I think that most often it means, “I am a little desperate so want to keep you on the line but am hoping something better comes a long” or “I really like you or I really want to make it work with you but I know that it’s not going to so I’ll keep you on the line until something better comes along someday (then I’ll be ready!)”. That’s what I’ve seen at least; I haven’t seen anyone hold out for practical (or just stated) reasons and actually end up going through with it. I definitely think it’s a put-off.

Maybe someone else can shed some hope on the subject, though.

I just had a conversation with a woman this weekend who had said that to her, now, of many years husband, for about 3 years before she married him. She had been recently divorced and just wasn’t wanting to make that level of commitment yet. She wanted some “self” time or “make me better and figure out what went wrong” time as she put it. He was persistent and they’ve been married 20 some years now. I say smart self-aware woman.

I don’t know that this holds true for everyone but for me I don’t think I ever said that to someone I was seeing but to my friends around me as I just couldn’t see myself as married. I am now married and pretty darn freaked at the Mrs., wife, husband language that everyone is bent upon using. I think the mental image of myself needs to adjust and I’m having difficulty adjusting it. I don’t think that it means I don’t want to be married to him as I just said yes and signed on the paperwork quite happily, just that I never imagined myself as married and need to adjust my internal view of myself?? Something like that. (wonderful miracles DO happen)

I told my boyfriend that I wasn’t ready to get married. I wasn’t. We have been together 2 years and married for 24 years of those years. I meant what I said. I wasn’t ready emotionally or mentally for marriage. OTOH, my sweetie wanted to marry me from day one. But when we did married and had a baby on the way, he went through a crisis. He was overwhelmed by the loss of freedom.

I think that some people need more freedom/personal space than others….I wouldn’t say it’s a put off, but when a person says something like that I don’t think he/she is/will ever be ready for a traditional marriage. Such people – and I know, because I am one of them – can love and adore and be loyal and everything, but they just like to be on their own, too.

PS Nadia you are so right. I’m like that and so is my feller. He’s never married, though he LOVES women. I think the fact I understand that – however hard it is to handle sometimes – is the reason we are back seeing one another after all these years. That love of – absolute NEED for – freedom is very strong in his chart too – and since I’ve been studying his chart in depth, I’m finding it much much easier than I’ve ever done in 22/23 years to give him all the space he needs.

I’ve got the lovely Saturn in Libra… I can say with complete assurance that when I uttered those words to my ex-boyfriend after 6 months of dating it really meant, and what I eventually told him after 3 years of dating: “I love the sex (he was a scorp), I love the intimate conversations, I love his spirituality, and I love how he cherishes me…but I cannot imagine EVER being in a long-term relationship with him b/c he is a dreamer, terrible with money and practical matters, unreliable, and wants to live a secluded existence”.. ouch, I know. And yeah,I was a little obsessed with the relationship aspect b/c I learned so much about myself through him that I did not want to lose that either!! Eventually, the guilt and selfishness of it all tookover and I finally ended it for good. I did love this man and knew I had to let him go so that we could both be free to be open and available for an authentic and balanced relationship with someone else.

Personally, and I know this will probably put me on shit-lists, I don’t think marriage is necessary. If you love someone, be with that person, you don’t need ceremony, baubles, or documents to prove your love. (Or, at least, you SHOULDN’T need them).

Just my two cents.

Not ready to marry YOU.

I never assumed a mortgage or children were a given for everyone. I don’t exactly live like the average joe blow, though.

I’m an Aquarius, i have said it and I mean it. Whether you take your vows or not, The stars know and so do you. If it’s meant to be then you’ll feel it if not then you’ll know it!

(((SaD))) yer tooooo good for they guy!!!! I know it still hurts, sorry.

I have said that to someone. At the time I was 19, he was my first serious boyfriend and me his first girlfriend, period. We’d been together about six months when I said it and my reasons were these:
1. he was infatuated with the idea of marriage and kids, but it felt to me like anyone would have done for him in pursuit of that goal. He talked about it from the first days of our relationship, almost non-stop, before we’d really gotten to know each other.
2. Neither one of us had a lot of experience with dating, and his idea of a future for us meant me barefoot and pregnant, with him working to support the family. His job was in a factory, and he didn’t seem ambitious to achieve anything more than that, so I had serious concerns about whether he could support a family, given that he didn’t want his wife to work.
3. Related to #2 — I wanted to have a career and to have some adventures and he was not supportive of that. Our life goals were very different.
4. I didn’t feel the “grand passion” with him and the chemistry was lacking, and that combined with his disloyalty to me (every time we had a disagreement, he’d run off in tears and tell his cousins, who were my friends and who’d introduced us, how mean I was instead of talking it out with me like an adult) put me off eventually. Communication is vital to me — moon in Gemini — and being with him taught me I can’t be with someone who won’t talk to me. This behaviour of his also resulted in his cousins viewing me as a monster, so when we broke up I lost my friends as well as my boyfriend.

