I definitely don’t teach them that we’re all alike. They can clearly see that from the hubs & myself, as well as our two families. I know the hubs has his merc & mars in Leo with his sun, he likes to try out the merchandise, even if not buying. My upbringing and background say exactly what your husband said, if you ain’t buying don’t touch!

I try very hard to combine these two approaches and to give my little ones a small lead on this. If they’d like to see something, they can, but they must be careful and respectful (like not riding the skateboard down the aisle, unless you’re buying it, then you’ve got a right to try out the goods).
Angie

IMO, we’re definitely not all viewed as alike.

I don’t believe in “reverse” racism. Racism is racism, is racism. Doesn’t matter who’s doing the condemning against whom, it’s all bad.

I agree with luci.

Piya, I think that is the point. It depends on where you are…not just in this country but in the world.

General comment: I do have to say that there’s one thing that irks me about the “reverse racism” thing. I’ve heard the argument time and time again in the African-American community that Black people cannot be racist because they lack the power to be racist.

I don’t know how many of you have heard this argument, but I cringe every time I hear it.

Somehow, people have bought into the notion that it’s okay to harbor racist attitudes toward others because they may have been discriminated against in the past. They see it as a vindication
of sorts. It’s like they lend no consideration to the fact that they may be damaging someone else through words or actions and can only see themselves as a victim and not an inflictor of the same poisonous attitudes.

Sometimes I just have to shake my head… lol!
This is the world we live in. If there’s anything that I will teach my child, it will be to be aware that racism exists, but it’s not exclusive to one group of people.

This type of thing even goes on intra-racially within communities.

I don’t get why anyone had to tell the kid that because a person is Mexican he wouldn’t get talked to in a store. Why couldn’t he just say that we don’t ride skateboards down the aisles in grocery stores because it’s inconsiderate and unsafe? I don’t see any reason why we should “educate” children in our own racial hangups. CLEARLY there is racism in the world.

If they don’t notice the color of someone’s skin as an issue, or their culture, I say thank God. To me, racism runs in families. Kids don’t care about that shit — we do. I don’t think it’s “preparing a child for the real world” to tell them “PEOPLE ARE DIFFERENT, so be careful.” Really? That sort of creeps me out…they’ll figure it out eventually, but I’d rather that the message from home be: be a good person — because it’s the right thing to do. Who EVER is being a dick in public, is being a dick. Not a Mexican dick, or a black douchebag, but just a downright stink. Why tie it up in race?

tree, I see your point but my husband is not you. He is mixed race and grew up being called, spic, gringo, asshole etc. He had to go in the colored door, growing up in the South because his father was very dark-skinned.

He feels his father did him a big favor teaching him about race and the way it is in the world, so of course he is going to do the same for my son. I think it is perfectly valid for you to NOT do this which is why I asked what people thought of this.

I hope this throws some light on this. He mentioned race because my son brought up his friend and my husband felt that the rules for one kid would be different than rules for the other in this time and space. It’s like an African parent telling their child, you have to do twice as good because of your skin color. If this is true in the time and place you live in, some parents feel their children are better off knowing the deal. Other parents disagree, I’m sure.

Really, this is just how we parent. I tell my kid flat out that even if he is at the top scholastically in this country (he’s not), it does not mean that much. Not when the US ranks 24th and 27th in the world! A lot of parents might not say such a think to their kid but I would and I do and the reason is because I think it is best.

As for your comment – it went into the spam filter and I recovered it.

I do think that the more you shelter them, the worse the shock can be when they go out into the world. Not because they see what it’s really like, but because they meet it and don’t recognise it for what it is. They have no point of reference. And that can get them into big trouble.

So I don’t believe in labouring these issues, but they (kids) do need to be informed IMO.

Interesting! My son has this too, now you mention it.

This reminds me of a story I wrote once where I ran into this girl. I was 19 at the time and just a absolute force of nature… keen as shit but unrefined.

