yes, and when you find out you can’t help but ask yourself why would someone knowingly do something so cruel? and sometimes the answer to that is too disturbing. in an effort to understand we have to cast it into a more benevolent light. what other choice is there?

I did . . . nothing like lots of pain – physical, mental & emotional – as a wake up call. Moon conjunct Neptune in Libra – a natural born “rescuer” (or fool in Love). A therapist asked me what my ideal relationship would be . . eye-opener as it was so not the reality at the time!

I am confused, as stated earlier today – and unlikely it will change any time soon. I do not know whether I am too demanding or he is not treating me right, or whether I am a hag and he IS in fact giving me all sorts of things without me appreciating it enough.

for a very long time.. Neptune on 7th house cusp. What’s funny is that sometimes I get carried away thinking and imagining that my good acts and love will magicaly (Neptune) change how they behave. Not once did I think about what I want and what I like.

This is sooo interesting! I too have Neptune in the 7th House (Scorpio)and is highly aspected by most of my other planets. I too can relate to the themes of born rescuer and fool in love. Elena’s comment of magical thinking is a classic in terms of deluding oneself into believing anything and everything. However – I’m an older person now and hopefully more astute these days and far less willing to con myself and let others con me. One can learn (over time) to strengthen ones guard against these pitfalls. Now I’m downright tough on people! as my Neptune is now an accurate antennae for people’s incongruency.

Neptune in the twelfth. I definitely have deluded myself at times but I like to think I operate at a higher level of awareness these days. I try very hard to see people for what they are and recognize that their behaviors are their own issue and not necessarily a reflection of me, but they don’t get to treat me badly anyway.

Yeah I do, this is a pretty thought provoking post. Neptune in Sag, opps Venus/MC, sqaure Saturn/AC, trine Mercury Moon/Mars/Jupiter, sextile Pluto.

I have bookmarked this blog! And it comes in handy

Interesting question. I have Neptune in the 7th, right on the DC, in Sag. I don’t believe I’ve ever been in denial about people’s negative actions towards me. I may not have come right out and made accusations, but I would typically just withdraw from that person or people. Perhaps, as I think of it.. I would deny how much it hurt me.
Nowadays though… I’m pretty sure I won’t let anyone treat me badly at all, or get away with it silently. They are going to know what bothers me or hurts me. As I’m quickly learning, denying or burying certain things just isn’t helpful, not in the long run anyway.

Aries,Cancer Rising, Cap Moon, Venus in Pisces. I used to tell myself that their behavior was a reflection of them and not me. Which is true, but then I had to ask myself “Why would I stay around to be someone else’s verbal punching bag?”
I am an eagle whom can fly strong into headwinds of any type. But, I have learned not to constantly seek out those headwinds ie put up with crappy behavior from loved ones.

“It is very hard for me to believe that people would do things to deliberately hurt me.”

They may not be deliberately hurting you. They may just be focused on taking care of their own needs and you are inconsequential to that.

Usually I perceive the world like a nebula. Indoubtly I have a ADHD (atentional disorder) as a adult, however I function very well assisted by virgoes and scorpios. I need a partner to keep me focused and it is not problem with lots of libra in eleven house. May be a person treat me poorly and may be I will not perceive it for awhile. However when I realize the thing (mercury in the scorpio cusp) I could cut off the person then what I don’t understand is that face of “WHYYYYY” “why do you react that way so intempestively?”
My neptune is in twelve house…and mercury too

It’s hard for me see clearly, but I am so much better than I was. 5th house moon square 7th house neptune.

Neptune in the 7th(Placidus) or 8th (equal) inconj my Pisces rising. So yeah it happens big time. If I give them the benefit of the doubt it usually bites me in the ass but it is cause like Elsa said in #21

Neptune and Chiron in Libra: I’ve always been very aware when people are behaving badly but always been far too willing ot explain their behaviour so as to giv ethem the benefit of the doubt, and esp my lovers. It’s so ingrained for me to do this, all I can do to protect myself is to stay away from men…

Ha. Thanks for this. I always did wonder about it. In fact half the relationship was about asking why why why why are you doing this, or that, or the other thing? I would think that if I just explained very carefully how and why I was being hurt, he would stop it.

But he remained awesomely dense. And I would think, is it me? What is it?

Well, it wasn’t me and of course he knew. And I let myself be utterly deluded because *whenever* the moment would have been that I ended the relationship, it would be ( and was) almost unbearably painful. Now that I did that, I feel like I got into an accident; some terrible, life-changing injury. I’ll always have a limp, there will always be a twinge and a stiffness where my back got broken. But it actually happened a long time ago — maybe even as long as ten years ago. I just preferred to allow this man to lie to me and treat me like shit because *I* couldn’t face the truth.

Neptune in Scorpio, tenth house, conjunct the moon, square mars in leo.