Oh yeah, and six months after our breakup he got his next girlfriend pregnant, married her just before the birth of their son, and by the time I saw him four years later she was pregnant with their fourth child.

I wrote about this to elsa recently, as this is my situation. The truth is, I was on the wanting to get married end as we have a baby together and I just want to marry (I’m 38). But while when he said he wasn’t ready really hurt me and I took it personally, I do think it’s about him, not me, and am secretely relieved that he isn’t ready b/c I don’t think I am either. We’re still too up and down in our relationship and still too out of our minds as new parents to seal the deal on a huge life decision like that – he just had the presence of mind to say he wasn’t ready, where I’m a little more impetuous and risk-taking and should probably wait until we’re on more solid ground.

I did this once. I did want to get married, but I wanted other things too. I wanted to get married and go to school and see the world. My intended and my mom wanted be get pregnant right away. At that time society was redefining women’s roles. I was torn between two attitudes. I married anyway, after I was in it, he said he wouldn’t support me going to school. Hell he wouldn’t even let me have my own car, said I would get smart, get a good job, and leave him. Funny I left him anyway.

I know a couple who are holding off on marriage because he needs to pay off his debts first.

Hi mudlike sassyastrology has a good piece of saturn/venus and waiting. Maybe the astrologer you consulted with shares the same opinion as the author of that article.

I think very rarely it points to pragmatic reasons, and most of the time it is said, it means the person isn’t in love with the partner enough to marry him/her, the relationship doesn’t have the zing – the juice – it would need for the lofty undertaking of marriage.

When I was told this in my last relationship, I took it to mean the obvious in our situation: he needed to get his income high enough to support a family. Looking back, though, I think he just wasn’t sure he could rely on me that way.

Whenever I’ve said it, I meant that I wasn’t ready for the work it would entail, to prepare myself emotionally, psychologically, and financially. In hindsight, I realize my partner didn’t inspire the dream in me, in fact it was quite a nightmare scenario.

I think if marriage chemistry is there, marriage will be an inevitable and a wonderful stepping-stone – not the looming fate that incompatible couples often hem and haw about.

I think it means ‘I’m not ready to get married ro you.’ No, I’ve never heard it myself, but talk shows say it all the time.

I also disagree that “marriage” changes anything. You can be in a committed relationship with children, commitment, and responsibility.

The only thing marriage changes, to me, is the knowing that you’re working toward a “this is it for me, there is no one else and no open ended ‘until this stops working’ agreement. We are now bound to work through our troubles no matter what comes our way rather than giving up”, which not being married doesn’t have for me.

And let me tell you, marriage can absolutely change everything in that your problems become your spouse’s problems, or theirs become yours. Sometimes things like financial problems or addiction problems are impossible to fix and grow from, because the individuals some marry are irresponsible and lazy and aren’t ashamed about bathing you in their crap.

Don’t be fooled. I’ve seen way too many people jump into the $30,000 fairytale marriage, only wishing now that they never did because of the issues I’ve mentioned. Very hard to get out of.

For me, it means, “Not to You.”

Welcome, Suizou.

Every time I read/hear ‘what does it mean’ I think of Double Rainbow Guy. I’m screwed for life.

Nutsy you are so right! Who needs it!

I’ve been with same guy for 23 years and neither of us wants to get married. Why sign a contract that can tie your finances in knot and cost you a bundle if you ever separate?

Marriage is basically an economic contract that was established as a way of passing down property. (And women were considered chattel owned by their husbands who gained control over a woman’s property as soon she married.)

If you trust your partner you don’t need papers to prove the relationship.

When I said it, I meant that I wasn’t ready to get married and did not know if I ever would be. Four years later, I said yes, and he turned into Mr Hyde and then took off in the night. It was very odd indeed.