You would think so. But I notice controlling women are the ones that are able to keep their men with them, even though they may not be happy.
i’m not saying all women with long term relationships are controling of course. But I know alot of men that aren’t very happy in their relationships but still won’t cut loose, and I notice the women are the plutonic kind.
maybe i’m just being bitter.

Elsa cmon girl! I sent you exactly the kind of question you never see!!!
I asked you how I can stop the cycle of being with bad Gemini and find a good one? And I am a Virgo!;-)))
Oh and I just realized that 80% of my friends are Gemini too…

Elena, I am talking about Google searches. People write me all the time trying to improve themselves. This is an advice blog!

But the people out there in general, searching google are after one thing and one thing only. ‘How do I get this other person to do what I want them to do?”

And I am not a girl… I am a woman!

I’m a firm believer in personal responsibility. No one can make you do something you don’t want to do.

That’s why I disagree with Viv up there. As an outsider, the woman may seem controlling (and heck, maybe she is), but he’s still there. And you know what? That means he wants to stay there. At least for now.

I do not believe in controlling someone in a relationship and I also have to say that if you find yourself being controlled, half the time it’s your own damn fault.

I will definitely have to read that book! I have, in the past, been very controlling. I learned it from my family and didn’t realize for a long time that there was any other way to deal with tension.

I do think that real, soulful love is impossible when either party (or both) are controlling. Because you are basically reducing the other person to an object. You are controlling in an effort to resolve the tension you feel (in whatever way that comes out: basic control, or smothering, or manipulating, whatever).

But, ironically, I also think that boundaries can improve love and relationships dramatically. So, control over yourself is good, but control over another person is not so good, I guess.

Take my relationship, for example. My sig other has ADD, so if I have no boundaries, I lose myself in his “fast” ness, when I am not always a fast person! So, I have to remind myself of the difference of saying “I don’t have ADD, so I’m going to do it THIS way” (boundaries) and “You need to do it this way” (control).

On another note, sometimes the person who, on the outside, looks like they’re being “controlled” is actually a mastermind of controllingness. You can’t always tell just by outside appearance.

I agree with the poster above who advised not to judge a relationship from it’s outward appearance. There’s a good chance the controlee needs the structure and stability that the controller provides them! It’s a symbiotic relationship.

Control is not love. I am not at control person at all and somehow I seem to attract ‘control’ people maybe they think I’m a challenge somehow or they think I’m a pushover with my accommodating Libra rising. I am A LOT better at spotting control now,sometimes it can be so subtle it’s difficult to tell. I read something one time that said if someone is constantly making you angry, they are crossing your boundaries and I am finally after many years learning to clearly define my boundaries.

Also, I don’t think control and love are mutually exclusive. Pure love is not about control, but relationships deal with flawed humans and control is a fact of life.

I agree control and love are mutually exclusive. Love is forgiveness, acceptance, gratitude, serenity, joy. I don’t think you can experience these things if you are simultaneously exerting control, or being fearful of losing control.

I also think this is THE hardest aspect of being human – the need to be loved as well as the need for control. I approach it by trying to be SELF-controlled. And yet, this has its own pitfalls for me too (though less than the alternative).