Open Question – Cancer Woman Asks If A Scorpio Man Love Someone Deeply and Sleep With Someone Else?

solar chartA gal writes:

I met a Scorpio male three months ago. He pursued me relentlessly until I agreed to move in with him. Whilst we were apart for three weeks and just before we moved in together, I discovered by accident that he slept with his Virgo ex girlfriend. I was never meant to know.

When I found out he begged me to stay and that he would do whatever it took to make it work, counseling, or whatever I wanted. Do you think a Scorpio man can love someone deeply even though he slept with someone else?

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This woman is in her 40’s and that’s her solar chart.

Anyone?


Comments

Open Question – Cancer Woman Asks If A Scorpio Man Love Someone Deeply and Sleep With Someone Else? — 44 Comments

  1. Yes, it is possible, but it’s up to you to decide if he is worth the extensive effort you’re going to have to put into this relationship. Because it’s going to take a lot of communication and true actions to rebuild the trust he so casually threw away.

    In my experience, there are people out there who can separate sex and love. The two, for them, are not synonymous, and while he should’ve had enough respect for you to refrain from engaging someone outside of your relationship, he probably honestly loves you, something that didn’t change (for him) when he screwed her.

    He does seem somewhat sincere in his want to make this right, but like I said in the beginning, this is no small effort, and the final decision is up to you.

  2. I did this twice when I was in my early twenties…started dating someone new, wasn’t over the ex, had a sleep over w/ ex, stayed in new relationship w/o another incident. BUT, I was wrong and I obviously didn’t respect the new relationship or act in a way that was loving/nurturing or decent. Mind you this was 12 yrs ago…I would move on.

  3. Yes. That’s the old sex/love split, like another poster mentioned. I have it. But I don’t use it now.

    I used to fool around (I never went as far as intercourse) with men who meant nothing to me. I was able to completely detach myself from the acts and observe what was going on. I didn’t feel good about it, so I stopped doing it.

    I couldn’t stay with someone who was actively living out that split. It’s up to this woman if she wants to stay with this guy, but this is going to do a number on her.

    As for her chart: She has Saturn opposite and Neptune square her Venus. She keeps getting hurt by the fantasies she projects on these men. Maybe she should spend some time alone.

  4. I think it’s definitely possible for him to really love you, Cancer Woman– the ex might have been just a comfortable thing, kinda meaningless. I’m not saying that makes it less of a warning sign, if it’s true blue fidelity you want. But if he really wants to work it out, he probably is very loyal actually. Concentrate on his relationship with you.
    Don’t people love in all kinds of ways?
    Gabriel Garcia Marquez: “Simply because someone doesn’t love you the way you want to be loved, doesn’t mean that they don’t love you wholeheartedly.”

  5. Yes he can.
    When a Scorpio guy does something with the intention of keeping it from you, then he’s typically not too proud of what he’s doing. But that’s the problem with younger Scorpios, just because they know it’s wrong doesn’t mean they won’t do it. In fact, it makes the notion more appealing. But at some point, hopefully, Scorpios decide that dignity and integrity are better options than dishonesty and shame.

  6. Unfortunately I can’t see well as the chart is very small and my eyes are bad. I can see Mercury in the 12th house and the Sun in the first.
    She’s a double Cancer, but her Aries Moon hasn’t kicked in yet. I bet she’s actually really, really pissed and can’t decide whether to forgive him or to set him on fire.
    I would say ditch the Scorpio (those I know to be unfaithful are really, desperately unfaithful). It’s a losing battle with this man’s ego.

  7. don’t know about him, but since ‘she’ has venus in leo, she’ll never really be happy with someone who chose to be with another — on a very basic level, she needs to be the ‘only one’. neptune square to venus allows her to dream about another outcome, for a while, but she’s only fooling herself. nice sun, asc. conj — she’ll be fine in the long run.

  8. I don’t think this has anything to do with wheather he loves you or not. It does have loads to do with does he respect you.

