I don’t remember when I wrote this. 2003, maybe, but it takes place when I was 19 years old and Saturn was in Libra as it is now. I thought it would be interesting to put this up here as it is rife with Saturn in Libra themes like boundaries, manners, social control…plus it’s entertaining.

The back story here is that I had recently found out that my boyfriend (my current husband) had married someone else and not only that, his wife was pregnant. I was devastated but this story takes place about 3 or 4 months later.

I’d not gone out with anyone since the break up with my boyfriend. Saturn was in Libra and I was complete bereft. I was so badly hurt I could not bring myself to date. I also thought I might be at fault for the situation and just strongly felt I should get off the merry-go-round and try to straighten myself out. I’d become a true loner as I tried to process things.

It was April and it was my brother’s birthday. I had the red motorcycle my boyfriend who married someone else had given me, so that was my car. My brother was super popular at the time. He was like a rock star and I did not want to go to his party because girls gushed all over him and this disturbed me.

I didn’t want to go for some other reasons but mostly I was just in a very serious BROOD and there was no way I wanted to deal with this party, the women and whatever. I was depressed, I was oppressed, I wanted to be alone BUT.

But I felt some responsibility to my brother, as his big sister so I decided to go to the party and decorate his truck with balloons and happy birthday streamers (outside the party) and then take off without going inside. I was satisfied with this idea, provided I could pull it off .

I had the streamers and tape and stuff under the seat of my motorcycle but I was feeling soooo bad and so wanting to get this done, I was running a little early so I had 20 minutes to kill before I figured the party would be going and I could get this done without being seen and roped into attending and this is what happened… (excerpt from story: “The Blond” – has swearing)

…I was waiting to sense a window open up where I felt I could get over there, decorate the truck and get the hell out and be able to breathe normally again. So I walked into the bar and it was packed. This was a major singles place but I didn’t have anything like that on my mind because look at what I did have on my mind. The trauma of my brother’s birthday, that’s all and it was huge. My heart was in my throat about it so I chose this bar because it was familiar.

I also knew the bartender as a peer. I greeted him, got my drink and went to post up at a bar type setup, built around a pole. Can you picture this? It was a set-up conducive to people cruising each other. People sit on stools around a bar that is built in a square shape, so they’re facing each other with the pole in the middle. Maybe three people could sit at each stretch of bar but the place was full, so people were two-deep around this pole. About fourteen people were gathered, facing each other, facing the pole.

There was nowhere to sit but a blond guy popped up to let me sit down so I took his chair. He stood next to me and I could feel him focus on me. Ugh, I thought.  No, I don’t like you and I have a lot on my mind. I had this brother problem, right? I had guilt and so forth. I was in the mood to brood, that’s all, and I didn’t need anything else.

I actually thought about moving but I didn’t. The place was packed for one thing and I did want to sit down. Plus I was very comfortable in a bar and I was sure I could get rid of this guy. Also, I was leaving in fifteen minutes anyway. I thought I should be okay.

To be continued.

Well, he started to chat me up. The Blond, I mean. I’m not really a mean or a rude person unless pushed so I just maneuvered. I thwarted him by starting to chat up *everyone. Know what I mean? He said “How are you doing tonight?” and I answered, “fine”.  But rather than address him directly, I asked everyone at the square how they are doing tonight. What I did was  hold court. I became the cruise director of this section of bar.

I’d tended bar for close to five years by then. I’d grown up in a bar  so I was a natural in the environment. I was adept and basically I just took control. I grabbed the floor and started to tell jokes about my brother. I tapped dance so this guy couldn’t get a foot in. I planned to do a little “Elsa show”, down my OJ and soda and then hit the road before Blondie could make his move.

I started in about my brother since this was what was on my mind anyway. I went into a monologue about how my baby brother had women chasing him down the street. How everyone wanted to screw him and how I just couldn’t figure it out why this was. “What do they see in him?” I wondered out loud.

I explained it was my brother’s birthday but that I was having trouble with the idea he was growing up. I told them that he’d grown hair under his arms, for example and how this just floored me, right there. “When the hell did that happen?” I asked in Rodney Dangerfield style. Everyone laughed. They could not believe my audacity, I guess but I did this for a living five days a week so it was nothing to me. “I don’t remember giving clearance for that shit!” I said.

“Well, it sounds like you brother is a man,” someone at the square shouted out.

“A man? What the hell are you talking about? That’s. Not. Possible.,” I said with a snort.

“How old is he?”

”Eighteen.”

”How old are you?”

”Nineteen!” I said, snorting again.

I kept it up like that. There was a lot of banter and a lot of laughing. So far so good. I explained how I had all these balloons stashed on my motorcycle and how I didn’t want to go in the party. I outlined my plan and ten minutes passed. Five to go I’d be clear, The Blond.

“Why don’t you just go to the party?” he asked.

