Harsh, but true.
If neither of you want a divorce, then either your husband will need to compromise on where you two live or end his family’s hostility towards you (if that would make your location more bearable to you). Bottom line – you deserve nothing less.

I’m adding my luck as well!

That person and her letter made me want to cry. Why do strong women do these things to themselves. Yes, TO THEMSELVES. What goes on in our heads? I wish her the best of luck and hope she has great friends or finds a great therapist because she needs to talk to someone about this. I think she may feel bad for awhile. And free. And the freedom is worth it. Good Luck.

I’ve been there and done that. I ran. BUT, I realize with 30 years hindsight that there were other options. I could have just chosen to let them support my excesses and adopted a lifestyle that pleased me.

Announce that you have no interest in finding a job and that you are going to take up a sport (mountain climbing?) and he can support you. Your new hobby, about which you are extremely passionate about, should be rather expensive (raising race horses?) and should keep you from having to interface with your inlaws.

If he is willing to go with you on this, he is a keeper. If he negotiates a move to town, then you get your way. If he tells you to take a hike, then you know leaving is a very very good idea.

Yrs,
JRW

Sounds like a non-negotiable situation. You’re miserable, and he has said that he will. not. move. You were warned, you tried, it didn’t work out. Time to go.

I like what Strawberry Field stated above. And all of here wish you the best, no matter what your decision is.

Dear Earth Lady, your hub sounds like he’s being what my daddy would call a Casper Milktoast, which is just as pussy as it sounds. What a recepticle he must be, listening to all that bullshit they must feed him! Blood is thicker than water, but so what? His blood sounds full of venom! My hub did that shit to me once upon a time and I asked him which of us was a better lay, me or yer maw? Then remind him that his clannish hive will do it to anyone he brings home so he should marry his 1st cousin next time. I hope that helps. Tell him I think he sucks.

Leave Him!!!
You deserve the best.
Someone to support you, not bring you down.

I don’t think it’s “niceness” for your husband to stand by while his family attacks his wife. He’s worried about how hard it would be on _him_ to move, while you’re losing weight and crying yourself to sleep at night?

More than the issue about where you live by far, the fact that he seems uninterested in your needs and well-being really concerns me. loving husbands care about their wife’s feelings and well-being just like their own.

you may want to consider hooking up with a counselor while you try to work out your feelings about it.

good luck, wife!

This, even though it was written 5+ years ago, really struck a nerve with me.

MY husband was thinking of moving back to the family farm at one time. Thank the stars he now wants his OWN farm.

‘Cause we’d also be surrounded by the enemy.

I’m fortunate that I always got on well with his parents. It’s his sister and his SIL that cause all the problems. They’ve tried their best to run me off, but I hold my ground, and the hubs won’t stand for it. Unlike this wuss, he cut them off.

They may be many, and they may be mean, but they can’t get at me. That’s all that matters.

I did not hear back from her, that I know of or recall.

Ugh.

Absolutely perfect assessment of that problem, Elsa.

My Ex was like this. One of his Big Ideas was that we and his mother and father would all move to the Midwest where the *rest* of his family was and live in adjacent houses or something.

I kind of observed what happened to his nephew’s wife when she entered into that environment. I heard things about her like : ” She thinks she’s really something because she has a fancy college degree..”

She was gone in six months.

My thought when Ex brought up this scenario for us? Oh, no fucking way. I would not have a single ally, I’d drown in enemy DNA.

My staying around for 17 years has been a big f you to those two bitches.

It’s never failed to amaze me how people let Psycho SFB SIL get away with the crap she has. It’s almost as if she, an outsider, took over the soul of the family. Hell, she uses the 80 year old family business as her personal ATM, so why should that stop at anything else?

The other mental case is the one who thinks she and her kids should be the only ones who ever get any of MIL’s time and attention.

That’s been at the heart of the battle royale between them for 25+ years.

They hated the ex-wife and ran her off (she’s white trash), and I was no better (an overeducated spoiled rich bitch).

However, I have one thing the ex-wife didn’t: self esteem. I didn’t choose either of these bitches to be in my life. I picked their brother/BIL. I’m not going to go away because I don’t fit into your insane plans. I’ll say it again: my sticking around is sticking a big fat middle finger in their faces.

I admit it would have been much harder to stick up the middle finger if the hubs and his parents didn’t have my back.

I sure hope, for her sanity and mental health, that this woman got out of there and never looked back.

My heart goes out to you, Beleaguered!
It sounds as if you thought you could mold yourself to fit in his world, and you’re finding out now that you can’t. I’m so sorry to hear it.
Sometimes even when two people love each other so much, it’s still not meant to be.
I wish you the best of luck in getting out of his life and starting your own, maybe find someone who will value you enough to defend you against his bad talking family. Or maybe you’ll find someone whose family loves you.
Hugs!

Thank you, Kelly.

If u r not masochistic run for ur life….it shouldn’t be this way…life i mean

Beleaguered, if you’re still lurking, we really hope that you that you made the break and did well for yourself.