A few people remarked on Brains, Brawn And Prowess vs Feminized Men to suggest I was sexist. To tell you the truth, I didn’t really know what they meant.
A few days later, this came to mind again so I asked my husband what “sexist” meant. He said it was like being called a “racist”. I shrugged.
This morning I decided to look the word up.
Definition of SEXISM
1: prejudice or discrimination based on sex; especially : discrimination against women
2 : behavior, conditions, or attitudes that foster stereotypes of social roles based on sex
source – Merriam-Webster
Let’s see. If acknowledging there are differences between men and women is “sexist”, I am definitely sexist as I see women act like women and men act like men, every day of my life. I also notice women seem to be the only ones who get pregnant, nurse babies or go through menopause.
I also think this definition itself is sexist as it favors women here: ” especially : discrimination against women”.
I noticed the word was coined in 1968. Before that, it was apparently okay to notice differences between men and women.
1968 is when Uranus entered Libra. Shake up relationships, yes? Rebel? Experiment?
Uranus is now in Aries (opposing it’s position in 1968) so this seems a good time to look at this. I am sorry, I don’t mean to start trouble. I just think this is something worth looking at because when I consult with a man or a woman, I always note their sex. I most definitely consider it when I speak to them, the same way I consider a person’s culture and religion. I think I would be far less successful if I talked to men like they were women and vice versa. I also think if I talked to them as if they had no hormone in their body, I’d fail them.
Should a person be dissed or degraded for acknowledging differences between men and women?
46 Responses to “They Say I’m “Sexist””
No, I don’t think they should. This reminds me of a previous post you made, Elsa, where you said that it is considered rebellious to many people to hold what is considered to be a more “traditional” or “old fashioned” view these days. I agreed with that post because I feel I have experienced this on a personal level. I don’t think you are sexist, I think you are realistic.
In one way, I do think there is a wide range of behaviors that women and men encompass. Some women have masculine qualities (I know I do), some men have feminine qualities. But by and large, I do believe there are definite trends to the way each gender thinks and behaves and to deny this, I think is naive.
I get this, I really do.
But I just want to stick up for people who fight the good fight, i.e. advocate for women who do the same job as men, come into a position with the same workforce experience, but who make less pay. Or for men who get the shortshrift in child custody cases, when the evidence clearly shows they deserve more.
The term sexist conveys far different things than it did 40 years ago, naturally. People who stick to the dated version probably need updating. But..well, you know. I would never want to throw the baby out with the bathwater; to say there were no benefits to the movement that was sprung when I was a baby.
Ditto on what Caroline said.
there’s a big difference between noting tendencies to act different and major differentials in instinctual drives, and limiting people based upon these things.
the big issue with “sexism” is the imposition of artificial impositions on the freedoms and rights of people. especially the subtle social norms. those are the most dangerous, because they’re invisible.
and don’t tell me there isn’t sexism out there against both genders…
it’s a tricky line to walk.. recognizing fact and then making assumptions based upon fact. and, also… individual differences can be far more extreme than any average difference between genders. eg. people are individuals. gender is part of what defines that, one way or another. but how much? and how much fluidity is there in gender identity?
…tough questions.
but i don’t see elsa saying things like “you don’t want to have a woman manager because they’re unreliable and petty.” (that would be a family member of mine… :/)
I think something ain’t right when I am considered “sexist” and “racist” for doing a good, considerate job.
And yes, Caroline, I have meant to write about rebelling against the rebels, lol. 
Blink and it’s YOU who is out of style!
I don’t think you’re sexist. I’ve been coming around to the fact, the last few years, that it’s *okay* to want a partner, and to have that kind of support. Not necessarily dependent, but my mother was a woman trying to do it all, and whilst she succeeded, she was not happy alone, and carrying everything.
I’m sad that I was so scared of it all before. I thought I was better off wanting to do things for myself, but I’m still stuck in a place that I never expected to be after so long, and that is partially related to relationships.