  9. As a Sun Scorp myself, I’m chuckling over the realization that double standards are alive and well in ScorpioLand..[I can do it, because somewhere I am honest about it (to myself)..but you can't, because you'd be deceiving me.]
    Hence, thinking the guy is not so bad…
    Perhaps I am wrong :)

  10. I think you are independent. I think you might pick people who will let you down or leave you so you can remain independent.

  11. Three months, and you were planning on living together? Hm, I think *that’s* the part that I’d think over the hardest. And THEN decide whether to sting that damned Scorpio into behaving.

    Venus conjunct N.Node in Leo, 2nd house. That speaks of learning to build a solid foundation re:love (& money, of course), and this doesn’t happen in a mere three months. Self esteem. Leo, pride. I do agree with elsie, the woman with this Venus really does need to be the “only one”. Square Neptune, yeah, dreams. Relationships might not be clear…and you need a level of clarity to build something solid. Boundaries! Opposite Saturn, do you set yourself up to be rejected? Think very carefully on that one… after all, why the three weeks apart? And now that he stupidly hung himself with the noose he was handed, are you gonna call the bluff and make him grow up, or use it as an excuse to walk away (which maybe is what you really want to do)? Intimacy can be very uncomfortable when you’re not actually ready for it, yes?

    And yeah, kashmiri. Aries Moon, and in 10th. Pride and passion, baby! The one who is truly who you belong with, he will treat you like a full woman in all her glory. Which isn’t to say Mr. Scorpio isn’t him…but he sure got off on the wrong foot, eh? Time for him to ante up or scurry off!

    Because the Venus in that chart isn’t casual, and it isn’t a fly-by-night phenom. It is a very serious, take-your-time-because-this-is-the-long-haul-honey kinda Venus. And it needs to be treated as such–by both the lover AND its owner.

    I’d say, if you’re really attracted, or sense something that you can’t shake (duh, you’re a Cancer!!), sweep it all down to ground zero and make him start over (and you, too. Treat him like a brand new acquaintance!). Let him know it isn’t a game (thus stinging that Scorp with his own barb!), and then, if over a REAL amount of time something of substance is forming, THEN you won’t need to wonder about his fidelity any more. You’ll KNOW you’re the one. Oh, and don’t let him rush you like before–that’s just control, an outcropping of insecurity (and a fav Scorpio trick). YOU need to control you, not HIM. And if he can’t get a grip on that fact, there’s your answer!

  12. There are plenty of men who may like to sleep with another woman just for fun (and still love their woman) but don’t do it because they value loyalty.
    Now the Scorpio is repenting and begging … but the very fact that you’re asking this question is because you have lost your trust in him. It looks like you’re letting rationalizations overcome your true (hurt) feelings.
    Do you want to play ‘mummy’ to this guy (Sun in Cancer) or do you want to break through your Venus-Saturn- Neptune T-square and begin valuing yourself? A relationship which needs counseling right from the start doesn’t sound good.
    I looked at your heliocentric chart as well, and it shows your Mercury is about to progress (secondary progression) into Libra: serious relationships/marriage are going to be very much on your mind during the next years. It would seem best to start off by valuing yourself and not let rationalizations make you “too understanding” of others’ faults, necessities, egos. It’s all very well to be able to understand and forgive, but only if you are really prepared to do so because you’ve been in a relationship for a while and really know what you want. But here you barely know this man and I’m not sure why you should want to understand/forgive/overcome/go though counseling/etc.
    It sounds to me you’d be better off by making yourself available to a man who values loyalty to his woman.

  13. As a Scorpio, here’s my take — can a Scorpio love someone deeply and sleep with someone else? Absolutely. I don’t think that’s the real issue — I’m with tinkerer — you guys are living together after three months and you’re somehow surprised that you haven’t built a foundation of trust?

    You’ve left out so much of what’s going on — If this happened three weeks before you guys moved in together, that means you had been together for only a couple of months when this happened. Had you both made the commitment that you wouldn’t see anyone else? Would that have been a reasonable commitment to make?

