Yesterday I asked people if they were prejudiced by their experiences. I was prompted to write that after I read a remark, the flavor of which it’s very common to see. A person made a statement characterizing all their relationships with women (it could have been men) as difficult. They used astrology to explain this…hard aspects to their Moon or something and my first thought was to wonder how much of this was self-fulfilling prophecy.
For example, I am a woman and I would be loathe to interact with this person because I don’t want to be the next person in line to fulfill their negative expectations which totally discount me as an individual.
I have a lot to say on this subject, surprisingly. It’s an area I’ve explored extensively over more than three decades and I began adapting my life based on my findings about twenty years ago. One thing I can tell you is that your positive expectations (provided you have them) tend to be self-fulfilling and I’ll give you an example.
When I was young, I had this freakish experience with an older black man. I was scared to death of this guy, he was about 7 1/2 feet tall or at least he seemed to be, to my preteen-aged self. But I got on with him and I have gone on throughout my life to very reliably hit it off with older black men.
This pattern was so pronounced, eventually I analyzed it. I became convinced my experience occurred most likely, because every time I ran into an older black man, I subconsciously recalled my good experience with that first man in my life. Consequently, I’m pretty sure I light up like a Christmas tree when I see someone who fits this profile and since I look so friendly and accepting…well kit leads to good things happening.
It follows that your negative expectations also get reinforced. I can tell you for sure, a woman who does not get along with women is very easy to identify in nature. Your hard heart / prejudice against your sisters (yourself) is right there on your sleeve. The same is true for a man who does not like or respect women, just as your average older black man can see that I think he’s cool, before we even speak because it’s written all over my face.
Do you have negative expectations of certain groups of people? Do you have positive expectations of other groups? How does this impact your day to day life?
pictured – that’s LB Meridith, a Capricorn, who was a very good friend of mine. You can read a cool story about him here. 
37 Responses to “Fulfilling Your Negative Expectations”
I admit I don’t get along well with many women my age. I try to be a live and let live person, which goes against the hyper-competitive parenting “norm” among many of them.
However, I have Venus conjunct Pluto, and I know this is my problem.
I find it difficult to get on with most women because of my controlling mother. But then I have saturn conj moon in pisces/2nd house. I find men much easier maybe because I have three older brothers So I think it’s a chicken and egg story; astro energies set up early childhood experiences? or random childhood experiences set up + or – expectations about life? or a bit of both…..or maybe random, generally neutral, childhood experiences are influenced by astro energies to produce +/- expectations in adult life…
“I find it difficult to get on with most women because of my controlling mother.”
See, I think it is actually because of yourself. Your mother is not even in the room when you meet another woman and you’re 30 or 40 or 50 years old.
This is very good!
I totally get this Elsa! I love how you so clearly write about what is a complex (and usually unconscious) behavior.
One way I’ve seen this manifest in my life is… I LOVE a good story. Particularly people’s ‘personal’ stories. When I meet someone new a little light sparkles inside me because I ‘know’ I’m gonna hear theirs eventually. And 99% of the time I do within a very short period of time.
I have no doubt that people pick up on that and because I’m so open (along with supportive Astrology) they naturally feel comfortable sharing.
I met a guy with the same bday as a horrible ex. I immediately was weary and even told him he reminded me of him..but now I see I was LOOKING for those similar flaws and harshness my ex had. I’m giving him a chance now…
What’s really crazy is when you’re prejudiced against half the population / relate to them in some prescribed way.
I really have watched this for more that 30 years and I really your own prejudice is one of the worst things that can befall you.
Interesting topic, Elsa. I gotta go away and think about this some more.
On a different note, I loved your story about LB. I had a friend at a restaurant I worked at, he was also an older black man. His name was Angelo, a Gemini, taught me everything I know about waiting tables. They’d give us an entire section of the place and we’d make bank.
Angelo was hillarious, tall, skinny, with a mouth. He got fired because he was always late, taking the bus. I cried like hell that day, hated the general manager.
I believe it’s true that ones’ (my) personal expectations hone or hoe my growth. It takes getting clear about these predjudices first to recognize how freeing or disabling they are.
I am trying to find other LB stories, I know I wrote but I can’t find them for some reason.
