidbit, “I don’t want to know. Thanks anyway…”

  2. I love secrets and am good at keeping them. The Gemini tactic for keeping secrets is to just forget about them. Just file them away and go live in the other twin for a while. When the secret comes to mind again it’s almost like a fresh surprise.

  3. Oh, and I have Moon, Venus, South Node and Vertex conjunct in Gemini, also conjunct the cusp of the eighth house.

    Aries/Gem/Scorpio

  4. I’m good at keeping secrets. When I’m still enough for others to get me in one place, (I’m a gemini!) there is no better feeling than being trusted enough with someone else’s story. But with my ex, he would do “strange” things… like 4 months into the relationship, after we’d had an argument and he startled me with his physical and verbal reaction, he stormed off, came back, and told me had a secret— he’d been married not once, but twice. And that first marriage ended after 2 months… she’d left him, but it was for the best, because no one in his family liked her, etc. etc. And intuitively I think what he was really telling me was that he’d been physically (violent?) with her… but he never got that part out. And I didn’t want to fish it out. Or, like the time nearly 2 years later, after flying into a rage with his daughter, out of the blue he asked that I not tell anyone he’d been married twice (not just once)… And of course I kept the secret, I knew that all this was a great source of pain for him. But by then I’d already been on the receiving end of his occasional rage and mood swings … and I just couldn’t take the burden of keeping the secrets..or for that matter, even wanting to know. And this is what I mean about getting the heebie jeebies. With some people, I’d rather not know! Funny, I’m not sure if this is something I should honor for myself or not! Gem sun, Libra Rising. Scorpio Moon.

  5. I like when people close to me feel like they can trust me with their secrets. Sometimes though, if the secret is too deep, too dark; it can bother me for days on end. I analyze what they must be feeling, how it must be affecting them, and so on.
    For the most part though, I do like to hear secrets so I can study the correlation between experiences and behavior. Scorpio ASC.

  6. On my lj profile, it says “I am a federally designated receptacle of TMI.” I grew up training as confidante to my stepdad, which was highly inappropriate of him, but still very good training. I love information, and people seem to like telling me things.

    I find gossip FASCINATING and love hearing it. Not because of the information, which I frequently discard, but because of the things it tells me about the gossiper. :) You want a real slice of someone’s true beliefs and attitudes? Listen to them gossip about someone else.

    My 8th house is empty, but I’m strongly attracted to taboo as well, and to quote a line from a book, I’ve never heard or seen or smelt anything that couldn’t be talked about.

  7. I’m still keeping the secret of someone that I am now unable to stand. they betrayed me but that doesn’t mean I can betray them. however, like ewinbee, my parents shared inappropriate secrets with me. those secrets hurt me– my dad was cheating, my mom was worried my stepdad might kill her… I don’t keep those kind of secrets anymore.

    saturn, chiron, and venus in the 8th.

  8. i like being able to communicate on a deeper level with people close to me, and sharing the things we tend to keep private helps to bring people closer, in my experience.

    telling someone else’s secret can be an awful bretayal of trust and kind of flips that sense of closeness inside out and damages it deeply.
    i rarely trust information i get like that (a third party’s secrets) from people because it always comes with an agenda….

    though a story told when the teller is willing to share it with the world… that’s a whole different things.

    ‘course, i will share most anything with most anyone i they can ask the right question. i very rarely find myself unwilling to share if someone actually shows interest in hearing. and even asking a question can be an act of opening up, by the very way we shape our requests, we’re sharing interest, which is a way of giving energy to another person….

    some things i don’t share because i don’t feel i have the right to put the weight of whatever on someone else’s shoulders. some things are heavy. some people can’t or shouldn’t feel obligated to carry those weights for others. i think it depends on the nature of the interaction.

  9. venus in the eighth. conjunct eris, in aspect to saturn, neptune, the ascendant, pallas, and pluto. also eighth house sun (sextile moon) and south node.

  10. I want to know EVERYTHING. Good, bad, good n’ plenty. EVERYYYYYYYTHING. No juicy secrets!

    Scorp rising..venus pluto opposition.

  11. Satori, agreed… having parents abuse your confidence like that can really teach you which secrets you are NOT obligated to keep.

    Secrets are a big deal. They cost to tell, they cost to keep. Being a confidante is a high-stakes game.

    I guess I enjoy secrets because I’ve always considered it even more dangerous to not know what’s going on (remember the thread about controlling behavior?)…

  12. I was thinking about this and wondering, if somebody tells me a secret it’s actually not that secret anymore. Sometimes the difference between a shared secret and a gossip is just a matter of how well known the owner is. I found that the toughest secrets to handle are those people don’t tell you but you know, and they feel that you know and hate you for it because they hate their secret. They won’t tell you but if you are going to tell them, you better get paid for it :)

  13. Fascinating topic. I hear secrets all of the time. As part of my profession, people always tell their history, their failings and their desires. But even stranger is that everyone, everywhere, even in the supermarket line seems to feel some need to confess their innermost secrets to me. Someone said it in a post before – I seem to be the designated receptical of too much info.