    Here’s the deal — you rushed into something and your relationship wasn’t ready to handle it. Whether you stay with this guy or not, what it boils down to is that lasting relationships take time. You can’t stick food in a microwave and expect it to come out like a gourmet meal. Maybe the guy is a rat, maybe he isn’t but you need to look at what’s going with you.

  14. As a female cancerian born the year of the fire snake, i too have studied astrology and many other esoteric subjects over the last decade.
    about 9 years ago i was dating a scorp born the year of the earth goat. he claimed he was in love with me, he expressed it every day, he called me several times a day, we made love non stop, it was intense, beautiful,ecstatic, pure raw energy, possesive but loyal and devoted… or so i thought! he cheated on me with his ex too… it was only a kiss or so he claimed, but trust was damaged, being a female born the year of the snake i was determined to get even… and i told him that…cont…

  15. when the opportunity presented itself that i would strike back and get even…i really did care for him and didn’t want to leave him, truth is…i didn’t actually want to kiss another man either.. but my pride was wounded and i wanted to teach him a lesson…a few weeks later i found out he was using drugs, and i was simply devasteted..we had spoken about drugs at the beginning or our relationship and he denied using them,when i found out he had been lying to me all of that time i was so dissapointed and i knew that i had to end the relationship, even though i still loved him.. so the moral of the story is.. you need to set standards and boundaries!! you need to value yourself and love yourself more than the love you hope to recieve from another person.

  16. I don’t think you can an accidentally have sex with your ex. I mean what did he do, just fell on top her over and over again, naked? Okay that was harsh but thats just me.

    But yes you can love some one else and have sex with another person. My only question is who does he really love?

  17. Of course, but why stay with someone who made the choice to cheat on you. If they had history, they might want to go to therapy and deal with it, but if a guy is cheating that soon, I’d walk. He’s telling her who he really is. Guys speak with their actions!

  18. I’d say you are lucky you found this out, this early in the relationship. At the very least I’d move out. Gives you more options. Things get so tangled when your life and finances get connected. Easier to move on when you don’t live together.

  19. Sure he can love you but he lied by omission so how “deep” can it go? Not cool. Sounds like he still has issues with the ex too.

  20. Don`t look back , and it will happen to him someday . Self respect is earned and not to be wasted on losers .

  21. My Scorpio take on it is that he doesn’t have respect for this woman. Scorpios can separate sex and love, but there does have to be an attraction there. And with Scorpios, attraction is all consuming, meaning that when we are into someone we are INTO someone. What I’m trying to get it is, this isn’t as complicated as one might think, there is no exact angle to figure out the guy’s motive, no respect, that simple. This woman should take a step back, and if this is the kind of thing it takes for her to build some self esteem, make it count.

  22. I know this situation it is the same one that persisted in my Grandparents married lives. My grandmother was the Cancer and my Grandfather the Scorpio, They adored each other and were very deeply in love but my Grandfather was still unfaithful. I would say yes it because the person who is unfaithful is not truly interested in the other conquests really.

    Is it wrong of course and if they are secretive about it they truly don’t want to hurt the one they really are in love with.

  23. Boy have I changed in 4 years!!! Lol.
    I still think he could love her and it might not have meant anything. The difference is, I notice victimy language like he made her move in, it was only after a few weeks- I see it as a non-relationship at this point and would just figure that it started off bad, just cut bait and move on. Bad dynamics already in play. That’s my older self.

  24. You say you were never meant to know. So if he could’ve kept it from you then he would have? I think you’re right to not trust him. I dont think the question you need to ask is “does he love me?”, but rather “does he have the maturity and respect for me to admit when he’s betrayed me?” You can answer that question whichever way you want and whenever, but don’t forget to also ask yourself if you feel good about that answer, or lack of one if you’re waiting.

  25. I always thought of scorpios as being 100% devoted. Having said that, if ANY man cheats with an ex, he’s NOT ready to be with you.

    I’m all too familiar with dating wounded men. People who’ve just ended a relationship, only to be the rebound girl, only to see them split from me and get engaged. I have the same saturn/neptune opposition, square venus in my chart natally. I’ve spent many years alone now rethinking my own thoughts on past relationships.

