Fantasy Love – Pining Over A Musician – Venus Square Neptune
Hi, Elsa
I have goals, interests, friends, I’m young, attractive… I’d say it’s a life I feel is very blessed.
With exception to one aspect. Guys. I can’t seem to get really interested in any of them. It’s rare. I get cold feet even before it starts – even when I think I *may* have an interest… usually as soon as the interest is confirmed mutual, my own evaporates… leading to nothing.
When I DO develop a lasting liking on someone it’s more of an abnormal fixation with someone I don’t really know. I get so fixated I develop a bad shyness problem and run away from the person instead of approaching the situation calmly and rationally. It’s like running away from an electric shock.
I have one of those fixations now. It’s serious to the point where I’m really not even looking for different possibilities. I want this or I want nothing.
I don’t run into this person and we’re not yet acquainted (though we swim in the same circles) and this has been going on for 6 months now. Me just waiting, thinking something will happen here because it’s sort of… meant to. My friends are completely frustrated by my reluctance to do something active about it. But I just say that this is ‘my way’.
I promise I’m usually more reasonable than this. What’s going on here?
Help!!
Frustrated by Fixations
Dear Frustrated,
You are a beautiful dreamer and I’ll tell you exactly what is going on. The divine love you can conceive of in your imagination just doesn’t exist on this plane. Because this is Earth, which falls way short of “heaven”.
I have similar tendency in relationships, though nowhere near your prowess, and I’ll tell you a story to illustrate. Back when I was young, nineteen, I stopped into a bar one night and saw, “Rueben”. Rueben was this Mexican guy playing guitar and I don’t know. He just made me slobber all over the place. I called him, “Rue-ooh-ooh-ben!”, and I started showing up at this bar, couple nights a week to pine over him.
Now the man was available. Little chickies would dance in front of him, and he’d hook up pretty readily with one or the other. He saw me in the bar, and he’d have surely been available to me but rich as my fantasy was, there was no way in hell I was even going to talk to him. Why? Because I knew he’d ruin everything!
I had him dreamed into this exquisite being and the last thing I wanted was for him to come talk to me – say something stupid – and then what? No more fun for Elsa! And I knew it! I knew he could only let me down and I’m suggesting you’re doing something similar with your current boy. You’re enjoying the fantasy on some level and I don’t blame you, because this stuff is delectable. “Will today be the day? Will tonight be the night? Was he looking at my shoulder? Did I just feel his breath?” So tasty next to a mediocre roll in the hay, yes?
You may decide fantasy is preferable to dealing with a flesh and blood man, and if you think it can’t happen, just check the women who fall in love with lifers in prison. They dream them into deities and toss around in their beds at night, about it. I guess their friends don’t like it, but what does that matter in the scheme of things? This is your life. Your gift. Your curse.
So there you go. This is your nature. In my case, my ethereal qualities only go so far. I want to have sex! This drove me to address these sorts of tendencies and find a way to function in a real relationship. You can do same… or not.
Can you relate to this?
Read more about Reuben – Pining.
29 Responses to “Fantasy Love – Pining Over A Musician – Venus Square Neptune”
Charlotte, you have to find another way to use your energy. It’s no different then sitting around all day drinking beer. How do you override this tendency? You either do or you don’t but it is certainly possible.
Loooool Oh my goooodnesss I do this allll the time! I can daydream up a man and I can pine pine pine my days away to a fantasy. I have neptune trine my venus/pluto/saturn conjunction. Its lovely to fantaisise but at the end of day I want the somethine real, tangible & sex hahaha (at least to extent as much as the fanasty)… I do struggle with making a reality of my situation because then part of bubble bursts but Wow great post. Love this Elsa. Is this the reason the daily forecast has ended? To make time for more posts like these because this is great. I love learning here 
Question: Is Ven Sq Nep a more passive/aggessive approach to love or is it protective sabotage?
I’m like this too!
The way I’ve been able to deal with it over the years, is turning all my energy into art and storytelling. I make paintings that of put a lot of my beautiful ethereal love into, and write silly over the top fantasy stories that could never live up to reality…
I have normal relationships(for the most part) and I treat my life as a double life. I live in reality, pay bills, have great reality sex… and then sneak off to the batcave to fight when no ones looking. My double neptune-life.
