I used to write about my husband on this blog a lot. I slowed and then virtually stopped writing about him all together for a variety of reasons but with all the emphasis on Aries right now, he’s hard to ignore.
My husband and I do a lot of talking. It turns out he talks very little to anyone else and it took me more than five years to discover this. I just assumed he was forthcoming with everyone as he is with me but in reality he doesn’t tell anyone anything. He’s had an incredible life by anyone’s standards and it’s a lot to contain over decades and then filter through one person – me. There has been an information dump of epic proportions.
He’s keen and his stories shock, at least initially. It took me several years to fully get beyond that, I don’t know why. I got beyond it by asking questions and ya’ll know I asked a lot of questions because I am one freakishly curious cat.
I did not ask him military questions, I asked him people-questions. For example, if you see that your friend’s face is blown off in the middle, just exactly how do you cope? What do you think? How do you feel? What if your friend is still alive?
He told me that war was chaotic. He said people had no idea just how chaotic it was and if you didn’t keep your head on straight and focused when in the middle of one, you’d be killed too.
You only need to hear that to realize how pointless it would be that your friend is dead and now you’re dead too, lying on top him. He said you had to train yourself to continue what you were doing; keep fighting and process what happened later. He added that you would have to process it, you could not escape this but this had to be delayed until you got home or at least until people weren’t shooting at you in the middle of a war.
This bit of information has served me beyond my wildest imagination. For example, I lost my daughter over a period about five years. FIVE. YEARS.
Many, many times I applied this knowledge. I told myself, I could not process everything the moment if I was to survive. I had another kid, like my husband had a kid at home when he was at war and you have to survive. I had a responsibility.
I lost almost every friend I had during that five year period. Pluto transited my 11th house (tag) and wiped out my friend and my wishes, hopes and dreams. I survived this by applying my husband’s instruction and I am sharing it with you now so you can do the same if you find it necessary.
Think of the people in Japan or in the war zones around the world. To get through something like that, you’ve got to be willing to see the bodies but set the trauma aside to process at a point when you’re in a position to process it. This is a skill and if you master it, you’ve got your best chance at coming through a traumatic experience, sane.
20 Responses to “Life In A War Zone Or It’s Equivalent”
I do that too – I think I taught myself as a kid and it’s coming in handy right now.
Thanks Elsa another reminder of how powerful our minds are.
Perfect timing for me to hear this. Thanks Elsa.
This is very true. I have experienced this by helping others in traumatic situations and I’ve seen quite a few. It’s deal with the fight or flight first and then deal with long term and short term emotional affects after the fact..in a more safe environment. Interestingly enough, this also correlates to the heirarchy of needs by Abraham Maslow. Interesting stuff
Yes, trauma survived helps us learn to process further trauma. If one does not deal with trauma, however, the next one can clearly do you in! I’ve processed a lot of trauma as you have, Elsa, and it makes us stronger. Still, the down time is where one has the opportunity to really deal with the after math of great loss and sadness. We have to take the time to process after the trauma to be ready for life once more!
excellent.
well I guess there’s that whole Persephone myth too – being abducted by Pluto and going underground & being Pluto’s wife for autumn and winter 1/2 the year.
Then going back up to the real world for the other 1/2 when it’s spring and summer and things start growing. Maybe that’s when you get time to process everything.
“This is a skill and if you master it, you’ve got your best chance at coming through a traumatic experience, sane.”
I agree that this is a skill, and am also wondering if there’s anything in a chart that would show a natural ability to honing this skill?
I’ve sometimes wondered if my Saturn in Aquarius (3rd House) might aid me in this?… Ability to detach in order to get the job done.
CArRiE, I’d say this is a matter of controlling yourself so Saturn is involved. If you are controlling you emotions – the moon. Your anger or your impulse? Mars. Etc.
Thanks, Elsa. It does help. This week, I looked at Shakespeare’s “Timon of Athens,” because it’s about a man who is rich, over-generous, and ends up abandoned when he has nothing more to give. He loses everything, and he reacts to his 11th-house drama by withdrawing and becoming a people-hater. When he gets a little gold again, the false friends show up. He gets advice, which is to fix himself, monitor himself, and to not fall prey to rage and misogyny. In short, he should develop wisdom and self-control, and not give up on people. He doesn’t listen to the advice, btw.
Last week I had a social situation blow up which caused me grief, and I reacted angrily, and the thing made me want to isolate. Now, I’m back at my job, which is teaching. In the middle of the 11th house matters I was born to, apparently.
So this morning, a child came away from the group to ask me how my spring break went. He wanted to be able to tell me how his was, of course. He was sick part of the time, and his family went to Mexico for a few days. While he was there, he saw a head that had been separated from its body. He had been to a war zone.
http://wireupdate.com/wires/15974/eight-teenagers-killed-in-northern-mexico/
Great post and great comments!
I don’t think my mind can really understand what this might be like…so I won’t try. But I think that you must go into shock. That puts any processing on hold. How can you react when the first thing the mind wants to do most likely is to deny. It’s self protective. Thank god!
Well I have had to do this a lot when I was a child. I have moon quincunx Saturn and a lot of Capricorn, but I would attribute this more to Sun/Uranus and detachment. The down point here is I still automatically detach from situations and emotions, even when it’s not necessary.
And I agree with Annalisa here: “If one does not deal with trauma, however, the next one can clearly do you in!”
Yes, Marge and Annalisa. Have to deal sometime. I never was good at postponing processing; I’ve had a very rough time detaching, up until the point where I’m gone, baby gone. In which case I may never come back to deal with you (it) at all.
I’m going to make a concerted effort to practice this consciously. Be more aware of keeping my functional balance, and being sure to devote resources to processing the trauma/grief, new and old. Right now some old traumas from 40 years ago are just surfacing to be handled. Better late than never.
I have a friend who has been talking (as friends) to this guy at work who just came home from Iraq.. He is super quite and really likes being around her.. She is a cancer.. she asked me how to approach him about his experiences at war, since I have had quite a few people in my life go to war and come home.. I told her what I knew, and the trauma that is enevitable.. she wants to be there for him, but doesn’t know how.. I really don’t know what the best way to approach that subject so I told her to just keep doing what she has been doing. Someone told her that he has a temper (his ex, who told her to stay away from him) I chalk that up to jealousy, and told her that.. but she wants to understand, and I told her it’s so hard to even pretend to understand what he went through.. is there anything I should do/say to her.. sometimes I feel like I am at a loss for words..
I agree with marge that it is more about detaching yourself from the situation so the individual can deal with it. So, Uranus is involved.
Certainly my personal experience with traumatic experiences is that I stop feeling any emotions towards what is happening and think damage limitation instead. I put that down to my Uranus-moon conjunction.
Would you say Saturn helps with carrying on long-term after having suffered that trauma. (not sure though, just a hunch).
My brother tells the same war story,and I have seen how it brought me through, and brings him through over and again. We came from chaos, and then there was war. Together, we learned different ways of dealng with trauma. It was later…when years passed, and then we separated because my world was falling apart, like you Elsa it was years of falling. PTSD is like that, the post trauma is when time allows healing. I have lots of Saturn and trauma needs that energy to ride the hollows. Like Jilly said, the dive to the depths as lover/partner to the Deep is 1/2 the journey.
It is a skill mastered with time(Saturn)and consciousness. It doesn’t help to deny the pain and loss. I persevere, I live simply, tend to my wounds, and I am stronger one day, one cycle at a time.
Thanks Elsa. I remember you writing about this before, and it’s timely to be reminded of all this right now. Much appreciated.
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Wow, thank you.