People Who Like To Make People Miserable… And Those Who Do Not
Astrology in real life
Annalisa wrote on the gossip thread:
“I never want to know gossip! I don’t do it, I don’t like to hear it and I think it’s destructive and never does any good.
I’m strange in my circle though. Most do want to know gossip and most gossip. I still find it irritating and try to avoid hearing it, spreading it or creating it!”
I read that and thought it not surprising. Most of you know, Annalisa is my sister and we have seen some tremendous suffering in our lives… endured it I mean. People like us, are typically very careful not to cause suffering for a couple of reasons.
First, we know what it’s like but second, if you are a person who has a lot of things happen to you, you wonder about karma… especially if you have Capricorn, which we both do.
There are some people who suffer and make others suffer in turn, but I don’t think it’s the norm. How many holocaust survivors have you ever heard of, torturing others?
I always think that people who go out of their way to create suffering for others don’t know what suffering is. They just don’t have real problems because when you do, or if you have, then you realize this is not what you want to do with your life.
I worked with a gal over the weekend. She lost both her parents, one and then the other by the time she was 12 years old. Somehow I don’t think she’s out there ruining or trying to ruin other people’s lives, ya know? Just on the chance things could get even worse…
Who can relate?
42 Responses to “People Who Like To Make People Miserable… And Those Who Do Not”
I think people who have experienced a lot of suffering can and will create suffering for others. It’s just a maladaptive choice, in my humble opinion, in the way they want to direct that energy.
It’s not the norm, in my experience.
I also think some of these people who kill people claim abuse that never happened. Among the population of people who have truly had a rough go… well I stand by my post. I think most are loathe to hurt others. It’s just not the way you feel.
I agree with you. There is more ignorance and insecurity in people who thrive on the “drama” (there is the key word for you) of negating others..not the mark of someone who has endured true trauma
Yeah, people are gullible. A person can kill someone but there is no chance a lie would ever cross their lips. 
After twelve years of therapy I am loath to cause suffering in people and Elsa hit the nail on the head when it comes to me. I really suffer for people that are suffering and feel their pain very deeply.
This comes from a sister that knows me better than anyone and although there are people that claim to be abused as children who put the hurt on others, it is NOT the norm at all. In fact, people who have been abused as children tend to have a hard time with being firm with their children because they do not want to hurt their children.
I have seen and felt big hurt in my adult life too and have had to process that deeply to get my head straight. I don’t blame anyone for how I am and my personality is my own creation after all the treatment I have received.
I’m very tired of people who may have had a bit of abuse in their lives using it as an excuse for committing crimes and the public pointing fingers at childhood abuse as being the cause of a person’s evil nature!
This is a myth. An abused child is more likely to be an over achiever than a criminal if you check stats!
I’m totally behind Elsa and Annalisa here. This has also been my experience. The most compassionate are always those who have truly suffered. Those who claim it, and are violent, are usually suffering only from not having their ego massaged they way they want.
Yes, people do act out what has been done to them, but it is usually unconscious, and when brought to consciousness, the behaviour stops and great compassion is the result.
Also ((Annalisa)), I agree with what you have said here, too. My dad was abused as a child and was always extra gentle raising me. My mom was always the disciplinarian because he didn’t like to do it.
The book “Queen Bee Moms” talks about one type called the “Banker” who collects gossip and spreads it around. She would then use that information to become popular with a clique.
I know someone who does this. She asks lots of personal questions because she just wants to store up the info. She also sometimes thinks it’s fun to be purposely mean. Being vice-president of the PTA is the perfect means to research every other parent.
I don’t think she was abused. She is a high energy, high achiever, and she tries to form cliques for herself and her kids.
I won’t participate in any gossip, listening to it or speaking it. Who needs more pain… let’s try to lift each other up.
I hope I’m not being a gossiper by even saying this… kind of ironic. But I just wish this type of behavior would stop. Lots of nice people become targets who don’t deserve it.
I meant to say, SOME people do act out
Yeah, the misery freaks are just the ones we love to shine the light on, for better (Intervention) or worse (I Love Money, Bradalplasty, Jersey Shore, Rock of Herpes, etc). This is the bread and butter of our media, especially with reality tv so rampant now. Its not hard to see why one could easily come away with the idea that all people are essentially miserable deep down after exposure to such constant..displays.