”I am going to the party! I’m just not going inside.”

”Why don’t you go inside?”

”No, no, no, no. I don’t want to go in.”

“Why not?”

”Uh…because I’m shy!”

On that, everyone roared even though it’s true.

The Blond offered to go with me. He offered to help me with the balloons. See, he was on to me wasn’t he? Like a fucking pit bull he was, I could feel him.

Well hell. I needed that like a hole in my head. I needed him helping with balloons, NOT. I was so stressed, you know. I didn’t need company so I thanked him politely but refused and he came back with, “Then how about we go to dinner sometime?”

“No. No thank you,”I said. “It’s very nice of you to ask, though. I’m flattered,” said my wee bit of Libra. “I really am, but no. I don’t want to do that. I just want to get that damn truck done…”

I really didn’t want to hurt this guy’s feelings. I trailed off like that to save his face but he didn’t take the out.

“Um… It doesn’t have to be tonight. You won’t be decorating your brother’s truck tomorrow, will you?”

”Well no.”

He picked up my left hand and I thought he was a fucker. I didn’t want him to touch me. I make my interest in a man abundantly clear when it exists and I don’t like being handled when it doesn’t.

He looked down at my ring finger. “Well you aren’t married. Come on. Just dinner. No strings. I just want to spend some time with you.”

The whole square waited for my response.

“Well, I’m sorry. I’m not interested.”

The crowd booed. Fuckers. Who do they think has been entertaining them the last few minutes? See how my life is? I can never win.

“How do you know? You don’t even know me.”

“So? I’m sorry. I just don’t want to go and that’s all there is to it.”

He looked hurt and I felt sorry about it but I still didn’t want to go out with him. As soon as I thought that, I glanced over at him to make sure. You know. In case I missed something, seeing as I was rejecting him in public.

I stared and sized him up. He was 5’11, blond hair, well dressed, and nope. I didn’t want to go. I kept quiet and hoped the crowd turned at least neutral for me. I didn’t know how I’d pissed them off, but I had.

There was a huge guy in a Hawaiian shirt across the square. I liked him because he was funny. He’d gotten off some good lines and he decided to jump in the fray.

”I don’t believe this,” he said. “Why won’t you go out with this guy?”

”What do you mean? Because I don’t want to go out with him. Why don’t you go out with him?” I countered.

He laughed. “I did! I do! We’re here together.”

Hmm. I didn’t know that. They weren’t sitting together.

“Well good. Then he’s got you to go out with because I don’t want to go out with him, okay?”

“Why not?” asked the big guy.

“Why not?” asked the blond guy.

“Why not?” asks all the people at the square.

“Oh brother. Because I don’t want to.” I answered.

“Well, I can’t believe this,” said Hawaiian Shirt. “This man offers to take you to dinner. He asks you politely and you turn him down. Do you know who you just turned down a date with?”

I cocked my thumb to my left. “Him.” I was starting to get a little hot. Not mad, but “hot” as in flushed and embarrassed. The situation has turned. I no longer had control and I was not having a good night to begin with.

“Well do you know who he is?” he asked.

”A guy who wants to go out with me?” I didn’t say it snottily. I said it hoping someone will step in and defend me. The square laughed.

“Right. A guy who wants to go out with you. A nice guy. Look around. Look at all the men here.”

I looked around. There were a dozen men around the pole. I was the only woman. “Yeah?” I said.

“Who stood up and offered you their chair?”

I pointed to the blond. “He did.”

”Right. So what does that tell you?”

”That he has decent manners. So what!” I could really feel the heat in my cheeks.

“Well that man who offered you his chair and then asked you to go out with him, also happens to be the most eligible bachelor in this city,” Hawaiian Shirt explained.

I swung my head to look at him. “Really?” This started to piss me off. What the fuck am I? Chopped liver? “Then I guess he can get a date besides me,” I said, now starting to flare.

The big guy winced but smiled.

The Blond looked kind of flabbergasted.

The people at the square were riveted.

“Lemme get this straight,” says the big guy. “The most eligible bachelor in the city asks you to dinner, no strings attached, and he also happens to be rich. VERY rich and you just dismiss him with a wave of your hand?”

”Uh… Yeah. I guess so. I just did that.”

“And you don’t want to change your mind, knowing what you do? Now that you know he’s rich?”

”No. No, I don’t want to change my mind.”

”Are you telling me that you really don’t want to go out with him?”

”Yes. I’m telling you that. Repeatedly, I think.”

”Even knowing what I just told you? It’s true by the way. He’s a very wealthy man. It’s a fact. Do you believe me? Do you believe the man standing next to you that wants to take you to dinner is a very rich man?”

I looked over at The Blond. “Yeah, I believe it.”

“Why? Because he looks like a classy man?”

”Yes. Yes he does.”

”But you still don’t want to go out with him?”