To be clear, I didn’t find anything sexist about Elsa’s original post. Just broadening the discussion.
No, and it pisses me off ..this de-genderisation attempt which has a very rickety foundation, due to those same considerations, wombs, hormones etc.
We are designed differently, therefore differentiation is called for. As one example using medical logic, Guys would not be screened for cervical cancer because they don’t have a cervix, equally women don’t have prostate screening..so astro-logically as in medically, it’s important to know gender, just as much as to know what the chart you look at is of..a person, a building, an event etc. It’s COMMON SENSE.
I don’t think your post comes across as sexist. You aren’t prescribing behavior for people, just saying what you see and believe.
And, with the pendulum swing I think very, very conservative attitudes and beliefs will come into being the norm. So you won’t have to rebel anymore.
I don’t think you’re sexist (or racist). I’m new here so I don’t know what the backstory is. It shocks me that people would call you those things, though. I mean even from just a basic manners perspective, it shocks me.
I think maybe what they actually are trying to do is stop a conversation that is personally threatening to them. Racist and sexist are conversation stopping words in our culture. They shouldn’t be, but they are. I know someone in a marriage and her husband wants her to change something and she invariably says “Oh, so you want a divorce.” Conversation stopper. There’s no safe ground to work together when someone throws this stuff around casually. So, she gets what she wants through epic distraction — she doesn’t have to grow. He’s getting sick of it, though.
Political correctness was initially necessary to a certain extent because in its early stages it demonstrated how entrenched language hurt people and kept them down. Changing language freed people to move and live freely. Now political correctness is a shackle that masks real social problems by reducing them to semantics. PC also helps stuck people stay where they are and make excuses for it.
Well, growing is heinous pain a lot of the time and nobody wants to do it. So, I think people lash out and call you these things because you’re pointing out that they can grow. Be ready because people are mean when this fact gets pointed out. It’s an act of love to point it out and it’s also an act of love to take the kind of bs people throw at you right before they decide to move forward. And then they come and apologize LOL/UGH.
(sorry for this super duper long post!)
I also wonder if this illusion that everyone is the same has to due with Neptune in Aquarius.
Actually lindiloo, hate to tell you, but guys are now having to be screened for cervical cancer–but in their mouths/throats. Seems that the oral sex they had years ago exposed them to HPV, which is now causing their cancers. Same cancer, different place. My neighbors brother is just now in treatment for this.
Back to the question at hand though, and I will preclude what I’m going to say with the fact that I”m not 100% clear on how to say it. Elsa, you distill everything down to its basics. When it comes to the astrology–everyone stands up and cheers. Why they have any problem when you take it the next step up, and have the courage to say that being born male/female is part of the basics, or even when you speak about blood/familial heritage as part of the basics, is kind of confusing to me. I think part of it lies with the fact that many are still trying to move beyond their past, not understanding that to truly understand/accept oneself, you have to accept one’s heritage, one’s gender, one’s race, and you have to accept the constraints of all of those aspects, as well as the strengths of all of those aspects. You can then move beyond all those things. To bring it back to astrology, sun sign doesn’t tell the whole story, you need to pull in the other planets, the houses, etc., but that still doesn’t that you weren’t born with the sun in that specific place and time.
Haven’t had my morning coffee yet, hope this makes sense
Oh, and kr, I 100% agree about the act of love thing.
Even though I’ve been told that I think and act more like a man than a woman (Sun, Moon and ASC in “masculine” signs), I’ll never BE a man. Pointing out gender specific differences that have been there since the dawn of time isn’t sexist. It’s reality. We have two sexes for a reason…
I’m a continuum person. All woman at one end and all man at the other. People fall everywhere on that line.
I don’t think you are sexist. Without categories, we cannot discuss. Nevermind live.
I just hate when women act like douche bag men in the name of “feminism”. It’s lame.
I’m all for women having equality as men, but they still need to act like women! They don’t have to have to same personalities, but it’s just, I think there are times and places for this.