I hate gossip, and I hate that I gossip, and can usually refrain from it. But some people can get me to open up like a book, and although I gossip, I hate myself for it, and feel really paranoid the whole time, like the person being gossiped about can hear it all. The next time I see them, I feel extremely guilty.
I have Cap rising…
sofie I know a “banker” too
I know this is weird but I’m a Gemini who doesn’t gossip and generally doesn’t have time for it.
I will listen if someone I trust is trying to tell me something s/he feels is critical. I do generally have my ears open for the talk about town, but I filter it pretty heavily with a mind to the person talking and the intended audience. Once I get the thread, I drop out. And if I notice someone talking smack about someone else with the intent of causing harm or hurt, you better believe I’ll call them on it.
“Is that the choice you want to make here? Really?”
I think there are varying shades of gossip. The extreme end is no doubt awful. But people talk about people, I think it’s natural as long as it’s not straight up talking shit and saying malicious things about them. Like there’s a difference between saying, “What so and so did really annoyed me today,” and “That girl is a slut and is so dumb and ugly, she is doomed to fail.” You know?
Ah my post I think was thrown into the filter. Perhaps inappropriate language or something? Apologies.
This is eerie ~ or maybe not, considering the ‘bonding through hate’ post ~ but I woke up this morning, thinking about one situation of my own, and how certain people weren’t thinking about me or my personal situation, when they told me to let something go (just as those who are the cause of the trouble, didn’t give a damn about me when they stuck a knife in). They claim to have lived through certain things themselves, but also gossip amongst themselves, mock people (like me – they knew I was in a bad way anyhow, and laughed at me for being so upset over the distress *they* caused me – and they’re supposed to be adults).
I was comforted by a few people confiding in me, about their own experiences with certain people, but in general I will say to people, “Maybe you shouldn’t tell me this.” I asked a couple of people what they were getting at, when it came to throwing certain accusations out, but not being direct about it – I wanted to know, because I couldn’t see what they were getting at, and it bothered me that anything was said at all. I was ready to defend if I didn’t see what they saw.
I dealt with a few things when I was a kid, and what finally had me walking out of school, was when I saw the other kids passing a rumour around the class, about me. I watched as one kid leaned over to the next one, over and over – I’d never fought, because I didn’t want to hurt anyone else. I walked out of that class, and out of school. It tears me up when I think I’ve been the cause of pain for someone – in the past year, I gave someone a taste of their own medicine, and just felt ashamed afterwards. I thought, “Thank you!” as I read Annalisa’s comment about some having trouble with assertiveness, because they don’t want to hurt anyone (especially their kids) – I’ve tried to explain that to people for years. Even if I was polite, I felt bad going against somebody else’s opinion (I’m not saying that goes for everyone), because it can feel like an attack whens someone disagrees with a strong personally-held belief.
Sorry, for the ultra-long comment. I’m stepping away from the computer, to get other things done.
I agree that there are a lot of individuals out there who have experienced a great deal of suffering, and due to that they are particularly sensitive about creating or causing suffering to others.
However, I have worked in the legal field for about 20 years— I have never seen a child abuser, particularly when it comes to sexual abuse, who wasn’t abused as a child. Due to the longevity of my career so far, I have seen abuse go through successive generations, either through personal observation (of the case, not the act!) or documented histories, like waves from a pebble thrown in a pond – reverberating over and over. Even when the children are removed from the abuse at a very young age.
Did I ever ask the victim if they suffered? No, not part of my function, but based upon the facts presented, suffering was apparent.
Did I ever ask the abuser if they thought they were inflicting suffering? Again, no. The very fact they could inflict such acts upon a child indicates to me that they are lacking in “concious-ness” – they have no empathy.
So do I believe that those who experienced great suffering can and do inflict suffering upon others? Guess my answer is yes—-
Nothing wrong that you did, Caroline. It’s just eating comments today – Shannon got caught too, as did sofie.
I have a gemini moon & I dislike gossip. And people acting ugly on TV (reality shows etc).
Why would I want to be entertained by watching someone else’s misery and ugly behavior?
I was caught by the filter, too – my post was long.