    How do I feel about this? I’m always fascinated by peoples shadows or inner lives- I could hear about something totally heinous and simply think – “isn’t that interesting?”. The more bizarre the better.

    Two areas where I think – “what the hell are you thinking” is when someone pursues anothers spouse or people who are cruel or inappropriate to children.” These are areas that tell me people have no respect for others.

    My secrets? I do not share my deep secrets or my shadow with my ‘friends’ For at least for the last 20 years, I’ve either paid someone – not necessarily a therapist – could be an astrologier to listen to my innermost thoughts. I also like to post my innermost secrets to a totally anonymous blog like this for the world to see and let a complete stranger ‘solve’ or comment on my issue and feel complete confidence in that process. I have never gotten any solice by confessing to an everyday friend and I wish i knew what that said about me.

    I too am draw to taboos and the unusual. I love flawed people but am intolerant of my own shortcomings.

    Gossip intrigues me. It does say more about the gossiper than the content itself

    I am surrounded with people who have Capricorn moon and I am Gemini, double cap.

    .

  14. Hahaha this is such a funny topic.. I feel almost like I have a RIGHT to know EVERYTHING. If there are obstacles to knowing things, then by God, I’m even more determined to find those puppies OUT. On the other hand, I keep my secrets very close and often do not want them revealed, even to close loved ones. I do not want the things I know or have done to conflict with who I am now and want to be tomorrow.
    But my sister says I’m wickedly nosey, and she is absolutely right. If I had a “key” to the internet and unlimited knowledge of personal and private transgressions, maybe I wouldn’t feel like I had so much to hide??? Huh.. I have my sun, mars, mercury, and venus all in leo and in the eighth house.. but i don’t really know what that means. :/

  15. Somebody has to be willing to listen to all these secrets or there would be no 12 step programs, ya know? One of the 12 step unofficial mottos is “you’re only as sick as your secrets” and one of the steps involves telling “another human being all your dark secrets.”

    Someone (an AA sponsor) once told me “I will not take any of my own secrets to the grave, but i will take lots of other peoples.” That person had mega-scorpio energy, with Sun conjunct Pluto to the exact degree.

  16. Scorpio/8th House/Pluto here.. I ALWAYS find out secrets, one way or another. I’d never reveal them, but yeah, I have to know them.

  17. I don’t really like to know secrets but feel like I have more control if I hear what I don’t know. I have this problem with Mercury/Pluto, that is compelled to uncover everything, but I’d rather detach from what I find out (Aquarius on the 8th).

  18. I’m great at keeping my own, but not other people’s. I tend to forget after a while whether something was supposed to be a secret or not. So don’t tell me any, please.

  19. Im wonderful at keeping secrets (mine or someone elses) but what happens to me is people confess things to me. Particularly affairs. Im super anti-affair.. so really.. not one of my favorite things to find out about someone!

  20. I don’t particularly like secrets, but people tell me theirs. I really like your interpretation of gossip vs. secrets, Elsa. The whole potency factor resonates.

    I’m not on a ‘need to know’ basis, which is why, I guess, I’m like a psychic garbage pail for some people. I’m too easy.

  21. I completely agree with what ewinbee said: “You want a real slice of someone’s true beliefs and attitudes? Listen to them gossip about someone else.”

    8th house Virgo Sun, and Mecury rx conjunct Pluto in Libra in there as well, trine 5th house Jupiter in Gemini and sextile 12th house Nep/Sag.
    I’m very good at keeping secrets, but am sometimes indiscriminate when sharing my own. Sometimes intentionally, to observe the ensuing gossip with amusement… and effectively weed out the lightweights!:)

  22. secrets. i receive them a lot. lately i feel allergic to secrets. i tend to want to expose them and bring them to the light so that things can grow. i feel secrets live in shadows and while it is fertile territory, i find that the revelation of a secret has a way of growing things. albeit uncomfortably. i think secrets have a pretend power. i don’t think they are healthy. i used to think so. i like secrets of the soul –such as keeping my private/soul/creative/psychic energies under wrap as if in a cocoon. as for the ‘naughty’ or ‘taboo’ secrets –i guess i both love and hate them. as much as they bother me i’m also intrigued and drawn to them. hmmm…

    i think i have a lot of secrets that i’d rather not expose. strange that i like exposing others secrets but not my own. what’s that all about?

  23. I have a stellium of moon, Uranus and Pluto in my Leo eighth house. I don’t care about other people’s secrets much one way or the other. I also don’t care to share my deeper secrets. Some are healthier left in the dark.

    The kind of secrets that do interest me are the secrets of the universe, science, time, and ancient history. I noticed none of the earlier posts mentioned anything other than people’s personal secrets.

  24. I have a problem telling what is a secret and what isn’t unless someone explicit tells me to keep it to myself. It sounds idiotic, I know, but the truth is, I used to have some skeletons that I’ve dealt with, and I no longer need to keep certain secrets. But while I have no problem discussing them, others do, and they think it’s a secret. I really cannot always tell what is privileged information and what isn’t when I see a lot of people going around sharing secrets with all of their friends. How is it a secret if everyone knows?