It was an big deficit for her, no one had ever told her there were people like me in the world. I ate her breakfast, lunch and dinner with as much effort as it it would have taken to bat my eye and hell no, I won’t send my kid out there to have an experience like this at 23 or 24…

At the risk of sounding flippant about a serious issue, I couldn’t help laughing out loud at the line “One of the things, Vid does is act suspiciously in stores. He looks like a shoplifter, basically.”

It’s refreshing to see parents see their children as they are without the rose colored glasses. So many parents think the sun shines constantly out of their children without having an objective awareness of how their children may be perceived by others.

Vid is immensely lucky to be getting this kind of input from your husband, imo. I didn’t get much of that until I went to live on the island, where I was surrounded by people from all over the world, most older than myself, and some who had achieved great success… there was an amazingly broad perspective there, esp compared to the narrow middle class English milieu in which I grew up

But some others on the island lived on their wits, and it was as well to get some help dealing with them ;(

Elsa – Thanks for digging my comment out of the spam filter

I imagine I would parent differently if I had grown up as a non-white person in the South during the times where black people drank from different fountains and all the bullshit that came with that. My boys are mixed too, much more brown than I. I hope they will not encounter anything too damaging due to their name or their skin color. If they did, we’d go through that with them and help guide them. But they very well may not, so I’d rather not plant suspicion, is the way I view it. I just want them to know that if you work hard, you have a chance in life. You can work hard and not really “get ahead” as you dreamed, and you might end up having to work twice as hard. Or you might get exactly what you deserve — which does and has happened.

In this era, though, in a metropolitan area, the experience of my husband (who is very brown and has a thick Spanish accent) is that he interviews well, is confident, professional and ambitious, and he is treated incredibly well by everyone he works for. Hasn’t had a problem with discrimination since he came to this country when he was 18 and he’ll be 35 this year. He is routinely promoted and well-recommended by his white, brown or black bosses. Clearly he is not everyone, and maybe he lucked out by never having to put up with living in the South in a certain generation. So again, I can’t say “everyone” would have the exact same experience as he did, but I also don’t think that race is a destiny. I think if you see yourself as just as good as any other person, it only helps how you view yourself and other people. Helps

I was born in Germany and I keep meeting people who were from the other side of the wall and they hate me immediately (Dad was R.A.F., we were stationed there). Back to Protestant Northern Ireland we went – every Irish person I now meet is, of course, Catholic Southern Irish, they hate me immediately. This is a major part of why I’m a proud Canadian (to a point, we are a mixing pot for sure but our government does nothing to really help our Aboriginals and Harper has turned us from being the peacekeepers to active combat in things we shouldn’t be involved in).
Canada was a major force in taking in the Black slaves of the USA who escaped to freedom – The Underground Railroad (southern Ontario especially, which is where I live). Don’t know if y’all are aware of this but for the last couple of years there is a group of Black folk in Toronto hell bent on creating a Black-only school. The powers-that-be have actually ok’d this and it is going forward (for use of a better word because to me this is going backward). In this day and age, if we White folk did this what do you think the reaction of the Black/Yellow/Red community would be? I am absolutely astounded that these people don’t see that they are creating exactly what they fought so long and hard for to overcome, just in reverse.
I grew up hearing my Dad spew violent hate toward Blacks, Natives, Jews, Catholics etc. I had a Black girlfriend that I was terrified to bring home, it didn’t matter that her dad was chief of police. I was engaged to a Native American/Jew and wanted him to meet the family. Dad said “There’s no damned way in hell that you’re bringing an illiterate half-breed into my house.” This ‘loser Jew/Indian’ is a professor at a college and has his own successful tv show. My dad was my greatest teacher on how not to be. I am forever teaching my kids that discrimination is wrong.

I am with sagittarian on this issue. Racism is racism. I teach my children that we might not be equally smart, beautiful, wealthy, funny, muscular, and athletic, but everyone should be treated with respect. I also teach not to accept disrespectful behavior from other people. Sorry, but if a child was misbehaving in my store, I would tell them to behave regardless of race.

i think, as with most things, conversations about these topics need to start from a place of compassion. and then move to explaining the dynamics of power and control. which is where stuff can get so very very ugly.