This is also awesome for me, because I end up creating something that can be manifested in this reality. I can show and share my dreaminess with others. Instead of forcing people to fit into my fantasy, I just share the experience from my point of view.
And then no one has to live up to my expectations!
I am soooo appreciative of how this girl formulated her question! Nice answer Elsa!
I have taken this situation 10 steps further, actually shared a lot of myself, and allowed him to ruin everything, royally, on multiple occasions over the course of years!!!!!!!! and then justifying all of his stupid actions, over and over again, just so I could continue dreaming. I did enjoy this immensely.
“I promise I’m usually more reasonable than this” LOL
I have Neptune square Jupiter which conjuncts my Venus…
thanks. and the drinking beer analogy puts it so plainly…. there’s really only one way to eliminate the pattern of hangovers.
It was amazing reading the question and finding that it mirrored my own experience…Venus sq Neptune also, Pisces sun and Moon in 12th makes me extra shy and wildly imaginative. It’s pure love fantasy that I used to channel by writing, singing, dancing, anything creative when I have the time. But now mostly I try to focus on building a solid relationship but have to be extra careful not to try to slip into the role of fantasy girl and adapt too much to the other person. Hard but necessary to keep my sanity!
I have no concept of this at all. It’s fascinating to read about something that I simply cannot relate to.
Then again I have moon-Neptune in the 7th, you’d think I’d have a clue, no? *chuckle*
I also sit around drinking beer all day so I need some major tips lol. The fact that some people can just stop behaviors, impulses or patterns that are disagreeable to their development is pretty amazing to me. You physically can stop drinking but how do you stop yourself from falling in love or fixating, especially with an imagined concept or person?
I can do this stuff non-stop. Thankfully I’ve learned to direct this towards book or movie characters. I can build a whole life in my head around this imaginary person. My Venus in Aquarius in more set in reality, but my 7th house Pisces Sun can do this All. Day. Long!
I’m with Charlotte on this one! One definitely CAN find channels and such for this beautiful dreamery, but, it doesn’t ever seem to fully erase the dissatisfaction of the real flesh. It does however distract you from it for awhile, just the same as the dream love affair does…
How do you stop?
You just do. We have free will, you know how you tick, the reasons for these infatuations.
Before you allow yourself to runaway with the fantasy you stop thinking, obsessing, imagining, fantasising. And then you do something else, immediately.
It’s like alcohol, or chocolate: first taste and you are gone.
I know: I love chocolate and my Venus in 12th makes me pine 
Beloved Moon –
“because I end up creating something that can be manifested in this reality. I can show and share my dreaminess with others. Instead of forcing people to fit into my fantasy, I just share the experience from my point of view.”
That has so much truth
Oh Boy, do I ever understand this lol!
Pisces Rising & Neptune on my MC
Libra Sun & Venus in Scorpio
On Friday I told a girlfriend of mine:
“I only pine after a man if I can get a poem out of it!”
I have decided to allow myself these fixations/infatuations/obsession/etc. for the next couple of years at least. A real relationship can wait til I finish school and establish myself career-wise.
The emotional turmoil ‘real’ relationships cause is more time consuming and harder to control for me. Besides, I’m waiting til I go through my Saturn return anyhow ha-ha!
I can relate to both of you. I don’t like pining, though – I don’t find it satisfying for long – but I also rarely meet anyone that I click with (and who takes the time to get to know me).
And I have spent too much time pining – I hate that.
I love crushing on people. Love it!! My latest crush however ( a bank employee in the local bank) just vanished. I feelt like shit. I am always pine for someone, it’s entertaining. If I have no crush I get very misrable. But offcourse the universe knows this so today my other crush that I tought was lost contacted me…pining back on:) . I know myself and a real relationship would be a let down for me.
Yes! I’d come home from elementary school and just spend hours pining away, feel satisfied with the dramatic ‘can’t be with him’ dreams, and putting those emotions into drawings.
I have a real relationship and still pine but don’t spend hours pining anymore. It’s like a 1-5 minute fantasy. A passing thought. I’m pining over at least 3 characters (iknowright?) over the course of a day and don’t have time to sit and pine for hours!