Great question. Neptune in Scorpio in the 1stH conjunct my Moon in 1st. My answer: I used to do this and the result was massive disappointment, I do not do it anymore as I have gotten older my willingness to compromise and delude myself is not there anymore. I cut and run these days I don’t stick around to see if I can ‘fix’ something to make it work. Life is too short.

Oh my this is a tough one. Neptune in first/Scorpio squares my 4th house Aquarian sun; and squares my 10th house Leo Mars; square 4th house Aquarian Saturn. I believe wanting to be able to handle THESE issuse is what drew me to astrology. So much to learn.

I used to. Neptune conj Sun. I would give people the benefit of the doubt far too long. I didn’t realize that people pretty much show you their shadow in their behavior up front.

I will add that once I finally accepted, it became much easier for my Plutonic self to let go when the time came. Not easy, but easier.

Neptune is in the 9th Libra. For much of my life explaining others’ bad-for-me behavior started before I could find words to call ‘em out on the actions. The transformative world view lasted more than fifty years. And then, I lived through it. The Universe presented me with chronic illness and called me to set the boundaries, or she would. It’s a work in progress at this age, and more and more I see where I fit inside my own boundaries.

Another Neptune in the 7th, conjunct the Desc. here. I guess I have pretended people didn’t know they were treating me poorly – sometimes, but at other times I:
1) simply blame myself for the fact that they shat on me – somehow, some way I should have been different and then they wouldn’t have treated me this way;
2) get into victim mode – how could you!?!

The underlying theme, in my case, is similar to Elena’s comment (#9): “What’s funny is that sometimes I get carried away thinking and imagining that my good acts and love will magicaly (Neptune) change how they behave.”

I don’t know if I was expecting that my good acts or love would do it – but somehow, I was supposed to be some way that would get others to treat me well, recognize my worth, etc.

The delusion was that this “being some way” was magical and didn’t particularly include policing my boundaries and insisting on respect.

And, I have often been “merged” with someone else’s opinion/treatment of me – how they see me/treat me defines me.

It’s very weird, when you think about it. Thinking that somehow I have or should have this power to be such and such a thing that will MAKE others behave a certain way. It’s a huge burden to carry – trying to redeem/transform someone else’s behavior – and it’s totally delusional.

I’m speaking in the past tense. I’m much more effective at this now, but I’m late middle-age and have finally reached a stage where I can look back and see what I was doing.

Elsa, your comment is brilliant: that they may not be deliberately trying to hurt you but may just be trying to take care of their needs and you are inconsequential to that. But it HURTS to feel inconsequential to someone you trust. And it hurts even more when they get angry when you tell them.

One time only. If someone treats me rudely, it irritates me completely. Neptune Scorpio 9th. Knowing people are flawed, I’ll give them the benefit of the doubt once. Sometimes, people are oblivious of how their actions affect others because they are too involved in their own soap opera.

However, If their behavior is confirmed by repeat instances, I lash out, and dump them.

After all, who are they to treat me in such a manner? They are no better than me. I don’t treat them that way, and I expect the same respect in return.

If I’m being treated badly I nip it right in the bud. I’ve had to cut people off mid-sentence to do it, but I do it in the most clear, level-headed, and organized way possible. ie: I was sharing an idea with someone and then that person proceeded to tear down my idea, twist it around, turn it into something it wasn’t. I couldn’t let it slide and LAID IT DOWN for them. Things are made clear and It never happens again.
I fully accept differences in opinion and love honesty (somehow esp when its something i dont want to hear) but can’t stand for lack of sense, reason, fairness. I do find myself saying “You are not quoting me” a whole lot. Sheesh, it’s probably happened on this board.
11H Neptune in Sag conj Mars & Jupiter in Cap

People *do* often know when they are treating you badly. One thing I have noticed is that they will frequently find things about you to dislike in order to justify it. Like, “I wouldn’t have done X if you hadn’t done Y first.” Even if X is ten times worse than Y, it’s a handy excuse.

I think this can then snowball, where the transgressor convinces him/herself the victim deserves it, and the bad behavior gets more and more unchecked. The person can’t admit their guilt to themselves, so they find more and more reasons for why the victim “deserves” it. The cycle continues.

Topaz, I agree with you but I still don’t think the transgressor is conscious of the mechanics of their actions. I think it needs to be called out immediately and rationally. If the person gets pissed or is in denial and can’t meet halfway at the very least then I consider that enough to amputate or distance depending on the relationship. People need to know they can’t f- with you and to be made aware of their tendency if anything is to improve.
In my case, I feel if nothing changes, well at least I tried. Can’t accept a victim role.

YellowTopaz, that sounds very familiar to me. It’s a hard cycle to recognize when you’re in it, and takes a lot of work on oneself to break out of. Very salient point.