No I don’t think you’re sexist either Elsa. I do think this genderless tone we’ve had since the late 60′s has screwed up a lot of people though.
Females and Males are different. If we could just learn to co-exist and let each other be themselves, including those who have strong feminist or strong male aspects, we’d all get along better. Labels mess up so much with the world and society. It gets on my nerves.
This topic is one that always gets me worked up. It drives me crazy that even as a woman, people think there is something wrong with me if I pride myself on my feminine qualities and really enjoy men for their masculine qualities. There is definitely sexism in the world, where the differences between sexes are used as tools of oppression instead of celebrated. And I definitely applaud and support all efforts to end sexism. But denying that there are differences between the sexes will not make those differences go away. I think the differences should be celebrated and embraced and used to empower. I think that is exactly what you do, Elsa.
OMG, someone called you sexist? That is jaw-dropping. You go out of your way over and over to be considerate of everyone! I guess either they haven’t read much of the rest of your posts, or they think that filing a ground-breaking harrassment suit isn’t non-sexist enough? Or being in a profession where you serve other people, most of whom, from what I understand, are female? So silly.
I am a staunch feminist, in that I believe that men and womeen deserve the same rights, opportunities, etc. But that does not mean that I hide my head in the sand and pretend like we’re all the same, nor does it mean I go out with my cookie-cutter and expect everyone to express their gender in the same way. We are all different. Denying that is just ineffective. How are we supposed to get anything done while we’re too busy being worried about being PC to acknowledge facts and address the reality of the situation?
ARGH, that is such a hot button for me.
no you’re not either… you’re extremely fair-minded and just expressing your opinion. Nothing wrong with discourse.
Of course not. Stop listening to all the hyper-reactives out there. Men and women are different. Period.
All the people that want to rename “blue” “red” or eliminate blue and red altogether to only allow purple can create their own little commune any time they want, and stop trying to force the whole of society to think their way.
I’m glad I was too young in the 60′s to know what was going on, and glad my mother only listened to music like Bread, The Fifth Dimension, The Carpenters, and The Everly Brothers. It made for a nice, quiet young childhood.
Everyone’s already covered the topic beautifully. Noting that there are gender differences isn’t sexist. Assigning some of those differences as more valuable and superior to others is what’s sexist.
PS And no Elsa is not sexist or racist!
This wasn’t something I would ever say to someone unless they asked, but since you opened the topic:
There is a limitation in the language, it’s a past discussion. Plenty of people and scholars have commented on the simple problem in English between “sexist” (as in differentiating by characteristcs we attribute to gender/sex) and “sexist” (when we describe differences in sex based on institutionalised characteristics we are taught to maintain and attribute to a person based on their physical sex), that is, being sexist in service to prevailing sexism and attitudes that maintain traditional male/female roles. Ask anyone who is or has LBGT friends for a discussion on this or read up on the literature and history if you are interested. Before a certain time it WAS all right to speak this way all the time because we were did not realize.
You are a realist and a man’s woman, particularly when you say it’s common sense or what you see around you. Absolutely, that is the reality you see. That is who you are. That is your choice to call it as it is. Fact. That does not mean, however, that you are unbiased. We are all biased in certain ways, and we all try to figure out how we are different to sort it out.
I would never have said this to your face, but since the cat is out of the bag, and to make this as gentle but clear as possible, you are sexist, both in the first definition and in the second. I don’t mean this in an attack at all. But it’s true. I see both sides. I also get your side. Simply, you are, as you put it, a full-blooded Italian American woman who loves men and believes that someone in love does anything to keep their relationships going, and you draw strength from your heritage. We respect you for it, and it is your birthright. You are fully clear on this.