“The fact that some people can just stop behaviors, impulses or patterns that are disagreeable to their development is pretty amazing to me. You physically can stop drinking but how do you stop yourself from falling in love or fixating, especially with an imagined concept or person”
My thoughts exactly;-) I can stop doing something physical, even if it’s REALLY REALLY REALLY difficult. I may WANT to do it but I can physically stop myself. However, I can’t (or at least I don’t know how) to make myself stop feeling a certain way. My feelings just show up. I can TRY to distract myself from them with doing something physical, but it only lasts as long as I’m doing the thing. As soon as I’m back home, or un-distracted from the initial feeling, it’s back on, wreaking it’s fantastical havoc. Do I/we need some kind of psychological re-programming? and how do I get it?
Yes, I relate. I’m married and as faithful and loyal as they come. But, I can’t lie and say that I’m not a perpetual “crusher.” I crush on my professors, the guy at the check-out counter, Caleb Followill and Brandon Boyd,….::chuckle::
I even tell my hubs, “I can’t wait to be an old-ass lady so I can blatantly harass the boys, and you won’t get mad.”
I can’t stress how innocent my fantasies are. It’s from waaaaaaaay afar, and I will always keep it that way.
I have Venus sq. Neptune….Venus being in the 11th
dancing with the moonlit knight.. (the [programmed] animus). musicians are particularly good at representing this archetype and sense of longing, after all, they are weaving dreams, they have the power of the duende if they’re really good. I’ve seen this so many times and yet I have seen that one way to unify this feeling for (in this case a female) is to become the storyteller, the musician (whatever expression one is drawn to). then a shift starts to happen, it’s quite curious, that.
Yes, i can relate to this somehow because i have also been through such situation few months back. Thanks for sharing an interesting article on Venus Square Neptune here, nice share…!!
I relate completely to this.
I have to have a little encouragement in the first place – a man flirts with me, gives me some kind of a come-on (and usually he’s not aware he’s triggering something in me which is going to stick like a limpet mine…). Then I’m fixated, and can pine and obsess for YEARS. And have done so
I have Neptune square Venus/Vesta (and Merc/Ceres)and I wonder if anyone with a Neptune/Venus square is liable to this? My fixed Taurus Moon and dogged Cap Venus only reinforce the tendency, imo
In the end I need sex too much, and when I find someone else I can have meaningful sex with, the fantasy becomes redundant. But that’s usually the only thing which breaks it. And if the fantasy concerns a man I have already had meaningful sex with – well then, I’m in real trouble!
These days I think pining for the imaginary works better. That way THEY are not disappointed in ME. Yeah, bet you weren’t expecting that answer, but it’s true. I am always a disappointment to everybody and I’m tired of it. I always have to have some stupid man to pine over in my head because nature abhors a vacuum, though. Annoying, but there it is. At least nobody’s mad at me if it’s not real.
I have one friend (double Libra) who desperately wants a boyfriend, BUT she is religious AND she got sexually assaulted (I don’t think to the point of actual rape, but at least one attempt was made to do so, she’s really vague) and the last thing she wants is a guy who will even so much as hold hands with her. She can’t even deal with that possibility. So she is constantly pining over old gay men, or married men (one guy she flat out refused to date or have interest in UNTIL he married someone else), or whoever won’t want to have sex with her. She tells me she dates all these gay men, and I kind of wonder what her definition of dating is and if the guys would agree, but… you know what, as long as she’s not trying to date a straight single man who wants sex, it’s not hurting anyone, so what the hell.
Jen: I opened up a second OKCupid account, after deactivating my first (actually, I’d forgotten the second one existed too – I took a test through Deviant Art, and the next thing I knew, I was being told that people wanted to meet me – two years ago). I filled it out saying that I’m not looking for anyone right now, that I was just putting something there for the future, and that I had been feeling pressured (by some), and was in no mood to either be disappointed, or potentially disappoint someone else. So I was giving up for now. I do get it… :/
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Yes but HOW do you override this? If it’s your nature, and, as you have said in the past people essentially do not change, aren’t you a little doomed to be dissatisfied and disappointed if this is your energy and what you have to work with?