    I’d say he must have unfinished business with the ex. Let him go, he clearly needs to work on his own stuff, and maybe you can meet someone who is emotionally available. You deserve it.

  26. I am certainly not an expert.
    But I am a Virgo and I have seriously dated 3 Scorpios (one with a Stellium) and I have casually dated at least 3 other Scorpios, so maybe my insight could help.
    To add, not all these past relationships have ended badly either, so I am not Miss “Bitter: Party of 1″.
    But, when they end, they end for good.
    Or, at least, for a long time, you are cut out. And I mean OUT.

    For example, I dated one Scorpio for a short period of time, it didn’t work out, we abruptly broke up and then we got back together 2 years later. Although, during those two years, we hardly spoke and/or acknowledged each other socially.
    It was like I didn’t even exist. They have tunnel-vision.

    People always talk about how ‘intense’ Scorpios are, which is difficult to understand in practical everyday terms until you are really familiar with them. How do mean ‘intense’? Does he intensely scramble his eggs or intensely mop the floor? No.

    His focus and attention (and scrutiny) are directed solely on what interests him. And, in a relationship, that aim is on you. And no one else. Which is captivating and makes you feel great or, in some cases, makes you feel suffocated.

    What I do know is that cheating is not part of their bag o’ tricks. The intensity may wane here and there, but Scorpios thrive on trust and strive to keep things solid/in control/not super messy. And if you let him walk all over you now, you setting the tone for his possessive and controlling behavior to become unhealthy.

    Stand up for yourself. Trust your instincts.

  27. Neptune on 5th, fantasize about love… saturn opposite venus, hard but also solid relation… his sun over her 5th, he fits in for the “romance”…

    i think she also has some sorta communication issues with that 3rd Virgo lilith.

  28. I’m a Double Scorpio (Sun, Moon, Venus) and even though I’m a woman…this is my take on it.

    I enjoy my privacy and it takes a while before I ever let anyone into my home space. When I’m willing to allow someone into my home space and be in an relationship/partnership with them, which means I am willing to energetically merge with someone on multiple levels…that IS love!

    And I have had one experience in my life where I fell in love with someone in 3 minutes…she was a Cancer Sun/Gemini Moon. So, the pace of the relationship is quite in character of love.

    Scorpios don’t invest that deeply without love.

    Scorpios can separate love and sex. If my intention is purely just sex, then there is no deep level of merging going on. Sex happens and that is that…and never at in my home space.

    I had an ex that was a Virgo. Even after I had already moved on, she kept pursuing for about 2 years after we ended it. I knew that it would be a big mess to get energetically involved with her, so I never even layed a finger on her. We are still friend. She has moved on, but I still have dreams about her as if we are together…i’m still doing the change work to clear her from my psyche. I feel like she still unconsciously lingers, because I have yet to merge with anyone on the deep level that I merged with her.

    Once I merge again with someone on a deeper level, all past lovers clear. That’s how I work.

    But like I said…this is coming from a woman.

  29. He is begging you to move in and he sleeps with an ex? The questions isn’t whether he loves you, it is whether he loves you the way you want to be loved. Personally, I would dump his ass. How would Scorpio handle you sleeping with an ex during the 3 week separation? I suspect not very well.

  30. I would add that, regardless of astrology, there is a difference between love and commitment/the ability to commit. I have a strong Pluto and was married to a MEGA scorpio for ten years. Just because a person has a one night stand with someone else does not (necessarily) mean that they do not love you intensely. There may not have been any lapse in love whatsoever, but just a lapse in fidelity which, for some, can be a separate issue altogether. What this woman might ask herself is what her feeling on these matters is? Would she be ok with this if she knew he didnt stop loving her? Or is more of a breach of commitment or disrespect thing that bothers her? I have been in a few relationships where I would have been able to get past something like this. Other relationships would’ve been destroyed immediately, regardless. I think it can very much be an individual issue.

  31. If the question is “Do you think a Scorpio man can love someone deeply even though he slept with someone else?” then the answer is absolutely not.