Anyway, he was a bud and a half! He advised me when I was dating an asshole once and when I showed up for work, freezing on my motorcycle after a cold shower because the water heater was jacked at my department, he called them on my behalf and told them it get that thing fixed!
I am going to keep looking for the stories. I have no idea why I can’t pull them up.
Angelo used to say that tipping was a matter of education, that there was a difference between black folks and n*****s. Black folks know how to tip and n*****s don’t…
“I’m a black man, Jenn.”
“Uh huh. I know, Angelo.”
“Shoot girl, let’s bus these tables quick and get the hell up on outta here. I need a drink.”
“You got it, A.”
I too love the LB story.
This reminds me of a tale I once heard.
It was long ago when villages where build behind walls. There was a gatekeeper who was responsible for letting people in. This gatekeeper used a screening tool in making his decision.
When someone stood at the gate of village and requesting permission to live in the village the gatekeeper would ask, “Tell me about the last village you lived in?”
If the person applied, “The people there were mean and nasty and I didn’t like living there.” The gatekeeper would turn them away.
If the people answered, “I miss my old village, the people there were kind, and loving.” Then the gatekeeper would let them in.
The logic is the same I think.
I have only hard aspects to my moon and get along with women. I get along with my family too and beyond that, I expect to get along well with most ppl and I do.
In religious terms: We reap as we sow.
In quantum physics terms: A negative field will attract a negative pole.
We radiate negative, we attract negative.
Simple use of creative Willpower, regardless of signs or placements.
This is why being interested in astrology is dangerous for some people (a little bit of knowledge can be dangerous). They see a Pluto transit (or whatever) coming and ASSUME that something terrible is going to happen to them. They continue to hold this vibration, and it does happen. In other words, it becomes a ‘self-fulfilling prophecy’, which is the law of attraction in action. (And then they say ” I told you so”).
I agree with Jennifer very interesting topic. I also agree that positive first experience will generally always be such with anyone or group.
On this man who believes women are negative I believe that has to do with his relationship with his mother and other women in his family. Men that have a good relation with the women of their immediate family usually make the best husbands. By the same token women who have a positive relationship with the men of their family make good wives as a general rule. If you are fortunate enough to have a positive relationship with both parents fantastic but usually one parent or the other is the way it works out.
Me I had a wonderful relationship with my father. I have always had a great relationship with men in general and have been a good wife to each of my husbands it just took me a couple of try’s before I found a man who could appreciate me. My relationship with my mother was not quite as good she expected me to be a carbon copy of her and I am not even close. Both parents were Capricorns and were fantastic people dad understood where my thoughts and feelings were at mom was clueless. I am cautious around women I believe it has to do with my relationship with my mom and the older women on her side of the fence.
This is very true. I’ve noticed that what I expect from other people often simply gets reflected back to me.
I wouldn’t normally think of myself as “prejudiced,” but I struggle with having negative expectations of people in general. I chalk it up to my Moon-Saturn. I need to constantly remind myself to be more trusting. When I let my guard down, people are usually much more open, kind, and generous with me.
I’ve tried to figure out where my negative expectations came from and who was originally at fault for them (my mother? myself?)…but in the end it doesn’t really matter. As I see it, wherever they originally came from, they’ve become a part of me now (they’re shown in MY chart, after all) and therefore they’re my responsibility.
I have indeed noticed a tendency to use both astrology and circumstance/history as an excuse to form expectations. I do it sometimes, and others around me do it sometimes. I am slowly reprogramming myself so that I take people on an individual basis. Pre-judgement and expectation get me no where good.
Even further, I’ve learned that people are not even the same people you thought they were most of the time… so when I say “on an individual basis” i mean not only individual as a person but actually individual as a moment, as an individual at that time, because everyone is constantly changing and there is nothing I hate more than being judged and assumed to be the way that someone remembers me being in the past… not only may they have misinterpreted me in the first place, but even if I did have such and such fault, I am working to move past those things and to free myself from them… and other peoples’ expectations and presuppositions are like ropes trying to tie me back into those binds. Fuck that.
Excellent comment, Sass. I don’t like that either. A person pegs you wrong, for whatever reason and just sticks to it even when a tower of evidence stacks up. This is good or ill. They can judge you as good when you’re bad too, and just keep on making excuses.
It’s a truly crazy way to live if you think about it.
