Working on our taxes, I became frustrated so decided to have one of the German beers in the fridge, I bought on a lark a few weeks ago. I drank half the bottle, quickly which means I’m half-drunk and I called my husband.

“Yeah, it’s weird to read this book at different ages.” Mans Search for Meaning

“Yeah?”

“I’ve read it several times. The first time, Scott brought it over to my house, he was distraught. He’s Jewish, you know and he was… 28. That’s significant in astrology, it means it’s time to grow up. Anyway, he came over and he was all upset. He just took it real hard, I guess he felt like he’d been a punk. Um… he had an easy life? I remember this, he said, don’t ever postpone growing up,” I said with a chuckle because I chuckled then too.

“Yeah?”

“Yeah, he was upset; came over to apologize to me or something. He said he was going to bring me the book to read but then he realized I could write the book!” I snorted. “Yeah, he said I knew all about this what will what I’d been through and I just look at him because I’d not read the book so I didn’t know what he was talking about. I certainly didn’t think he had any reason to apologize though he sure was upset.”

For newcomers, Scott was my boyfriend off and on for 17 years, starting from the time I was 15, he was 18 so we’d known each other 10 years by now.

“Anyway, he had a lot of guilt but I didn’t know anything about it. What happened is, Scott had come cousins, and they were Italian. He has an aunt, her name was, Mary Lou and boy was she something. I was completely taken with her, at 15. She was from, Chicago and she wore a hat!”

He laughed.

“Yeah, she was bigger than life. Very snappy dresser and very smart, sharp mind and if I would have liked to grow up just like her for sure. I ADMIRED her.”

“I bet.”

“Yeah, so I was enamored with Mary Lou and then one day she got tickets to be on the Phil Donahue show and of course she told everyone she was for sure going to get on that show – ask a question.”

He laughed.

“Right! So I would love to see, Mary Lou on Phil Donahue, everyone is talking about it, I was dreaming about it but I wasn’t going to see her because I had no TV. So what happened, unbeknownst to me, is Scott’s sister who loved me told him, you bring, Elsa a TV so she can see, Mary Lou!” I snorted. “And, Scott, says, fuck that. Too much trouble, see? He’s a prodigy. He’s a big deal all his life but his sister really gets on him – this is all behind the scenes, I didn’t find out for 30 years but anyway, here comes Scott over with this TV, I was 15.”

“Yeah?”

“Yeah. It was a small TV, for a counter-top. Like a 7″ screen or something, they were rare back then but anyway, here come the TV, and I did see, Mary Lou ask her question on Phil Donahue.”

“Yeah?”

“Yeah and then a few days later, Scott picked up the TV and I didn’t think anything of. I’d not had a TV, I didn’t really want one, I got to see, Mary Lou, so if was nothing to me but when he got home his sister went nuts. What the fuck is the matter with you? What are you doing here with this, TV? You’re supposed to give that to Elsa! We have 5 TVs in this house, she has none!” I laughed. “Well, Scott said, no. He is not giving me the TV and of course I know nothing of this, nor do I care, but anyway he wound up feeling horrible which is why he bought me all those computers. It was to make it up to me. I told him he did not have to make anything up, there had been no harm but he did it anyway, bought me those computers. He also bought them because he felt bad for leaving me on the side of the road when I was 15.”

“Yeah.”

“Yeah, we were going down the road and I told him he stank.  I said, you stink and this car stinks, which it did because he was crazy and did not bathe.  He said, you don’t even have a fuckin’ car! I said, well if I did have a fuckin’ car, it wouldn’t stink like yours. I’d clean the fuckin’ thing!  That’s it, he said!  Get out!  And I was glad to get out because the car stunk horribly but yeah, this was something else he felt guilty for and so he bought those computers for me, which is fine I suppose. I mean they were nice computers but you see what I mean. He had guilt because of my background. People are strange.”