    A true Scorpio would not betray love. Love is a matter of life and death. That is non-negotiable.

  32. Everyone’s right – this isn’t typical Scorpio behavior, but we don’t have his chart so there’s no way to know what was really going on with him (i.e. something f’d up in the natal or by transit). Plus Virgo exes can be pretty persuasive!

    She should base her decision on her own gut feeling rather the question she posed (“Is it possible …?”) because pretty much anything is possible, time will tell. So this was 4 years ago? Wonder what happened …

  33. I was in a similar situaltion a few months ago. Moved on after a few weeks ! I cheated with my livein ex of 2 years. It was a mistake and I would never do it again. I later realized in doing it I was distrspecting my mate and even more poniantly I was disrespecting myself but what I really would like to emphasize is PEOPLE DO CHANGE and anyone who believes in a lifetime as an oppurtunity for true growth…Now the question becomes wheather she has learned the art of true forgiveness. Not many have mastered this. I struggle with this at times… What I believe Saturn in Libra is teaching us is to tear down the illusions concerning love. Relationships are not as simple as they used to be and the images on television continue to confused us. Really it is her choice whether or not this relationship is worth the work but… But life happens… It was a misjudgment. Not that the action was insignificant… I am just saying that we should never judge a person by ONE action. We have all done something in life we are not proud of it’s just that when relationship and love are involved we become emotional and fail to see the big picture… His mistake had everything to do with his own inner conflict and nothing to do with his love for her so…move out? Yes. Total dealbreaker? Not so simple. Let transcend superficial relationships based on storybooks , possessiveness, the so old school. Let’s teach and lean to grown together. Let’s master forgiveness and dare to transcend this ISH. We we cut the B.S we can truly start loving!!!! LIVE LOVE LEARN

  34. This is a trick question, right?

    Her sixth and seventh houses are empty. Nobody home.

    The closest neighbor is in the eighth house, and Uranus is also in the eighth house.

  35. I am a cancer woman and dated, fell for scorpio man. I dated a scorpio for three months and then things just fell apart. We are both on a short timeline for on reason or another. We are both 39, single, professional, want families and children. So, we decided that in May we would decide that our relationship was to move toward commitment or not. We were in a long distance relationship. One day we were talking on the phone and he told me he would call me back, i carried the phone around with me for about an hour and when I went to the laundry room I missed his call. He was sooo pissed off – I didn’t talk to him for three days. Then, one day I could feel him pulling away from me. We were talking about our future and he stated that he had to have a back up plan just in case this thing with me didn’t work. I continued to tell him I wanted us to work and I’d do whatever it takes. Then, one day he just stopped for reasons he will not tell me. There should be a forward to the story he is a damaged man who didn’t have a good relationship with his mother (the mother thing is not solved) and hasn’t had a relationship as an adult. Is there something I could have done differently.

  36. I am a scorpio woman who was involved with a scorpio male for a very long time. Let’s just say 10+ yrs. This was one of the most loving, disastrous roller coaster of emotional rides I was ever exposed to. I’m not perfect but I am a true scorpio – when I love – I love on all levels with major intense passion and loyalty that cannot be broken and this is the only reason why I tolerated so much from him. He turned out to be one who I would summarize as not being a true scorpio or maybe he was damaged goods. It was all about him and what he could get from me on all levels – money, sex, and whatever else. He was not loyal and broke up with me a million times. He was narcissistic and extremely controlling. The problem was that he never acknowledged all the hurt he was creating and he was a cheater. No loyalty. The bottom line is that these people (whether a scorpio or not) do not change and once they cheat and get away with it then it sets the stage for future manipulations and they will continue. View it more as a sickness. The bottom line is that you are the feeder / an enabler. So dont walk away from him. RUN!! He will waster your life with all the drama he creates and he will lay blame on you – he will damage the relationship to fit his needs and he will hang on to you as his ‘ace in the hole’ It doesnt work. All the promises made are a shear form of manipulation – for him to get what he wants. Doesn’t matter how much your used or hurt in the process.

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