You obviously do not have a problems with defining your gender identity or role in terms of your physical sex. You are fortunate not to have them in a world that in general is not kind or understanding to those whose lives are not so clear in this area. You are also in the company of the majority of women on the planet. That does not mean you are not sexist. Do you see this? I am not attacking you and fully support and love you, but do you see that you are in this position? It is like my Catholic grandmother who is the most loving, caring, traditional granny that I love and respect dearly, who tells me stories about men and women in her day and how to live my life the best way she hopes for me. But it doesn’t mean she is not a traditionalist or sexist. I cannot live as though my life were the fifties. But I still love her.
starkttn – yes, I see it. I stated it in the post.
Also, don’t worry about offending me. That takes a Mack truck…. or an attack on my family.
So all I’m saying is for those that are not mainstream or traditional at heart, however, the world is not so clear and they struggle to have others understand without immediately going back to their position of power. For you to say you are rebelling against the rebels is saying you are playing with the situation — because you can, the power is in your hands, and because you think the rebels are just rebelling against you. It fits you, you recommend tough love. And for some, the world is really, really tough. Some may be rebelling out of some adolescent need, but others are trying to get others to see their (very different) personal reality. In fact, most of the population is in the very same position you are in. You are siding with the majority, and some feel you are forgetting them, that’s all. You are a very caring, considerate, fair person, but for someone to get tough love from you when they get it every day everywhere is a hard pill to swallow.
I know you mean no harm, but I have friends who are very conservative and tradtional but also friends who have a lot of trouble in societies that do not understand or even allow LBGT recognition, it hurts when someone who is considerate can be flippant, and even decide to turn things around on them just to prove a point. Don’t worry, we can take it, you’re a realist. Everyone gets hurt when we play a rough game of cowboys, I guess.
Keep playing if you want, but there is nothing “wrong” with saying what you think and feel, but there is nothing “wrong” with people who tell you they think and feel otherwise, either, even if they look like a woman, act like a man, whether or not their organs make them a man or a woman by sex is not the point.
You are a beautiful, vibrant, and strong woman and will always shine. Other people can shine in different ways. Nobody is attacking you, but we are just telling you what we see too.
“Ask anyone who is or has LBGT friends for a discussion on this or read up on the literature and history if you are interested.”
You should know that my best friend of 30 years is gay. Google “Ben” on this blog. I have also had gay friends all through my life since 4th grade.
Also check the tag “LBGT” on this blog. My attitude on this topic will not be hard to discern. You should also know that roughly 10% of my clients are gay.
Now. Knowing all this and reading all this, if you want to tag me with an “”X” label, it’s okay with me.
@ruth.. wow. speechless..thanks for the education!
I am a lifelong feminists and I see differences between men and women. Not all of those differences are cultural. I have three girls and one son and my son was different from his sisters. I see sexism exists when you try to define or limit a person based on your concept of what it is to be female or male. For example, an accounting firm refused to give a partnership to a woman who was one of their highest performing associates. The partnership based their decision on the fact that the woman was not feminine enough. This is sexism.
I think one of the biggest issues with topics like this is the distinction between ideals and reality, bc in the other post regarding feminized men, at first glance I would’ve said, men have just as much right as women do to express femininity, (blame it on the 9th house venus in aquarius ) but then I realized I’m also the chick who was tremendously turned off by a guy who told me he hated football & sports in general (blame it on the 7th house sun in sagittarius ). So I think a really big part of the argument is that what sounds good in our heads, i.e. total equality, doesnt necessarily measure up in reality
Thanks Elsa!
i think the idea/post is sexist, but i never said you were. saying that all men are one way and all women are another is troublesome and things like “all women want…” is problematic. i am not talking about biological differences, which i think is fairly obvious, so to state that women give birth and are different from men (obviously) is changing the context completely from the previous post. i think we can all agree that biological females menstruate and males don’t, but that has absolutely nothing to do with what you said in the original post.
personally, macho guys who are into “typical guy stuff” are a major turn-off to me and many other women i know. also, i don’t want children (i’m female) and i don’t want a male to “provide” for me. this is 2011-i know lots of people who feel this way.
speaking in absolutes when it comes to humans is very tricky, because we are complex creatures. i am actually kind of surprised to encounter this kind of thinking on an astrology blog, when modern astrologers seem to be generally trying to get away from the idea of pigeonholing people.