“There are some people who suffer and make others suffer in turn, but I don’t think it’s the norm. How many holocaust survivors have you ever heard of, torturing others?”
Thank you, thank you, thank you. I’ve passed on similar messages to others. This is absolutely not the norm.
Your lines should be on a billboard.
I think we all talk about each other. I just think that the intentions behind what we say are different. Some speak highly of others. Others want to bring their subjects down.
I loathe gossip.
I totally agree with everything Elsa and Annalisa said.
I will only add that I think that people who have really suffered often learn great compassion.
I’m with Hades Moon. I worked in legal publishing for a few years and read about abuse–sexual, physical–that travelled down through the generations. A person who has suffered tragedy or pain is just as likely to bring suffering upon others as those who have had relatively pain-free lives. Also, some holocaust survivors were partisan “soldiers” while in hiding. They killed their enemies, blew up bridges and basically brought down suffering upon those who had ruined their lives (not that I blame them!).
“I think people who have experienced a lot of suffering can and will create suffering for others. It’s just a maladaptive choice, in my humble opinion, in the way they want to direct that energy.”
@Caroline- It’s been my experience that there are more of this type than the compassionate types. I may have made my reality and caused my own grief, but that’s been what I’ve experienced in my past – to an excess. My present life is more peaceful. I have amputated the gossips and back-stabbers and am now taking applications for wise, compassionate, some-what-enlightened friends who want to giggle and have some fun. I’m creating a future that I want to move into and a present that I enjoy being in.
Read em–I am totally Libra on the situation. As I continue to analyze, I have no idea what the ratio might be.I see it both ways when I filter through my memory. Gemini Moon
Thanks Elsa for salvaging my comment!
I think death follows me. I hate it, but I think it’s made me a better person. It would be nice to live with naïveté, I think, I take everything much too seriously now. I lost my grandmother when I was 7, she was still middle aged, my friend killed himself when I was 14, one of my best friends kille herself 6 months later, another friend killed himself 3 years later, another of my best friends drowned a few years ago…lots of this kind of stuff. I’m not frivolous about life or peoples feelings due to this. I take peoples sadness pretty seriously and try to help in situations others would dismiss as non important. It’s Aleta important of someone is bothered enough to bring it up. I have sun Venus and mercury in Leo in the 8th, sun and mercury square Uranus in the 11th in Scorpio. Pluto in the 9th square mars in cancer in the 7th
I think it’s possible (although I have no statistical evidence to back up my hunch) that people who have been abused and /or suffered in childhood tend to polarise. They will either be very accommodating – always seeking, needing and offering love, empathy and compassion – or they will be consumed with an inner rage and bitterness, and act out that negativity towards others.
I think those of us who fall into the first category probably to some violence to ourselves – we give out or give away too much to others and sometimes let ourselves be used or deceived.
Studies say those who were sexually abused in shildhood either commit abuse themselves or they may become very promiscuous. I don’t know the truth of this but it would chime with my impression that those who suffer physical violence sometimes reenact that down the line. But it’s by no means all all abusers may have themselves been abused, but it doesn’t mean all those abused will go on to abuse in their turn.
The kind of psychological abuse I suffered along with a few others here does I think leave a different sort of scar, and that is to do with ‘neediness’ and lack of boundaries (or too many boundaries).
If the person was born with a predisposition to being compassionate, abuse makes them even more so.
If they are not compassionate by nature, the abuse is an excuse to remain that way.
Yes Sanju that’s just what I meant – as usual I expressed myself at great length! Some people can;t stop talking – I can’t stop writing…
Sanju, that is fantastic.
I think my own worst life experiences have made me a kinder person, either given me more compassion for what others are going through, and/or perspective on what’s really important.
I think Snaju put it very well.
I might add that there may be a difference between those that have ‘survived’ abuse and those that have ‘healed’ from abuse. It might be that the ones that merely ‘survived’ may perpetuate the behavior, but those that have been lucky enough to go through therapy to ‘heal’ have transcended and are able to break the cycle.
I rarely eat in our lounge at school because of the hateful things that the teachers say about each other and the students..I’m thinking most of them were the kids with the easy lives and am amazed at the lack of grace they extend to others.
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