”Right. I don’t. No.”

”Well aren’t you a kick in the ass.”

He laughed out loud and it helped. We all laughed. But it was time to do the truck now and I wanted to leave.

“What’s the matter with you, that you don’t want to go out with a rich man who also just happens to be a perfect gentleman?”

”I don’t know. What’s wrong with him, that he wants to go out with someone who doesn’t want to go out with him?”

People laughed. Some of them were nervous.

“Well listen, Elsa.”

Yeah, I told them my name.

“I think this is a travesty.”

I stared.

“My friend over there is a classy man. As classy as you could meet. He’s a nice man. He’s a good man, who also happens to be a millionaire many times over and he wants a date with you. I’ll tell you what. You don’t think that you like him so much, right?”

”Right.”

”But you like me?”

Actually, I did. Like I said, Hawaiian had made me laugh. And even if I was flushed at the moment this was still kind of interesting. I mean the guy was not a bore. That and I trusted him..sort of. He just seemed to have something on the ball and I was badly in need of an alliance.

“Yes. I do like you,” I answered.

“Well, guess what? I’m married so you’re out of luck.”

Everyone roared. Me too. He was funny, but I thought he was a fucker. I didn’t say I was interested in him. I was not interested in him but I let it go. And he did have my attention, I’ll admit. This was unusual now and I liked that. Stories, man. I can always use a good story.

“But my friend isn’t married,” the big man said. “He’s a single man. A rich, single, available man who’s interested in you.”

“Okay. Okay. I know it. So what?” I felt my face burn. I was really heated up, “What do you want me to do about that? He can gets lots of dates.” I turned to The Blond. “Can’t you?” I asked.

Before he could answer I had an idea. “Hey, I know. How about I stand up on this stool and tell everyone in this place that there’s a rich guy over here that wants a date? What do you think? I bet somebody will be interested and then you can all leave me alone about it.”

The Blond looked around. “But I want to have dinner with you.”

“Oh man. Well, I’m sorry. I’m sorry but I’m sure you can get another date.”

A few people in the square told me to cut the guy a break. “Go out with the guy. Give the guy a chance.”

Fuckers. See how this is? Man, I felt hot. Hawaiian jumped back in. “Do you know who I am?”

”No, I don’t.”

”Well I own, blah, blah, blah and blah.”

One of the blahs was one of the premier restaurants in the city. I’d never been there.

“Oh.”

”So here’s my offer. I’d like you to have dinner with my friend, as my guest. I’ll pick up the tab so you’ll owe him nothing. No obligation. You don’t have to do anything and he doesn’t have to do anything. You can take you own car. There’ll be no obligation at all. I just want you to give my friend a chance.”

”I drive a motorcycle.”

“You don’t have a car?

“No.”

People laughed and I didn’t understand.

“Okay, whatever. We can send a car if you want. Never mind the details. Don’t sweat the small stuff. All you have to do is show up at my restaurant and share a first rate dinner with my friend. No strings. No strings at all.”

I nodded.

“If you don’t like him, you can leave the restaurant, go home and he’ll never bother you again. You have my guarantee on that. Unless you want him too, I mean. So what do you say? You don’t even have to give him your phone number if you don’t want.”

I still didn’t want to go but I didn’t think it would be sporting to turn down this offer. I’m a good sport for the most part. The whole square stared at me.

“Okay, I’ll do it! Uh… But I have to go decorate the truck now,” I said. “I have to go.”

”She has to decorate a truck,” he said, shaking his head. “Okay, Elsa, but we have a deal, right? Friday night. Eight O’clock. I’ll hold the best table for you. And my best staff will serve you. Do you want us to send a car to pick you up?”

“No, I’ll drive.”

“You’ll get a car? Borrow one or something?”

“No. I’ll come on my bike.”

He laughed. “You’re coming to dinner on a motorcycle?”

“Yes.”

“What kind of motorcycle do you have?”

”A red Kawasaki.”

The whole square laughed and I blushed. I didn’t think they believed me. Fuckers! Man, I felt hot.

“Well okay then. We’re on. See you Friday. Can’t wait.” He extended his hand across the square and we shook to seal the deal. He prompted me and I shook The Blond’s hand as well.

“I have to go.” I said. I wanted to leave the bar but I also felt a window open up around my brother’s truck. I thought I could slip in and out, but I had to get..

“But you’ll be at dinner, Friday?” Hawaiian asked.

“Yeah. Yeah, I will. Thanks. I gotta go. Bye.”

I left the bar thinking, jeez Louise. What the fuck was that? What have I gotten myself into?

Outside, I unlocked my helmet and climbed on my bike. Looks like I had myself a date. I was not so sure it was good news but the main thing was this birthday truck.

I took off to go decorate hoping it goes better than this did…

What Saturn in Libra themes can you identify in this?
Part 2 – This is How We Do It  In The Desert