@cp – I do tend to write in broad (and bold) generalities. This is courtesy my Mars Mercury conjunction in the 9th. Chock it up to an individual asserting (Mars) their freedom (9th) to express (Mercury) themselves.
I may or may not be a “modern astrologer”. I am a damned good one though.
of course we all have freedom to express ourselves, but i find that you can’t seem to respond thoughtfully to people with differing viewpoints, you just make comments like these and shut the conversation down, so the conversation becomes pretty one-sided. i am detecting a virgo overload (joking.)
by modern i meant present-day.
cp, it is because I am exhausted. Honestly, I am back here, behind this computer, beat to a fucking pulp.
There is only one of me and many of you. I have a family here to care for, that happens to be in crisis. I have personal problems and stresses and work to do that supports this blog so you can be here complaining about it.
I really can’t do any better. At this point if you’re unhappy with me or my blog, then vote with your feet!
disagreeing is not “complaining.” blogs with comments invite comments. i am done replying. i just don’t see the point in originally replying to me, with absolutely nothing illuminating, that’s all.
caroline: no, it is an observation, and she doesn’t, but thanks for your syncophantic reply anyhow.
cp – we’re happy people around here, who get along. I do not allow personal attacks. Now either find a way to fit in with this cordial bunch or find a new blog.
And on your way out cp, learn how to spell ‘sycophantic’!
Imo people who make basic linguisitc errors when accusing someone else of an -ism, are on very shaky ground hahaha.
Seriously cp, you have misunderstood the way Elsa conducts an argument. She states her position or her case, sometimes forcefully: that is not ‘shutting down a conversation’. Anyone is welcome to defend their alternative viewpoint. People who can’t, frequently resort to personal attacks (on Elsa or on some other poster)
I would like to note that often when one is discussing a “thought” but then says something like “i just don’t see the point in originally replying to me, with absolutely nothing illuminating” one forgets that in talking to the other that there really IS an other one is talking to. And in real life you would have a multitude of replies.. most of them NOT favourable to the comment “i just don’t see the point in you replying unless you have something to add”
.. and exhaustion.. ya i’m exhausted too in my own life.. let alone working 12+ hour days. It’s a valid reply.
As for gay etc community – i once knew a transgendered fem to male.. and by golly he was all male. It was in his energy and in how he thought. There’s a real difference.
And I think everyone is sexist.. it’s finding the right balance of it for the 2 people involved that i’m now interested in. Any thoughts on love = sex? My mother thinks this is a very male response/approach to love.
Just swinging through late to the conversation to note that “cp” above, is a different speaker/poster than me (CP Griffin). 
Not much to add here beyond that, that hasn’t been covered already.
For my part, Elsa, you consistently provide meaty and thoughful topics here for readers to digest and discuss as they will. Not really fair to expect you to do all the ‘heavy lifting’.
Further, I’d not ever considered that you were expecting or inviting dissection of how any particular topic reflected on or related to you personally and specifically. Not only would that be uselessly limiting the topic’s scope–it would be…mmmn…kind of rude and creepy, imho.
Anywho…Thanks to the reader who pointed me to the potential ‘cp’/'cpg’ confusion and to this interesting topic.
Cheers! CP Griffin
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Lucky you, I just finished rereading Burt Reynolds’ autobiography and here is what Helen Gurley Brown asked him in 1972 during an argument they were having on the Tonight show.
She said; “Are you a sexist?”
He said; “I’ll bet in ten years that word will be very tired and so dated that you’ll sound like a dipshit to ask.”
Then he writes; Time has proven me almost correct. The term is as passe as mood rings.
Once I asked a passing astrologer, “What IS Pisces all about?” and she said; “Well, first of all, there’s a vast difference between a male and a female Pisces.” So there.