Unpredictable (aka, chaotic) people are some of my most favorite individuals because they keep me from falling back into those expectation patterns myself.
(Or, conversely, they cause me to in a way that is very obvious to me and therefore breaks me out of it very quickly, if that makes any sense) –either way… that’s the unpredictability again… heh
Chaos is good, chaos is great. It screams FLIGGLE OFF in your face, and then it makes you a cake.
I’ve heard “all women think is..” or “all women want is..” or “all women do this or that because” and replied “STOP THINKING FOR ME” and “I’m not ‘all’ women” just enough to piss me off to the point that I refuse to be the same way in reverse (toward men).
Can’t say I didn’t lump them all together before. I can’t. But, I try really really hard to be aware of it now.
I’m sure I’m still guilty at times. But, I try to be aware.
I treat everyone as equals even if a voice inside or an old recording is suspicious or whatever the case may be. I always give individuals the benefit of the doubt.
Hm, interesting topic. I like all of what’s been said!
Old guys at bars are pretty much the best kind of guys.
Caesura love your comments above. We all have all these negative conotations ingrained in us from generation upon generation of expounded distrust… it’s easy to say “my mom did it to me” but then, who did it to her? Her mom? And to her? Her mom… and on and on it goes until you get absolutely no where fast.
I definitely believe we all just have to take responsibility for who we are by rising above our programming whenever possible…
and when we fail to do so, we should blame no one. Not EVEN ourselves for failing to rise above… because even our failure to maintain high awareness is a product of a similar generational compounding of doubt and faithlessness that also goes back eternally.
We cannot chase cause and effect, it just leads to more excuses.
The only answer is to take responsibility and to rise above whenever possible, and to have understanding and compassion for ourselves when we fall down from that space.
Err, unless they are the gross kind. But that guy in the picture looks awesome.
I try not to generalize. Anyway, people have proved to me time and again it’s impossible to tell beforehand, who’s going to let you down or stab you in the back. I try not to judge a book by the cover, as that’s a good way to distract yourself with people fitting the description of a probable transgressor, while leaving your back wide open to the less obvious ones. The 8th house NN and Vertex speak of a good chance of running into hidden enemies. The 1st house Neptune in Scorp indicates a good chance of being deceived or betrayed, probably by people who appear trustworthy or whom I have a need to trust. The only way to tell a rotten apple from a good one is to use the same Neptune to sense their true nature. Saturn in Pisces comes in handy, when the results need to be analyzed. Of course, I give people the benefit of a doubt, sometimes even a chance to redeem themselves after a deliberate transgression. I do have Saturn in Pisces, you know… If, however, there’s no way a person can be considered anything but a pain in the ass, he gets a permanent place on my ratlist. Once you’re on it, you’re on it. If you’re really really nice, your act itself may be forgiven, but you’ll never be trusted again and any further incursions on my turf will be instantly met with various kinds of unpleasantness. My limits may be mutable and fluid, but they do exist and ice is water too.
Positive expectations I’ve had in plenty, but there are very few groups that are uniform enough to never let you down. So, I prefer not to expect anything of any group.
This is sooo soo sooo soo important. I think a lot of people use astrology as a crutch. Refusing to see exactly what you have outlined here. Unfortunately I think the bottom line is life works this way so it really doesn’t make much sense to ignore it. Love you for posting this Elsa. Always a great reminder!
Elas replied; “I find it difficult to get on with most women because of my controlling mother.”
See, I think it is actually because of yourself. Your mother is not even in the room when you meet another woman and you’re 30 or 40 or 50 years old.
Agreed Elsa, of course she’s not in the room, I’m projecting my expectations onto those women who remind me of her, it’s unconscious and difficult to overcome consciously. I love her btw, have much admiration for her. My point was: would I have had this early experience if I didn’t have the Sat conj moon thing. If I’d not had it maybe my mother would not have seemed controlling to me.
Cosign Sassafrass’ comments!
Thank you for posting this! I needed to hear this. I think I use certain aspects in my chart to excuse certain behaviors or attitudes- and I really don’t want to do this! Thanks for the reminder.
Heads Up from Elsa P!
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I always give individuals the benefit of the doubt because everyone really is different in many ways, as they are the same in many ways.
However, I will say that I assume groups of people will behave in a certain way based on my life experiences. That’s what I’ve seen and experienced, so that is what I know.