Trends In The Collective: What If You’re Cut Out To Be Married?

You know how you hear that not all people are cut out to be married?  And about how society forced these people to marry in the past?  I now think we’ve swung so far in the other direction, people who ARE cut out to be married never have this occur to them.

Some people have charts that are clearly family-oriented. They wind struggling because there is so little support for their natural way of being. It’s the same suffering that’s occurred in the past, flipped inside out.

Societal trends are so powerful, you can only hope that you’re born in a time where a life that suits is in vogue.

Do the current trends in society agree with you?


Comments

Trends In The Collective: What If You’re Cut Out To Be Married? — 34 Comments

  1. I’m ok with the times but I know someone who has internalized the idea that not being married means you are a strong, independent woman who doesn’t need a man to be happy, and that marriage means you are weak and sacrifice your life for the people around you. In a way, she believes it is a character flaw to want marriage or to live in partnership.

    The kicker is that she is obviously deluding herself, and you can see she wishes she were married; she says she knows no happy marriages and criticizes anyone who is getting married in a weirdly agitated way. She is unpleasant to be around and damages her relationships and friendships. She has been like this for years and at 51 has likely missed the boat.

    She scoffs at people who have interdependent relationships- she criticized a woman whose husband drives her back and forth to work saying that the woman should be taking public transportation- like this woman was mentally ill or a child for not doing it the hard way.

    If you don’t have self-esteem or something similar it is hard to steer your own way through life and I agree these trends can damage more sensitive people.

  2. Society definitely encourages marriage at a later age. Astrologically, I’ve heard natal Pluto in 10th house warns against marriage, I have this placement but got married last week anyway, at the old age of 33 lol.

  3. Interesting thread :) Personally I know a lot of people who are still married with adult children, so you could say they’ve been in long marriages… Or people who’ve divorced and remarried and are doing fine.

    Among people my age, I’m seeing quite a few couples getting engaged. They’re a few years out from college and they seem to be tying the know as soon as its financially feasible. So I’m not really seeing a major trend against marriage among people I know. The people who are clearly mature and aren’t married, to tell you the truth, they might not be the types to settle down. I’m grateful that society dosen’t judge them for choosing something else.

    There are also people who aren’t really cut out for marriage with just anyone. Although their charts signal they need a lot of freedom and can’t just marry anyone they can be successfully married to someone who matches them very well on an astrological basis. I’m grateful that society doesn’t judge them as much as before when they wait to find the right person for them.

  4. I totally have to disagree with this. At least where I live. “Families, families, families” and “married, married, married” is all I ever hear about, I assure you. (You all hear me grumble about feeling left out all the time.) Nobody who’s wanted a husband and baby since they were five years old has ever thought that they can’t or shouldn’t get married due to feminism or whatever that I have ever seen. People who don’t get married are few and far between, and they’re usually freaks like me who couldn’t catch a man for anything.

    I would bet money that PixieDust’s example is a woman who didn’t have the opportunity to get married in the first place. That kind of thinking comes along when you don’t have the option to depend on others. (Or watching her parents in a bad marriage, to be fair.) Plus you can see it from the other point of view–what happens if you become dependent and then get abandoned by your husband?

  5. If you look at whose married in the US, it’s mainly the middle class and up. I would think that financial problems are a major stressor in a relationship among people who have them. By promoting financial management skills and teaching people to live within ther means you could probably support marriage. In the past, people had financial problems but there were more societal pressures to stay together. I don’t think they know how to sort out their issues.

  6. i am 33, an academic down under, and everyone around me, all my friends, colleagues, and relatives, are married and having kids. i am the only single one in the department. so i dont see this trend at all.
    I completely agree with cecile. I am one of those who cant be with just anyone, i just dont feel enough attachment. but when i am with a person who feels right, (which happened only once), then i would feel like being together for eternity and i would have been happily married if circumstances were not so against it. It is just my astrology, circumstances, or karma. Still , there is still a little bit of judgement in social circles, they look at you as weird if you are single after 30. If you are a normal , nurturing personality, they just dont understand how come you cant be with just anyone who is nice.