    In short, I don’t have a good secret-meter.

  25. I don’t really have my own personal secrets…I’m an open book to my friends and family. I don’t tell anyone’s secrets that are entrusted to me. I’ve been asked by acquaintances for personal information, to which I usually respond that it’s none of their business. I find that acquaintances and strangers divulge information in their everyday communication that perhaps they should keep as secret…makes me wonder what their true secrets could be!

  26. I love it when people tell me their secrets. I’m good at keeping them caz I tend to forget them. It’s not my business to tell anyways, right? I abhor gossip.

    Depending on the secret, I have no problem sharing mine with the right person/people. ;-)

  27. I have a well placed Mars in the eighth, with Jupiter ruling the eighth. People come to me with confidential info, sometimes total strangers! I also get info sometimes at the last minute, that helps mefurther my plans. I love my eighth house!

  28. As an astrologer and tarot counselor I do hear clients’ secrets.But in general,I’d rather not know the secrets of my friends and family. Secrets almost always refer to the PAST and I don’t like to wallow in nostalgia . Even though I am a Cancerian .When i was younger I enjoyed drama much more than I do now!

    I rarely share my own secrets!

    Also–a favorite author of mine, Julie Cameron, wrote a “TELL ALL” biography. I just could not think of her in the same light after I heard all that stuff..really intimate, off the wall stuff.I liked her better when she was simply my “artists’ way” coach!

  29. This lurker is drawn out! I came to the blog this a.m. looking for help, and here is the very topic on my mind! :)

    I generally say I don’t like secrets. They take too much energy to keep straight who knows what and also don’t need/like to “hide” things. Conversely, I am very selective about what I tell and to whom I tell it, and it doesn’t seem to take any more energy. Makes no sense, right? :)

    No one else seems here seems to have mentioned this angle, so I will. :) Where is the value in/of a secret—in the being asked to keep it or the quality of the info (so to speak)? Both? Also, what if the secret puts you in between 2 people: which relationship do you value more? Which “commitment” (to the secret or the more important relationship) do you owe your loyalty to?

    Aries Sun, North Node, Chiron and Pisces Mercury all in 8th.

  30. #1 said: “I feel privileged when someone shares a secret with me, or just lets me in in a way that they don’t let many other people in.”

    I did too, but of course, dating someone like this eventually spurred suspicion on my part. It’s major secret nugget and tempting to regurgitate however I avoid said person now. I don’t like interpersonal frauds.

    I instill trust.

  31. All I know is that I never kiss and tell. It’s private. And I don’t want to know about your sex life either because then when I meet him or her I’d rather not be thinking about that.

  32. I don’t care to tell my secrets and I hate gossip. But, what I’ve learned is that in telling my “secrets” or detailing things that have happened in my life I often end up giving stuff up about other people too. It isn’t with an intention to harm them or reveal them or whatever. It’s that they were involved in my story just as much as i’m involved in their viewpoint of the story and how much of that is ok to give away. Hard line to draw. Thinking about it.

  33. I agree with the first post about Gemini. My moon loves to gab, but if someone tells me a secret, the other side has no problem being loyal, and i will keep the secret forever. I have Venus on the cusp of the 7th/8th house.

    Very rarely will I share one of my own secrets, unless it’s someone I trust unconditionally or need advice. I’d rather not share if there’s a chance it will spread.

  34. I love it when people trust me enough to tell me a secret, but one thing i’ve noticed lately is that i always give them chance to step back. I guess i feel somehow burdened by them.

    I don’t share my own..

  35. I’ve know the secrets of everybody at the table, which has come in very handy in being able to counsel wisely when the chips are down. “That Beast!” Really? When you know everybody’s what and why and everybody’s side of the story it’s easier to be compassionate for me; much easier to understand things. Some things are definitely best kept secret. If I am granted strength they’re going to my grave, too. I have a fear of blabbing while under anesthesia :-).

  36. I am always honored to hear a secret. I do keep them. Only once was I compelled not to do to naivete of a situation, which got me in trouble and I should have listened and they didn’t preface it with “Do you want to know a secret?” type of deal. So I thought they were just being manipulative and controlling. So I kind of “forgot” they said “there will be consequences”…but there sure WERE! Learned my lesson there for sure. On the other hand,I hate gossip but have heard it is necessary to our evolution as a species because it keeps our social fabric together. But I don’t indulge. If anyone gossips to me, I almost want to put up my hand and stay “Stop!” But if someone comes to me with a genuine need to unload a secret, I welcome the chance to be the guardian if it helps them. And I will never tell. I do have a question though I will bring to the boards regarding this.

  37. I’m one of those people who can sometimes know other people’s secrets just by looking at them. (eerily confirmed many times) it’s somewhat disconcerting. I have neptune on the descendant. I don’t know that I would change it but it can be jarring.

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