  7. I feel this, in the sense that I live in very alternative place with lots of options for relationships/family. I make a great housewife, but the vibe around our social group is more like, get together, have kids and figure out all the other stuff later. that’s not what I would prefer & at this point I have no idea if I’ll meet anyone who would like to go the “traditional route.” I’m a Super aquarious and I have a ton of very unconventional ideas, but I’m pretty strait up when it comes to this one…..
    everyone is always floored when they come over & the house is spotless and pies are cooling on the table, but that’s just how I roll and at times it seems like it would nice to have this honored…..

  8. I think being married is starting to be seen as a luxury, and among certain groups of people, a politically-incorrect luxury.

    I’ll reference Cecile – middle class and up are who is married in the US. Everywhere you look now, there are messages that the “only” way to get married is to have the “perfect” dress, 4-star catering, 100+ people show up, etc. In other words, you gotta have $$$ to get married. I’d imagine that people who don’t have $$$ to throw around think “I gotta pay bills and buy groceries, I can’t afford to get married.” So they don’t.

    Then there are the people who are recognizing marriage as a luxury not all people enjoy, so they make the choice not to get married, because all people can’t.

    Overall, I think marriage is still an important aspect of life to society, but the expectation is you have to “qualify” to get married.

  9. er, i got married on the cheap. it involved being creative, having help, getting a hand me down dress (a family heirloom) and having the wedding at a (gorgeous) park. it’s easy to spend lots of money, but i still know people who had a small reception after going to the justice of the peace. i don’t think it’s money.

    and, yeah, we’re getting married later. but it hink part of that is a drive to individuate- to develop our identities a little more- before we merge our resources and selves into a partnership.

    i never didn’t want to get married. though i didn’t expect to find someone i’d _want_ to marry. though in that case i just had to put in the effort to go looking (and figure out what i wanted.)

    but i always knew i didn’t need to be married. but family is hugely important to me, and having an honest to goodness partner eases a number of burdens, and i have a real friend with me. all the time.

    never felt pressure to stay single, that’s for sure. though with my first (unintended) pregnancy my father flat out asked my freaking out mom “what, would you rather she _marry_ that guy???” (because. no.)

  10. though when i was younger i didn’t think i _could_ marry. and watching relationships collapse after marriage made me very very leery of the idea myself. that effect seemed better avoided.

  11. curious wanderer: the people my age who are getting married are mostly having budget weddings. Their on pretty secure professional tracks and to tell you the truth if they waited 5 years or so they could afford 4 star weddings

  12. I’d say yes(current trends in society do agree), becuase my chart doesn’t scream that it has to be married. As a matter of fact, it can be quite independant if I want to use the energy that way. But I do prefer to be partnered, so in a way no, current trends don’t. Personally, there needs to be a better balance in societies trends, lol!!! That way more people can ‘fit’ and get what they want,
    Angie

  13. Monica, a lot of planets in Libra, or the 7th. Also people who are family oriented,,,various other possibilities.

    People like my son, with his sun, moon and asc in Venus-ruled signs. He’d marry at 13 years old, if he could talk someone into it, lol. :)

  14. I’m a youngling of 23 and I can relate. I don’t feel any pressure to get married–my mother and my father never married for love with any of their marriages, and I suppose seeing that as I grew up kind of defined what I *didn’t want* a marriage to be. If anything they’d encourage me to marry when I’m in my 30s.

    I want to marry someday and I love the idea of being so close that we’re two peas in a pod. But because of the statistics being so against marriage these day, I’m sort of afraid to go into an early marriage wondering if it’ll even last.

    It’s actually an anomaly for someone around my age to marry young these days, unless it’s out of necessity (accidental baby, etc)

  15. awwwww. that makes me smile. I’ve been obsessed with marriage for a long time. with Venus in my 12th house I joked with a friend that I’m just going to go ahead & marry “god” since nothing has panned out yet. ruled by Uranus, sometimes I just up and fly away.

  16. As a young, gay man living in NYC — NO. There are tons of factors, but let’s just say that I have no planets in Libra, and a singleton Uranus in the 7th/Sag. and that monogamy is not a particularly valued idea in my particular community.

    The idea of marriage really appeals to me, but only in the vaguest or most material ways.

    It’s interesting to me that people have mentioned marriage as something that requires financial stability. I think for renters in NYC, a committed partnership of any sort brings the possibility of saving money by sharing a one-bedroom apartment! However, I totally understand, that the decision to start a family would require more than just this.

  17. I am so happy that you wrote this. Thank you. I am loving all the comments too!

    I recently confessed to a co-worker of mine that I am sometimes ashamed that my dating tendencies are positively ARCHAIC by today’s standards.

    Even though I have my own apartment, consider myself a feminist, make more than any man I have ever dated I absolutely expect men to pay for pretty much everything always and basically cater to me. In public.

    At home I will absolutely do the cooking/laundry etc. Although I guess I expect help with housework. It’s kind of embarrassing but its 100 percent true.

    I’m not sure where I got this mindset from because my family is nothing like this. I have always been this way and to change really feels like I would be just faking.

    I tried to be in a relationship where that wasn’t the setup and I resented it the entire time. I tried for years. haha!

    I haven’t gotten to the part where I feel totally comfortable being this way socially. Right now I feel like it’s selfish! I have venus exact conjunct my asc which I’ve learned from Elsa can make one ME ME ME.

    Oh well?

    I will get married. There is really no question about that. I have Cap Sun…That might account for the “traditional” bent. IDK.

  18. I am cut out to be married — I feel that being a housewife is my vocation. I feel that there is no society support :( No matter how much one is “meant” to do something, you can’t do it alone. You need friends and the world around to support you.

  19. blessedwhitney, I had a friend like that. Unfortunately, that isn’t likely to be how her life goes (she’s engaged to a woman in a state with no gay marriage, dunno about that woman’s lifetime earning potential either). Oh well, she started grad school and seems to love that, so I’m glad she found something to support herself. But yeah, that isn’t a job you can do alone. And if you don’t get lucky, then you don’t.

  20. What a great subject. I always thought I was cut out to be married. Sun in Taurus, 3 planets (SaMaVe) in 7H…….but it’s totally not working out that way. Now I’m thinking maybe I am not cut out to be married. It’s painful though to try to process because I always thought I’d get to choose. And I know I still can choose, but it seems I’d have to sacrifice more and more as time goes on. I guess I’m lucky that I didn’t marry in my 20′s because I’m pretty sure the sacrifices would still be steep, I just would have been too young and inexperienced to recognize what i was getting myself into. I’ve never been married and I’m pretty sure marriage is not very much like what we “think” it must be like when standing on the outside.

  21. Well, yes and no. I have a strong drive (Moon in Libra) to be partnered, but I have very individualistic tendencies (Aries Sun, Aqua rising) that may not lend themselves to marriage as it’s been defined, e.g., the “little woman” who has to suck it up no matter what.

    I think my placements mirror society’s current ambivalence toward partnership. The traditional wife thing doesn’t look good if you have any sense of self, but singlehood denies that yearning toward connecting deeply with the other. It’s all a matter of “finding the right one,” but we’re encouraged to settle, and yet we’re also encouraged to wait for it to show up on our doorstep.

  22. My mom has Sun and Mercury conjunct Uranus in Aries. She has Jupiter square Uranus. She’s an Aquarius rising. Her North Node is also conjunct that Uranian stellium.

    I don’t think she was cut out for marriage, but being born in 1931, that’s what you did. She has manifested her uniqueness and independence with her energetic studies and healing work. She has always been way, way waaaaay ahead of her time.

    That being said, she did marry a man who complemented her chart amazingly. Get this, she is an Aries Sun, and my Dad is an Aries Moon. Conjuct exact. She is a Leo Moon, and he is a Leo Sun. He is a Libra rising, and her Sun in Aries is right on his Dsc. And, his Uranus is exactly on her Sun. In fact, he has Moon conjunct Uranus himself, right on his Dsc. Of course he had to marry the most Uranian women around, and then disown his own Uranus entirely.

    Now I see why I’m so Uranian…Urnaus rising, Sun and Merc trine Uranus, and Mars inconjunct Uranus. I’ve never married, and I just turned 50.

  23. Thanks, Elsa. My son also has planets in Taurus (sun & moon conjunct), Aries and Libra, so same thing! Me, not so much.

Leave a Reply

Your email address will not be published. Required fields are marked *

You may use these HTML tags and attributes: <a href="" title=""> <abbr title=""> <acronym title=""> <b> <blockquote cite=""> <cite> <code> <del datetime=""> <em> <i> <q cite=""> <strike> <strong>